by Emelia Blair
Lana Hill has actively avoided me since the encounter in the office and I can’t say I’m too upset about it. I don’t know why the woman dislikes me so passionately but her presence triggers something inside of me, something I’ve tried to overcome for years.
“Who’s the interviewer?” Caleb asks, as he picks up the softball and bounces it against the wall.
I check my notes. “A Miss Starling. She’s from Voyd magazine. She’ll also be covering an article about you through the Ball, so, please make a good impression.”
Caleb frowns at me. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
I tuck my tongue in my cheek, saying carefully, “Well, the last person they sent to interview on Monday, you made them burst into tears. I don’t know what you said but try not to say that again.”
Caleb tosses the ball away and folds his arms over his chest.
“I have to take a long lunch break today. I won’t be back ‘til three,” I inform him and watch him closely.
“Why?”
I consider telling him that I have to buy a dress for the Ball he’s forcing me to attend but instead I arch a brow. “Considering I’ve been working overtime with you for the past two weeks, I think I can take a single long lunch without having to give you itinerary of my plans.”
“Ouch. Do you have a date?” Caleb persists.
I open my mouth and suddenly, to my utmost horror, I find myself saying, “Yes, I do. His name is Erin. And he’s very smart.”
“That’s a girl’s name.” Caleb starts that damn tapping again, his face in a thunderous scowl.
“Don’t be a snob,” I tell him, lightly. “Erin’s very handsome.”
Caleb clenches his jaw, studying my face with an unnerving intensity. “You’re very forthcoming about this date of yours, Miss West. Maybe I should meet him.”
“Why?” I snort. “Do you want to date him instead?”
He narrows his eyes.
I’m satisfied with getting the last word in. “I’ll see you at three.” I walk out and picking up my purse, I make my way downstairs to meet Elise who’s going with me. However, as I enter the lobby and move towards the reception, the woman standing with her back to me turns to look and I stiffen on seeing Lana Hill.
No surprise that she looks less than happy to see me.
Elise, on the other hand, looks at the two of us in forced cheer. “Come on. The shop’s walking distance from here.”
Well, shit.
“What about this one?” I lift up a pale blue dress with some glitter on it.
Elise checks the price tag and sighs. “It’s okay to get something that’s not under a hundred dollars, Kendall. Remember, whatever you wear is important. You’re representing Caleb in a way.”
I swallow heavily. “I’m going as his PA. I don’t have to be dressed like I’m rich.”
Lana just watches me and when Elise frowns, the other woman gestures with her hand, forced patience in her voice. “Go try it on.”
Neither of us wants to be here but with Elise forcing us, we don’t want to upset the pregnant woman.
“Fine.” I take the dress in and shimmy out of my clothes. However, as I put on the dress, I get stuck. “Ah, I need a little help here. The hem is stuck in the zipper. I can’t move!”
To my surprise, it’s Lana who enters, saying stiffly, “Let me see.” As she leans down to unhook the hem from the zipper on the back, her eyes fall on my back. Or to be more precise, on the scars on my back.
I make eye contact with her and the horrifying realization that she’s seen something that she wasn’t supposed to, I try to keep my voice steady, “Keep this to yourself.”
“Miss W—Kendall, what are those?” There’s hesitation in her voice.
I immediately turn around, pressing my back to the glass mirror behind me. “Nothing.” I’m trying to breathe evenly. “I don’t want to talk about this.”
She sees the rising panic in my eyes and takes a step back. “I’m just—?”
“No!” I hiss out. “Not one fucking word. Get out!”
Her eyes widen and she swallows before nodding and slipping out.
My breathing is harsh now, my knees feel weak, and I sink to the ground, gripping my head in my hands, saying slowly, “Your name is Kendall West. You’re twenty-seven years old. You have a home, a job, and a family. Nobody can ever hurt you again.”
I repeat the sentences ten times before reaching for my phone and blindly calling up Tracy. I can’t see the number through the blurriness in my eyes that’s coming from the onset of a panic attack, but Tracy can talk me out of it.
