In the Heart of Forever (A Heart Story)

by Jo-Anna Walker

  He nodded and then kissed me softly on the lips. He placed his hand on my cheek. I closed my eyes, leaning into it. He sighed, kissing me on the forehead before releasing me completely.

  I rose from the bed and stretched when warm arms wrapped around my middle. Rave spun me in his arms. He pinched my chin, softly running his lips over mine.

  My tongue peaked out between my lips, licking the fullness of his mouth.

  A small growl came from the back of his throat, as his tongue shoved its way in between my lips, caressing my mouth.

  My body burned with an aching desire as our mouths moved together. Running my fingers through the back of his hair, I pulled him closer to me, deepening the kiss.

  He pushed into me and backed us up until I hit the bookshelf. Releasing my mouth, he trailed kisses along my jawline down to my neck.

  I lifted my chin, giving him better access as I ran my hands down his back.

  His body was hard, pressing against me and it set my blood burning, knowing that I did this to him. I made him feel this way.

  Soft hands travelled up my back, under my tank top. In our quick attempt at leaving Allan’s this morning, I had forgotten to put on a bra. At that moment, I was thankful for that. I wanted to continue what was happening in my room that morning.

  A hand slowly moved to my ass, squeezing lightly, pulling me hard against him.

  I moaned, reveling in the feel of Rave’s strong hands on my body. I fisted his shirt in my hands, pulling it up over his head. I wanted to feel him. He threw the shirt behind him and quickly covered my mouth again.

  Our tongues danced and dueled. All of our pent up frustration, desire and affection for each other pouring into the kiss.

  I ran my hands down his back and felt his muscles move, swimming with strength.

  His hand moved to my belly and travelled up to my breast, slowly covering it.

  I pushed into his hand as my nipple hardened under his touch. I wanted him. I wanted to feel him everywhere. To lose myself in him. I was ready. “Rave,” I breathed against his lips.

  His thumb ran over my nipple, igniting a spark deep within me. He removed his hand from under my shirt and lifted me, wrapping my legs around his hips.

  He walked us over to his bed and laid me down, with him on top of me. Placing a soft kiss on my lips, he rested his head in the crook of my neck. “I’m sorry.”

  I frowned. “What for?”

  “For wanting you so badly,” he said quietly.

  My stomach flip flopped. “Make love to me.”

  His body tensed at my request. Lifting his head, he looked down at me and kissed my nose. “I don’t think we should yet.”

  Rave’s eyes were dark with lust and I knew he wanted to but I could tell he felt it was too soon. “Please. I’m ready. I need to feel you. All of you.”

  I held his face in both hands and brought his lips down to mine, wrapping my legs tighter around his hips.

  He groaned as he kissed me back.

  I arched my hips, brushing over him and he gasped. His head shot up and he rose to his knees, his breathing ragged. “Jesse, I…God…”

  I looked up at him.

  His chest rose and fell with each bated breath.

  “I’m sorry,” I said quietly.

  His green eyes flicked to mine. “You are so beautiful.”

  My cheeks warmed. I pushed him off of me and hopped off of the bed. I pulled off my shirt and shimmied out of my pants, leaving me standing naked before him.

  His eyes roamed down my body. “Jesse…wow…I…”

  I smiled and walked into his embrace. “Make love to me.”

  His hands ran up my back and he kissed my belly. “I can’t.”

  My heart sunk and a moment of embarrassment took over as I felt shame for practically throwing myself at him. I removed myself from him. I angrily grabbed my clothes and quickly put them back on.

  Warm arms wrapped around me as tears of frustration ran down my cheeks. “I feel a need to protect you. It’s a feeling so deep, I can’t control it. It’s like it takes over my soul.”

  My breath caught at his words.

  “I’m sorry. Please don’t think that I don’t want you because trust me, I do but I think it’s too soon. With everything that’s going on with Allan…I just want it to be perfect for you. I know we’re young but I…” His voice was thick with emotion.

  “From the first day I saw you, when you walked into Mr. Deel’s History class, I instantly crushed on you,” I confessed.

