“They didn’t hear anything,” he tries to tell me. “Trust me, if they did, they would have told me about it.”
“I don’t know if that makes it better or worse,” I say and see that he is looking at me strangely.
“Sunrise,” he says my name, and then I smile at the softness of his voice. “I don’t even know what to say,” he starts, and my heart beats faster.
“Oh my god,” I say, putting my hand to my mouth. “You’re leaving.”
He looks at me, not saying anything. “I can’t believe this is happening.” I put my hand to my mouth. “Oh my god.” The tears come automatically. “How could you do this?”
“I’m not going anywhere,” he says, holding my face in his hands. “Baby, I am not going anywhere.” He kisses my lips. “It’s the opposite of that.”
“What does that mean?” I ask, not sure what he is trying to say.
“It means …” he says, getting down on one knee in front of me. My hands fly to my mouth this time. “It means that I’m here to stay. When I woke up in that hospital bed five months ago, my mind was all over the place. They tried to fill in the blanks,” he says. “Tried telling me about the mission that went wrong, but I didn’t hear it. I didn’t see it. I had nightmares for months. I spent night after night piecing everything together. The doctor told me that it was my brain's way of protecting certain things. Then one night, it just all came crashing back. I had spent the day sitting by the lake near the house, dissecting every single dream. That night when I went to bed, it was as if I was transported back.” The tears run down both our faces. “The guy was beating the shit out of me. Kicking my ribs, and then he took his gun out and shot me. The sound echoed so loud in the room, all I heard was loud buzzing, and then they came in and rescued me.”
“Oh my god.” I put my hands on his face and sob while I kiss his lips.
“I kept calling for you,” he tells me, breaking my heart that I wasn’t able to be there with him. “I whispered your name over and over again. All I wanted was to see you one more time before I left this earth. I just wanted one more chance to tell you how much I loved you. I wanted one more chance to tell you that you made my life magical. I wanted one more chance to marry you and be the father of our children. I wanted one more sunrise.” He smiles through his own tears.
“Sunrise, I want to watch every single sunrise with you. I want to hold your hand while we sit side by side. I want to fight with you just so we can make up. I want to be the one who dries your tears and makes you smile. I know I asked you this before, and I know that I don’t deserve another chance, but it’s always been you.” He reaches into the pocket of his shorts and takes out the brown box he held just five years ago. “I gave you back everything that was yours last time except this.” He opens it, and there is the ring. “Emily, will you marry me?” he asks. “Will you make my nightmares become sweet dreams?”
I nod my head as my body shakes with sobs. “Yes.” He slips the ring on my finger and gets up, pulling me to him and kissing me softly. “I’ll marry you,” I say, wiping the tears away from my cheeks.
He picks me up and turns us in a circle, celebrating. “I love you,” I say, and he carries me toward the back door. “What are you doing? We have to celebrate in the hammock.”
“No way in hell,” he says, walking up the stairs. “I don’t know if Quinn and Keith are out there.” I throw my head back and laugh just as the sun rises.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Ethan
“Why are you so quiet?” she asks, and I look up at her. She leans against the counter, holding her cup of tea. She’s wearing shorts and a shirt that goes off her shoulder with her hair piled on top of her head.
I look down at my plate and push around the food she just cooked. “I just.” I look up at her and see the glistening of the ring on her hand. “I have to go and speak to my father.”
“I think that’s a good idea,” she says softly, coming to me now and sitting down beside me. “It’s time.”
“I know it is,” I say, my stomach turning. “I just, fuck …” I put my head down. “I said some shitty fucking things.”
“You did,” she says, putting her hand on my neck. “And a coward would walk away, but you are going to go over there and make things right with him. You have to, Ethan. He’s your dad.”
I nod at her, knowing it’s the truth, and when I kiss her goodbye ten minutes later, she shocks me by putting on her shoes. “Where are you going?”
“I’m not letting you go there all by yourself,” she says. Walking out of the house, she waits for me to walk out, holding up her hand to block the sun. “I mean, you have to talk to him by yourself, but I’m going to be there for you when it’s over.”
I don’t even tell her that it’s fine, and it’ll be okay. Instead, I grab her hand and bring it to my lips. “I love you.”
“You better,” she says, and when we pull up to my father’s house, my heart speeds up faster in my chest.
“Maybe we should have called before coming over,” I say, tapping my finger on the steering wheel. “We’ll come back,” I say, but she is getting out of the truck, waiting for me. I take a huge deep breath and get out.
“It’s going to be okay,” she says, grabbing my hand as we walk up the walkway. I look around to see if anything has changed, and it all looks the same. “Should we ring the doorbell or just go in?” she asks, and I swear I feel like I’m going to be sick. She leans over and presses the bell, and we hear screaming from inside.
The door opens, and Kallie stands there with her hair piled on her head, and when she sees me, a big smile forms on her face. “Well, this is a wonderful surprise.” She looks at us. “But why did you ring the doorbell?” She shakes her head. “Come on in.”
