“They were…they were touching me.”
“Did they hurt you?” I asked quietly, my voice cold.
Ana shook her head. “Not in the way you are thinking, but I feared it would come to that.” She kicked her booted foot in the dark soil. “You know I do not like being forced into an embrace.”
“Yes,” I said softly. “I know.”
“And you know the reason now.”
I nodded.
“I am a leader of men,” she said abruptly. “Sunil protected me until I learned how to defend myself. I was always careful and surrounded myself with those I considered trustworthy. Any soldier thinking I was a simple girl, playacting as a warrior, or someone to be toyed with quickly learned to change his opinion. I earned their respect and did my best to make them forget they were being led by a female.”
My lip twitched and I raised an eyebrow at that but didn’t comment. No man in his right mind would fail to notice Anamika. Even swathed in fabric and layered with armor, Ana was breathtaking.
She went on. “I never wanted to encourage intimate relationships. Firstly, because I wasn’t sure I could be with a man and not feel like I was trapped in a nightmare. Secondly, marriage means children. How can a mother head into battle? How would a husband feel about seeing his wife lead an army? I made peace with what I was. With who I was. That is, until you.”
“Me?” I said. “What have I done?”
“It’s not what you did. It’s…” She glanced up at me and then scowled darkly. “Can you stop looking at me when I say this?”
I laughed. “You want me to turn around?”
“It would help.”
Peering into her large, sincere eyes and then sighing, I turned around. “Fine. I’m not looking at you. If I recall, you were talking about why I’ve derailed your life.”
“Sohan,” she said with a soft exhale. “You haven’t derailed my life. You’ve given me the gift of possibility.”
“Possibility?”
“Yes. I now believe that it is possible for me to live as both a woman and a warrior, as a wife and as a goddess. When I slept in the Grove of Dreams, I saw what could be.”
My pulse jumped. Was she saying what I thought she was?
“Do you not see?” she asked. “That is why I sought out the Lords of the Flame.”
Ah. Of course. “I think I do see,” I said slowly. “You were wanting one of them to fill the empty place in your life.”
“Well, yes. I thought that—”
“No. I get it,” I said, spinning around. “You wanted a husband and only a god will do. So, you searched the heavens until you found not one but two. It makes sense. I totally understand.”
“Sohan, I do not think that you do. What I am trying to say is—”
I held up a hand. “I don’t want to hear any more, Ana. If it’s all the same to you, I’d like to finish Kadam’s list and then we can really take a long, long break from each other. Without our bond, it should be easy. After that, we can go our separate ways. You can go find what you’re looking for and I…I’ll finally have some peace.”
A sort of sharp pain knit in my chest as I stood there, and I was acutely aware of my deep inhales and exhales as we studied each other quietly. Finally, she nodded and said, “As you wish, Sohan.”
She turned away from me and only spoke when she needed to clarify something. I told her of the firefruit trees and of the qilin, and she used the amulet to create an entire forest of the trees beloved by the phoenix. Ana also made vineyards full of glowing globes that looked like a mix between a nectarine and a grape, fields of ripening grain that burst at the top with small flowers that looked like popcorn.
Ana created fire flowers of all kinds and tall waving grasses. Red mushrooms bloomed on trees and rocks. A heavy kind of moth lifted from a tree, and she wove her arms until a thousand of the creatures exploded from a flaming shrub. They made a kind of golden sap and quickly began constructing hives. Everything she touched leaned toward her and swelled with life.
Next, she fashioned hundreds of creatures both large and small. Some looked like rabbits or deer, but others I’d never seen before, even when we’d traveled the forest. Perhaps they had been hunted to extinction by the rakshasa or the Bodha. The idea of it made me sad. She drew up different-colored crystals from the ground and summoned small, long-legged animals. After asking if they would serve her, the animals accepted the gift of the goddess.
