by J. Bengtsson
Interviewer: Tell me about your kids.
Scott: They’re jerks… every single one of them. The only one I half-way like is (pauses)… no, never mind, I don’t like her either.
Interviewer: (laughs) Why don’t you like them?
Scott: I’ll tell you why. I used to be a cool guy – the longhaired surfer dude. The kickass mailman rocking the snazzy little shorts. I was strutting around like a peacock. We’re talking sky-high self-esteem. And then I had kids. Suddenly everything I did was (finger quotes) ‘embarrassing.’ Bunch of ingrates, if you ask me. Do you see anything wrong with bowling shirts? Of course you don’t, because they’re epic. Yet every one of my kids mocked me for it when I came downstairs. They made me change clothes.
‘Bowling shirts are all the rage,’ I said.
‘In the 1950s,’ they answered.
I wasn’t even born in the 50’s. Jerks! And then, at lunch, they made fun of the way I ate carrots. Carrots! I mean if there’s a quiet way to eat carrots, by all means, educate me.
Interviewer: Is there anything you like about your kids?
Scott: I like when they go home.
Michelle
Interviewer: I asked your husband this same question. Tell me about your kids.
Michelle: They’re just amazing. Smart, kind, generous. I’m so proud of the wonderful people they’ve become.
Interviewer: Huh, yeah, a little different than your husband’s answer. Do you have a favorite child?
Michelle: Absolutely not. I love them all equally. I guess you could say they’re all my favorites.
Keith: (Interrupts the interview) But if we were all dangling off a cliff and you could only save one of us, who would it be?
Michelle: Why would you all be dangling off a cliff?
Keith: I don’t know. Maybe there was an earthquake. Just answer the question.
Michelle: You know I’m not going to answer that, Keith.
Keith: So, you’d just let us all die? Is that what you’re saying? Great parenting.
Michelle: No, what I’m saying is no loving mother can answer a question like that. It’s like that game you always make me play where you give me the most impossible choices, like “Would you rather be aggressively punched in the gut by Mike Tyson or sleep in a bed of spiders?” News flash, Keith, I don’t want either.
Keith: That’s the point of the game. The choices have to be hard. Answer this one and I’ll leave you alone about your poor parenting choices.
Michelle: Fine.
Keith: Would you rather start every conversation for the rest of your life with the phrase, “I’m wearing a diaper” or not know the difference between a baby and a muffin?
Michelle: (long pause) I’d let you drop.
***
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2019 Audible Original Selection
What happens when a troubled Harry Styles-like pop star gets caught in a California wildfire with a quirky hairdresser and all her pets? Find out in my new standalone novel, Like The Wind - a fresh, fun, and flirty take on the rock star genre.
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***
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Turn the page to meet Bodhi and Breeze from Like The Wind>
Excerpt: Like the Wind
“Okay, so, here are the towels,” Mom said, handing me a stack. “I added some extra sheets just in case, you know…” Her eyes twinkled as she sent off the most awkward nod in Bodhi’s direction.
“Oh no,” he stumbled over his words. “That’s not… um…”
She patted his shoulder. “Right. Right.”
“No, really…”
But mom was out the door before he could reassure her that he had zero plans of banging her daughter in her childhood bed.
He sank down on the mattress. “Wow, your parents are…”
“Oh, trust me, I know.”
“It’s just, is it weird that I feel like I’m letting Betsy and Terrance down by not having sex with you tonight?”
I laughed, wedging between his knees so I could get close enough to steal a kiss. “If I had a nickel for how many times I’ve heard that in my life…”
He wrapped his arms around my waist, playfully asking, “Oh yeah? How much money would you have?”
My shoulders slumped. I had nothing to show for my bravado. “Honestly? I’d be a very poor woman.”
“Really? Like how poor?”
“Let’s just say a quarter would be too rich for my blood.”
“Huh? How many guys have you been with?”
“I started dating my ex back in high school. We were together for six years. After the split, I dated a few guys.”
“How many is a few?”
“Two.”
“So, based on the number of guys you’ve slept with you’d have fifteen cents?”
“A dime, actually.”
“A dime?” He laughed. “Wow, Breeze, you can’t even buy a gumball with that.”
I giggled, smacking his chest. “And how much would you have, Popstar? A hundred dollar bill?”
“Please. Do you have any idea how many nickels it would take to earn me a hundred smackers? I’d be physically exhausted.”
“Oh, I’m sure you earn a nickel a night on tour.”
“No, actually I don’t.” he said. “That’s RJ’s thing. Not mine.”
“So you’re saying RJ Contreras is more prolific than you?”