Emily walks in first, and I follow her. Looking around, I see that the pictures on the wall are still the same. More have been added, but mine stopped when I turned twenty. The last picture they have of all the kids together was two months before I left. The smile on everyone’s face is everything. “Hey, you guys.” I hear Amelia and look over at her as she comes down the stairs. “I didn’t know that you were coming over.”
“It’s a surprise,” Kallie says, smiling. “Come in and stop acting like strangers.” She looks at me. “This is your home.”
I look down, unsure as to what to say. “Is Dad home?” I ask, my voice low. Kallie looks over at me, and she has tears in her eyes.
“He’s in the shed,” she says. “They’re all going fishing tomorrow, so he’s making sure he has everything ready. Go out there.”
I nod and look over at Emily, who just nods at me. “You’ll be fine.”
“He doesn’t have his gun, does he?” I ask Kallie, and she just laughs. Yeah, he always has his gun on him. We were taught very young that if there was any danger, we had to run the other way while Dad ran toward the danger. I step out into the backyard and see the play structure he built for me when I was three. It looks like it hasn’t been used in years. I don’t have to walk far when he comes out of the shed, and when he sees me, he stops in his tracks. I’m suddenly back to when I was five years old, and all I wanted to do was hug my father.
“Hey,” I say, lifting my hand. He just looks at me, almost as if he’s scared to say anything to me. “I was wondering if we could talk,” I start. As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I say, “I can come back. It’s not that important.”
“Why don’t we go to the creek?” He motions with his head to the back of the yard, and I see the treehouse he built for me but then changed it into a real house for Amelia.
“It’s seen better days,” I say to him and walk down to the creek, both of us not saying anything. I swallow. “So how have you been?” I ask, making small talk, and it’s the most awkward fucking conversation we’ve ever had.
“You came all this way to ask me how I’ve been?” He cuts to the chase before I do, and I just look at him. “How I’ve been?” He shakes his head.
He laughs now bitterly. “You’re sorry?” He looks up at the sky. “You’re sorry.”
“I know, Dad.” When I say his name, his head snaps to mine.
“Oh, I’m your father now?” he asks, and he has tears in his eyes. “Now I’m your father. Five years ago, I was nothing to you,” he says, his voice broken. “At least that is what you said to me.” My eyes fill with tears as I see how much I’ve hurt him.
“I went to see him,” I tell him, and he looks at me. “Liam.” I don’t say that he’s my father because he isn’t. “He came to the door and didn’t even know who I was.” I think back to that day, avoiding looking at my father while I tell him this part. “I told him who I was and,” I exhale, “I don’t know what I was expecting but he just looked at me like I was a pizza delivery person. He smiled at me, and stepped out of his house to make sure that no one heard our conversation. A conversation that lasted less than three minutes.” I look at my father who just stands there looking at me waiting for me to finish before he says something. “He thanked me for coming,” I laugh bitterly, “and wished me well right after he told me that I wasn’t really welcomed.” The hurt now coming back. “When I left here, I was broken,” I say. “I drove away, and I was numb. I didn’t know what to believe or what to think.” I walk over to the rock and sit down on it. “I was so fucking lost, Dad. I just …” I put my head down. “I did stupid things,” I say. “Took risks with my life for nothing just because I thought I didn’t care if I lived or died. I went on missions that I shouldn’t have been on, but I did it because there was nothing to come back to, so it didn’t matter if I died.”
“If you died?” he says. “If you died.” He puts his hands to his chest. “Do you know what that would do to me? I had to bury one son. Do you think I wanted to bury another one? I was numb when you left. I would call your phone number every single hour even though I had the phone in my hand and knew you wouldn’t answer. I would call and leave you messages. I would call just to hear your voice.” The tears come down his face. “I wanted just a minute with you to tell you that I loved you.” I try to say something, but it’s his turn to let it all out, and I have to give it to him. I have to hear the pain he suffered. I need to accept I did that to him. “Casey found you and came to see me. I got on a plane to come to you, but then they stopped me at the gate.” My mouth opens. “Said they didn’t have anyone there with your name.” It’s then that I see everything unravel. What I did to him was so fucked up I didn’t deserve his love. I didn’t deserve anything he gave me. “I waited outside those gates for two days, and then I left. I came back here, and I would wait. I waited for Casey to give me a crumble of news. Waited every single day, not knowing if you were alive or dead. Not knowing if you needed me, not knowing if you were okay. I couldn’t help you.” He throws up his hand. “Useless, that is what I was.”
“You came to see me?” I ask, still shocked at that. “I didn’t know.”
“I have to think that there was a reason for that. Some sick and twisted reason that God kept you away from me.” The anguish pours out of him. “That rock.” He points at the rock I’m sitting on. “I would come out here every single night after dinner when the kids would get ready for bed, and I would talk to you. I would hope you were okay. I would replay every single fucking memory I had of you over and over—year after year. From the first time they placed you in my arms, I was so fucking scared. I was never more scared of anything in my life. But you stopped crying as if you knew that I was going to make everything okay for you. From the first time you fell asleep on my chest to the time you came to me and told me you were getting married, I was so proud of the man you were. So fucking proud. I didn’t care whose DNA you had. You were mine. You are mine.” He points at his chest.
