“How do you see it?” Annie asked.
It was a question he’d asked himself several times the night before as he’d gone over the story again and again rather than sleeping. “I believe my mother hid me because she felt it was the only way to keep me safe. She’d lost her own brother to the people she was afraid would come for me. She lied to my father because she didn’t want to endanger him. I wish they’d at least told me I was adopted, but it wouldn’t have mattered. I have awesome parents, and with you guys as my family too, I’ve never wished for anything else. What could I resent about that? Although, if Mum had been honest—maybe I would have tracked them down by now. Would that have gotten me killed? Maybe. So, even if it was wrong, how could I hate someone for giving up everything to keep me safe?”
Hazel let out an audible sigh. “Imagine keeping that kind of secret for all these years. It must have eaten away at Pamela. She never said a word to me—to anyone.”
Mitch nodded slowly. “It couldn’t have been easy for her.”
“Or for Sophie and Dale.” Annie looked toward her own parents. “His biological parents, if I read their names right. What would you do if you discovered a child you’d thought dead was actually alive and well?”
“Nothing could keep me from his side,” Hazel said hoarsely.
“I’d hate the woman who took my child,” Mitch said, “and then I’d love her, too, if it meant he would have been dead without her. I don’t envy what you’re being asked to navigate, Kade. Tell us what you need, though. How can we support you through this?”
“You’re doing it right now,” Kade said in a low tone. “I needed to say this shit out loud to people I knew could handle it. The Barringtons arrive tomorrow morning, and I’m supposed to meet them for lunch. Grant said they rented out the Lavender Farm lodge. I’ll see how tomorrow goes then decide if they should meet Mum and Dad.”
“Sounds about right, mate,” Mitch said with a nod of approval then picked up his utensils again. “Let’s eat before it gets cold.”
“Dad,” Harrison interjected as he picked up his own cutlery, “can I have tomorrow off? I can be Kade’s wingman. I’ll scope out these Barringtons—listen in to a few side conversations—see if there’s anything funky about them. A few shots of tequila and I’ll have one of them spilling all their plans.”
His mother smacked her son’s shoulder playfully. “You are not getting Kade’s family drunk.”
“You should take Annie,” Mitch suggested. “Annie, didn’t you say you have tomorrow off? Might be good if you went with Kade. He could use a friend by his side.”
Although his first instinct was to assure the Martins he could handle this on his own, as soon as he met Annie’s gaze he knew he wanted her there. Annie would be his compass, his guide home if he got lost. “Annie? I’ll understand if you say no. God knows, I wish there were a way I could get out of it, but will you come with me?”
On any other day Annie would have said she was a good person. In the silence that followed Kade’s request, she felt like the most selfish, self-absorbed person on the planet. She didn’t want to go. She didn’t want to be dragged back into Kade’s life—especially not to this depth.
Yet, how could she say no? He needed her.
She looked down, realized she was still holding his hand, and quickly broke off that contact. If she did this, she would have to remember it was for a friend—a good friend—not more than that. “Of course I’ll go.”
He leaned over, put an arm around her shoulders, and gave her a hug. “You have no idea how much I appreciate this. I owe you, Annie.”
His smile was wide and genuine. The light in his eyes did confusing things to Annie’s ability to concentrate. She frowned, shrugged off his arm, and tried to look unaffected by his touch. “It’s nothing,” she said then shoveled a bite of lasagna into her mouth and looked away.
When she made the mistake of looking at her brother, he wiggled his eyebrows at her. She kicked him beneath the table and sent him a message via a glare. Although he bent to rub his shin beneath the table, he didn’t say anything. Message received.
The rest of dinner conversation was thankfully about the more mundane. Kade asked questions about the brewery. He shared stories from the life he’d made for himself in Wabonga. Harrison did hilarious impressions of people in town after several beers. Annie shared how her charter company had grown and the corporate direction she’d taken it in.
