After she left, I said, “You should have spent more time with them. They’re heartbroken when you…” I couldn’t make myself say it.
“When I die?”
I nodded. “We were all heartbroken. You closed yourself off at the end. Nilima thought you were ill. You never gave us a chance to say good-bye. To figure out another way.”
“Ah, son,” he said, sitting down wearily. “There was no other way. I didn’t stay away because I wanted to. There was much to be done. There still is, in fact.”
“But could you not rest before you returned to your time?” Ana asked.
“Traveling in such a way is difficult for me. It’s different for you. The amulet is a part of you now, isn’t it?”
Ana nodded, wide-eyed.
“It’s a part of both of you. It will not damage you as it has done to me.”
“Damage?” I said, startled.
“Yes. Something happened to me when I was absorbed into my…my corpse. It was unnatural. Though you pulled me out, I was changed. I’ve felt the life draining from me ever since. Each leap I make in time leeches a little bit more. I fear that death would have found me soon regardless.”
He saw the bitterness in my face and said, “I know what you are thinking, Kishan. But you cannot blame yourself. Even if I had not had that very memorable experience, the amulet would have eventually caused my demise. It was never meant to be mine, you see? Lokesh went mad because of it. He carried too many pieces of it for too long. Now it is where it should be.”
Kneeling next to him, I peered into his normally clear eyes that were now dull and said, “Even so, wouldn’t it comfort you to be with your family at a time such as this?”
He clasped my arm in a familiar grip. “I am with my family,” he said. Moistening his dry lips, he added, “You have been the joy of my life. Both of you.” He cupped Ana’s face. “It is heartening to me to have had this extra time with you. I couldn’t have asked for a greater gift than to have been a part of your lives.”
A delicate tear rolled down Ana’s cheek. “Don’t cry for me, my dear. At least, not yet. There is still more to come and the two of you have many things to do.”
We stood and Ana waved her hand over his table. The scent of hot peppermint tea filled the room. “Thank you, dear one,” he said.
Before we left, I said, “I just want you to know—”
“There’s still time, son,” he said softly. “Hold your words close for now. I have much to say to you in the future as well.”
I looked into his rheumy eyes and nodded. “We’ll see you again.”
With that, we vanished and rematerialized in the golden temple in Mangalore.
We stared up at the statue of Durga seated on a golden throne. Ana assessed it from one side and the other. “Not a very flattering likeness,” she said.
“Nothing compares to the real thing,” I said with a smile.
“Is that flirting?” she asked.
“Maybe.”
“Hmm.” Turning back to the statue, she said, “I don’t like the hat. What warrior ever wears such a thing? Why do they always give me foolish caps instead of a helmet and armor?”
“I suppose they don’t remember you that way.” Outside we heard a car pull up. “I think it’s time,” I said.
Ana nodded and we quickly placed our hands on the wall, creating a handprint for Kelsey, then she disappeared while I phased out.
Noisily, the group entered the temple. Kelsey said, “Things could get a little bumpy, so be forewarned.”
They placed the offerings and each of them took a turn speaking. I took note of Kadam in particular as he asked, “Help me come to the aid of my princes and bring an end to their suffering.”
Poor, loyal Kadam. He’d gotten his wish, though it had cost him. I made a wish for him, in that moment. A wish that he’d be around till the end. It was foolish. I knew what had happened was already done and there was no changing it. But all the same, he was a father to me, a friend, as beloved as my brother and my parents. If I could do something for him half as meaningful as what he’d done for me, then it would be just a small step in repaying a great man.
Kelsey told Ren and my other self to transform, and they did, but the goddess didn’t show her power. When Ren held Kelsey’s hand, things began to happen. I wondered why Ana didn’t act before. Surely nothing held her back. Not with the might of the amulet at her disposal.
When the winds and water came, I rooted my legs to the floor, and when the flood poured over my head, I was wrapped in a protective bubble of air. A light wind circled around me and I breathed easily even as the others struggled. I felt bad, knowing they were scared and straining, but at the same time, I knew they’d be fine.
