by Nana Adu
As long as we're together, I'm willing to go up against anyone.
Eliana POV
This floating feeling is back. The constant feeling of numbness and floating.
"...come back."
Come back? Where? To who?
I have no home now. I don't know if I had one before but I know, I just know this empty feeling inside means I don't have a home anymore.
This floating is better. I like to float.
"Wolves need a family to survive. Lone wolves end up weak and die shortly after leaving their pack. Don't you want a family Eliana?" A voice whispers, almost divine.
"You hold the last of my sacred blessing. It was too much to entrust your blood with the duty of protecting our race. It cut down your numbers, made your blood weak, and in the end, your pack was defeated by the very race they had sworn to protect. I'm sorry, Eliana." The divine voice weeps, her tears bringing light to the dark abyss.
Has she lost her home too?
"No, I haven't, but I want you to find yours again. There's someone fighting for you out there. Someone who loves you, as you love him." The voice dances as her words wrap around me.
Someone who loves me? Someone who...?
"That's right my child, remember. I'll restore your strength so open your eyes. You still have a home." A warmth spreads from my hands, taking away the numbness, bringing me to my feet.
Someone who cares. Someone who loves me. That's right....
"Until next time, my dear child. Protect those you love. Embrace who you are and it won't kill you, but empower you."
It's... he was...
"Noah!"
CHAPTER 46
"Noah!" I yell, my eyes bursting open as my heart races in my chest. I take in fast, deep breaths, trying to calm myself.
"Eliana...?" I slowly turn my head to the side, seeing Noah's face. His eyes wide, his grip on my hand grows tighter.
This was that warmth.
I squeeze his hand in response.
"I'm home." I smile weakly. His stunned face morphs into a shaky smile as he grabs my shoulders and throws me into his chest, wrapping his hands around me.
"I missed you. I fucking missed you." He says, his voice cracking. I wrap my arms around him as well.
"I miss you too." I whisper. My heart warms as his scent fills my scents.
I'm home.
"I thought you were going to be out for months, I thought you were-" He stops. I smile as he snuggles closer into the crook of my neck.
"That doesn't matter. You're back and that's all that matters." He pulls away, leaving my front with a cold draft.
What a strange dream. Why did I think I had lost my home? Noah's right here, he's...wait.
"What happened? How did I end up like this...?" His face falls as my eyebrows furrow.
Why am I like this? What...?
"...killed your sister."
What?
"Don't think about it, just focus on your recovery." Noah says, his hands on my mine beginning to tremble.
"Wait, no. I-"
"I can't run from this, Noah."
These memories, that day...
"Liam. Liam showed up with his father and he- they were your sisters kil-" Noah shakes his head, squeezing my hand even tighter.
"Forget about that. It doesn't matter. I took care of it, Eliana." His eyes pierce into my deeply, almost panicked.
"Eliana's one of us."
"Oh Goddess. Your sister, my pack. Noah, my blood killed your-"
"You didn't have anything to do with it!" He screams, standing up abruptly as his chair falls back. His fists are clenched as he stares at me, breathing heavily.
This is why I lost myself to the slumber. The woman in my dream was wrong, I have lost my home.
"Noah." I shake my head, looking away from him.
How can I treat him the same?
"Don't look away from me, Eliana. Don't ever feel like you can't look me in my eyes. You're my mate. I know you. I love you." He grabs my hand again, sliding up next to me on his knees. My eyes stay trained on the gray blanket surrounding me.
"Noah, even if you ignore it, what about your pack? A-and your parents?" I glance towards him, seeing his head down as he holds my hands tight, clinging to it.
"I told them everything. They said they didn't care. They agree with me." He lifts his head and meets my gaze. I don't look away.
Even so, it's still not enough.
"I should go beg for forgiveness. I have to go do something. I can't just be forgiven like this, Noah. This alone doesn't feel right." I try to get up, ignoring the pain and aches that echo through my joints and body as I toss off the blanket. Noah strengthens his grip on my hand.
