by B Latif
After some time, she took her book out. This was her customary move.
“What are you writing, Rose?”
“F-Y-A-R-E.”
“No, it’s F-I-R-E.”
“And what is its meaning?” she looked at me.
To give her the meaning of fire was a difficult task. It took me a while to construct something.
Beauty? Warmth? Danger? Hell? A hunger that consumed wood?
“It’s…” there were many meanings, but still I had nothing to tell her. “It’s… obliterating beauty.”
I concluded finally. I didn’t want her to think fire was a negative thing. She wrote it down. It must have confused her though.
And she sat there, sleepless, and I sat there, staring at the fire, wondering how it felt to be burned.
What were the feelings of those humans burning in hell, with their skin reborn every time it was burnt?
There thing about our castle was that, even if Rose was alone there and it seemed haunted, she loved it.
And when she slept, I left the rose on her book, leaving her alone.
***
Rose turned fifteen the day she carried a wounded toucan in the castle. The bird’s wing was cut, I had no idea how, but it was dying. I didn’t want the toucan to die because Rose had never seen dying birds or animals.
I didn’t know how she would perceive it. If she would question me about me. How would I tell her about myself? I just couldn’t. I was her mother and I knew it would horrify her to know Death existed in the world.
So… I played the part of nurse. I treated the toucan with the best herbal plants while Rose held its colorful beak and stroked it.
Colors.
Two colorful images make me smile, the bright sunset hues, when the layers of clouds have a golden glitter on them, and the second is the full moon in darkness giving a silver shimmer to the scudding, clouds as they cross its path.
What a contradiction. I hadn’t noticed all this until Rose explained her fondness of those shades to me.
So, Rose and I smiled at the same time when we saw them, even when we weren’t together, I would stop my work for several minutes and smile at the shade, knowing that Rose would be holding a rose and doing the same thing, both missing each other.
I didn’t let her see death as I cured the toucan and Rose’s tears were saved.
The realization of unrealistic things. How does that sound? Should I have told her that one dies and then there is nothing.
“What is nothing, Mama?” she would have asked. I imagined the unrealistic in my mind as I wondered nothingness.
Some people want to be nothing. They don’t want to be human, so they wish for nothingness.
And what if there was something in that nothingness too? Maybe, up in the castle of clouds, there was a place where nothingness existed, looking down on Earth, watching the privilege of being a human. And their names would be nothing number one, nothing number two, leading to infinity.
That nothingness, my dear friends, exists. And that nothingness, is in a grave.
When you die with a belief, you are something. But when you die without a belief, you are nothing.
That was when I realized Rose needed a belief. She needed a faith.
I couldn’t choose between her parents’ religions, I had thought she should make that decision herself, so I got two books for her.
“Hi, Mama! What are you doing?”
Rose was sitting by the rose plants, digging. She was interested in gardening these days, trying to make an orchard in that desolate place. And with some fluke, roses along with jasmine and daisies had taken birth in my kingdom.
“Uh—nothing. Any luck with the new flowers?”
“No,” she got up, brushing her hands on her gown and looking at me, “sunflowers are pretty hard work. Do you know what happened to Macaw today?”
Macaw was her pet. She chose the parrot because it was red, and the roses were red too. She thought everything red belonged to her.
“No, got injured?” I shrugged.
“No!” She said cheerfully, “You always give me wrong answers about Macaw, you know?
“Well, there is one thing I do know about Macaw,” I told her, looking at her disheveled appearance, “It’ll soon make a nest on your head.”
Rose exhaled heavily, “That wooden comb you gave me broke.”
“Yeah, why wouldn’t it with all these tangles in your hair?
Even though she was fifteen, she needed more care than a baby.
“And what about taking a bath?” I asked, “Let me guess, all the water evaporated from heat.”
Rose giggled, “No. A river can’t evaporate just like that. It’s just that, I didn’t get time to take a bath.”
I raised my eyebrows in surprise. Of all the humans in the world who didn’t have time to spend on themselves, it wasn’t this girl. She was alone in the forest with nothing but herself to worry about. It was impossible.
“Fine.” I said, wondering how I would tell her about religion. As I sat on the grass, staring at her. she sensed my uneasiness.
“What is it?” she asked, coming towards me. I didn’t answer straight away, “What is it, Mama?”
I kept looking at her. What should I do now? She was fifteen… she had to choose.
“Mama?” she seemed concerned.
“Go, wash your hands, Rose.”
She didn’t ask me the reason, she always obeyed me without question because she knew I always told her the right thing to do. She trusted me blindly.
She came back a minute later and stood in front of me. By then, I had something wrapped in my cloak, in my lap.
“Sit down, Rose.”
She sat down in front of me with her legs crossed and a worried expression.
“I have something for you.”
“Really?” she brightened up, “Let me guess. Umm… a pencil?”
I shook my head.
“Pages?”
I shook it again.
“I’ve got it… a dress!”
When I shook my head this time, she seemed disappointed.
“Some new words to write in my book?” She asked with hope.