After the water was drained away and the floor was covered with mud and debris, my old self approached the statue, holding a glow stick up to cast light in the dark temple. Kelsey touched her hand to the wall and a soft rain fell over the whole place. The goddess was revealed in all her splendor and my heart melted at her appearance. She gave me a beautiful smile. The hat she wore slipped slightly, and only I caught the slight irritation in her expression as she pushed it off her head altogether.
Other than the arms, she looked more like herself than she ever had in one of the temples. The green dress was not unlike her hunting attire. It suited her. And her preference, other than her comfortable boots, was being barefoot anyway. Even on her throne back at home, she often drew up her legs, tucking her bare feet beneath her skirts as she entertained guests.
We were all wet from the rain shower, even me, and seeing her squeezing the water from her hair, her sodden dress clinging to her curves, made my breath feel tight in my chest. Ana gave me a tiny wink and I glanced down at my own sopping clothes and raised my eyebrows. She laughed, her voice lilting and happy.
Looking down at Kelsey, she said, “Ah, Kelsey. Your offerings are accepted.” Her eyes fell on each of them and then, more pointedly, on me. She clucked her tongue. “Oh, but you are all uncomfortable. Let me help.”
She did the dry-clean thing that I remembered. And as her rainbow wrapped around my body, cleaning, drying, and dressing me in the span of a few seconds, I felt the brush of the goddess’s fingers in my hair and trailing down my bare neck. She crooked her finger, and it was all I could do not to shove the others aside and go to her myself, especially when I saw how beautiful she looked in her sparkling dress. I wanted to stroke those alabaster arms and whisper scandalous things in her ear.
Ana had a brief reunion with Fanindra and then she found Nilima’s offering of silk. I remembered how she had met with Nilima before and promised her that not only would she help Kelsey find happiness but she would help Nilima too. I was glad that Nilima and Sunil had found each other. Perhaps destiny was met in more ways than one.
Ana asked to meet Kadam next. Speaking of sacrifice, she said the things to him that both of us longed to say. He was as important to her as he was to me. I listened carefully to her words again. They held more meaning for me now than they did when I’d heard them the first time.
“If only there were more men, more fathers such as you,” she said. “I sense your great pride and joy in them. This is the greatest blessing and fulfillment a father can have: to spend your years developing and nurturing your children and then to see the glorious results—strong, noble sons who remember your lessons and who will pass them on to their own. This is what all good fathers wish for. Your name will be remembered with much respect and love.”
I made a vow along with her in that moment that I would indeed remember him and all he’d done for us. How appropriate that Kelsey had wanted to name her first son Anik after him.
Next, she called, “My ebony one, come closer.”
My attention centered on my old self. I shifted closer, narrowing my eyes and giving her a silent warning. But other than offering her hand for a kiss and giving me a saucy look, Ana was a good girl. She gave them the kamandal and the trident, explaini
ng how they would work, and even demonstrated the weapon.
After that she wanted to speak to Kelsey alone. When everyone else left, she asked, “Why are you still so sad, dear one? Did I not keep my promise to watch over your tiger?”
“You did. He’s back and safe, but he doesn’t remember me. He’s blocked me out, and he says we aren’t meant to be together.”
Ana considered what to say and glanced at me. Finally, she said, “What is meant to be is meant to be. All things in this universe are known, and yet mortals must still seek to discover their own purpose, their own destiny, and they must make choices that take them on a path of their own choosing. Yes. Your white tiger has made the decision to remove you from his memory.”
“But why?”
“Because he loves you.”
“That doesn’t make any sense.”
“Things often don’t when you have your nose pressed against them. Take a step back and try to see the whole picture.” Invisible to Kells, I walked up the dais and took hold of one of Ana’s hands. She squeezed it gently.
