by Aly Martinez
I sighed and squeezed his arm.
Then I jumped seven hundred feet in the air—though that might be an exaggeration—when Tessa screamed, “Dog!”
“Easy,” Heath urged, pointing out the window to where a little Yorkie was trotting toward our SUV, yipping with every step.
I closed my eyes and wrung my hands in my lap. “I suck at this calm thing.”
“Maybe we should check YouTube, just in case.”
My eyes popped open and I found him watching me with a sly grin.
“It couldn’t hurt.” I offered him a weak smile.
“You ready?”
I shook my head and sucked in a deep breath. “No,” I sighed. “But I guess I can’t live in a government-issued SUV forever.”
He grinned wider, causing a flutter in my stomach. “Oh, I don’t know. It doesn’t have a bathroom. But I could run you through the carwash once a week.”
I unbuckled my seat belt. “Watch out. You find a way to rig up Wi-Fi for Tessa’s iPad and I might take you up on that.”
He shrugged and offered, “She can use my phone.”
There weren’t even words to express what a good guy he was. And not just because he was taking care of me and my daughter, but because he found moments to make me forget that I needed anyone to take care of me and my daughter at all.
“Mama! Dog!” Tessa squealed.
I held his gaze and felt another damaged piece of myself fall away. “I think I’m ready,” I whispered.
His smile faded as he searched my face. “Be sure, Clare. We’re in no rush.”
I jerked a thumb toward Tessa. “I think Cesar Millan back there would disagree with you.”
“Mama! Dog. Look, Luke. Dog!”
His eyes danced with humor. “I have no idea who that is.”
I laughed and shoved my door open. “Then you should probably leave the dog whispering to me.”
He turned the ignition off and opened his door. After folding out, he stretched his bulky frame before leaning back into the car, asking, “You sure you’re good?”
Another broken piece of me hit the ground as I stood on my own two feet.
“I am now.”
“Loretta!” I called after the dog as she jogged toward Clare’s car.
“Let her go,” Roman mumbled into my hair. “She can be the welcoming committee.”
“What if they don’t like dogs?”
His shoulders shook as he chuckled. “I’m relatively sure Light can hold his own against a twelve-pound Yorkie.”
He had a point, but I was about to lose my mind. They’d been sitting in the car for a solid five minutes. My nerves were shot. What if Clare had changed her mind?
The DEA had been at our house all morning, inspecting the security and chatting with Leo, who had somehow managed to arrive at my front door before I’d even rolled out of bed. Not that I’d slept. I’d spent the night fretting about Roman. Despite that I hadn’t had him back for long, that bed felt entirely too big without him.
When he arrived home only an hour earlier, I was a wreck. It was Roman though. He wrapped me in his arms and talked me off the ledge of insanity. I was still a nervous wreck, but it was at least manageable with him at my side.
“Oh God,” I mumbled when I saw the passenger’s door to the SUV open, which was quickly followed by the driver’s side.
“Play it cool, Lis. She’s skittish.”
Right. Cool. I could do cool.
A child’s voice came from inside the SUV. “Look! Look, Mama. Dog!”
I could so not do cool. I couldn’t even do kinda cool. Big, fat, ugly tears sprang from my eyes.
“Not exactly what I meant, baby,” Roman said, pulling me into his chest.
“I’m sorry. I just…” The words died in my mouth as I caught sight of a woman who was only recognizable as a woman by her shoulder-length, blond hair, and her small frame. “Holy shit,” I breathed, bile creeping up the back of my throat.
“She’s fine,” Roman assured.
I stepped out of his arms. “She is not fine,” I corrected, starting toward her.
I only made it a few steps before her eyes—or at least I assumed it was her eyes, as one was so swollen I couldn’t even see the whites—landed on me.
For the way she looked, I had no idea how it was possible, but a blinding smile covered her face. It only faltered for the briefest of seconds when our gazes met.
I returned her smile and awkwardly lifted my hand in a finger wave.