"Just stay here with me..." He breathes out, his eyes filling with tears. I freeze.
I want to. I want to go back to not knowing about this. I want to say I can walk up to my friends here and act the way I have been but that's impossible.
It's impossible now.
"I thought I lost you. When you passed out after using your powers for that long, I thought you had used up all your life force and I wouldn't get to see your face again, your smile, hear your laugh. Eliana, you belong with me. I can't be without you." A tear rolls down his face as he looks to the floor.
"Noah, I-" I bite my lip, unable to find the right words.
Nothing's right, now. Everything gone horribly wrong. It's been wrong since 13 years ago.
This is a debt someone has to pay for and I'm the only one here to take all the blame.
"So just stay here with me. A little longer." He whispers. I sigh, holding back my own urge to cry as I bend down and wrap my arms around Noah. He hugs me back fiercely, his quiet sobs racking through his body into mine.
What do I do to fix this? What do I do now?
***
Noah cuddles into my side, sleeping peacefully, cramped on the twin size mattress. Hours of him holding on to me, staying by my side, ordering his pack members to bring us food outside the door. He didn't even let Alyssa see me, or back into her space.
You were fighting for me out here, weren't you? You dumb pup.
"I love you too." I whisper against his ear, stroking his hair as his face rests on my chest. A knock at the door takes my eyes away from his slumbering figure.
The door creaks open to reveal Beth. She slips in, closing the door behind her gently. I swallow.
"Hi, Beth. What's up? It's late." I ask, as she walks closer to me, her head turned to the ground.
"Beth?" She stops a few feet away, slowly meeting my eyes. I blink seeing her red-stained orbs.
"I want to see my friend in you, Eliana. I do." She clenches her fists and teeth. I simply wait for her to continue.
I expected this. I knew this was coming.
"But I can't. I just- can't." With that she leaves, slamming the door behind her.
I just didn't know it'd hurt this bad.
CHAPTER 47
Eliana POV
Water drips down from the sides of my face and chin, as I let a deep breath out.
Hopefully Noah doesn't see how puffy my eyes are from crying last night.
I shut them tight, taking another deep breath in.
This is the reality of the situation. I'm a wolf from an enemy pack, the same pack that killed their family and friends. Samantha.
Fuck.
I've tried so hard to belong somewhere, truly, without being used, abused or hated, but I guess that's something really hard to do. Impossible.
It's not for me.
Noah groans from the bed and I quickly grab the towel from the side of me, drying my face. I turn, facing him as he sits up, yawning as his eyes lay on me.
He's hurting, I know he is. This whole thing fucking hurts.
"It wasn't a dream..." He whispers, as a wide smile spreads on his lips. My heart beats fast as my face cools, the rest of the water drying on my skin.
"Good morning. I think we should give Alyssa back her office today. Sh
e's busy." I say, glazing over the fact of the matter we both know.
When I leave this room, I have to see the pack. Beth's visit last night flashes in my mind and I swallow.
She was close with Samantha. It's no surprise she holds this against me. I'm related to them.
"Can't we stay a little longer?" He asks, his question drawing a more serious tone.
He knows just as well as I do what's out there. He knows they didn't just forgive me. Even if he did order them to treat as before, they can't fake it forever.
"Get up, c'mon I'm hungry." I walk to his side, my finger trailing along the side of his jaw. He hums, leaning into my touch as I grin.
You've made me so happy, I won't make you choose.
I move to leave the room, but Noah grabs my hand, pulling me back into his arms. My eyes look down to see him attached at my waist, tingles and butterflies spreading from his hug.
"I don't care what anyone says, Eliana. I won't abandon you. Believe me." He mumbles, his grip tightening on me.
Then who are you willing to give up? Your pack?
"I trust you, Noah. Now get up." I run my fingers through his soft hair as he nods, sighing.