Kade cocked his head to one side when she finished. “It’s hard to imagine you flying suits back and forth.”
“Really?” Annie told herself not to ask, but she couldn’t help it. “What do you picture me doing?”
His beautiful eyes darkened. “Remember that bush fire—the big one when you volunteered to drop water? You took me on that run with you. Grown men were scared that day, but you took notes, fueled up, and did it. I remember thinking you were fearless—and heroic.”
Annie swallowed and looked at her plate. “Not quite fearless. And I don’t put out fires anymore.”
“Harrison, what happened after I left? Did you stop convincing your sister to jump first and think later?” Kade joked. “Like the time we tried that tire swing we found by the lake? I wanted to climb up and make sure it was secured, but before I could you had Annie up and testing it.”
Hazel gasped. “Annie, is that how you hurt your arm that summer? You told me you tripped over a root.”
“More like face-planted on it,” Kade said, even though Annie was waving for him to cease. “Not that it stopped her from trying it again after I retied the rope. Like I said—fearless.”
Harrison shrugged. “Only because she wanted to impress you.”
Annie kicked Harrison again, harder. I’ve got to get out of here. She stood. “I’m going to step outside for a minute if that’s okay. I need some air.”
As soon as she was outside on the veranda, Annie took a deep, fortifying breath. The lure of going back to how things were before was strong. It would be easier if Kade were an asshole or if he didn’t like her. Annie bent to rest her arms on the railing and placed her head on her arms.
This was always the problem—Kade does love me, just not the way I want him to.
No. Wanted. Wanted him to. We’ve barely spoken since he left. My fault. It’s too hard to hear about his new life—his girlfriends.
I will not go back to imagining him waking up and realizing I’m everything he’s always wanted. I’m too old for that foolishness.
I won’t ask myself if he’s never married because he’s never found anyone he cares for as much as me. Only an absolute fool would think like that after all these years.
I’m not a fool.
I refuse to be.
Chapter Four
‡
Annie always did have a spectacular ass. Kade tried to look away from it when he stepped out onto the veranda to make sure she was okay. Bent over as she was, her blue cotton shorts rode high on legs long and lean enough to scramble any man’s brain. Stop. This is Annie. Kade said her name and was relieved when she immediately straightened and turned to face him.
Annie would always be one of the most beautiful women he’d ever known, but he would never act upon it. Women came and went. He couldn’t remember the names of most of the women he’d dated, even fucked, over the years. He was a healthy male. He liked women, and they’d always seemed to like him. It was blissfully uncomplicated because he kept it that way. Annie, though, had a special place in his heart. Fucking her, no matter how she sometimes sent his heart racing, would never be worth the risk of losing her. A friend like Annie was a treasure. He’d lost sight of that while away from her, but it was clear to him now.
His half-cocked dick would have to find relief elsewhere.
He leaned against the railing beside her. “Everything okay?”
She folded her arms beneath her breasts then dropped them to her sides. “It just gets warm in my parents’ house. The older they get the less they like it cool
.”
Kade studied her expression. She looked like she was holding something back, or it could be his imagination. “You don’t have to come with me tomorrow if you’re not comfortable going. I honestly have no idea what it will be like or how I’ll feel when I meet them.”
“I want to go, Kade.” She pursed her lips and sat on the railing. “I’m actually impressed with how well you’re handling this.”
“How well?” he scoffed. “I’m freaking the fuck out on the inside.”
She chuckled. “You’re doing a good job of hiding it, anyway.” Her expression turned more serious. “Of course you’re freaking out, Kade. Everything you thought you knew about your life is now up in the air. I don’t know what I would do if I were in your place.”
“I do. You’d go tomorrow, just like I will. You’d smile. Somehow, you’d leave everyone feeling better than you found them, because that’s what you do.”
“I think you remember me being better than I am.”
He edged closer until their shoulders touched. “No, I don’t think so. You were always a good friend.”
She folded her arms across herself again. “So good you forgot about me when you left.”
