Even as I dressed in a loose-fitting tunic and a pair of trousers, I could feel her pull. She was aware of my return and content to wait, but her call was something I couldn’t ignore. Anamika was a like a magnet, and the closer we were to one another the stronger the urge was to be near her. The connection between us had always felt like a shackle but now it had changed. Now it felt like a promise.
Following the pull, I headed toward the throne room but was surprised to find that she wasn’t there. I considered checking her bedroom, but when I closed my eyes, I knew exactly where she was and headed to her garden instead. When my feet touched the grass, I was tempted to change into tiger form. We’d always gotten along better when I was a tiger. But that was the coward’s route. The least I could do was give her the chance to berate me for my failure, person to person.
Truthfully, I’d failed her in more ways than one. The shard of truth stone hanging around my neck warmed, and I knew it was confirming my thoughts. My steps wavered when I saw her. She was clipping her roses, her long hair brushing her waist. The back of my throat burned as my greeting died on my tongue. I knew I’d left the young version of her in the past, and yet I still saw her in Ana’s familiar gestures.
I found myself unable to move. Did she blame me? How could she not? My fortitude became weak, my muscles watery. Heartache stole through me, thick and viscous. How could I have allowed that evil man to touch her? How could I have walked away from the girl begging me to teach her to fight? The memories of what I’d done and the choices I’d made ran through my mind again as they did far too often. How could she ever forgive me?
The delight I felt upon seeing her curled up like a fragile seedling burning in a fire. It turned into a tight black ball and planted itself in my gut. Layers of self-recrimination coated it until it weighed me down like a stone. There was nothing I could say, nothing I could do to take away the awful thing that had happened to her. She was the victim of something terrible. Something no person should ever have to suffer.
What could I say? No words, no matter how carefully I thought them through, would ever be enough to apologize. Would ever be enough to fix it. It was like putting a poultice on an eviscerated man—a fruitless and foolhardy endeavor.
Anamika turned her head slightly so I saw her face in profile, but she kept her attention on her flowers. “Well?” she asked tartly, giving a long vine a sharp snip. “It certainly took you long enough to grace me with your presence. Are you just going to stand there shuffling your feet or are you going to greet me properly?”
I tried to answer her, but the only result was a trilling, “I…” and then the ineffectual opening and closing of my mouth like a fish pulled out of the water, a far cry from the refined greeting I’d originally planned. Since speaking wasn’t working for me, instead, I dropped to one knee, bowing my head low. “I am your servant, my lady,” I finally managed to spit out.
Anamika glanced over at me and frowned, her brows puckering. She pursed her lips and strode over to me. After putting her clippers in a leather belt strapped around her waist, she placed her hands on her hips and considered me. My head dropped again and I felt a familiar sting in the back of my eyes.
The grass beneath my feet blurred and then her hand touched my head. She crouched down near me and slid her hand to my neck. I felt her mental inquiry and willingly opened my thoughts to her. I showed her the absolute mess I’d made of things. All the guilt and shame that ate at my insides was exposed for her to see. As she studied my thoughts, I winced, knowing she’d think less of me and knowing I deserved it.
“I’m so, so sorry, Ana.” I didn’t even know I’d said it out loud until I felt the vibration of the words deep in my throat.
In reply, Anamika wrapped her arms around me. Mine snaked around her waist, and I pulled her tightly to my chest, resting my head against her delicate neck. “Shh,” she murmured softly, her hands trailing slowly through my hair. “I’m here, Sohan,” she added, her voice, velvety and warm, soothing me though I knew I wasn’t worthy of it. As she touched me, light filled the edges of my mind.
I knew the light was coming from her. What I saw was Anamika’s soul revealed by the truth stone. It was bright and lovely, and as she gazed down upon me like the goddess she was, the darkness and guilt inside me shrank and burned away. I basked in the layers of heat and the raw power of the goddess. Slowly, my awareness receded and I slept.