"Let me get ready." He slides off me, throwing the blanket to the side and getting up onto the floor.
"I'll head to the room. I have to do something about my hair or else it'll be too matted up to manage." Three days asleep with no bonnet could get really bad, and plus...
"Wait for me." Noah says, his mouth full of suds.
...I have to face them without Noah by my side. I can't hide behind him. I've grown from that girl who's afraid of what's to come.
I won't bend, I'll just let it hit me. No matter how much it bleeds.
"It's no big deal. I'll be right back, don't worry." I head to the door, twisting the knob as my heart begins to beat faster.
"Eliana, no. Wait for m-" I cut him off.
"I said I'd be quick. Bye." I slip out the room, shutting the door behind me and hurrying down the hallway around the corner.
Noah should know how I feel, even if it's a little bit. We're connected. I can feel his unease and sorrow.
Fucking hell, what can I do?
Few pack members pass me as I walk towards the steps, all giving me a quiet glare. My chest lifts as I take in a deep breath.
I knew it. They hate me.
Reaching the stairs, I take a step up and suddenly, arms wrap around me.
Noah?
"He had you coped up in my office so long, I thought something might have happened." Alyssa pulls back, beaming at me.
"Alyssa, I- Didn't you hear about the invaders? About who I am?" I ask her. She grins, shaking her head at me, scoffing.
"You know what I thought when I first saw you? That you were pitiful, skinny, and too beaten up to even move. I know you aren't anything like those killers. It's not your fault and as wolves, we shouldn't tie ourselves to closely to families that don't reflect who we are." She rubs my shoulder, sending me a warm smile. Moisture fills my eyes as I grab her hand.
"Thank you and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I whisper, tightening my hold on her as she chuckles.
"No, no. Like I said, don't blame yourself. The others will understand soon enough, just give them some time and then explain." She puts her other hand over mine. I nod.
She's been here for me since the first day I opened my eyes in this territory. I don't know how I would feel if she had given me a cold shoulder.
But maybe, she's right. Maybe, I can reason with them. Maybe, we can talk. I can apologize and everything will be fine. I might've given up on myself so early on, I didn't even consider that I might still fit in, or even have someone other than Noah on my side.
"I'll see at breakfast, ok?" She says, bringing me in for one more hug. I nod.
"Yeah, see you then." She smiles and waves as she continues back down the path I came from.
My body trembles as I make my way upstairs and into my old room, hurrying to the bathroom. I pull out my hair products and etc, getting to work.
If they are willing to forgive me, then I can stay. I can still have a home here. I can stay with Noah.
I can stay here with Noah.
My heart pounds faster and harder in my chest as I finish tossing conditioner and shea butter into my hair and leave my room. I jog down the stairs and back to the hallway leading to Alyssa's office. I bump into Noah halfway down.
"Why are you in such a hurry?" He asks, smirking at me as he stops me in his arms. I genuinely smile up at him.
"Let's go eat." I say, grabbing his hand, walking forward, only glancing back to see the grin on his face.
We near the dining room as the usual chatting carries through the neighboring rooms.
"...and she's got our Alpha wrapped around her finger. What if some spell?"
"I don't know what I'll do if I see that bitch."
"How can we keep someone of that pack around? What the fuck?"
The talking turns to silence as Noah and I take our first steps into the room.
I guess, I was wishing for too much. I shouldn't have gotten so excited.
My hand slips out of Noah's grip as I loosen mine.
He shouldn't be around me now. Not in front of them.
"Does anyone have something they want to say?" He growls, catching my hand and holding it tight.
He shouldn't be like this too his pack. It hurts him more than he's letting on. I'm not worth all of this.
"You guys don't know her enough to say a fucking word about Eliana. I'll rip out the next tongu-"
"Noah-!" I start, but a deeper voice collides with mine.
"Noah, I suggest you have a seat. We can talk then, instead of yelling." A voice says from behind us. My eyes meet a glare as I turn and see Noah's mother and father, looming at the entrance.
