Eun Gi smiled brightly, obviously used to people reacting like this. “Please forgive my lateness. I was needed on set.”
“Of course you were, no need to apologize,” So Mang gushed and waved her hand at her husband who was already sitting. “Come, sit here by me. Chang Mun, scoot over.”
Min Joo snickered. “Eomma, he should sit by Tessa.”
“Baek Eun Gi-ssi, you’ll indulge a mother, won’t you?” So Mang asked.
Eun Gi looked to Tessa, who directed him back to Min Joo’s exuberant mother. “Nothing would make me happier, Ajumma.”
They crowded around the large table with a truly impressive array of dishes spread across it. Eun Gi was the picture of charm through the evening despite several of the guests unabashedly staring at him. He handled the invasive questions with poise and a smile, and when people asked about the wedding and Tessa slipped into blank-eyed terror, he handled that too. His powers of deflection were mind-boggling, and not a single person protested when he turned things around to inquire about them instead, keeping his privacy safely preserved.
Tessa was in awe. She hated being the centre of attention and was infinitely grateful that he was the more interesting one to the group so she got to avoid most of it.
They tucked into the makgeolli Eun Gi had brought, and both Min Joo’s parents indulged heartily. They ended the meal with plates of fresh almond cookies and drinks passed around the table. So Mang laughed often, her fingertips constantly brushing Eun Gi’s hand whenever it rested on the table. Tessa couldn’t help her quiet laughter over how obvious So Mang’s idol worship was. It was quickly revealed that she could name every album by 24/7, which was a shock to her son and a delight to her guests.
After they finished off the bottle Kelly tapped her husband’s arm. “It’s getting late. Should we head home?”
So Mang’s smile dropped. “You’re all welcome to stay the night. We have room.”
“Eomma,” said Min Joo, “the dinner was magnificent, but everyone needs to work tomorrow.”
So Mang pouted her lip. Her husband laughed and patted her shoulder. Eun Gi indulged her with a kiss on the cheek before they left, and So Mang looked as if she could have ascended into heaven in that moment. Tessa didn’t blame her one bit.
Eun Gi and Tessa were the first ones to leave. She slipped into the passenger side, and Eun Gi melted into the driver’s seat.
“They loved you.”
“Everyone loves UpBeat. That’s kind of the point of the persona.” He dropped his head back against the seat and closed his eyes. “I’m tired. I don’t usually have to do that so late into the day.”
“People love Eun Gi too,” she said softly.
He rolled his head to face her. “I’m sorry if I overstepped with that kiss.”
“Oh.” Tessa’s cheeks burned. “No, it was fine. We’re supposed to be engaged after all.”
“Even so, I don’t want to feel entitled to anything from you because of the situation. I want you to be comfortable. We’re in this together, right? Partners?”
Her whole body warmed, heart fluttering happily. She smiled. “Yes. Partners.”
Chapter 10
Eun Gi
Eun Gi stuffed down his pride and climbed into her bed during the wee hours of the night for the fourth time that week. Tessa rolled over, bleary eyed.
“Why don’t you just stay in here to begin with?”
“I don’t want to intrude.” His reply was soft, barely interrupting the quiet of the early morning.
“Eun Gi.” She nestled closer to him as he settled. “You’ve never been an intrusion to me so don’t think you’ll start now. If you need me, I’m here.”
The warmth was inviting, and he leaned into her touch, sighing against her body. She tucked him against her so his head rested in the curve of her throat, arm looped over her waist. Her fingers stilled in his hair, and her breathing became long and smooth as she fell asleep against him.
He toyed with the satin of her pajama top, feeling the gentle rise and fall of her chest. He’d been anticipating an awkward and reluctant roommate for a year, and instead he was met with someone who offered a haven.
Safe.
He snuggled closer. Frayed edges of the nightmare still clung to his fading thoughts. The happenings of the dreams weren’t always the same, but he was always terrified, and he could feel danger everywhere. Every monster of his nightmares coalesced into gut-deep terror whenever he saw his mother’s face. There was no escape until his frantic heart jolted him awake.
Tessa let out a squeak and opened her eyes. He hadn’t realized he was squeezing her.
“It’s okay,” she murmured. “You’re safe.”
Her fingers brushed his cheek, pressing him closer.
Things were going far too well for either of them to back out of the upcoming arrangement, which meant in a month they’d be legally bound for a year. Not that long ago he’d wanted nothing more than to be married. That hadn’t panned out and he’d accepted being a bachelor until his career tapered off, blunted by the compulsory military service and his growing despondency.
He laid there a long time, listening to the soothing lull of her heartbeat in his ear. At some point he fell asleep, waking in the morning to a knock on the door.
“Eun Gi-hyung, I think you slept through your alarm. Sung Soo says you’re late for breakfast.”
The words slipped through the sleep haze, but he only moved closer to Tessa, soaking in the warmth of her.
“Hyung.” Min Jae cracked open Tessa’s door. “You weren’t in your room, so I thought you might be here, and I was right.”