“I am, Dad,” I say finally. “I was a little shit, and I was brought up better than that,” I say. “You taught me better than that.”
“I did,” he tells me.
“I died,” I say, and he gasps. “Five months ago, I was held as a prisoner when our mission went haywire.”
“Oh my god.” He puts his hands in front of his mouth.
“They beat me,” I tell him. “Tortured me, and at one point, I begged God to take me. But …” I wipe my eyes. “You know people say that you see the bright white light, and I always thought it was a lie until I saw it myself. I knew at that moment I was dead, knew it in my heart. And then all this sadness came over me. I was going to die, and my family wouldn’t know. I wanted one more chance to tell you that you were the best dad anyone could ever have. I wanted to tell you that I want to be just like you. I wanted to hug you, and I wanted you to kiss me right behind the ear, just like you always did. Even when I was twenty.” I turn my head now. “It’s why I put my cross tattoo there.”
“Son,” he says, coming to me and hugging me, and I cry in his arms, just like I did when I was younger. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there.” This right here, this is who my father is, this man who I hurt with all my words holds me as he has always done my whole life. Holding me up when I can’t stand, he makes sure that I get my strength from him.
“I’m so sorry, Dad.” I hug him harder than I ever have in my whole life. I hug him, clinging to him. “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay, son,” he says, and then he lets go of me. “You always hurt the ones you love first. You know why?” he asks. “It’s because the ones you love will forgive you.”
“I don’t know if I deserve your forgiveness,” I say honestly. “But I’m going to prove to you that I’m sorry.”
“This,” he says, squeezing my shoulder. “Coming here, being here, shows me how sorry you are.” He wipes his tears. “Are you staying?”
“I asked Emily to marry me this morning,” I say. “I want to marry her here. I want to build a family here.”
“Then there is only one more thing to say.” He smiles at me. “Welcome home, son!”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Emily
“Are you okay?” I ask when he walks back into the house with Jacob beside him. Both of them look like they went through the war zone.
“I am,” he says, smiling, and I see his eyes are red from crying. “It’s going to be okay.” He wraps his arms around the top of my chest, and then Jacob goes over to Kallie and kisses her neck.
“Do you want to go fishing tomorrow?” Jacob looks over at Ethan, who just looks at me, and I try to hide the smile that is filling my face.
“Yeah,” Ethan says. “I’d like that a lot.”
“Well, get ready because we leave at seven,” Jacob says to Ethan, and we spend the rest of the day with Kallie and Jacob, and when we leave, neither of us says anything. When we walk into the house, he takes me in his arms.
“Are you happy?” I ask when he buries his face in my neck while we lie in the hammock, watching the stars.
“I am,” he says. “It was rough with my dad.” He starts to say, “He gave up everything to love me, and I threw it away as if it was nothing. When, in reality, it was everything.”
“It was,” I say, and that night when he makes love to me, it’s slow, and he holds me all night long. When the sun rises the next day, we are sitting on the back stoop while he waits for Jacob to pick him up.
“Have fun,” I say, kissing him goodbye and then waving to him. I slip back into bed, but I toss and turn and finally give up.
I’m making myself some tea when there is a knock on the door. Walking down the hallway to the front door, I see Savannah standing there, looking out. “Hey,” I say to her, and she turns around and smiles at me.
“Sorry for dropping by.” She turns and wipes a tear away. “I didn’t think coming here would make me cry.”
I smile at her. “You don’t ever have to be sorry about st
opping by. Come in.” I move aside, and she walks into the house. “This is a nice surprise. I was going to call Jenna to come over and have tea with me, but this might be better.” She smiles at me, and we walk down the hallway. “Would you like some cold tea or coffee?”
“Um, do you have whiskey?” she asks, and my eyes get big. “I need the encouragement.”
“Why does that scare me?” I ask. Walking over, I grab the whiskey and a glass, bringing it to her.
She takes the top off and pours herself a shot and then looks at me, wincing, “Horrible.”
“Not for the faint of heart, I’m told.” I stand here in front of her.
She leans over and grabs her purse, taking out a paper. “Before you say anything, hear me out.” She looks down, tapping the paper in front of her that is folded out. “I got pregnant by accident of course,” she tells me, and I just look at her as she pours another shot, and this time, the wince is less. “Smoother the second time.” She laughs, wiping her mouth. “Ethan’s father is an asshole. I should have seen it then, but I was too swept up in being loved by someone to even notice I was being played.”
“I’m so sorry,” I say, wanting to reach out and hold her.
“After I found out I was pregnant, I was beside myself. I was eighteen, living alone, my mother, at her best day, was barely around. I had no one, and Liam didn’t want anything to do with me, so I went to his father, and, well, that was even worse.” She takes another shot. “He threw two hundred dollars at me and told me to take out the trash.” She wipes the tears from her eyes, and I can’t help the tears that fall out of my eyes. “I was always known as that kid. The one who was not good enough for anyone or anything. No matter how successful I was in school, no one let me forget I was trash.”
“That’s so wrong,” I say, not even imagining how it was.
“So I played a game with the devil,” she says, looking down. “I went to his office and blackmailed him.” She takes another shot. “Fuck, this is harder than I thought.”
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