I closed the door behind me with a thud. Thick, dark shadows trailed me as I headed down the stairs. When I reached the bottom, I couldn’t tolerate the presence of the other men, though they’d gone quiet, most of them staring with unfocused eyes into their drinks. I headed outside. The night was heavy and warm, the rain irritating as it slicked through my hair and trickled down the neck of my shirt. I paced back and forth, my muscles taut and screaming for a fight.
The earthy scent of the ground was familiar and should have soothed me, but I’d grown spoiled living on the sweet grasses of the home of the goddess. The smell of roses and jasmine there tickled my nose as I slept, and my dreams were almost always pleasant. Even when I dreamed of Kelsey, they were happy, contented dreams, not the nightmares I’d had before.
Kadam wanted me to accept the role of Durga’s tiger, to consider the curse a gift. But to me it had been a punishment, one well deserved for allowing Lokesh to kill Yesubai. When Kelsey left, the tiger felt like a shackle.
Hiding my scent and becoming invisible, I headed to the building where they were keeping Ren. I opened the door and he lifted his head. All he could smell was the wet from the rain and the hundreds of bodies and animals nearby, yet he tilted his head back and forth, and I knew the moment when he noticed my wet footprints.
For a time, I stood there, quietly watching him, and then I made a decision and allowed my body to become visible. He jerked in the cage that was much too small for him to move around comfortably. Ren growled softly, his ears laid back against his head.
My gold eyes locked onto his blue ones. There was so much I wanted to say to him. So much he needed to hear, but I didn’t know where to begin, and this Ren wouldn’t understand. Suddenly, I had great empathy for what Kadam was going through. Inhaling deeply, I pursed my lips and let out a slow breath and then stepped forward, unlocking his cage.
Almost carefully, he stepped out onto the muddy ground, and a moment later, my brother was standing in front of me. He was barefoot, in his typical white clothing. His eyes piercing me like needles. Ren spoke first as I stood there mutely wondering where to begin.
“Who are you?” he said.
My brow lowered. “Your brother,” I replied.
He walked around me in a wide circle, sniffing the air like a suspicious dog. “You don’t smell like my brother,” he said. “And I trust my nose more than my eyes.”
I laughed then but it was a bit maniacal—a straightjacket laugh, Kelsey would have called it. “Despite everything, I’ve missed you, Ren.”
His mouth fell open but he quickly masked his reaction. “So…brother…you’ve come to rescue me then?”
“Not…not exactly,” I said as I scraped a hand over my bristly jaw. “I was just hoping to talk.”
“To talk?”
“Yes. This is going to take a while so you might want to switch back. I know you don’t have a lot of time.”
Ren frowned. “Neither do you.”
“Yes. Well, about that…” I found a cleanish spot on the ground and sat, resting my back against the wall. The rain was heavy enough to mask my voice should anyone pass by, and both of us could see well enough in the light to make out one another. Almost reluctantly, Ren changed back into tiger form and lay down. Not too close. And he took up the space between me and the door just in case he wanted to leave. That didn’t bother me at all.
Taking a deep breath, I began.
For hours I poured out my story to him. I told him everything—Kelsey, the curse, Durga, Lokesh, Kadam, our parents, his becoming mortal, even his upcoming wedding. His tiger eyes were riveted on me the whole time. If it weren’t for the twitching of his tail, I might have thought he was a statue. By the time I was done, the storm was over. The sun would rise within the hour.
I brought up a knee and rested an elbow on it, sinking my head into my hand. “To burden you with all of this is selfish, I know. It’s just…I don’t know what to do.”
Ren transformed without me even being aware of it. He sat across from me and rubbed his hands slowly, his eyes trained on them as he formed his thoughts into words. Finally, he said, “You’ve always been the stronger one.”
My hand fell away from my face. I gaped at him incredulously. “What are you talking about? Have you even been listening?”
“Of course I have. The story you tell…it’s…well, fantastic. It gives me hope. You give me hope.”
