by Ashley Croft
‘I – well, I guess there’s no reason …’ Molly said warily. Sarah realised her sister was trying desperately not to upset her. ‘You’re independent and I know you’ll cope brilliantly, but surely, he ought to take the rap for his part in it? He definitely ought to give you financial support.’
Sarah knew that Molly was right but doing what was right wasn’t high on her list of priorities. She was drowning in a morass of confusing emotions. Anger and grief, excitement over the baby despite everything. The whole thing was completely overwhelming and even though she knew she wasn’t thinking logically, she didn’t care. ‘I suppose so,’ she said. ‘But I can’t face it yet. Before I tell him, I need to get used to the fact I’m going to be a mother first.’
Molly left her with a huge hug and they went their separate ways. By the time Sarah got back to the cottage, the answerphone was beeping with four messages. Sod it, she had to phone Liam Cipriani back. She pushed the button and scrolled through a message from Cassandra, a PPI company and a friend from her yoga class.
She braced herself for the second message from Liam, doubtless accusing her of ignoring him.
‘Sarah, it’s me. We need to talk.’
Niall’s voice, low and annoyed, rasped through the phone line.
‘Too late for that,’ she shouted, drowning out the rest of the message so that she had to suffer the agony of replaying it.
‘I know you won’t answer your mobile but I have to see you. Can I come over tonight for a chat?’
‘A chat? What do you think this is? The Graham Norton Show?’ Sarah glared at the phone but her fingers twitched nonetheless.
‘Are you there, darlin’? I’m worried about you. I’ve been a mess since the other night. I almost had to go off sick. I can’t stand not hearing your voice. Just a word from you to let me know you’re OK would be enough …’
Sarah’s hand hovered over the phone to pick it up and immediately call him back. Niall sounded weary and beaten down. She had no sympathy, obviously, but she did believe he was genuinely worried about her.
‘I’ll be round at half past seven whether you reply to this or not. It can’t be any earlier because I’m on shift tonight. Please just hear me out for five minutes. That’s all I ask. I …’ His voice broke and he seemed to be fighting back tears. ‘Sare. I’m not sure I can handle life without you … How many times can I say I’m sorry?’
The line went dead.
Sarah stabbed the button to end the messages and collapsed onto the sofa, hugging a cushion. She didn’t want to talk to Niall or see him but she had to sooner or later. He did sound desperate. He was a happy-go-lucky sort, the joker in the pack, the life and soul of any party. To hear the edge of panic in his voice disturbed her. He’d said he couldn’t handle life without her …
Her stomach turned over.
What if he did do something drastic? No matter how much she hated him right now, she didn’t want that.
CHAPTER NINE
It was a Friday lunchtime and Molly was glad to have managed to bag a table in the back bar of the Eagle. The end of January heralded the start of the spring term for students, which was a joke considering it was almost freezing outside and blowing a hoolie. Ewan had decided it was the ideal place to celebrate the fact that his and Molly’s research paper had finally been accepted by a prestigious science journal and the rest of the lab had jumped at the chance of escaping their caves for free beer and crisps.
The past few weeks had been … weird. An uneasy peace had broken out between her and Ewan and finally getting their paper published had relieved some of the tension between them. Ewan had tried to be scrupulously polite to her, but nothing more, even though they’d spent more time together than ever while they worked on the Love Bug. Molly had tried to damp down her lust by reminding herself that every response to him was purely down to biochemical and/or neurological reactions. If she recognised the symptoms and analysed them, she reasoned, they’d cease to affect her.
Ewan put a tray of drinks in front of Molly. ‘Half a cider OK? Wasn’t sure what you asked for but that’s your usual.’
‘Thanks,’ she said.
Pete Garrick, the party DJ/parasitic worm expert from the next lab to theirs, added another tray and the rest of the lab guys fell on the beers like a pack of wolf cubs.
‘Here you go. Congratulations to Ewan and Molly.’ Pete lifted his pint just as a massive bloke bumped into him. ‘Whoops!’
Beer sloshed onto Molly’s lap, making her swear.
