When Kelsey woke the next morning, I paused and watched her trace the lines of Ren’s face. An ache shot through me so thick I had to swallow. She’d never looked at me with such open admiration. Ren woke and cradled her close. The ease he felt with her soon changed, however.
Ren was a fool not to see something was wrong. Instead of being careful with her, letting her have her space, he pushed her too far too fast. He let his pride get in the way of seeing her fear. I watched them retrieve the Golden Fruit and saw her draw further and further away from him.
Perching invisible on the top of an ancient building, I listened to the two of them shout at each other as they were pursued by hundreds of monkeys. The creatures descended upon them like a flood, but still my monkey-brained brother was more worried about Kelsey’s rejection than he was about the horde. I shook my head. Saving her life was more important than analyzing her feelings. He was lucky she wasn’t killed.
When Ren bounced down the drawbridge with dozens of monkeys attached to his fur and Kelsey was safely out, I waved my hand, and the remaining tidal wave of monkeys stopped and headed back to their perches; their quivering mass of bodies became silent as they turned into statues once again. I wondered, if I hadn’t been there, hadn’t taken care of the monkey problem, would the two of them have even made it out of Kishkindha?
The idea was exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. What if, at some particularly dangerous time, I’m not there when she needs me? Kadam’s words came back to me in that moment, but this time they were comforting. He’d said that whatever changes, whatever decisions I have made or will make have all been recorded in the annals of time. In essence, Kelsey will be safe because she was safe.
Though it was a relief that whatever I did, or would do, didn’t cause Kelsey’s death, it was still uncomfortable to consider. I hated the idea that all my decisions were subject to the universe somehow and that some unseen agenda was dictating my life. The concept chafed.
“Might as well cage me,” I muttered quietly to myself.
Hearing a grunt, I twisted and studied Kelsey through the trees as she faced the remaining monkeys with the gada. She was proud of herself when she made contact. Her pleased jolt of enthusiasm reminded me of when she landed a solid kick on our workout dummy or when she was finally able to hit a flower with her lightning power.
Content to watch her, I sat back and smiled, zapping the monkeys she hit with a little lightning of my own when she wasn’t looking. They scrambled back to the city with their tails between their legs, and with a wave of my hand, they were inert once more.
I got distracted when Ren emerged from the needle trees as a man, and the baboon I’d been protecting Kelsey from got in a few good swings. Ren soon put an end to that, and I used the power of the Damon Amulet to send the last two remaining monkeys back to their stony beds.
Following them on their walk back, I was hoping to learn more about their budding relationship, but both of them were stubbornly silent, only speaking when necessary. I couldn’t help feeling like I was missing something. Then Kelsey noticed the Kappa, and eavesdropping moved lower down on my priority list. The demons had left them alone on the journey in, but now that they had the fruit and the monkeys failed, I guess they figured it was their duty to intervene.
I heard Kelsey say, “Uh, Ren? We have company.”
The demons flinched when Ren brandished the gada, but when he said, “Keep going, Kelsey. Move faster!” I heard a hiss and they surged forward. Though I was phased out of time, several of them glanced my way. They didn’t try to attack but they didn’t act exactly friendly toward me either. Like I’d done with the trees, I tried to freeze them in place with the Damon Amulet, but they weren’t affected by my attempts.
Ren and Kells did okay even without my help. I kept vigil next to Kelsey when she fell asleep after the Kappa chased Ren into the trees and took advantage of being alone with her. Stretching out my fingers, I stroked her soft cheek and pulled a leaf or two from her hair. More than anything, I wanted to take her in my arms and keep her safe, protect her from the hurt and pain she would be experiencing, but I had to remind myself that this Kelsey barely knew me then. She believed I didn’t care if she lived or died. That I had no interest in the tiger’s curse.
I was tracing the lines on her palm when she smiled and mumbled Ren’s name in her sleep. Gently, I set down her hand and drew my knees to my chest. Was it too late? Was she already in love with my brother by this point? While I was wondering if I should backtrack further in the timeline, she said Ren’s name again, but this time with an alarmed tone.