“That wasn’t my intention.”
“No. It’s just…”
“What?” I asked.
His blue eyes darted up. “Do you know why the future me sought you out in the jungle?”
“Yeah. You wanted me to help you break the curse.”
“Yes. Of course. But there must have been a part of me that was scared to do it without you.”
“That doesn’t sound right.”
“It is. You’ve always been the brave one, Kishan.”
I shook my head. “You’re the leader, Ren. Not me.”
“You’re wrong. Yes…yes…I was the diplomat. The one who spun pretty words to charm pompous, overstuffed rich men, but you were the warrior. For you Yesubai was a long time ago, but for me it was recent. I understood why she loved you. She looked to you as I did. You were always comfortable in your own skin. Mother’s favorite. Kadam’s favorite.”
“None of that matters anymore. Besides, you are brave. You fought alongside me, defeated Lokesh, saved the day countless times. I’d never seen you so focused in battle.”
He lowered his head. “I must have loved her then. Will love her, I mean.”
I grunted. “You did. You do.”
“But so do you.”
“Yes.”
After a tense moment, he asked, “Will you do it?”
I knew what he was asking. “Cause the curse?”
He nodded.
“I don’t know.”
“Well, then…” Ren got up and dusted his hands on his white pants, smearing them with dirt. “I suppose you better find out.” He turned and walked to the door, staring out into the freshly washed clean sky. Ren inhaled deeply and said, “If it helps, I know whatever decision you make will be the right one.”
“How can you be so certain?”
He looked at me over his shoulder and offered me a brilliant white smile. “Because you are Sohan Kishan Rajaram.” Ren headed back to his cage and ran a hand down a bar. “There is no reason that you have to make the final decision tonight. It sounds like there are many more uncomfortable things in my future than just sitting in a cage.”
I stood up, took hold of his shoulder, and turned him around. “Are you saying you want me to sell you tomorrow? Arrange for your captivity from which you will find no respite for three hundred and fifty years? Wipe your memory so that no trace of our conversation lingers in your mind to give you comfort?”
Ren shook his head and grabbed hold of my arm in a familiar grip. “I am saying that I am yours in life, brother, and yours in death. I trust you to figure out the niggling details.”
The confidence he had in me was unflappable. The back of my eyes stung with unshed tears. That he was willing to give himself over like this, even knowing that his future entailed torture and beatings and more sacrifices than a man should be asked to make, made me respect him all the more.
I tugged on his shoulder and pulled him close, wrapping my arms around him. My body shook as I sobbed. When I left, Ren was in his tiger form, locked in a cage. I’d taken his memory of our conversation and his ability to shift into human form, leaving him only with the dream of a brown-haired girl who would love him someday.
With heavy steps, I climbed the stairs to our shared room and found Anamika asleep on the bed, but her body was soaked with sweat as she thrashed back and forth. Tears leaked down her cheeks and she kicked violently at the thin sheet.
“No,” she cried softly. “No, please!”
I took hold of her shoulders to shake her awake and she screamed.
Chapter 8
Crashing the Party
“Ana! Ana!” I shouted, trying to rouse her from her nightmare. “Wake up. It’s just a dream!”
She pushed at me hard, her fingernails scratching my arms. They healed quickly, but the sting lingered. Panting, she blinked her eyes open. Tears leaked slowly from the corners. Her cheeks were flushed, and her lips looked swollen and red like she’d bitten them in her sleep. Anamika trembled in my arms as I stroked her hair and shushed her.
The fact that she clung to me as if I was the only thing grounding her was a surprise. I wanted to link into her thoughts, to figure out what it was that troubled her. It seemed much worse than a simple bad dream. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I wanted her to trust me. And if I forced the issue in that way or asserted myself, I sensed there would be much more to contend with than just her temper. Ana was teetering on the edge, fragile, and if I made a wrong move, she’d burst open like a dropped melon.
“What is it?” I murmured as I tried to calm her.