Slowly, but carefully, I unwrapped the cloak and there lay the books.
“A book!” She exclaimed.
“The book, or should I say, the books.”
Rose reached out for the first of the two books.
“Where did you get these?” she asked, looking pleased.
Scratching my cheek, I wished I had prepared myself for her questions. “From… the Lord.”
Her jaw dropped in amazement, then she asked in a whisper, as if her Macaw would hear and somehow translate the language, “Did you meet Him?”
“No.” I broke her fantasy, “Rose, save your questions, okay? You’ll get your answers later.”
Rose looked at the book cover but seemed disappointed. I knew why. Immediately, she took the other book and seemed even more disappointed.
I laughed slightly.
“Mama! Am I supposed to laugh?”
“No…” I replied. “Okay, okay – I won’t laugh again. Now, you can’t read them yet because they are in a foreign language. I’ll teach you and then you’ll understand the meaning.”
“Can’t you get them in English?”
“I’m afraid not, Rose.” I held her hands tightly in mine. “Listen to me very carefully. These books are for you to read and understand, and then…”
“And then what, Mama?”
“And then you’ll have to choose one of them only.”
“What do you mean?”
I knew she wanted to ask why she couldn’t have both.
“That means… you have to be a Muslim or a Christian.”
There were many religions, studying them would take up her whole life. So, it was better to only study those of her parents.
“Well then, it’s obvious, isn’t it? I’ll choose what you have chosen!”
“No.” I sai
d abruptly. “You see… I can’t tell you what I have chosen. The decision is yours to make. You have to think very carefully.”
“I don’t understand a single thing, Mama. Can’t we leave it.”
She wanted to go, but I still held her hands.
“No, it’s very important, Rose. You can’t leave it.”
“Okay, Mama. So, let’s begin. What are the names of these books?”
I let go of her hands. Holding one book in my right and the other in my left hand.
“The Koran and The Bible.”
Chapter 7
Henry Cavills.
No, I’m not going to take his life. I’m going to introduce him.
That son of a bitch.
For me, he was a sinner and for Rose, he was the most pious man. For me, he was a thief, and for her, he was a rescuer.
Age twenty-three, height five foot five inches, religion Christianity, country Brazil, occupation tourist, blue eyes, fair complexion, black hair, perfect jaw line with a touch of unshaven beard.
Damn it.
Some humans don’t deserve to be beautiful. I often wish what they are inside should show on their face and be perfectly reflected in their eyes.
OBSERVATION No. 15
Beautiful things often lead to sin.
I suppose I have made myself clear.
Now, let me reintroduce that son of a bitch.
It was the year that Rose turned nineteen. And what a beautiful young lady she was becoming. I was proud of my daughter. Nineteen years old and not a tinge of sin in her records. It sounds impossible.
But as I said, she had no human influence.
Rose was so desperate to get a new gown that I had figure out a way to get her one. I entered the crowded shop with no money, just a gold piece in my hand.
Rose was getting older, but I wasn’t. My face was the same as it had been nineteen years ago. I was still young. Soon Rose would become old and I would look like her daughter rather than her mother.
It made me laugh.
Back to the shop. I chose a gown and placed the gold piece in the cashier’s drawer. Too much for a gown, right?
Consider it a token of my generosity.
When I came back, the sun was setting.
“Rose?”
No response.
“Rose!”
I called aloud, getting a sensation that something wasn’t right. Maybe she had gone to the forest to complete her sketch of the spider monkey she was drawing. But soon it would be nighttime, and to me, forest, solitude, and darkness didn’t feel like a good combination.
I left the gown inside the castle, covered my crown with the hood of the cloak and headed towards the forest.
I had told her to return before sunset, so why wasn’t she back yet?
My furrow deepened. Something was most definitely wrong. I started looking for her in the forest, neglecting the negativity that had entered my mind.
It was obvious that I wouldn’t tire from searching for her, but the thing was, the longer it took, the more dangerous it became for her to be in the forest.
After searching for half an hour, I found her, but the scene wasn’t pleasant.
She was lying on the undergrowth and outgrowing tree roots and a ten-foot-long bushmaster snake was coiled beside her inert body.
Rose’s face was pale, and she was gasping for air with all her might. It wasn’t her moment to die, as I knew, but to see your own daughter in such a condition was disturbing.
Like all mothers, I panicked as if I were human. Before I could reach out to her, I heard footsteps and laughing.
And again, like humans, I hid behind the tree even though they couldn’t see me. The voices became clearer, and soon they were in sight: Henry and his friend, Daniel.
Rose was losing her battle, and I had to do something. Popping up there and saving her wasn’t an option because only Rose could see me, and it would seem like magic to them.
How unfair. I am Death and I don’t have the power to kill someone. If I had, I would have killed those two men immediately.
“JESUS!” Daniel, the Englishman, cried.
Henry also looked at the girl he assumed was going to die. And just like me, they panicked.
In a second, Henry drew out his arrow, notched it in the bow and let it fly, straight in the snake’s eye. The snake hissed in pain, but Henry didn’t stop. Firing another arrow into the snake’s body and drawing his dagger, he stabbed it into the snake’s neck, severed its head, and tossed it away on the ground.