“Much sacrifice has been made on your behalf,” Ana continued. “Many maidens come to this shrine seeking my blessing. They wish for a virtuous husband, and they want to have a good life. Is that what you seek also, Kelsey? Do you wish for an honest, noble young man to be your life’s companion?” Ana’s eyes flitted to mine briefly. Was that what Ana was looking for too?
“I . . . I haven’t really been thinking of marriage, to be honest with you. But yes, I would like my life’s companion to be honest and noble and my friend.”
Ana twitched at that statement.
“I want to love him without regrets,” Kelsey finished.
Sighing softly, Ana counseled, “To have regret is to be disappointed with yourself and your choices. Those who are wise see their lives like stepping stones across a great river. Everyone misses a stone from time to time. No one can cross the river without getting wet. Success is measured by your arrival on the other side, not on how muddy your shoes are. Regrets are felt by those who do not understand life’s purpose. They become so disillusioned that they stand still in the river and do not take the next leap.”
Kelsey didn’t notice how Ana swallowed. I knew the advice she was giving Kelsey was something she’d been thinking of herself. You can leap too, I thought to her. I’ll be here to catch you.
“Do not fear,” Ana added, running a hand down Kelsey’s hair. I’d never seen her act so warm and tender with Kelsey before. Anamika was changing in a way I didn’t think she was capable of. “He will be your friend, your mate in every way. And you will love him more fiercely than you have loved before. You will love him as much as he loves you. You will be happy,” Ana said fiercely and gripped my hand with an equally passionate determination. Kelsey didn’t notice how white Ana’s fingers were where they clenched the arms of the throne.
“But which brother is it?” Kelsey asked.
Ana smiled secretively and said, “I will also consider your sister Nilima. A woman of such devotion needs love too, I should think. Take this.” She handed Kelsey a lei of lotus flowers. “It has no special power except that the blooms will not fade, but it will serve a purpose on your voyage.”
Frowning, I wondered how Ana knew about the flowers. I hadn’t told her anything about the lotus flowers or the mermaid but she seemed to already know. Could she see into the future? Had Kadam told her? Or maybe it was a simple gift. The flowers that had hung around the statue stayed with her. I peered at the garland and noticed for the first time how they’d brightened and become revitalized just by touching her skin. It wasn’t surprising. It was how I felt when I touched her too.
“I want you to learn the lesson of the lotus,” she said to Kelsey. Ana loved all flowers, and the lotus was no exception. That she knew how they grew didn’t surprise me.
“This flower springs forth from muddy waters,” she said. “It raises its delicate petals to the sun and perfumes the world while, at the same time, its roots cling to the elemental muck, the very essence of the mortal experience. Without that soil, the flower would wither and die. Dig down and grow strong roots, my daughter, for you will stretch forth, break out of the waters, and find peace on the calm surface at last. You will discover that if you hadn’t stretched, you would have drowned in the deep, never to blossom or share your gifts with others.”
Unseen to Kelsey, I bent down and touched my lips to Ana’s forehead. An arm wrapped around my waist and another one stroked my hair.
“It’s time to leave me, precious one,” she said to Kelsey. “Take Fanindra. When you get to the City of the Seven Pagodas, seek out the Shore Temple. A woman waits there for you. She will give you guidance on your voyage.”
“Thank you. For everything,” Kelsey said.
The gold flowed over Ana and covered her. When the others left, Ana appeared before me, still wearing the flowing green dress, her feet bare. In her hand, she held Nilima’s swatch of silk. I touched my fingertip to the tip of her chin and nudged her face up to look at me. “You did well,” I said. “But why didn’t you appear until Kelsey held Ren’s hand?”
She shrugged. “They seemed unhappy. I wanted to help them bridge the distance.”
“You’re a generous goddess,” I said, smiling, but then my expression became serious when I saw her concern.
“Sohan?” she said.
“Yes, my lady fair?”
“I don’t want to drown in the depths.”
“I wouldn’t think so.”
“Will you…” She sighed softly, the puff of air lifting a strand of her dark hair. I slid it away from her face with my thumb.
“Will I what, Ana?”
“Will you kiss me?”