She stiffened and drew away from my arms, shifting back on the bed. “It is nothing,” she said, wiping her tears away with the heels of her hands.
“You don’t have to tell me, Ana,” I said, “but I’m here to listen if you need me.”
Nodding, she drew up her knees to her chest and laced her fingers around them. “Thank you.”
My arms felt empty and I found I missed her softness. Strange to think of the goddess Durga, the warrior I’d fought with, as being soft. Her heart had beaten frantically when I’d held her, almost like a captured bird in a cage. That reminded me that I still had a passenger in my pocket.
“I almost forgot,” I said, and pulled open the square of fabric to peek at the little creature. It angled its head to peer up at me. “This little thing belongs to you. Kadam sent him.”
Repositioning her long legs so she could scoot closer, she pushed her heavy hair over her shoulder and watched as I pulled the little bird out. He sat in my cupped palm and then, when she extended a fingertip, he peeped and hopped onto it. Immediately, he chirped a little tune and flew to her shoulder, where he hid himself inside her mounds of hair.
Anamika laughed. It was a carefree, delightful sound, and I realized I’d never heard her laugh before. Smiling myself, I rubbed a hand over the stubble on my cheeks and said, “Kadam told me you raised him from an egg. Apparently, we haven’t found the egg yet. He also warned me that the bird isn’t long for this world.”
Her face fell as she took the bird from her shoulder and rubbed him behind the head. He closed his eyes happily as she stroked his feathers.
I don’t know why I had to go and ruin her happy moment. It seemed like nothing I did regarding the goddess was the right thing. Sighing, I got up and splashed water in the basin. As I washed my face, I told her where I’d been all night.
She listened carefully and asked thoughtful questions. When I was finished, she said, “That must have been painful for you—leaving your brother in such a way so that he had no memory of what had passed between you.”
“It was,” I confessed. It still chafed. The hurt of leaving him there was like a fur-caught burr next to an already painful wound. Knowing that my actions, my decision, would relegate Ren to being imprisoned for so many years was something I wasn’t entirely sure I could live with. The idea that I was doing it more so that I would meet Kelsey than I was nobly doing my part to help the universe left the bitter tang of guilt in my mouth.
Anamika’s hand touched my shoulder. I hadn’t even heard her get up. My eyes were dry and tight, and my head throbbed from going so long without sleep. My skin felt ready to split apart but her touch soothed me. Without thinking, I drew her close and she allowed me to hold her. It was awkward at first. Her back was as straight as a board, but inch by inch she relaxed.
After a long moment, she patted my shoulder stiffly and asked, “Are you comforted enough yet, Kishan?”
I laughed and stepped back. “Yes. Thank you.”
The ice goddess had returned and she was ready to get back to business. I was used to this version of her. The other one, the wounded girl, was a stranger. I was curious but I knew better than to ask why she hid behind her mask.
It was more than just losing her brother and taking on the role of a goddess. She’d been that way before, back when I first met her. She’d seemed just as unapproachable then. Anamika came across as a very different girl than the one I’d seen interacting with her brother just before he left. Other than the few brief glimpses she’d given me, the goddess was much like the statues in the temples we’d visited. Cold, hard as granite, and rigid regarding her dealings with men.
We used the amulet to shift back to the alley and the scarf to disguise ourselves. I took the role of the man who’d disappeared while Anamika became Kadam. She dressed herself like a wealthy man of that time would, and within the hour, the transaction was complete. The two of us were now the proud new owners of a white tiger.
The hunters were surprised when Anamika as Kadam was willing to purchase the animal sight unseen, but we couldn’t risk Ren’s reaction to Kadam or his confusion over Kadam smelling like jasmine and roses. Ana had pulled enough coin and gemstones from the ground to appease the hunters, and they were greedy enough to take their money and run.
Next, we made arrangements to have Ren stay where he was, hiring a trustworthy young man to feed him and give him water. We even put the boy up at the nearby inn while we sought out Kadam’s friend. We stayed long enough to watch him and make sure he did a good job regarding the tiger.