I hear the line connect and my words stumble out, laced with fear and unshed tears, “T-Tracy. Tracy, can you talk to me? I-I’m having a really bad one. I can’t – I can’t—” My words get stuck in my throat.
“Kendall!” Caleb sounds taken aback and then there’s calm in his voice, “Where are you?”
To my complete horror, the voice on the other end is the last person I wanted to call.
“Kendall!” Caleb sounds taken aback, and then there’s calm in his voice. “Where are you?”
I scramble back against the glass mirror, as if to physically escape Caleb’s presence, my breathing choppy. “No, shit – Not you – I’m sorry! I was calling – Shit—”
“I want to know where you are, Kendall,” he cuts me off, his voice dangerously even.
I quickly cut the call and toss the phone into the depths of my purse, hoping that it would erase the last thirty seconds. My mind is digressing badly, the force of the panic attack gripping me in its wild throes.
I can’t think.
I can’t breathe.
I can’t take in any air.
My chest is heaving, and my hands are in my hair as I keep repeating, “Y-Your name is Kendall West. You’re twenty-seven years old. Y-You have a home, a job, and a family. N-Nobody can ever hurt you again!”
I don’t know how long I’ve been there when the door opens and a pair of arms is reaching for me, dragging me into a firm male chest, a soothing voice murmuring something in my ear.
Caleb is warm and large, engulfing me in the heat that is purely him. He leans against the wall of the dressing room, and tucking me between his parted thighs, creating a cocoon for me till all I can see and smell and hear is him.
“I’ve got you,” he murmurs in my hair. “Focus on my heartbeat.”
Fear, something alive inside of me makes me shudder.
He wraps himself around me even tighter, if it’s possible. “My heartbeat, Kendall.” His words are a crisp order.
I struggle to obey. The fog in my head slowly starts to dissipate after a few long minutes and my fingers are clenching into his shirt as he keeps stroking my hair and holding me to him. And as the fog clears, I feel dismay and humiliation, simultaneously, and I close my eyes tightly.
“Why did you come?” I refuse to look at Caleb, my voice shaking.
His hand settles on my nape and he says, calmly, “Because you needed me.”
I look up at him, reaching out for some tendril of anger to hold on to, only to grasp at emptiness, too drained to even think clearly, my tongue thick in my mouth. “I was calling Tracy!” The protest in my voice sounds weak and dismal w even to me.
Caleb just gives me a look so tender that I want to dissolve into tears.
“You got me instead,” he whispers.
I try to shove him away but he has himself wrapped around me so tightly that I can’t even budge. I also have no strength in me. I tiredly glare at his shirt, the next best thing to his face, saying hollowly, “You shouldn’t have come.”
His fingers comb through my hair now and he looks down at the dress I’m wearing. “This dress is ugly. I disapprove.”
“W-What?” Startled, I look up to meet his lightly amused gaze.
He looks smug as his fingers keep combing through my hair. “I looked it up. Erin is a girl’s name.”
“Oh, shut up.” I shove at his chest, my wor
ds empty. Then, I look around. “I have to get up.”
“But I’m so comfortable.” Caleb looks arrogant, so much like himself, acting as if this situation is so normal to him.
“Miss Hill and Elise are—?”
“They’re gone.” Caleb studies me, carefully. “Lana called me, and I told them to leave. Elise thinks you forgot about a business lunch.”
“And Lana?” I swallow.
“Lana is nothing if not discreet,” Caleb releases me and helps me stand up. He studies my dress. “We’re going somewhere else to get you something for the Ball. This dress is too ugly.”
“I heard you the first time,” I say irritably, and it hits me at the moment that he’s taken away that cloud of fear and panic, ripped them away with his bare hands and his body.
A slight headache forming at my temples, I glance his way. “I need to change back. Can you please give me some privacy?” My hands are heavy as I tug on my clothes and then I put my palms on the cold mirror to stare at myself, my face too pale, my eyes too big, my mouth pressed into a thin, trembling line.