The crystals wrapped around their bodies, and soon we were surrounded by a herd of gleaming qilin. They nickered and kicked up their heels as they sped off through the forest, leaving a trail of fire in their wake. They were as stunning as I remembered. I’d thought Shangri-La was beautiful, but the fire forest was equally lovely. If it hadn’t been for the rakshasa, I wouldn’t have minded staying longer.
When I told her of the cave and of the rakshasa, she tilted her head, listening carefully. After I was done, she said, “The rakshasa are with the Bodha now. They will break away at some point, but that time has not yet occurred. We will allow them to progress naturally over the centuries. Perhaps it is the Lords of the Flame who will one day drive them away. Perhaps they will indeed go against my counsel and damage this land, leaving the people suffering. In that case, it would make sense that those who break off will become eaters of flesh.”
After we created a handprint inside the lava tube where Kelsey would enter the City of Light, I touched her shoulder. “Ana,” I began, “I just want to say…”
“There is no need to speak of it further,” she said. “Come. It is time to find a phoenix.”
We spun out of the fire realm and rematerialized atop a great mountain. There was a cave not too far up. “Does he live in there?” I asked.
“I believe so,” she answered.
I placed a hand on her back as we climbed to make sure she didn’t fall, but she moved away from me. Her raven hair whipped in the wind and she growled in frustration as it got in her eyes. When we made it to the lip of the cave, I offered to help her up but she ignored me again. I knew what I said was harsh, but even if I could go back, I’d still say the same thing. If she was going to get married to the first guy who came along, I didn’t want to be anywhere near. Just the idea of it made me want to crush something.
Ana was out of my league. I knew it. I’d always known it. But my dream had meant something. That kiss had meant something. Hadn’t it? I guess it was forgettable to her, but I would certainly remember it. Till the day I died, I’d remember that kiss.
We stepped into the darkness of the cave and Ana created a fireball in her hand to light it. “Hello?” she called out.
I heard a distant tapping. “Over there,” I whispered, and we entered a yawning cavern on the right.
Lights of all colors danced on the sides of the cave, and as we turned the corner, we gasped as we saw thousands and thousands of phoenix eggs, each one gleaming with its own luster. We had to pick our way carefully across the floor so we wouldn’t accidentally step on any.
“Come closer,” a voice called. “I’ve been wondering when you would come.” We looked up and from a nest set high in the cave, a large phoenix peered down on us. “Well,” the bird said. “The two of you are slightly less impressive-looking than I’d hoped you be, but then again, aren’t we all?”
Lifting his great blue wings, he flapped them a few times and landed gently before us.
“Great phoenix,” Ana began. “We are—”
“I know who you are, Goddess,” he said. “We’ve had our eye on you for a while.”
“Have you?” she asked with a smile.
“Indeed. My name is Eventide. And before you ask, yes, I’ll go with you to the fire realm. Someone’s going to have to keep an eye on that place.”
“Thank you. May I ask a different question then?”
“You may,” he said to Ana.
“How did you know we were coming?”
The phoenix laughed. “I am also called the Knowledge of
the Ages, the Watcher of Mankind, and the Fire Found in All Hearts. If I didn’t know of the goddess Durga or her tiger Damon, those titles wouldn’t mean much, now would they?”
“I suppose they would not.”
“Ah,” the bird said with a flap. “I suppose I can relax the rules of formality around the two of you.” He leaned closer as if whispering and said, “Fanindra told me.” I frowned and was about to ask another question when Eventide interrupted, “And speaking of hearts, I’d like to offer a blessing on your marriage.”
Ana sputtered, “I…I have not yet taken a mate.”
“Oh?” The bird blinked a knowing eye. “Your heart says differently.”
Scowling, I said, “We have many things to do, Eventide. Perhaps you can offer your blessing at a later time.”
“Perhaps,” he said. “Perhaps.” He shifted, ruffling his feathers, and then touched his beak to Fanindra. “Hello there,” he said.
The snake came to life and raised her head, opening her hood.
“Ah, yes,” the bird said as if speaking to the snake. “He is a bit thick-headed. He’s got a good heart though. How clever of you to utilize the truth stone.”