Something was wrong. I lifted my head and Ren’s battle cry rang through the forest. I rose immediately. Tracking him through the trees, I followed his scent until I came upon him. He was surrounded by the water demons. Remaining invisible, I rammed into Kappa demons, pushed them off of him, and sent them reeling into the needle trees. More demons approached.
Ren struggled to his feet. Weakened enough not to notice the invisible force helping him in battle, he headed toward them, ready to fight with every last ounce of strength he possessed. I’d always admired Ren in battle. He was clever, calculating, never expending more energy than was absolutely necessary, and never using more force than was required.
Through fighting and training with Ren, I knew that he could see holes in defenses when I swore there were none. It was a particular talent of his and one that I envied. He noticed when a man favored a leg or when a horse was eager to dislodge a rider. If I was the brawn, then he was the brain. Together we’d been nearly unstoppable on the battlefield. It would be no different here.
Quickly, I assessed my brother’s injuries. Despite his ability to heal, Ren was bloody from the needle trees and had been bitten savagely by the Kappa. He bled profusely from wounds where chunks of flesh had been torn from his body. Though he’d tried to change tactics by switching from a man to a tiger and back, they had been destroying him. Brutally ripping him apart piece by bloody piece.
Between the Kappa and the needle trees, he stood no chance of saving himself, let alone Kelsey. One of his arms hung limply at his side, and yet he stood, ready to fight until his last breath. I was here to make sure his last breath wasn’t today. Ren never told me how close he came to death in this forest.
Regret and shame filled me. I should have been here with my brother, fighting at his side. The old me had been wallowing in hurt, facing inner demons instead of the ones that could cripple and kill. It was stubborn pride that kept me in the jungle. I had been so determined to be miserable that I blocked out everything. Because of me, Ren could have been torn apart. Kelsey could have died. I didn’t deserve the gift she’d given me—that both of them had given me—but I could make damn sure that they survived the process.
With a brush of power, I instructed the trees to focus on the Kappa and to leave Ren alone. Unlike the Kappa, the trees obeyed the Damon Amulet. As he threw the demons into the trees, I made sure they didn’t get back up. After several minutes of fighting, with no end of demons in sight, we both heard a scream.
With a mighty roar, Ren raked his claws across the bellies of the two nearest demons, spilling their black innards across the forest floor, and then dashed into the whipping branches, heedless of his hurts or the fact that his arm was barely hanging on. Growling, I switched to a tiger and kept the remaining demons at bay, ripping them apart while, at the same time, I instructed the trees to form a wall of branches behind Ren to provide a barrier.
Disgust and anger rippled through me as I tore into the deadly creatures. It felt good. It felt right. But at some point in the fight, I realized that my anger and disgust were not directed at the demons, as filthy as they were, but at myself. That the lowly, dark creature I really wanted to destroy was the man that I used to be. A cowardly, black soul that preferred slinking off into the darkness to standing up and fighting for what he wanted.
With the last few Kappa finished off, I followed Ren’s trail back to Ke
lsey, desperately hoping that I’d made the right decision to secure Ren’s escape rather than heading back to her myself. Trees came alive and whipped branches in my face, leaving biting little stings everywhere they landed, but this time I embraced the sting. Took it into myself. I deserved the pain, so I reveled in it. Asked for more. Still, it wasn’t enough penance.
When I found Ren again, he was in the process of eradicating the Kappa who’d been suckling at Kelsey’s neck. I cursed myself for leaving her alone. I cursed myself for not remembering that she’d been attacked. I cursed the fact that I hadn’t come on this quest, hadn’t helped. Kelsey was pale. Her limbs fell limply to Ren’s side as he lifted her. Black ooze trickled from the wound in her neck.
I did this. She was hurt because of me. Every pain that she suffered here, every discomfort, every risk, could have been nullified, or at the very least, lessened if I’d acted like a man. I felt each labored step Ren took like a dagger in my heart. I winced at the groans of pain he couldn’t hold back as he shifted Kelsey carefully in his still-healing arms.