I mistakenly called my boss during a panic attack then he rushed over and held me in his arms, dragging me out of it. And now, I have to go out and face the music.
The dress in my hands, I push open the door, only to see Caleb in his pristine suit with a smudge of my lipstick on his white shirt that he isn’t bothering to hide, casually sitting in the seat which had been occupied by Elise and Lana before.
“You need to eat something. You’re too pale.” He stands up, studying me. “And then we’ll get you a proper dress.”
“I don’t – I’ll get one tomorrow.” I want him to leave. I want him to leave because I’m so vulnerable right now and with all these emotions rising up in me, looking at him, I don’t want to face them. I don’t want to realize that this man has been stealthily carving a place for himself in my heart over the past few months.
“Our flight’s in a week. You don’t have time.”
And just like that, he reaches out and puts his hand on my lower back, his touch grounding me, as he guides me outside, where Duke is waiting with the car,
“Hey, little miss.” Duke touches his hat, grinning.
It’s the way he so carefully opens the door for me, his eyes soft, that makes me realize that he knows something has happened and I need careful handling.
I slump my head against the seat, not looking at Caleb even as I feel his eyes on me. “Stop it.”
“You look after me for the better part of the day and yet, if I try to look after you, once, you find that offensive?” Caleb observes me, casually.
I sigh. “I’m fine now. Let’s just go back to the office and pretend this never happened.”
I feel his fingers in my hair, his nails running along my scalp in a way that just makes me drowsy, and there’s a strange lilt to his voice, as he says softly, “Oh, that’s unlikely.”
“Caleb.”
“Kendall,” he retorts, mockingly.
I clench my jaw at how familiar his words are, his tone reminding me of years past. And for once, I close my eyes to hide the burning in my eyes and the yearning in my heart, as I pretend it’s Harry’s fingers running through my hair in such a soothing manner.
I wonder where he is at this very moment.
Is he thinking about me?
Does he remember me?
Does he miss me?
Sharp amber eyes and a bald head that the woman who ran the orphanage kept bald as punishment for his behavior.
I take a deep breath and swallow past the dryness in my voice. “Let’s just get the dress and go back to the office.”
“If you think I’m going to pretend this never happened, Kendall, you’re wrong,” Caleb says lightly, his fingers still running through my hair.
“This is highly inappropriate,” I mumble, feeling sleepy. “And if I had the strength, I would call you out on this.”
“Lucky for me you don’t then,” Caleb says, his voice fuzzy in my ears.
In fact, I can’t keep my eyes open for much longer and I slide into the peaceful oblivion of unconsciousness.
When I wake up, it’s in my own bed.
My head feels stuffy and I stare at the ceiling in a daze.
Did I pass out?
It takes me a few minutes to recall the events of the dress shopping incident and I close my eyes in embarrassment.
Lana had seen the scars on my back. She had seen the ugliest part of me and then she had told Caleb.
Why it matters that he knows isn’t something I’m ready to think about just yet. For now, I need to ready myself for the consequences of all this.
There are always consequences.
I sit up in bed, gingerly rubbing my temples, feeling the echoes of a headache. I’ve never passed out after a panic attack before and I push down on the shame.
It’s evening. I’ve been out for a few hours.
It takes me a few minutes to steady myself but when I go out, Max is sitting on the kitchen counter, doing his homework with a sulky expression on his face and Tracy is sitting on the L-shaped couch in the living room, bundled up in a robe.
Hearing my shuffling footsteps, she looks over her shoulder, and her eyes widen as she jumps to her feet. “Damn it, Kendall!” She crosses the distance between us in a couple of seconds and engulfs me in a tight hug. She sighs. “Damn it.”
Max looks up and his face brightens but he senses that the situation is somewhat delicate. As Tracy leads me to the couch, Max climbs down from his high seat and comes over to me, looking at me in an adorably anxious way. “Mama said you’re hurt. Do you want me to kiss it better?”