She looked up at Heath as I heard the rumble of his deep voice, but I couldn’t make out what he said to her.
She nodded, shut the car door, and then headed my way.
With every step she took in my direction, my nerves intensified. What started as a knot in my stomach quickly became a raging ache that threatened to overtake me.
By the time she stopped a few feet in front of me, I wasn’t sure I would even be able to speak past the lump in my throat.
Somehow, I managed. “I think I might puke.”
Yep. I was the queen of first impressions.
She blinked.
“I mean, I’m really nervous right now.”
Her swollen lips twitched. “Me too.”
“Oh, thank God,” I breathed, extending a hand. “I’m Elisabeth.”
She took it in a gentle shake. “Clare.”
Her voice was so soft and feminine, but not at all timid like I’d expected. Actually, she seemed to be keeping her shit together better than I was.
Still holding her hand, I said, “So, Roman told me to play it cool, but I’m not going to lie—I have no idea how to do that. I’m failing miserably.”
Her mouth curved up. “I’m no expert, either. I lost it in the SUV when we pulled up.”
I smiled. “Is it wrong for me to admit that you saying that makes me feel better?”
She giggled before it caught in her throat. She nervously toyed with the bottom of her oversized scrub top. “I know I’m supposed to be introducing myself and saying thank you for having us at your home. But is it wrong for me to admit that the only thing I want to know is if and when you’re planning to take her away from me?” Her chin quivered as tears filled her eyes.
“No,” I gasped, adamantly shaking my head. I released her hand and folded her into a hug.
She came willingly, both of us bursting into tears.
“I won’t take her from you. I swear on my life,” I vowed.
Her body shook, but she held me tight.
I backed away and carefully palmed each side of her battered face, her blue gaze meeting my green. “I lost my son, Clare. No mother deserves that.”
“She’s all I have,” she pleaded unnecessarily.
“We will not take her from you,” I swore.
“It’s just—”
“I give you my word. We will not take her from you. We want her safe, but I promise you we want the same thing for you. Roman told me a long time ago that biology doesn’t make families. Love makes families. She’s your daughter. You carried her. You’ve kept her safe. We just want to be part of her life.”
She sucked in a shaky breath and searched my face. “I always thought she looked like me.”
I lowered a hand and tapped a finger over her heart. “She does in here. Everything she is on the inside is your doing.”
She laughed without humor and backed out of my reach. “I’m not sure that’s a good thing at this point. She’s been through a lot.”
“But she’s here now. And that was your doing, too.”
She reverently closed her eyes. “Christ, how are you people so nice?”
I smiled. “I guess, what God forgot to give me in cool, he made up for with nice.”
She laughed and opened her eyes. “Thank you. For, you know, opening your home to us and being so kind. This could be really awkward and you’re making it…well, easy.”
“The same goes for you, ya know.”
She focused on the ground and tucked a stray hair behi
nd her ear. “So, you wanna meet her?”
My smile grew. “I would love to.”
Her head lifted, and a shy smile played on her lips. She pointed over my shoulder. “She likes your dog.”
I didn’t know how I’d missed her getting out of the car, but as I spun around, the entire world disappeared except for a little, blond girl with ringlet curls, blazing, green eyes, and the most amazing smile I had ever seen.
Heath had her on his shoulders, and Roman was holding Loretta up for her to pet.
I didn’t care one bit that four armed DEA agents were looming around us.
Or that my dining room had been converted into a security room that now housed bodyguards.
Nor did I care that Leo James and two new guys named Jude and Ethan were waiting on the other side of my door to give us all a security briefing.
No. I couldn’t have cared less.
That moment was perfect.
Just like her.
“She’s gorgeous.” I whispered.
“Inside and out,” Clare replied. “Come on. I’ll introduce you.”
She walked away, but I couldn’t move.
“Mama! Her name Retta,” she told Clare as she dove off Heath’s shoulders and into her mother’s arms.
Clare smiled over her shoulder at me before whispering something in Tessa’s ear.