Never again, I vowed. Never again will I allow another to suffer because of my inaction.
Ren carried Kelsey to a cave and sought wood for a fire, never straying too far from her side. I perched, invisible, on the hill nearby and forced myself to watch Kelsey’s suffering. The least I could do would be to sit through it with Ren even if he didn’t know it. My silly pranks in the jungle as he brought mangoes to Kelsey seemed childish now. I was a man playing tricks like a spoiled boy.
Even though he should have changed to a tiger to heal faster, Ren stayed in human form so he could care for Kelsey. His human body tried to heal and I winced, knowing the pain he was experiencing.
When we were injured as tigers, the wounds healed at more than five times the speed as when we were in human form. As men, a fever accompanied the healing, one that burned so hotly that a normal human would die. It felt like our veins were on fire when it happened. We still healed quickly as humans, but to endure the pain of it for an extended time was a great sacrifice on Ren’s part.
Gently, Ren pressed cold cloths to Kelsey’s arms and forehead, though his own arms trembled and sweat trickled from his temples. Ren spoke to her unconscious form and his words stung in more ways than one. Already she meant everything to him. He was fiercely protective of her, and he blamed himself for any injuries she suffered while under his care.
A few hours later, Kappa wandered toward their camp. Ren lifted the gada and prepared to defend himself once again. Instead of fixing their eerie black eyes on Ren, they hesitated and lifted their heads to me. Ren looked my way but I remained invisible to him. As one, the Kappa surged forward and Ren lifted his weapon with his good arm.
Touching the water piece of the amulet, feeling the shape of it press into the pad of my thumb, I closed my eyes and began speaking in a language I didn’t know. The words sounded dark, liquid, and they triggered a response in the Kappa, whose shuffling momentum slowed and then stopped. One of them began speaking, and though I didn’t fully grasp the words, the meaning was clear. They wanted. They needed. They hungered. And they considered us their enemy. Their prey. It was their right to hunt us.
I replied in hushed, swirling tones, forming words that felt as murky as swamp water escaping my lips. The shushing of the trees in the wind I’d created carried my words directly to them and hid my voice from the tiger with the enhanced hearing. I whispered not to them since they didn’t heed the power of the amulet but to the water that flowed in them and through their gills, slumber, ebb, vanish, or I will take away the waters that sustain you.
The demons swayed back and forth on their thick legs, blinked their crocodile eyes several times as if considering my authority, and then finally headed back to their watery dens. When I sensed they had all returned to the water, I froze the river so they couldn’t get out, and left a command that it should remain iced over until Kelsey and Ren left Kishkindha.
Ren and I drowsed only occasionally, keeping watch over Kelsey for two days. Though I could have sped up time, I didn’t. It was the least I could do to sit with him. He believed Kelsey was dying. Ren seemed broken. Inconsolable. I’d seen him that way before. He was like that when she left for Oregon. My heart stung thinking about it, but then I remembered that Ren’s love for Kelsey was never the question. It wasn’t why I’d come.
On the evening of the second day, Kelsey took a turn for the worse. She was losing the battle with the Kappa venom. She writhed in pain and I brushed away angry tears. I knew about this part. There was nothing I could do to stop it. Why didn’t Fanindra bite her and stop the vile poison? As Ren tried to get her to drink, I whispered, “Come on, Fanindra. Kelsey needs you.”
At that moment, the golden cobra awoke. She slid from Kelsey’s arm and coiled her body next to Ren’s thigh. He didn’t even notice her. Opening her hood, her tongue flicked out several times, and then she turned and looked directly at me. The snake swayed back and forth as if waiting for me to acknowledge her.
I knew I needed to ask.
Whispering into darkness, I begged Fanindra to help Kelsey, to take away her pain and heal her from the demonic poison. Her head lifted and her tongue shot out as if tasting my words. Then, she wove her golden-scaled body up Kelsey’s shoulder, lifted her head, and opened her mouth widely. She struck quickly and repeated the process several times.