I give a short laugh and kiss his cheek. “Thank you, baby, but I’m okay.” However, he seems eager to cheer me up, so I nudge him. “Why don’t you go make me a drawing? I promise that will help.”
His whole face lights up and he’s scrambling for his crayons and paper.
“Caleb brought you home,” Tracy tells me once Max is out of hearing range. “I don’t know what’s going on with you two, but I had to kick the man out. He refused to leave ‘til you had woken up. Talk about stubborn. And then he sent you this.” She gestures towards a large flat box lying on the dining table in the other room. “I didn’t open it. But I read the card.”
When she smirks, I feel wary and go to check the contents of the box.
There’s a small note on it, ‘Your choice in dresses is absolutely dismal. -Caleb’
The words have me scowling in insult as I remove the lid and then my breath catches, all hopes of blending in like a wallflower fading away as I behold the deep red dress which shimmers as it catches the light when I hold it up. It’s modest in the back, has a deep neckline and full-length sleeves that taper off in strange fashion.
Tracy swallows and squeaks, “Well.”
I have no words.
I have never owned anything so beautiful in my life. The fabric is soft in my hands and I glance down into the box and blink at seeing the pair of dull silver heels, wrapped in delicate paper, along with a blue velvet box which I open with trembling hands.
“The man really does think of everything.” Tracy breathes out as her eyes take in the diamond necklace and the accompanying earrings. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he was courting you.”
I frown. “This is too much.”
Something hot and dark stirs inside of me. “I’m his PA, not his girlfriend.”
Tracy gives me a curious look. “What’re you gonna do?”
I struggle with myself, conflicted. “I want to return it. I don’t know what he’s doing, Tracy. What does this even mean?”
“Maybe you should ask him,” Tracy suggests.
I bite my lower lip.
“But first, eat something.” She drags me to the kitchen counter and starts taking out ingredients. “I’m going to whip you up something to eat and I want to know what happened.”
I don’t sit, my eyes following her movemen
ts in the kitchen. “I think he knows about the scars on my back.”
Tracy stiffens, before slowly turning to face me, her face blank. “How?”
“His HR Head, Lana, she saw me in the dressing room, and I think she told him.” I find myself telling her about what happened.
Tracy’s face just grows paler and paler and she rounds the counter to sit in front of me on one of the high stools. “They’re…” She takes a rough breath. “They’re my fault. You were protecting me.”
“Shut up.” I shove at her shoulder, lightly. “What happened that day was my choice. I could have walked away but I don’t regret it.” My voice is firm. “You and I wouldn’t have this bond. I wouldn’t have this family that I have now. Max survived and you survived. Long enough to get help. And I survived.”
She looks troubled and glances in the direction of Max’s room. “Your entire back is scarred because of me.”
I give her a sad smile. “Like I said, I don’t regret it, and you shouldn’t either. I just…” And now I swallow. “I just didn’t want anyone to see them.”
And now Caleb Starr probably knows, and I can’t understand why that’s eating me up inside.
9
Caleb
When Kendall’s number had lit up on my screen, I had been pleasantly surprised.
And then her panicked voice had registered in my brain and I immediately recognized what was happening to her. Fear, protectiveness, possessiveness, fury, had all surged within me at the same time and I had been on my feet, ready to go to her, to hell with all the planning.
When she had cut the call, I had felt the first stirrings of desperation, not knowing where she was or how to get to her and it was only Lana’s call that had me gripping on to my senses.
My little spitfire of an assistant had been curled up in a corner of the dressing room, her eyes unfocused when I had barged in, ignoring Lana’s wide eyes and Elise’s gasp. Fortunately, the dressing rooms were afforded more privacy so they couldn’t see or hear me.
And now, I have to wait.
Her roommate had kicked me out when she arrived, so I’ve had to distract myself. I buy a dress for her, have everything delivered. But nothing seems to soothe the raging inside me, the raw need to see Kendall, to hold her.