Then my heart burst with absolute love.
“Hey, Lisbeth,” she called out in an angelic voice.
And she’d pronounced the S. I was sure it was because she couldn’t say her Zs yet. But I took it as a sign.
Roman’s face lit when we made eye contact. He lifted his chin in a silent order for me to join them, but that wasn’t what got my feet moving.
“Wanna see da dog?” Tessa yelled, pointing at Loretta.
I’d had, and loved, that dog for five years, but I’d never been so excited to “see” her in my entire life.
“I’d love to,” I laughed, walking over, my heels sinking into the grass.
“She like balls?” Tessa asked Roman.
He chuckled. “Nah. Loretta’s only trick is not spilling a drop as she pees inside my shoes.”
“It was one time when she was a puppy, Roman. It’s time you let that grudge go,” I teased, sidling up beside him. “She doesn’t like balls,” I informed Tessa. “But she has squeaky toys inside that she likes to chew on. Wanna see?”
She cautiously looked up at her mom and then over to Heath. “We go inside?”
“Yeah, sweet girl,” Heath answered, lifting his hand for a high-five Tessa enthusiastically returned.
“I made cookies,” I blurted as everyone started toward the door. “Well, it’s more like a cookie bar. I didn’t have a cookie sheet and they all melted together, but we can cut it into cookies.”
“Yes!” Tessa shrieked, patting Clare on the shoulder. “Can we have cookies, Mama? Please. Please. Pleeeeeease.”
Clare tightened her lips as she gave me a side eye, but her words were for her daughter. “I don’t know. It depends on what kind they are.”
“Uh…Chocolate chip?” I said nervously.
What if Clare was some kind of health nut and didn’t allow Tessa to have sweets? I really should have broached this topic with her before offering her kid cookies. Damn.
Clare frowned at Tessa. “Sorry, baby.”
Only the little girl didn’t look even remotely upset. She laughed wildly. “You can’t eat dem all!”
Clare poked out an exaggerated pouty lip. “But, but, they’re my favorite.”
Tessa continued to giggle, and my worries drifted away.
“How about you grab Mrs. Elisabeth’s hand and the three of us will race and see who gets there first?”
My breath hitched, and a chill prickled the hairs on the back of my neck.
Oh God.
Tessa cautiously looked up at me as if weighing her decision. She once again looked over to Heath, who gave her a smile and a short nod, before she lifted her tiny hand up in my direction.
I had been wrong earlier. That was the moment when my heart burst with absolute love.
I took her hand in mine and tried to keep the moisture swimming behind my lids at bay.
She grinned. “I hope you fast. Mama loves chocolate chip cookies.”
I barked a laugh and the tears spilled out. I did my best to hide them, but they wouldn’t stop.
She was perfect.
Head to toe.
Inside and out.
Clare gave me an understanding smile and put me out of my misery by issuing a, “One, two, three, go.”
She pulled up on Tessa’s arm, and I did the same, swinging her off her feet as we headed to the front door, Heath and Roman on our heels.
Those might have been the saddest, most tragic chocolate chip cookies I’d ever baked.
But sitting on a barstool, listening to Tessa giggle when Clare pretended to be Cookie Monster, cry when she spilled her milk, then laugh again when Roman let Loretta lick some of it off the floor made them the most incredible chocolate chip cookies I’d ever eaten.
“Well, as you can see, this room…is rather…um, bare,” Elisabeth said, pushing the door directly across the hall from Clare’s room open.
She wasn’t kidding. The room was empty with the exception of an air mattress and a small nightstand beside it.
“Oh, and this one doesn’t have a private bath. You’ll have to share the hall one with Devon and Alex.” She paused. “Shit…and I guess all the other new guys too.” She worried with her thin, gold necklace. “I figured it’d be best to give Clare and Tessa the one with the bathroom. Even if it does look like shit. I’m gonna have someone come in to renovate it soon. It’s really ugly right now.”