Ana, who had been carefully listening to Fanindra’s exchange with the phoenix, straightened. Her trim eyebrows shot up. “Is Fanindra related to you then, great bird?” she asked.
“In a way,” he chuckled. “In a way.”
“You do not mean to tell us, do you?” she asked.
“There are things yet for you two to discover,” Eventide said cryptically. “I wouldn’t want to deprive you of the surprises that await.” He clicked his beak and added, “We will go now.”
“Do you need assistance?” Ana asked.
“I think not.” The air around us shimmered and the eggs disappeared. “Until we meet again,” he said and flapped his wings. Each lift of his wings created wind that grew fainter and fainter along with his body. Soon we were left standing alone in a dark cave.
Ana turned to me and clenched her fist, putting out the ball of fire. I reached for her automatically and drew her to me. In the dark it was easy to pretend there was nothing standing between us. I closed my eyes and was soothed just by being near her. Can you still hear me? I asked her silently. If she did, she didn’t reply.
We appeared next inside a temple next to a wax statue of the goddess.
“There’s no tiger,” Ana said.
“No. Not at this temple. Don’t you think we should get things back on track and head for the City of the Seven Pagodas first?” I asked.
She shook her head. “The shrines must be paired with the realm. We’ve finished the fire realm so we need to gift Kelsey with those weapons now.”
“You’re sure?” I asked doubtfully.
Softly, she replied, “I am.”
Lifting a hand, she touched a garland hanging around the neck of the statue and pressed her nose into the jasmine. “An old grandmother gave me this,” she said. “Her knuckles are large and twisted with disease and yet she strung these flowers for me.”
“How do you know that?” I asked.
Ana turned to me. “I hear her call. There is much work to do when this is over, Sohan.”
“Yeah? Well, I’m sure your new husband will want to help out as much as he can.”
I heard her soft sigh. “They are coming,” she said. Quickly, we placed our hands, mine over hers, on the stone near the statue, and a glowing handprint appeared.
Touching the amulet, I phased out of time and Ana disappeared altogether.
Kelsey, Kadam, Ren, and my old self entered the temple.
“She’s beautiful,” Kelsey said.
“She is,” I murmured softly at the same time my other self did. I watched as they laid out their offering and began taking turns to ask favor of the goddess. My old self and Ren were posturing over Kelsey and I was surprised to note I didn’t feel an ounce of jealousy.
When my past self said, “We ask for an opportunity for a new life…” I wondered what she was thinking about that. I’d certainly gotten what I asked for. I had a new life now, serving the goddess as a tiger. It was one I had come to enjoy. Could I really give it up? Walk away from her without telling her…telling her what? That I liked being around her? That watching her sleep made me smile? That kissing her in Shangri-La was all I could think about? That I couldn’t imagine existing without her? That I…loved her?
The fire started and my heart clenched as I watched the statue melt. Ana?
I’m fine, was her mental reply. The relief I felt at knowing we hadn’t lost our mental connection was overwhelming. I let out a shaky breath and inhaled cinders.
As the others began coughing, I summoned a wind to blow the smoke away and kept the fire banked enough not to hurt them. Kelsey touched the handprint, the signal for Ana to emerge. I watched in fascination as the wax melted away from her. Her glorious hair was aflame and she smoothed it away from her head, dousing the blaze. She looked more like herself with only two arms and yet she was still magnificent in her fiery gown. She smiled and I saw the others react to her tinkling voice with a kind of reverence I also felt, but she didn’t turn her lovely gaze on me.
“It is good to see you all again,” she said.
Fanindra came alive in Kelsey’s hands, and I looked down at my arm, surprised to see the snake missing. I hadn’t even felt her go.
My old self made a noise.
Without looking up, Ana sighed and said to him, “You must learn to be patient where women and goddesses are concerned, my ebony one.”
I sensed in that moment she wasn’t only talking to him but to me.
“Forgive me, Goddess,” he replied.