Breathing heavily, he looked back at Daniel who was frozen in place, wide-eyed, staring at the scene.
“Get a medic from tent,” Henry said, but Daniel didn’t move, “NOW!”
“Okay! Okay!” Daniel ran off clearly shaken.
Henry began to determine whether she was still alive by checking the pulse in her wrist, breathing a sigh of relief when he found that she was.
Casting one anxious glance in the direction Daniel had gone, he scooped Rose up in his arms and began to walk hurriedly in Daniels’s wake.
I followed, wondering when Rose would wake up. I knew the poison was spreading in her body but had no worries as I knew she wouldn’t die. The thing that did bother me was what her reaction would be when she saw another human.
Henry reached a clearing where there were two tents set up. Daniel was holding the first aid kit and another three men were standing there. I watched as Henry placed Rose on the grass and Daniel brought the kit to him.
“A girl?” a man from his team asked, “What is she doing here?”
Henry didn’t reply as he was urgently searching for something in the box. He lifted a syringe and a bottle of serum from the kit, and carefully filled it. Tearing her sleeve, he swiftly injected it in her arm. After that, he took another and did the same. In all, three injections were inserted in her upper arm.
Again, Henry checked her pulse and then let out his breath, relaxing. Sitting down, he started re-packing the box.
Daniel, the poor guy, was so frightened that it took him several minutes before he could even manage to kneel on the grass.
“Will anyone tell us what’s going on?” The red-haired man asked.
Henry looked at him, “There was a bushmaster. It was just waiting for her to die.”
“But what the hell was she doing in the forest?”
Henry frowned, “Maybe she was lost. Maybe there is some other tourist group here.”
There was a pause, nobody moved. All had their eyes on her. Five separate thoughts in the minds of five people:
Who is she?
What is she doing here?
What is her name?
Is she going to die?
The last thought was in Henry’s mind, but I couldn’t tell that from reading his face. Most of all, I didn’t like the look on Henry’s face because he wasn’t frowning as he was looking at her face. Unlike the others, he didn’t have his arms folded, nor did he have the same questioning look in his eyes.
He was smiling slightly at Rose.
I immediately knew he was trouble.
After five minutes, the others dispersed; two went back to tent, and two started cooking, but Henry kept sitting there, looking at her.
I hid behind a tree as Rose would soon wake up and I didn’t want her to know that I was there, I hadn’t come to take her away.
An hour passed, and Henry unexpectedly left his duty of watching her with a frown and went to have his meal. By then it was completely dark and the fire they had lit would probably attract animals. Rose was still unconscious.
Maybe there was something in the injection…
It is devastating to see your daughter and not be able to go to her aid.
The group was cheering and talking when I saw Rose begin to stir. I became alert, so did the men. They came and stood over her, watching with curiosity.
I knew that they expected Rose to ask them for help, shelter, and company. But Rose began to blink and propped herself u
p on her elbows.
Silence.
Her eyes went to Daniel first and she began to breathe rapidly. One by one, she looked at each of the men standing over her. I knew she was scared.
In a spur of the moment decision, before anyone could speak, Rose leapt to her feet and ran towards the forest again, never looking back.
But I stayed there to make sure no one followed her. The men stood there, all taken aback. Henry unfolded his arms, narrowed his eyes, and took hold of his bow. For a moment, I thought he was going to follow her, but he didn’t.
“That was weird.” Daniel uttered and they all began to busy themselves.
Henry shook his head and walked toward the tent.
I followed Rose. It was dark and I didn’t want her to fall and hurt herself.
“ROSE!”
“MAMA!” The reply was coming from nearby.
“Stop! I’m coming to get you!”
“Okay!”
I soon found her. She was still extremely frightened. The moment she saw me, she hugged me.
“Are you alright?” I asked.
‘Yeah… I’m fine. Let’s just go home,” she was shivering with fright.
“Okay, okay, calm down. Hold my hand, we’re going home.”
We didn’t talk to each other on our way back through the forest because I didn’t want to attract any animals, but as we reached the graveyard, Rose began to explain everything to me.
“I’m so sorry, Mama. It was that bushmaster. It was hurt, I wanted to help, but… it… it attacked me! It was going to harm me! I don’t know what happened, but when I woke up, I saw… I saw…”
“What? What did you see?”
“I don’t know! They were some new kind of animal! Tall… standing on two legs… Surrounding me, and I thought they too were going to harm me, so I ran away.”
I laughed faintly, thankful that it had been dark, and she hadn’t seen properly.
“Okay… that teaches you that you don’t have to stay out late, no matter what. And you don’t have to help every dangerous…”
“Mama!” Rose almost bellowed, stopping in the middle of the graveyard.
“What?” I turned to look at her.
“My gown! It’s torn!” She was holding her sleeve.
“Don’t worry, Rose. I have a new one for you. And look at your hair. I bet tomorrow you’ll find your parrot resting in your head.”