“I’m sure it’s fine,” I said, putting the bag my sister, Maggie, had dropped off on the floor.
“New furniture will be here on Monday,” she added.
“Dis you room, Luke?” Tessa asked, squeezing past me, Clare in tow.
While I was impressed with how well Tessa was adjusting, Clare was starting to worry me. Somewhere around dinnertime, her brave smile had melted away and she’d shut down. She hadn’t eaten anything, and when I’d asked if she wanted to go lie down, she’d shaken her head and diverted her eyes.
She hadn’t let Tessa go since we’d arrived. And I mean, not at all. If she wasn’t carrying her, she was holding her hand. Tessa had tried to break free at least a hundred times, but Clare had refused and redirected her attention to something else.
Roman and Elisabeth were chomping at the bit to get their hands on her, but Clare never gave them a second. She’d included them in conversations with Tessa and urged her to talk to them, but not once had she let her go. I understood her caution, but this was something different. Something more was going on in her head, but I couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it was.
“Whoa! Dat you bed?” Tessa asked, belly-flopping on the air mattress. “It’s bouncy!”
Clare grimaced and scooped her up, planting her on her hip. “Don’t, baby. You’ll put a hole in it.”
“It’s okay,” Elisabeth said, watching Tessa with a warm smile. “I have an extra downstairs.”
Clare cut her eyes to Elisabeth and clipped, “No. It’s not okay.”
Elisabeth’s back shot ramrod straight as Clare rushed from the room, Tessa in her arms.
I watched with narrowed eyes as she crossed the hall and closed the door to her room behind her.
“Did I say something wrong?” Elisabeth asked.
I shook my head. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll go check on her. They’re both just exhausted.”
“Yeah,” Elisabeth whispered, unconvinced.
I squeezed her shoulder. “The last few days have been hard on everyone. We could all use a good night of sleep.”
“Right.” She swallowed hard, staring at the closed bedroom door.
“Go find Roman, Elisabeth. I’ll take care of this.”
She didn’t say anything,
but she started toward the stairs. “You’ll let me know…if y’all…you know, need anything?”
“Of course.”
She glanced back at Clare’s door and sighed before finally going down the stairs.
After digging through my bag, I pulled out the pair of headphones I’d asked Maggie to pack and then walked to the door.
With a soft knock, I called, “Clare? It’s me.”
She didn’t respond, so I knocked again.
“Clare?”
No answer.
“Don’t shut me out,” I told the door. “You need time alone, that’s fine, but you gotta let me know you’re okay.”
I heard her humorless laugh.
“I’m not sure I’ll ever be okay,” she said.
I rested my palms on either side of the doorjamb. “Then let me in so I can help.”
“Go away, Heath.”
I groaned, testing the doorknob and finding it locked. “You want to be alone? Why don’t you let me watch Tessa for a little while? You can take a shower, do whatever you gotta do.”
“No one is watching Tessa but me.”
There was something in her tone that bothered me, just the slightest hint of an edge I’d never heard before.
I skimmed my hand over the top of the doorframe and, bingo, found one of those universal pins for opening locks. “Clare, I’m coming in. You dressed?”
“Nope,” she snipped, that fucking edge more prominent.
Worry soured in my gut.
“Then I suggest you get that way fast because I’m coming in.” I poked the key into the tiny hole on the knob until it released the lock. “Let me know when you’re covered,” I said, cracking the door but not swinging it open.
“Jesus Christ, Heath. Yes. I’m dressed.” She snatched the door from my hand, causing the key to fall to the carpeted floor.
We both bent to pick it up at the same time, our heads nearly cracking together.
“Shit. Sorry.” I jumped back up, but she remained hunched over. “Clare?” I questioned, reaching out for her but stopping at the last second.
She folded an arm across her stomach and then used her other to prop herself up on her knee. Her back rounded as a painful moan escaped her mouth.
“Mama?” Tessa cried from the bed, promptly abandoning the iPad I’d loaned her and scrambling over the side.