  His eyes brightened. “Really?”

  “Oh yeah.”

  He chuckled. Grabbing my wrist, he placed a soft kiss on my tattoo. “I’m sorry.”

  My heart warmed. “No, I’m sorry. I feel stupid.”

  “Hey.” He spun me in his arms and lifted my chin. “You are not stupid.”

  My cheeks heated. “Clearly you don’t want that from me so I feel…”

  “Really Jesse?” Rave grabbed my hand and placed it on his crotch. “I don’t want you?”

  My eyes widened at the feel of him under my hand. “Okay…well…”

  He placed a hard kiss on my lips. “I want to make love to you when we have more time and not have to rush and go to school after.”

  “Oh…” My heart fluttered. That made sense. I wrapped my arms around his waist and held on tight. “I understand.”

  “Good. Now, wanna go steady?”

  I laughed. His corny question erupted a belly laugh from deep within me, settling years of heartache.

  He joined me in my laughter while kissing me. “So, what do you say?”

  My laughter quieted at his question. I ran a hand over the scruffiness of his jaw and placed a kiss on his lips. “I would love to go steady with you.”

  The affection swimming in his eyes, sent my blood soaring. He placed another kiss on my lips and released me. “Now lets get ready for school before I change my mind.”

  I smiled. Good thing, I wasn’t the only one affected. “I blame you.”

  His eye brow rose. “Me?”

  “Yeah. It’s those kisses of yours. They make me feel like ice cream on a hot summer day.” I told him.

  “Oh?”

  “Yeah.” I grabbed onto the waistband of his sweatpants, making his nostrils flare. I pulled him against me and wrapped my arms around his neck. “They’re meltingly hot kisses.”

  He smiled, linking his arms around my back. “My kisses make you melt?”

  I licked my lips. “Can’t you tell?”

  Hunger flashed in his eyes. “Good to know.”

  Rave let me get ready for school first. Taking my time in his small shower, I let the hot water run over my skin.

  Chapter 16

  I had a boyfriend. “Boyfriend,” I said out loud, testing the term on my tongue. It felt nice to say. He was my first. My first everything so far.

  It’s all your fault. Everything is your fault.

  “Oh God.” My stomach churned and I fell to my knees. My heart picked up speed, beating hard against my chest. Images of Allan beating me, soared through my mind. No. Don’t think about him. Don’t let him ruin your moment of happiness.

  “Jesse?” Rave called my name, knocking on the door lightly.

  A sob escaped my lips as I curled into myself. Wrapping my arms around my stomach, I rocked back and forth as the horrible memories of him punching me, kicking me, slapping me…when would they stop? When would I forget? The pain, the terror that coursed through my no body…

  “Jesse.”

  When I didn’t answer, the door slowly opened.

  Squeezing my eyes shut, the tears rolled down my cheeks. Rave deserved someone better than me. Someone who wasn’t broken. All of these different thoughts rang through my head. I wanted to stay with Rave but I wanted him to be happy. Was he really happy with me? Our relationship just became official and I was thinking of breaking it off with him already.

  The water stopped running and I looked up at Rave. He grabbed a to
wel and wrapped it around me, my nakedness not even fazing him. He picked me up in his arms, holding me to him and carried me to his bed.

  I shivered in the cool air, my teeth chattering.

  “What happened in there, Jesse?” He pulled a blanket over us and rubbed my arms, trying to warm me up.

  I bit my bottom lip but didn’t answer him. I moved to stand but he held onto me.

  “Talk to me,” he said firmly.

  “I can’t.” I mumbled, trying to stand again. “I don’t know what to say. I freaked out.”

  “Jesse.”

  “Let go of me, please.” I pulled his hands off of me but he held on.

  “It’s not your fault,” he whispered in my ear.

  Those words stopped me in my attempt at escaping his grasp. I turned back to him and frowned. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “It’s not your fault, Jesse.” He repeated and kissed my shoulder. “What he did, it’s not your fucking fault so don’t believe whatever lies he put into your head.”

  Oh God. “Don’t. Don’t do this, please,” I begged. Hot tears burned my eyelids.