‘Shit, sorry,’ Pete started to dab at her mini skirt with a dirty hanky.
‘It’s OK,’ said Molly, grimacing as the sticky Guinness soaked through the denim and her woolly tights.
‘Here.’ Ewan handed her a paper serviette from the cutlery jug and took the bench seat next to her.
‘Thanks.’
‘You’ll smell like a brewery this afternoon,’ said Ewan helpfully. ‘Here, have another napkin.’
‘Sorry,’ said Pete with a grin, adding, ‘Squash up, then, there’s room for one more.’
Even though she could cheerfully have strangled Pete, Molly had no choice but to move even closer to Ewan as Pete squeezed in next to him. There definitely hadn’t been room for “one more” before and even though Pete was skinny, you now couldn’t get another molecule between them all.
On one side of her was Pete, who reeked of Deep Heat muscle rub. On the other was Ewan, who smelled of antibacterial handwash. The heating in the pub was up full and with so many bodies, it was very stuffy. Ewan took off his sweater and rolled up the cuffs of his shirtsleeves. Every time he lifted his pint or delved into the communal packs of crisps, the hairs on his forearms skimmed her skin. His thigh muscles flexed against hers when he shifted in his seat and he kept accidentally brushing against her thighs where her mini had ridden up. It was too embarrassing trying to keep tugging it down so she tried to keep her hands in her lap.
In the end, she daren’t even reach for her drink, for fear of touching him or him touching her. Surely, he could tell how turned on she was? She didn’t believe in telepathy, of course, but she did believe in body language and hers was screaming at her to jump him in the middle of the pub.
Pete’s voice grew louder and more excited as he started to tell everyone about the charity tandem ride he was taking part in later in the spring. ‘Tandems look difficult to ride,’ he was saying, ‘but as long as you have a competent pilot, they’re relatively simple to master …’
Ewan shifted his muscular thigh even closer to hers.
‘Of course, with a stringent programme of training and fitness, even a novice like Molly could complete the challenge …’
Molly was trying hard to listen politely but her mind had wandered on to other forms of exercise. She imagined her and Ewan rolling around on the floor of the pub, having mad, passionate sex. Ewan’s buttons were pinging against the bottom of the bar as she ripped his shirt off. Her bra and knickers flew into the air as he tossed them onto a bar stool.
Oh, the pub would be empty of course; Molly wasn’t into exhibitionism. In fact, it would be after closing time when a freak one-hundred-year snowstorm (unlikely in Cambridge but, hey) had forced them both to seek shelter inside. Come to think of it, the rest of the city would have been evacuated but she and Ewan would have bravely stayed behind, working on an antidote to a new virus – and then got caught out by the blizzard while trying to get the cure to the outside world.
They would have had to light a fire from the bar stools (using booze as an accelerant). And then, Ewan would have suggested that the best way to keep warm was to have sex. Lots of sex, until help arrived, which it probably wouldn’t until the following morning. So they’d have ripped off each other’s clothes and gone at it all night long, over and over and over again …
‘Ready for another one, Molly?’
‘Eh?’
‘It’s my round again. Would you like anything stronger this time?’ Ewan said.
‘Strong
er?’
He pointed to her glass. ‘Than half a cider? As we’re celebrating.’
‘Oh, I see what you mean. Um … no thanks, I have to drive later. Better have a Coke.’
‘OK.’ He peered at her closely. ‘You seem a little flushed. Not running a temperature, are you?’
‘It’s hot in here, that’s all,’ she said, annoyed he’d noticed the tinge on her cleavage and neck. Only she knew it was her blood vessels dilating due to arousal but he didn’t have to draw attention to the fact.
‘OK. I didn’t mean to be personal. It is very hot in here …’ His voice was husky, and edged with the tang of Greene King bitter.
His arm brushed hers again and her pulse rate spiked. ‘It is very hot. I don’t think they need the fire and the heating on.’
‘I agree. It’s too much. Especially when it’s so packed in here on such a mild day. It seems madness to have the fire and heating together.’ Was it her imagination or had he leaned even closer to her? And had his Scottish accent taken on an even huskier tone?