Ren had his back turned; he’d been shuffling through the backpack when it happened. Fanindra was already coiled and inanimate again by the time he brought the bottle of water to her lips. Kelsey gasped and lifted fingers to her neck, which was when Ren finally noticed the puncture marks. Carefully, he cleaned the wound and then lifted Kelsey in his arms.
When Kelsey lost consciousness, he threatened the gleaming snake. “If what you did saves her life, then I owe you mine. But if she dies, then be warned, I will find a way to destroy both you and the goddess who sent us on this quest.”
Something dark and foreboding festered in my brother’s eyes on that black night, something I was very familiar with. Something I never wanted him to know. My thoughts turned to the goddess he’d mentioned. I frowned. The idea that Ren or anyone else could cause Anamika harm was ridiculous, and yet it bothered me when I thought of leaving her alone for so long. Closing my eyes, I tested our connection and was assured that she had come to no harm in my absence. I shifted, feeling a bit guilty, but determined to follow along my course.
It soon became obvious that Kelsey was healing, and after sunrise, she woke. Ren held her close and shared his feelings in a wistful sort of way that I never could have. How was I supposed to compete with a poet who wooed women with flowery speeches?
In truth, Ren openly sharing his thoughts and feelings with Kelsey at this stage in the game surprised me. He trusted her. Told her things he’d never shared with me or my parents or even with Kadam as far as I knew.
That he, too, had been contemplating ending his existence was something we never spoke of. I identified with that. And in the space of a few minutes, I came to see my brother in a new light. Perhaps he had suffered as much as I had. Perhaps when he looked at Kelsey, he, too, had seen a way out, a way through, a way to rise above our sorry lot.
I didn’t blame him for loving her.
I didn’t blame him for wanting to emerge from the jungle a whole man.
I didn’t blame him for taking his chance to have her and running with it.
Closing my eyes, I sucked in a deep breath. Kelsey answered Ren’s heartfelt words by saying, “It’s okay. I’m here. You don’t need to be afraid.”
Keeping my eyes closed for just a moment longer, I pretended she was speaking to me. Putting her hand on my arm. Reassuring the black tiger instead of the white.
Kelsey thanked Ren and then Fanindra for saving her life, and I couldn’t help but feel bitter about the fact that it was really me who had saved her and that she would never know. Grunting, I leapt down to the mouth of the cave to follow them inside
and amended that thought to Kelsey didn’t know…yet.
I followed the two of them through the cave and was fascinated by the glimpses of scenes from our past and of their future. The haunted cave had no effect upon me other than to taunt me with images of things I regretted. Anamika appeared near the end. She was young and she was crying, something I’d never seen her do. She had a bruise on her cheek, and if I hadn’t known the nature of that cave, I would have gone after her to see to her injury.
In the tunnel leading to Hampi, I moved as soundlessly as I could, but Ren often glanced back and stopped from time to time to listen. At one point, he sniffed the air, and I realized he might identify my scent, so with a few whispered words to the amulet, I masked my scent like Kadam had, and soon all I could smell, other than Ren and Kelsey, was the scent of the moss growing on the walls.
Kelsey was exhausted and mostly oblivious to both Ren and her environment. The fact that Ren was in love with Kelsey, even in the beginning, couldn’t be disputed. But I already knew that he loved her. The question remained, did she truly love him more than she loved me?
***
Leaping through time, I spied on them. Surges of hope were dashed with tender scenes that tortured my heart and cut me asunder. I forced myself to analyze their intimate discussions, listened to their whispered promises, and saw the love grow between them.
Disguising myself as a waiter, I served them on Valentine’s Day and was barely able to stop myself from pulling his chair out from under him before she perched on his lap. Hidden in the bushes, I watched him present her with an anklet and beg her not to leave him. At the dance in Trivandrum, I saw him shrug off the harem of girls and stalk away with a sober expression the instant Kelsey left in tears.
Tiger's Dream (Tiger's Curse Book 5) Page 8