He took her by the shoulders and turned her toward him. “Never. It wasn’t like that.” She tipped her face back to meet his gaze and desire cut through him, surprising him enough that he released her and stepped back. Kissing her would have been easy, but also selfish. She would not be the distraction he used to make himself feel better that night. His shoulders slumped as he replayed her words in his head. “I didn’t forget you, Annie, but I did take our friendship for granted. I thought it would always be here—waiting for me. I poured myself into building my tour company. A month became a year. One year became five. I should have called. I should have made an effort to stay part of your life, but that doesn’t mean I stopped caring about you.” He ran his hand through his hair. “You and your family are the only things I’m sure of right now. I’m sorry if I didn’t give you enough over the years for you to feel that way about me. I won’t make that mistake again.”
She covered her face with her hands. “Stop, Kade. Just stop, okay?”
“I don’t understand.”
She lowered her hands. “I’m no longer the little Annie who used to go on wild adventures with you. We both grew up, Kade. We’re thirty. Not little kids. You don’t have to apologize for living your life. I lived mine too.”
He wiped a tear from her cheek, hating that he was the reason for it. This wasn’t the strong, ever-optimistic Annie he’d grown up with. “Then why are you upset?”
She pulled back from his touch, blinked a few times, then squared her shoulders. “Maybe it’s time you know. Kade, I—”
Harrison burst onto the veranda. “Mum said we are not having dessert until you two fools are back at the table. Could we hurry this along?”
“Tell her we’ll be right there,” Kade said before instantly turning back to Annie. “What were you about to say, Annie? What do I need to know?”
Her eyes shone with tears that she contained. She opened her mouth then closed it as if she’d changed her mind about saying something. She touched his arm. “Just that I could have been a better friend to you, as well. I’ll also try harder from now on.”
He pulled her to him and kissed her forehead. “Good, because I need you at my side tomorrow. Five brothers and a twin sister, Annie. Holy shit.” She fit against him as naturally as if they were a longtime couple. “Who should I tell them you are?”
She shuddered against him, sending another wave of confusing feelings through him. “Tell them the truth. We’re just really good friends.”
He hugged her tighter for a moment then released her. “We should probably go in before Harrison comes out and throws dessert at us.”
Annie laughed. “He only did that once. Do you remember? We both chased him down and doused him with the hose until Dad pulled us off him.”
Kade chuckled. “He deserved it. He got icing all over your face.”
“We were older. We probably could have handled it better.”
Their eyes met and they both laughed and said in unison, “Nah.”
Kade offered his arm to her. She accepted it, looping hers through his. Together they walked back into the house.
Later that night, after Kade left, Annie went into her parents’ attic and pulled out a box she hadn’t had the heart to throw away but had needed to separate herself from. She was carrying it out to her car when Harrison met her in the driveway.
“Annie, sorry about dinner. I was just having fun with you.”
She hugged the box to her chest. “I know. Sorry about your shin.”
He opened the boot of her car for her. “What’s in the box?”
“Just old photos and junk. Seeing Kade again reminded me it was still here. I thought it was time to help Mum and Dad declutter.”
After slamming the trunk closed, Harrison leaned against it. “Is it still hard to see him?”
Fuck yes. Annie shook her head. “No. It was actually really nice. Sure, I had a crush on him, but we were also friends, and that’s what was there today.”
He arched an eyebrow. “And nothing else?”
She shrugged, hoping it was convincing. “Nothing beyond a real sympathy for what he’s going through. It can’t be easy to hear what he heard. He meets his biological family tomorrow. Can you imagine that? He must feel so lost.”
“Lost enough to come here.”
“Because he knows we care about him.”
“And we do.” Harrison straightened. “But Annie . . .”
Annie opened the driver’s door to her car and glanced over her shoulder at Harrison. “Yes?”
“Don’t let him hurt you again.”