Maybe, they won't forgive me.
CHAPTER 48
Noah POV
My parents sit across from me, my mother eyes trained on Eliana as the pack is placed all around us.
"There's something we obviously have to talk about, isn't there?" My father states, the atmosphere growing even more dense.
Angry glares stab at Eliana and I as dinner is being served. I ignore them, slipping my hand into Eliana's. I squeeze her hand and stroke the skin of her thumb softly.
No one understands, but it doesn't matter. Eliana doesn't need anyone but me.
"I'm sure Noah's told you about the incident that occurred 13 years ago." My mother starts. Eliana nods, her gaze staying in her lap.
She's scared. Like the days I first met her, her eyes won't meet anyone's. It took her so much to come out of her shell and now, they're all pushing her back into it.
"And we recently found out that you are from that pack who attacked us, did they send you here as a spy?" I slam my fist into the table, holding back my wolf as my breathing deepens. Eliana's hand in mine begins to tremble.
"Mom, you can't possibly believe that she's a-"
"Answer the question. Noah, shut up or we'll have her sleep by the lake today." My father deadpans.
I stand up, knocking my chair to the ground as a low growl leaves me. My wolf fights me for control as our anger nearly bursts.
"Sleep by the lake? Do you think I'd let that happen?" Eliana's grip on hand tightens as she pulls at me to sit down.
Why isn't she angry? It's not her fault!
"Noah, sit down!" My father commands. My knees buckle under me as I fall back into my chair.
Fuck, just because I haven't completely mated with Eliana and made her Luna, he still has more authority over the pack than me.
But they are trying to take her away. How can I finish the mating process without her? How can I live without her? Why can't they fucking listen?!
"No, I'm not a spy." Eliana says, lifting her head. Her voice comes out lifeless and dull as my heart aches.
No, please don't give up Eliana.
"Then why did you run away and come here? You knew the
risks, that your pack would want you back and Noah, being your mate wouldn't allow them to take you. You brought us a war that we hoped to have left in the past." My mother snarls, her voice growing louder and louder as she goes on.
I clench my teeth, glancing over at Eliana. Her hand in mine has gone limp and her eyes simply stare at my mother. I tighten my grip.
Keep fighting for us Eliana. Please. I can't lose you.
Eliana POV
I thought it hurt more before, when I had never felt the touch of warmth or friendship, even love. But no, it hurts much more when its all suddenly ripped away.
A wound that still ached, stabbed over and over again, bringing you to your knees as you crumble, hitting the ice cold floor.
Accusing eyes surround me as my breathing grows shallow. Tears in Eve's eyes overflow, trailing down her face.
She's right. Why did I come here?
Beth stands close behind Eve and Thomas. Her gaze meets mine and she looks away.
Oh, I see. She's the one who told them about me running away here. That's good. I deserve it. I'm nothing but a mutt. Who will never belong.
"I'm sorry." I say, no moisture coming to my eyes. Noah's hand squeezes mine.
I can't play victim, cause I'm not the victim this time.
To open up the trauma of someone who has let go, or at least tried to let go, is the worst thing someone could do.
I was so desperate for a family I let the thought of a war between my old pack and Noah's, pass by. I deluded myself into thinking I could accept them fighting for my sake because I was with Noah. His family was mine and family stuck together.
How could I be so selfish? Lost in the dreamland of new friendships and love. It was bound to all crash down on me someday. Sooner than I could have ever imagined.
Oh, Goddess.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I repeat, locking eyes with Thomas and then his wife. She shakes her head.
"It's not enough. What you've done, you can't take back." She says, turning towards her husband. He nods.
"I thought you guys were willing to forgive Samantha's killers. Isn't that what you said to me? That Samantha wouldn't want us to still be holding on to her with so much hate?" Noah stands again, pulling me up with him. My body drags itself to his side.