When I woke in my bed, my mind felt calm and still, like a land blanketed by snow. The world around me was soft and new and clean. I put my hands beneath my head and considered what had happened. Ana had given me a gift. Something rare and precious. Her forgiveness and understanding had buried my burdens in a soft marshmallow layer.
I still had the memories. I still knew what lay deep in my soul, but she’d offered me the type of mercy only a goddess could give. She’d absolved me of my guilt and demanded that in return I should learn to forgive myself.
That part would take time.
There was no denying now that Anamika was special. She was a special young girl and she was a special woman. It had taken me a long time to recognize it, but now I had, and I would spend the rest of my life, however long that might be, treating her in a manner that showed my respect.
Throwing back my blanket, I rose, dressed, and headed to the throne room. When I entered, I found her greeting a variety of visitors. The Damon Amulet now hung about her neck. Reaching up to my own, I wondered when she’d taken it. Then I frowned, wondering how she’d gotten me to my room. As a goddess, she was strong, but I’d never seen her lift anything as heavy as me before.
Deciding it was better for me not to think about it, I bowed deeply just as she dismissed a visitor and gave instructions to her guard that no more petitioners would be seen that day. She held out her hand to me and smiled. “Did you sleep well?” she asked.
I squeezed her fingers lightly and answered, “I did, thanks to you.” Glancing around and seeing dozens of gifts scattered around the room, and realizing she’d probably already been working for hours, I added, “You should have woken me. You’ve been busy.”
“Yes. We were gone a long time. There is much work to be done.”
“I’m ready to start when you are,” I said genially.
“There will be time for that later,” she said. “Come, sit by me.”
Rising from her throne, she sat down on the marble steps and held up her hand. I took it and sat beside her. Our shoulders were pressed together, and neither of us felt the need to shift away as we once would have. Ana didn’t withdraw her hand either, so I kept it in mine.
Since I was at a loss for words, she began speaking. “I…I wanted to thank you,” Ana said.
I turned quickly to look at her, thinking she’d lost her mind. A small smile played under her lips, waiting to burst forth. It didn’t make sense. “Thank me?” I said uncertainly. “Why on earth would you want to do that?”
“I didn’t know before,” she said. “That it was you, I mean.”
“It was me, what?”
“It was you who saved me.”
“Saved you? I failed to save you.”
“No, you succeeded.” Ana sighed and pulled my hand in her lap, playing with my fingers. It made me very aware of how close we were. I shifted uncomfortably. “I went back while you were sleeping,” she said softly, as if she were confessing to a crime. “I took her…I mean my memories of you.”
“You did?”
“Yes. When I met you and Ren and Kelsey for the first time, I didn’t know you. Had never seen you before.”
“That’s true,” I said.
“I had to go back and take those memories. My younger self knows that a man saved her, a man who taught her how to use a knife, but she cannot now remember his face. My parents and Sunil have forgotten you as well.”
Nodding, I said, “That was smart.”
“Is it?” she asked, lacing her fingers with mine and glancing up at me. “Maybe if my younger self kn
ew you, we would have fought less when I met you again.”
“Maybe,” I answered. My neck suddenly felt hot. I rubbed my cheek on my shoulder. “It doesn’t matter now though. What’s done is done, right?”
“Right,” she agreed, green eyes peering up into mine. “I remember now, though. I remember everything.”
Swallowing, and trying to wet my mouth after it had suddenly gone dry, I said, “You…you do?”
“Yes. I was with you, you know. When my consciousness merged with my younger self, it was like I was trapped inside her. I saw everything, relived everything.”
I turned away. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m not.”
“How could you not be?” I asked, incredulous.
“I didn’t want to relive my abduction, if that’s what you’re thinking, but it did give me a new insight into it. From my adult perspective, he was a pathetic excuse for a man. I found, more than anything else, that I wanted to reach out and protect my younger self. Now, with my powers, I could kill him just by thinking of it, but the younger me was terrified of him. That fear has stayed with me for many years.