“Uh, yeah. He even has one of those coin counters and little brown paper wraps to bring his nickels into the bank.”
I was starting to get a bit antsy. I needed to know the dollar amount I was working with here. My smile melted as I swept hair off his forehead and demanded full disclosure from moneybags. “How much, Bodhi? Give me a ballpark figure.”
And so began the longest, most drawn out calculation I’d ever encountered in my lifetime. Bodhi tallied under his breath, even employing the assistance of his fingers to come up with an acceptable dollar amount. Finally he met my eyes, appearing confident in his answer.
“Before I give you the total,” he said. “I want to voice my objection to this line of questioning.”
“Duly noted.”
“And I feel like whatever I say will be used against me in a court of law.”
“Bodhi,” I blurted out. “The bottom line?”
“Fine $1.65.”
“Wait, is that per person or per time?”
“Same thing.”
He was right. I was using his admission against him. Even though I didn’t know him well enough to judge, my response was still borderline ‘jealous bitch’. “You’ve slept with thirty-three nickels?!”
He shrugged. “Give or take five cents here or there.”
“Bodhi, Jesus. Did you even have time to reload between nickels?”
“I thought this was a judgment free zone. I’m supposed to be safe in the love shack. That’s what your mom said.”
“Yeah, well, she’s full of shit.”
“See. I told you this wasn’t a good idea, but did you listen to me? Nooo… you kept pushing for my bank account numbers.”
“Because I didn’t realize what a slut you were before we started counting money!”
“You’re looking at this in the wrong way. The point I was making is that none of those nickels were spent on the same woman.”
“And that’s supposed to please me?”
“It should.”
“How do you figure?”
“Because, Breeze, you’re my first dime.”
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The Cake Series
Cake A Love Story is the first book in the Cake series. Every McKallister sibling was affected by the tragedy that rocked their family and all still struggle with the aftermath as adults. If you only read Cake, you will miss essential parts of the story as new information about, not only the kidnapping, but also the family is fleshed out in each subsequent book. Of course, every Cake story has its own unique love story to enjoy as well.
In book two, The Theory of Second Best, you will learn what happened the day Jake disappeared and why Kyle harbors such feelings of guilt. You will also get a fun, lively friends-to-lovers story set on an island with a cast of lovable characters.
In book three, Fiercely Emma, you will go back in time to learn what happened to the family during the month Jake went missing. Follow along with the McKallisters as they struggle to help teenage Jake heal from the crime that nearly ended his life. You will also get a present day opposites-attract love story set at a music festival. Emma just might be the most misunderstood McKallister. This book is her redemption.
In book four, Cake: The Newlyweds, Jake and Casey are back with new adventures and fresh struggles. As always, their story will be told with love, laughter, and a touch of heartache.
And, in book five, Rogue Wave, travel all the way back to a time never before explored in the McKallister saga and see what life was like before tragedy took the members of this family out at the knees. You will also get an entertaining opposites attract, second chance love story that spans over a decade.
Up Next? Quinn’s story.
About the Author
J. (Jill) Bengtsson is the bestselling author of the Cake Series. She writes contemporary novels focused on love, humor, passion, and family. Her heroines are strong, nurturing, and quirky while her heroes are what dreams are made of - gorgeous, committed, and in need of a little saving. A native Californian, Jill’s novels are set under the glittering lights of the West Coast entertainment industry. They are for the dreamer in all of us.
Jill resides in Ventura County, California. She’s married to the Swedish boy she met as an exchange student her junior year in college and they have three children, a golden retriever, and two ragdoll cats.
J. Bengtsson is represented by Michelle Wolfson of the Wolfson Literary Agency. All foreign rights inquiries can be directed toward Taryn Fagerness.
Never miss a release! Sign up for Jill’s mailing list and stay up to date on what is happening in the Cake world and beyond.
https://jbengtssonbooks.com/newsletter
*If you enjoyed this story, please consider leaving a review to share your experience with other readers. Hunker Down with the McKallisters: A Cake Series Novella.
Want a more interactive experience? Join The Banana Binder, a place dedicated to the characters who’ve come to love.
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Also by J. Bengtsson
Cake: A Love Story
The Theory Of Second Best
Fiercely Emma
Cake: The Newlyweds
Rogue Wave
Hunker Down
Like The Wind
Award Nominated Audiobooks by J. Bengtsson
Cake A Love Story
The Theory Of Second Best
Fiercely Emma
Cake: The Newlyweds
Rogue Wave
Hunker Down - Novella
Like The Wind
*For extended samples visit
https://soundcloud.com/user-130747903