  “Jesse.”

  I pushed him. “Stop. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “It’s not your fault,” he repeated again.

  “God, stop it, Rave. Please. I…” I threw myself off of him, landing hard on the floor. Sobs racked my shoulders, leaving me in great heaps of agony. I curled over, gripping my stomach and cried. I cried with everything in me.

  Warm arms wrapped around my body. “I’m so sorry, baby.”

  “Rave, I…oh God…” I hiccupped as the sobs left my body, shaking me, rattling me to the very core.

  “Let it out. Cry. Scream. Yell. Swear. Hit me even. I don’t care, but just don’t close up on me.”

  I continued to cry. “He beats me.”

  Rave growled and pulled me against him. “How often?”

  I sniffed and wiped under my eyes. “Often enough but in places that no one sees.”

  “Has he…”

  When he didn’t finish his question, I cupped his cheek in my hand. “Has he…oh…”

  Rave’s eyes flicked to mine.

  “No. He hasn’t.”

  He breathed a sigh of relief. “Jesse, I don’t know what I would do if I found out he did…do…”

  Inner turmoil danced in Rave’s eyes like he was remembering something from his past. Oh God, what happened with his sister…I kissed him lightly on the lips. “I’m so sorry.”

  “If I ever hear of that fucker hurting you in that way, I will kill him.”

  ***

  “If I ever hear of that fucker hurting you in that way, I will kill him.” The anger and fury in Rave’s eyes, made nervous flutters soar through my body. I prayed it never came to that but my heart swelled, knowing that he would protect me. “Rave?” I watched his thumb caress the back of my hand.

  “Yeah, baby?”

  “Thank you.” I looked out the window as we drove to school. Rave didn’t ask me about Allan again.

  “What are you thanking me for?” he asked as we pulled up in front of the school.

  I thought a moment. “Just…for being there for me. I know I’m a head case and you…”

  “Jesse, you are not a fucking head case,” Rave snapped.

  I flinched. “Well I know you’ve had a lot to deal with over the years and then you meet me…”

  Rave grabbed my chin and placed a hard kiss on my lips. Melting under his touch, I opened my mouth, letting him in. Lifting his head from mine, my blood swam with pent up desire for him. “If I thought you were a head case, would I have asked you to be my girlfriend?” he asked me, running his thumb over my lips.

  “Rave.”

  “Would I?” he asked again.

  “Well I don’t think so but…”

  “And would I have told you things about myself and my family that I haven’t shared with anyone before?”

  I huffed. “Rave, that’s different.”

  He frowned. “How the hell is it different?”

  “Cause I haven’t told you anything about myself,” I cried, my voice rising.

  He countered. “You told me about your mom.”

  I scoffed. “I didn’t tell you everything. Rave, God…you deserve so much better than me.”

  His eyes darkened with anger. “Don’t you dare make that decision for me, Jesse.”

  I chewed my bottom lip as guilt took over my thoughts. I was hurting him. What was wrong with me?

  He searched my face. “You already have haven’t you?”

  Tears welled in my eyes. “Rave, I’m doing this for you. I’m not worth it.”

  He punched the dashboard. “Don’t. Just don’t.”

  “I’m sorry,” I cried.

  He turned to me. Anger and pain written all over his face. “You have no right making this decision for me. Let me be the one to decide if you’re worth it or not.”

  “I can’t. I thought I was ready but I’m not.”

  “Jesse, you are ready. You need me and I need you. We’re in this together, baby, don’t you see that? Didn’t you ever think that maybe I thought I wasn’t worth it?” He shook his head. “I’m so stupid.”

  I grabbed onto his shirt. “No, you are not stupid. Don’t ever say that.”

  His eyes snapped to mine, startling me. He was furious. His body shook with anger, sending fear rolling around in my stomach. “No? I’m not stupid? I opened up to you and you didn’t which is fine. I get it. But, I told you things, Jesse. I made myself vulnerable for you and what do you do? You shut me out.”