‘Mm.’
‘Ewan, how long do we have to wait for this bloody drink?’ one of the post-docs called.
Everyone laughed and Ewan rolled his eyes. ‘OK. OK. I’m coming.’
‘About time, mate!’
Pete the Parasite had to move so Ewan could exit the booth and Pete immediately filled the space, much to Molly’s despair. He started to tell her about his latest project on tapeworms, growing more excited by the second.
‘And then they turn them into a sort of soup and it’s supposed to be very good for eczema …’
Molly tried to listen politely and make sensible comments, while making a mental note not to have tagliatelle for dinner. Or soup. She suppressed a shudder as Ewan returned and glanced over at the seat. Obviously deciding it wasn’t worth butting up to Pete, he started holding forth about the upcoming Six Nations series. Once or twice he slid a quick glance in her direction, when he obviously thought she wasn’t looking.
Molly was completely confused.
‘So, how’s your top-secret project going?’ Pete asked, dragging her attention away from Ewan.
She tapped her nose. ‘It wouldn’t be top secret if I told you that, would it?’
‘No. Of course not although half the lab has a pretty good idea of what you and Ewan are up to in the lab till all hours.’
‘Do they?’
‘In a strictly professional sense, of course. I know it’s a genetically engineered hormone.’
She hid her annoyance with what she hoped was an enigmatic smile. ‘Really? I couldn’t possibly say.’
Pete tapped the side of his own extensive nose. With his long black hair, pale complexion and imperious air, he reminded her of a seventeenth-century portrait in the college hall. Some women might fancy his brand of the Cavalier-meets-mosh-pit look but Molly wasn’t one of them.
‘I shan’t probe you any further,’ he said, giving Molly an image that wouldn’t be easy to erase from her mind. ‘Now, what about this tandem race?’ he went on. ‘Why don’t you give it some thought? It’s a very good cause – a charity that looks after children with genetic disorders.’
Feeling guilty, she mumbled that she’d seriously consider it and to her relief, Pete’s attention was finally claimed by a mate from the bioengineering lab. Molly was relieved when Ewan tapped his watch and suggested they return to the lab. It was only half past two but the sun was already sliding towards the horizon and their breath made misty clouds in the air as they walked.
‘What did Pete Garrick want?’ Ewan asked as they walked side by side past King’s College chapel on their way back to the department.
‘Oh, nothing much. He was mostly going on about the charity tandem race.’
Ewan frowned. ‘Did he want anything else? You and he seemed thick as thieves together.’
‘He was also asking about tapeworms and a bit about the Love Bug,’ Molly replied, knowing it would rile Ewan.
‘Well, I sincerely hope you didn’t tell him anything. This project must remain confidential until we’re ready to publish.’
‘Of course I didn’t, but he reckons that half the Biology faculty already has an idea of what we might be working on.’
He snorted. ‘Bollocks.’
‘Calm down, I didn’t say anything,’ she said, satisfied she’d succeeded in winding Ewan up. ‘And Pete’s not interested in people anyway, he’s only interested in his worms.’
‘Maybe,’ said Ewan, giving her another suspicious glance as they cut through a narrow alley into the small courtyard that gave access to a back entrance to their lab. Everyone else had already gone in ahead. Her pleasure in annoying Ewan had been tempered by the fact he might genuinely believe she’d tell Pete any details about their project. Of course, she’d joked about it to Sarah but that was different; Sarah wasn’t a biologist and had no interest in her work.
She swiped her card through the door reader. ‘Pete’s not that bad. He’s just very tenacious when he gets his teeth into something.’
‘And full of crap, a bit like one of his worms,’ said Ewan. ‘Be careful, Molly. Some people aren’t what they seem.’
She picked up her lab coat from the peg. Tell me about it, she thought, settling down for another session with her microscope.
CHAPTER TEN
Sarah had to take a few calming breaths when she heard Niall’s motorbike pull up on the driveway. After his desperate phone message, she’d finally sent him a text saying he could pop round for five minutes that evening.