“In my recollections, he was monstrous, inhuman, powerful. Now I have seen him as weak, sick, and truly dead. This revelation was important for me. I’ve had long months to think about it as I was trapped inside the girl who was also trapped inside herself, waiting for you to bring me forth.”
“So, you’re saying you were alert the whole time? Even as she slept?”
“Yes. Even when she died. It was my presence that kept her bound to this mortal realm long enough for her to heal. Without you, she, I mean I, would have died. You see? You did save me. More than once. And since I was the one who took those memories away, I can now remember everything that was hidden from my young mind years ago.”
“It was dangerous going back,” I said. “You could have been sucked in again.”
Anamika shrugged. “I went when she was sleeping. There was less chance of her waking up.” She smiled. “I watched Sunil for a while as he slept too. I forgot how much he took upon himself being my guard.” Glancing up at me, she added, “You should also know that I erased your tracks and provided food and shelter when you rescued the children.”
“That was sorely needed. Did you take me to the fire forest so I would be healed?” I asked.
She frowned. “No. At least, I don’t think so. I dreamed about it while I was trapped. Since the truth stone came from the fire forest, perhaps it channeled the healing of the trees.”
“I see.”
Ana hesitated, then added, “I also checked to make sure the man who abused me was dead. I had to know.”
Nodding, I replied, “If you hadn’t, I would have.”
Pulling something from her belt, she held out a familiar knife. The one I’d been using to carve the stone, the one I’d used to escape. “You kept it?” I asked, taking it from her and stroking my thumb along the edge. A thin line of blood appeared but the cut quickly healed. “I see you’ve kept it sharp.”
“It was my first lesson as a warrior,” Ana said, smiling and bumping my shoulder. “Take it. I’ve been holding it for you all these years though I didn’t know it.”
Thanking her, I set it to the side. We fell quiet and the silence between us felt thick with an unnamed tension. Gently, I squeezed her hand. “Are you ready to work?” I asked.
“If you are.” Her still face brightened and she got to her feet, summoning her weapons and her gifts. They flew toward us and I caught the chakram easily, tying it to a leather strap on the belt at my waist. Next came the trident, the kamandal, the Golden Fruit. Anamika’s hand shot out quickly, snatching each one from the air. She tossed me the kamandal and I lifted it over my head so the shell rested next to the small truth stone.
As she caught the Rope of Fire and wound it around her waist, forming a belt, I noticed a tiger charm hanging around her neck. Catching it between my fingers, I smiled, seeing it was the gift I gave her before I left. She cupped her hand around mine and stepped closer just as the Divine Scarf whipped around her shoulders, becoming a cloak.
The Pearl Necklace wrapped around her neck, fastening itself as she caught the gada and the bow and arrows, slinging them both into pouches on her back. The two brooches swirled around each other as if they were twin moons in orbit. One attached itself to her cloak and the other clamped on to my tunic.
The sword sped toward us, splitting in two at the last minute, and we each grabbed one and slipped it into the scabbards that materialized at our sides. By my count, we retrieved every weapon, but Ana put a hand on my arm. “Wait,” she said. “She’s coming.”
I didn’t know who she was talking about. But then I saw a sunshine-yellow head shoot toward us from around the corner. Anamika smiled beatifically and crouched down, holding out her arm. The serpent wound her way up her arm, but her body wasn’t quite long enough to circle it more than once.
The snake turned her head up to Ana’s face and the goddess stroked the top. “Hello, there,” she said. “I think a ring would work best for now, don’t you?”
“A ring?” I asked, confused.
“Yes. Hasn’t she transformed yet?” Ana asked.
“Transformed?”
Ana frowned. “Who do you think this is?” she asked.
I shrugged. “It looks like Fanindra but the snake came from the phoenix egg, so I really don’t know.”
“This is Fanindra,” Anamika said.