Annie grimaced. “He never hurt me, Harry. I did that to myself. Luckily, we’re all older and wiser, right?”
Harrison nodded.
Annie closed the door, waved one last time, and drove off. She kept her mind occupied by listing the errands she’d planned for the next day but would need to postpone. It wasn’t until she was seated in the living room of her apartment that she let herself remember how good it had felt to be in Kade’s arms.
She opened the box she’d taken from her parents’ attic and began to flip through the loose photos inside. A younger Kade was right there beside her during all the big moments in her earlier life. A photo of them when they were ten, dirty as two pigs who’d just rolled in mud. She couldn’t remember what they’d done that day, but it must have been fun. Another photo of them in high school, posing with their dates and then together. Her feelings for him were right there on her face as she smiled at him and hung on his arm. She felt bad for her date. He’d never stood a chance.
Finally, she came across a photo from the day Kade had mentioned, the day they’d volunteered to drop water on a local brush fire. She was standing tall and proud at his side, all smiles and just as brave as he remembered—because he was at her side.
She vowed then to volunteer again for search and rescue. Somehow she’d left that behind along with everything else that had reminded her of him, like sitting around sharing a beer with her dad and Kade.
She held Kade’s photo to her chest. I did so much with you that I wouldn’t have done had I never met you. I’m a stronger, happier person today because you were in my life. That’s what I will hold in my heart. That’s what I’ll use to make a real friendship with you possible.
She took the photo with her and placed it beside her bed. I hope I can somehow make tomorrow easier for you. Then she took a hot shower and had an hour of tossing and turning before the blissful escape of sleep.
Morning came to her much as Kade had, full on, whether she was ready for it or not.
Chapter Five
‡
Although Annie hadn’t spent time with Kade in years, conversation had never been difficult between them. Seated beside him in his Ford Ranger, Annie had no idea what to say.
In silence, they drove outside the town toward the lodge his biological family had rented. She didn’t want to chatter on, not when his hands were already clenched on the steering wheel and his distant expression said he was a million miles away from her. He’d hardly said two words to her since he’d picked her up.
Did he change his mind? Is he wishing he could face his family alone? How do I ask him that without sounding like I don’t want to meet them?
As if he could sense her thoughts, he reached over and took one of her hands in his. “Thank you for coming with me, Annie.”
Her fingers laced through his. “You’re welcome.” He was a simple man, a grateful man. She’d dated men who showered her with flowers, some who made promises they had no intention of keeping. Not Kade. He said what he felt. They might have drifted apart, but she believed him when he said he had never stopped caring about her. In some ways it made being with him more difficult. How could she keep her heart closed to a man if she couldn’t hate him? Couldn’t even be angry with him?
“They rented the whole lodge. Thirty rooms.” His hands tightened on hers, and he pulled onto the side of the road and turned toward her. There was so much emotion in his eyes, and she wanted nothing more than to unclip her seat belt and fling herself in his arms. But that wasn’t what he wanted.
Or was it?
Time suspended as they looked into each other’s eyes. Everything around them faded away until all that existed was him and how good her hand felt in his. “Annie—”
“Yes?”
“This feels wrong.”
Which part? Unless she was completely delusional, he was about to kiss her.
That would be wrong—and so, so right.
He growled and hit his steering wheel with his free hand. “Grant called me this morning. He said Sophie—my biological mother—received therapy for years because she remembered holding me before I was taken. Everyone told her she’d imagined it, and because of that she’s been emotionally fragile since. She was the one who kept pushing for them to look for me. He said he’s worried how she’ll handle meeting me and asked me not to correct her if she calls me Kent. I’m not Kent. I don’t want to be Kent. They might have been looking for me all this time, but I haven’t been looking for them. Seeing them, going by another name, feels disloyal to my mother—my real mother—the one who gave up her life to relocate and save mine. I don’t want to meet them today. I want to turn around and go home.”
Forever Now (The Barrington Billionaires Book 6) Page 3