Now here he was, perched awkwardly on the edge of the sofa while she stood with her back to fireplace. He looked haggard, with grey smudges under his eyes and a couple of days of stubble on his chin. She’d been shocked when she’d opened the door and the tirade she’d been ready to unleash at him had died on her lips.
‘You said you had something important to tell me.’ She folded her arms defensively, determined to be calm and assertive.
‘Don’t worry, I’m not here to grovel.’
‘That’s a comfort.’
‘You look tired, Sarah.’
‘I haven’t exactly been getting my beauty sleep and I could say the same for you.’
‘I’ve hardly had a wink for days.’
‘I bet. Vanessa’s nipple clamps been keeping you awake, have they?’ Sarah couldn’t help her sarcasm.
‘That’s not fair. I’m not with Nessa. She wanted me to move in – still wants me to – but I’ve held off.’
‘Oh, how noble of you.’
‘Please hear me out. I don’t want to move in with Nessa while there’s still hope for us. If you’d just think for a moment about what we’re chucking away. I’ve been a useless bastard. I’ve made the mother of all mistakes and I’m sorry. We were a great team.’ His voice wobbled. ‘We still could be a great team and we were happy, you have to admit that.’
Sarah’s throat clogged with emotion. He was right. She’d never been happier than the moment she’d seen the test kit result, and she could still feel the excitement of New Year’s Eve, knowing the news she had to tell Niall when he returned from his shift.
‘If it hadn’t been for my one moment of madness, we still would be happy, darlin’.’
Sarah snapped out of her sentimental daze. Niall gazed up at her pathetically. He was full of regret that was for sure, but was it only because he’d been caught out? ‘One moment? Do you expect me to believe that’s all there was to it? That the other night was the only time you had sex with her?’ She snorted in disgust.
Niall toed the rug with his biker boot. He couldn’t even meet her eye. She fought down bile in her throat. To think she’d even allowed herself to contemplate letting him come back home at some point.
‘God, Niall, how long had it been going on? How long have I been a fool for?’
‘Not that long.’ She could barely hear him.
She swore loudly.
‘Not more than a month or two …’
/> ‘A month or two! You’ve been shagging her for two months?’
‘And I regret every moment. The pressure was getting to me, darlin’.’ He glared at her.
‘Don’t you darlin’ me, you lying toe rag. I knew I was wrong to even let you back into this house!’
Niall glared at her. ‘Well, it is my house too. I pay half the mortgage. Don’t forget that.’
‘How could I?’ Icy fingers clutched at her skin and a wave of sickness swept over her. She didn’t want to throw up in front of him.
‘I can’t stay with my mum and dad forever. I need somewhere to live and if you’re not even willing to give me another chance to come back and sort things out, then what can I do? If you’re going to be totally unreasonable, then I’ve no choice. We’re going to have to sell the cottage.’
Sarah clutched at the mantelpiece for support. Niall hadn’t been in the house for five minutes and he’d started. ‘Sell it? Already?’
‘You chucked me out. You won’t even think about having me back. What else can I do?’
‘You can’t want to get rid of this place after only four weeks of us being apart.’ Sarah’s voice rose.
‘I know you love the place,’ he said in what he obviously thought was a commanding tone, ‘but I can’t afford the mortgage on it on my salary, not as well as the rent on a flat.’
‘A flat? I thought you were staying with your mum.’
‘Yes but I’ve got to clear out as soon as I can. You know that my brother is back home and my youngest sister can’t afford the rent on her student place so she’s moving back too.’
Sarah rolled her eyes. ‘My heart bleeds for you.’
‘I can see you’re still full of anger,’ Niall said, his wheedling tone turning colder. ‘It’s understandable but you’ve given me no choice. I’m sorry you had to find me and Nessa like you did. I wish I’d had the courage to walk away from the affair before it got to the stage it did but now it’s happened, it’s been a wake-up call.’ Niall’s tone hardened. ‘Maybe it’s for the best for both of us. I hadn’t realised how the pressure was getting to me.’