“It can’t be,” I said. “Fanindra died. I saw her body disappear.”
“What happened before she died? Tell me exactly.”
“Her…her body stiffened. Half of her remained metal. She was weak. She used all her energy to take me to the past.” I felt my throat close at the memory. “Just before she died, she bit the phoenix egg. I don’t think she knew what she was doing. Then she died and her body disappeared.”
“I see.” Ana’s brow furrowed as she bent closer to the snake. “Yes,” she said softly. “I understand.” A pause. Then, “Oh, I never thought of that.”
“Who are you talking to?” I asked, looking around.
“Fanindra. Can’t you hear her?”
“Hear her?” I shook my head. “Neither Fanindra nor this snake can speak.”
“Of course she can speak.” Again, she hesitated as if listening. “Right, I hadn’t considered that,” she said. “Will you hold her for a moment?” Ana asked.
I nodded and the snake wrapped around my fingertips. Anamika pulled the Damon Amulet away from her neck and touched its edge to Fanindra’s body. Closing her eyes, she murmured softly, and a golden necklace floated over to us on a wind that blew back her hair. Almost as if a tiny explosion happened, the necklace blew apart into tiny fragments that rotated in a cloud before us.
“Are you certain?” Ana asked.
“Certain about what?” I answered.
“Shh,” she hissed. “I am not speaking to you.”
The snake lifted her head and swayed in the air as if transfixed by the swirling particles of gold.
“Very well,” Ana said.
Her hand twirled and then directed the glittering cloud toward my hand where it encompassed the snake. With a pop of bright light, the bits of gold were sucked into the snake’s body. Her long form took on a familiar sheen, and the patterns of her scales were now edged with a shimmery outline.
“There now,” Ana said. “Go ahead and give it a try.”
With that, the snake curled around her fingers and then her body stilled and shrank until she had turned into a golden ring with jeweled eyes.
Stretching out a finger, I ran my hand over the snake’s head. “Are you sure it’s her?” I asked.
“It is Fanindra,” Ana promised. “She was born of the phoenix egg. You were witness to both her birth and her death.”
“But how is it possible?”
“How is anything we do possible?”
“And…and she speaks to you?”
“She
told me that only those she’s bitten can hear her. Kelsey thought it was her own mind telling her things or that it was the guidance of the goddess or her mother, but she could hear Fanindra, too, when it was necessary. We are new to her now, but she said she is happy to be with us.” Ana looked down on the snake fondly. “And though she is her own person, or in this case, snake, she does not mind that you gifted her to me.”
“What…what did you do to her?”
“I gave her the ability to transform. Do you remember how Lokesh used the amulet to fashion new creatures?”
I nodded.
“The magic itself is not evil, but he forced changes on the unwilling. Phet, or Kadam, as you know him, told me that we would be required to harness the same power. He didn’t tell me everything, of course, but he told me that Fanindra would lead the way.” She stretched out a hand, touching my arm. “Are you ready, Sohan?”
“I am.”
“Would you mind if we made one stop before we begin?”
“I am at your service, Goddess.”
Anamika’s face fell for a moment, but then she took in a breath and gave me a small smile. We were whisked away and materialized at a very familiar place.
“Ana!” I hissed. “Why are we here?”
“Shh,” she answered and yanked me behind the towel closet. She touched her hand to the amulet and I felt the shift as we became invisible.
I was about to question her again when I heard a splash and an outraged gasp. “Sunil!”
A deep laugh quickly followed. Ana took my hand and led me closer so we could get a better view of the two people by the pool. Under an umbrella, lying on an outdoor lounge chair, was Nilima. Her legs were dripping and she huffed impatiently as she wiped the water from the book she was reading.
“I was not aware that you were reading,” he said, though it was obvious he knew she was. “I apologize if I damaged your book.”
“It’s fine,” she groused. “Just don’t do it again.”
Tiger's Dream (Tiger's Curse Book 5) Page 36