“Learn to love the moment you are in,” Ana said softly. “Treasure your experiences, for precious moments too quickly pass you by, and if you are always rushing toward the future”—she glanced over at me briefly—“or pining for the past, you will forget to enjoy and appreciate the present.”
We locked eyes for the briefest of moments, and yet a thousand words seemed to pass between us during that time.
“I will endeavor to treasure every word that passes from your lips, my goddess,” my old self said.
Ana leaned down and touched his cheek fondly. “If only you were always so . . . devoted,” she said.
I frowned. What are you doing, Ana? I asked.
She ignored the question and began talking to Kelsey. I tuned it out until I heard Kelsey ask, “The tigers get to be men full time after we find the next prize, right?”
Ana paused for a long moment, then answered, “The form of the tiger was given to them for a purpose and soon that purpose will be realized. When this fourth task is completed, they will have the opportunity to separate themselves from the tiger. Come and take your last weapons.”
Pulling the sword from her belt, Ana twisted it, creating two blades, and then she spun them, distracting both Ren and my other self well enough that we didn’t even react. She could have killed us if she’d wanted to. It was embarrassing how easily we’d been transfixed by her. Ana gave Ren his weapon but kept the other sword at the throat of my old self. I knew it wasn’t really him she was challenging, but me.
She sparred with him for just a moment or two and still managed to beat him. I let out a sort of wistful sigh. I’d missed seeing her in action. “Not to worry, my dear Kelsey,” Ana said. “The black tiger’s heart is very hard to pierce.”
I moved around in her line of sight and she raised an eyebrow as if daring me to deny her claim. She didn’t even notice how my old self was looking at her. I did, though, and she grinned at me as she touched the tip of the sword to his chest again.
When he shoved it away, she twisted it, offering him the handle, then gave them the brooches and demonstrated how to use them. Clasping my hands behind my back, I walked around to the other side until I stood right behind the shoulder of my old self.
Ana, looking right at me, her voice a purr, ran her hand over the shoulder of
my former self and said, “Perhaps it would be better for the time being for you to remain in these modern clothes.” Leaning closer and giving me a wink, she added, “I have a weakness for handsome men dressed in battle gear.”
My fists tightened. She was flirting. On purpose. With the man I used to be.
Stop it, I said.
Why? Does it bother you to see another man who is interested in me?
That’s not another man, Ana. That’s me.
Yes. Well, my choices are limited at the present.
What is that supposed to mean?
Shh, I’m busy right now. “These brooches were created especially for the two of you,” she said, her voice husky and mesmerizing. “Do you like my gift, ebony one?” she asked softly.
My old self was practically falling over his feet to reach her. He took her hand and I flinched, knowing she hated it, but she didn’t even bat an eye. Instead, she offered him a warm smile as he stumbled over his words. “I think you are . . . I mean, I think it is . . . incredible. Thank you, Goddess.” He kissed her fingers and she…she liked it.
“Hmm.” She smiled appreciatively. “You are welcome.”
Loudly, Kadam cleared his throat. “Perhaps we had best begin our journey. Unless you have more to tell us . . . Goddess?” he said, giving her a knowing look.
Ana fidgeted under the scrutiny of her teacher and immediately took a step back. But she looked back up at me with a taunt in her eyes. I lifted my chin, acknowledging it. If she wanted a fight, I’d be more than happy to give her one. Her chest heaved and her arms tightened as if she was going to spring. I suddenly remembered the blind chase through the forest and the girl who wanted me to catch her. My fingers twitched in anticipation. It was Ana. It had to have been.
I think we need to talk, Ana, I said.
She narrowed her eyes. “I have said all that is necessary.” Turning to the others, she smiled. “Until we meet again, my friends.”
Ana’s body stiffened and Kelsey quickly asked, “When will we meet again?”
But the goddess just gave her a quick wink and then she was a wax effigy once more.
I stared at the form of the goddess, waiting for her to appear, but it seemed she wanted me to wait. Ren shouted at my old self and punched him. I winced, feeling that punch all over again.
Tiger's Dream (Tiger's Curse Book 5) Page 51