  “Rave, please. I’m trying. Be patient with me. This is all new to me. I don’t…I don’t know how to deal. I’m so confused.” I covered my face with my hands and sobbed.

  “I need you to let me in.” His voice softened.

  My head snapped to his. “Why? Just let me go. Don’t make this harder than it has to be.”

  “Why?” he yelled.

  I glared at him. “Yes, why?”

  “I’ll tell you fucking why, Jesse.” He looked back out the window and a moment later, turned to me. Taking a deep breath, he let it out in a whoosh. “I’m falling in love with you.”

  Chapter 17

  I gasped, slapping my hand over my mouth. He was falling in love with me? Really? “Rave, you can’t be serious.”

  His eyes darkened, going cold with anger. “I’m sick of you telling me how I feel. Jesse, I’m in love with you, alright?”

  How? How could he possibly be in love with me and so soon? “I don’t believe you.”

  He flinched, like I slapped him in the face. “Get out of my car.”

  “Rave, I’m sorry but…”

  “Get out of my. Fucking. Car.” His voice lowered.

  I grabbed my things and opened the door. I paused and turned to him. He wasn’t looking at me. “I am sorry. I didn’t mean to lead you on or anything. I hope you can forgive me.”

  His head slowly turned to mine. “I hope you can open up to me, Jesse. Until then, don’t call me. Don’t even text me.”

  My voice broke on a sob. “Rave, why are you doing this?”

  His eyebrows lowered. “Really? You’re asking me why? I just told you that I’m in love with you and you don’t believe me.”

  “I told you I couldn’t rush into this. You knew that. We’ve only known each other for a couple of weeks, Rave,” I explained. I was desperate for him to listen to me.

  “And I told you that I would be patient but you keep telling me how to feel. I tell you that I’m in love with you and you look at me like I’m on crack. You don’t even believe me. I didn’t expect for you to feel the same way. Actually,” He laughed. “I would have been shocked if you told me that you were in love with me but for you to say that you don’t believe me? God, Jesse. You might as well have stabbed me, cause that’s how I feel.”

  My eyes welled, tears running down my cheeks. I hurt him. Oh God, I didn’t m
ean to. I was so worried about him hurting me that I ended up doing the exact same thing to him instead. I was so confused. I closed the door, not leaving the car. “Rave, I’m so sorry. I…” I sighed.

  “What are we going to do, Jesse?”

  “What do you mean?” I sniffed.

  “I’m in love with you, you don’t believe me, we both have stepfather issues and have broken pasts. Well, aren’t we a perfect match?” he bit out.

  I reached for his hand, a little surprised that he allowed me to hold it. I turned his hand over and placed mine against his. Callouses marked his skin. My hand was so much smaller than his but they fit perfectly together.

  A moment later, someone tapped on Rave’s window.

  I jumped and looked up. My stomach dropped when I saw that it was Melanie. I kept my hand against Rave’s and curled my fingers in his, holding his hand tight against me. I saw him look at me out of the corner of my eye, but I didn’t meet his stare head on. Yes, my actions were probably confusing him but I couldn’t help it. On one hand, I wanted him. Wanted him with every fiber of my being but then, I didn’t because I felt that he deserved better than me. But I didn’t want Melanie to get her perfectly manicured claws into him either. He definitely deserved better than her.

  He turned back to the window, slowly and rolled it down. “What do you want, Melanie?”

  “Well good morning you two. Don’t you look cozy?” she said, cheerily, looking between the two of us.

  God, I couldn’t stand her.

  “What do you want?” I snapped.

  “Well, isn’t that a loaded question?” she asked, looking at our joined hands and then back at Rave. Her eyes travelled up and down his body, making my stomach clench with jealousy.

  Rave rolled his eyes. “Melanie.”

  “Fine. I just wanted to tell you that my party has been moved to tonight. I think you should come. It’ll be fun,” she said, leaning against his door.

  “And why would we want to do that?” Rave asked.

  I moved closer to Rave, reveling in the fact that Melanie noticed. Without looking, he placed his arm across my lap.

  Melanie watched and glared at me. “Because it’s going to be the party of the year and I think you and four eyes here…”