Chapter 34
Mermaid’s Icy Kiss
Taking her face gently in my hands, I asked, “Did you want to practice?”
Ana nodded and grabbed my shirt, tugging me close.
I pressed my hands over hers, stilling them. “While I appreciate your enthusiasm for the task, kissing is not always a wild, uncontrolled thing. It can be soft and sweet.”
Ana frowned. “I am not a soft woman.”
Shaking my head, I said, “You are a passionate woman. That does not mean you aren’t…soft.” I cupped her cheek with my palm. “I see who you are inside, Ana. Your heart is tender for all the gruff bravado you display to your men. I know that was how you kept them at a distance and I understand why you did so.” I traced the arch of her eyebrow with a finger as I spoke.
She bit her lip. “I do not know what to do or what you want from me, Sohan.”
Considering, I said, “Think of a kiss as appreciating a ripe piece of fruit. Savor it. Take the time to lick the juice from your fingers. Enjoy the taste, the texture. If you gulp it down too quickly, you do not have time to appreciate it.”
“Very well,” she said impatiently. “I will attempt to do as you ask. But if you had kissed me when I first asked you, it would be done by now.”
“Ah, my lady fair,” I said, stroking her neck. “I don’t plan to be done with you for a long, long time.” She opened her mouth to ask another question but I put my fingers over her lips. “Shush. Now, close your eyes.”
She narrowed her eyes suspiciously but did as I instructed.
“Good. Now close your mind to everything. Let your body be still and calm, just as if you were centering yourself before a battle.”
Slowly, I slid one hand around her neck and cupped her arm with my other. Stepping closer, I pressed my nose into her hair and inhaled deeply. I could almost taste the jasmine and rose scent as my lips touched the delicate sweep between her shoulder and her neck. I moved my mouth up her neckline, lightly, not kissing the golden skin but just grazing it with my lips, feeling my way up to the line of her jaw.
Once there, I trailed down the smooth skin, this time planting warm kisses as I passed over every inch. With aching slowness, I found the corner of her mouth and skimmed my hand down her arm to the
place at her waist where her hip swelled and pulled her closer, fitting her body against mine. Ana trembled in my arms and tried to reach for me. “Not yet, love,” I murmured against her mouth.
Deliberately, I touched my lips to her silvery eyelids and on the tip of her straight nose. She shivered when I caught her earlobe in my teeth, and then finally, leisurely, I made my way back to her lips. My mouth hovered for an excruciating second and then I gave in to the aching need to kiss her.
The little sound of pleasure she made ignited a fire in me, but I held the fire in check, determined to show her that love didn’t have to hurt. At first, her mouth just pressed firmly against mine, but almost languidly, I coaxed her to explore, to feel, to taste. As she did, I stroked her hair, her back, and her face, learning the angles and planes of her body.
I molded my mouth softly to hers, moving gently, teasing and enticing, both teaching and being taught. Soon I realized that there was a contented hum in my mind and recognized it was Ana linking to me on a subconscious level. Testing out her inner language of pleasure was an exercise in abandon and one I found I couldn’t resist. When my fingertips grazed the insides of her arms or when I wrapped my hands around her waist, tugging her against me, it was like little fireworks going off in her mind.
A need grew in me to catalog each and every place that she enjoyed being touched, and though I had no intentions of exploring that aspect of our special connection wholly at that time, I very much looked forward to the task in the future. The normal tingles I felt when my skin brushed against hers were multiplied tenfold, and there was a sense of rightness in being close to her. Kissing Ana was like coming home. No. It was finding a home.
When she wanted to intensify what was happening between us, I deliberately eased off, breaking the kiss but continuing to stroke her arms. “Why…why do you stop?” she panted. “I wish to continue practicing.”
I smiled. “We will, love. I promise. But this is not exactly the time or place for…um, practicing. Besides, I think it’s best to take this one lesson at a time.” She looked down at our clasped hands. “Is that okay?” I asked, ducking my head to gauge her expression.
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