It took the better part of the day to actually find Kadam’s trader friend. Then it required some convincing to get him to alter his course to go to the city where Ren was being kept. Anamika gave him the rest of her coins and gems and offered him a bagful more when he got to the inn if he would then transport Ren and sell him to a kind-hearted collector.
When the deal was made, Ana and I returned to our time. She disappeared into her room and scavenged a bagful of priceless gemstones, and within the blink of an eye, she had gone back to meet the trader at the inn and give him his final payment.
She was gone for less than thirty seconds, and when she told me that Ren was safely on his way, I immediately transformed into a tiger and fell into a deep sleep on the grass. After I woke, I found Ana sitting near the fountain cradling her little pet. He was still alive, but it was plain he wouldn’t be for long.
“I thought he’d like to be outside,” she said.
I lay down, making myself comfortable by her feet, resting my head on my paws, and kept her company. Before the hour had passed, the little bird was gone. Gently, she placed him in a golden box that a devotee had given her. His bright red plumage was soon hidden beneath the lid. Using the power of the amulet, she excavated a space in her garden and placed the box inside. She stood there for a moment, silent, and then I heard the whisper of dirt as it covered the golden box.
When she was done, she approached me and sat down on the grass, threading her hands in my fur and stroking my back. I rolled over on my side so my head was in her lap. She tugged on my ear gently and draped an arm around my neck. Instinctively, I knew she needed me, needed the tiger side of me. She relaxed with me easier when I was in my tiger form. Her scent of roses and jasmine wafted over me and I closed my eyes.
I was soothed by the closeness as well. Being with her like that reminded me of being with my mother. Granted, there was an aspect of it that was very different. I was aware, of course, that Anamika was a lovely young woman and there was nothing motherly about being near her, but at the same time, there was a certain comfort to it. I felt completely at ease. She wasn’t, at that moment, judging me or harassing me. She was just…there.
We stayed like that for a while until I realized she’d fallen asleep with her back against the fountain. After easing away, I switched to human form and picked her up. When she wasn’t in battle gear and sporting all the arms and weapons of Durga, when she was just Ana, s
he seemed so small. I knew she wasn’t. She was nearly my height. But most of her was legs. Long, long legs.
I set her down on her bed, purposely placing the kamandal and all her weapons nearby, then I took the scarf and headed to the bathing chamber. After a quick bath, I used the scarf to change into an old man in a suit. Thinking it best to leave the scarf with Ana, along with a note, I headed back to her room.
She’d turned on her side, her fist cupped under a cheek. Her pink lips were slightly open and her hair tumbled over her face. I pulled her blanket up around her shoulders and then glanced in her mirror. Adjusting the tie, I smoothed down my salt-and-pepper hair and grunted. With my gray suit, I looked more like I was dressed for a funeral than a party, but decided it would do. Quickly, I jotted a note and left the scarf next to it, then I clutched the amulet and disappeared.
The room folded around me, and everything went white as I raced through time in a stream of wind. I materialized on a rooftop and made myself invisible, which was a smart thing since there were people everywhere. They were dressed in impeccably tailored clothing and they were smiling and laughing. I headed around a dark corner and, finding I was alone, let myself become visible.
I stood on a long balcony that wrapped around the roof. The entire upper floor of the building was made of glass, and the lights from the skyscrapers surrounding me twinkled like diamond stars, bathing everything in soft light. At first I thought I’d carried the scents of rose and jasmine from Anamika’s room with me, but as I turned a corner, I saw the entire floor was covered in flowers of all description.
I fingered a familiar flower, a tiger lily, and frowned. This was going to be painful.
Following the other guests, I made my way toward the sound of lilting music and the quiet murmurings of a large gathering. Passing an elevator where more guests arrived, I noticed ushers taking cards and checking lists. Luckily, I’d bypassed that. What would I have said? My invitation must have gotten lost in the cosmic mail?
Tiger's Dream (Tiger's Curse Book 5) Page 12