The maknae pushed them both over until Tessa almost fell off the bed and then flopped down next to Eun Gi. His hold on her waist kept her from tipping off the edge.
“Good morning, Noona.”
Tessa sat up carefully, trying to avoid squishing Eun Gi. “Min Jae, why are you in my bed?”
“Hyung’s allowed in,” he protested.
“He was invited.”
Min Jae turned wide eyes on her, his puppy dog expression beaming at her. “Does that mean you don’t want me here?”
Eun Gi intervened, pinching Min Jae’s waist, sending the maknae shooting off the bed.
“Hyung! We agreed not to touch the tickle spot anymore! I don’t like it.”
“And Tessa doesn’t like unruly men rolling around in her bed,” Eun Gi countered. “Personal boundaries exist, Jae. Learn them. Obey them.”
“Noona, what are your boundaries?” Min Jae propped his chin on the bed from his spot on the floor.
“Can I be awake more than two minutes before I give you a list?” Tessa laid back down and pulled the blanket up to her chin. “Let’s start with not jumping on my bed in the mornings.”
A piece of hair fell across her forehead as she settled down. Eun Gi brushed it back, fingertips lingering over the silken strands like it was the most natural gesture in the world. He jerked back his hand, but she didn’t open her eyes, already caught in a half-sleep. Min Jae, however, was giving him a knowing smile.
“Are you on set today?” Eun Gi steadfastly ignored the maknae, setting a gentle hand on Tessa’s shoulder to rouse her enough to answer.
She shook her head and snuggled in a little more. “They only need me there to look pretty next to you, and I can do that on Monday.”
Envy warmed his blood. He’d have happily burrowed back under himself if work wasn’t dragging him away. Too few hours of sleep had elapsed, and he wasn’t at all happy to be awake, but none of his day would wait for him.
“I’ll make sure they save you some breakfast.” He peeled himself away.
Getting too comfortable was a bad idea. Eun Gi reminded himself yet again to not get invested. She was only doing all of this to be nice, and he wasn’t stupid enough to think otherwise.
He sent Min Jae on his way and slipped off to the bathroom to get ready for the day. His brain was altogether unhelpful with keeping inappropriate
intrusive thoughts at bay. It kept wandering back to the soft warmth he’d been curled around all night. His forehead settled against the tile while he indulged, allowing his mind to summon her image, letting his hand distract him. The sharp edge of pleasure was blunted by his guilt and frustration.
By the time he emerged, he was well on his way to cranky. The others were busy eating when he arrived, and he tucked into his bowl in silence.
“Hyung is moody this morning,” Min Jae announced.
“I am not,” he snapped.
Sung Soo raised an eyebrow. “That’s a very believable impression of not moody.”
“I interrupted his cuddling.”
Eun Gi rolled his eyes.
“Jae, you were only supposed to wake him up. Why did you have to get involved?” Sung Soo asked.
“Don’t even pretend you didn’t pick me to go over because you knew I’d get involved.”
Eun Gi glared at Sung Soo, his eyes smoldering with betrayal. “Hyung?”
“Hey now, let’s not get into a fight over breakfast. Hwan was in the shower, so Jae was the only one available to send. He’d have burned the food if I left him here.”
Eun Gi’s sour mood followed him to work, which turned out to be rather helpful since they were filming the altercation between Lee Do Yun and his parents over his desire to marry Bridie. As parents in many stories had done through the ages, they rejected the notion of their son marrying for love, especially when the girl in question was a foreigner with no family, no connections, and nothing to offer them. And, like many children in those stories, Lee Do Yun gave his parents the choice of gaining a daughter or losing a son. Eun Gi slipped into the role easily, allowing his anger and frustration to guide him, until he was no longer certain whether he was truly acting anymore. His jaw ached from his grinding teeth, and his shoulders were stiff with a tension that wouldn’t release.
By the end of the day Eun Gi was worn out, repeating his uncomfortable emotions until the director got what he wanted. He’d exhausted his temper but still didn’t feel right. Everything had felt off since he’d been rudely awakened. His cramping stomach begged for food, but he didn’t feel like stopping anywhere, or facing the others to get whatever they’d put together.
This is so stupid.
Eun Gi sighed.
There’s no reason to be in a mood.
24/7 was on the radio when he slipped into the car. He snapped the volume off.
Knowing it was stupid did nothing to alleviate it. In his younger days he’d have worn down his darker emotions by getting blackout drunk and waking up wishing his head would roll of his shoulders. He didn’t want to do that though, didn’t want to be that person who lapsed into self-destructive behaviour. Things had been getting better. The last time he’d drowned his sorrows in soju had been a few months ago after Ju Won and Jin had entered the military. His world had been collapsing around him, and he’d ended up in the hospital over it. The company told the media it was food poisoning.
Lack of control had always been a sore spot for him. He’d gone straight from an abusive home into an industry that had him running on a wheel like a trained animal. When it got too much he’d hurl himself in any direction to try to get off it. He hated himself when he did that and knew it wasn’t healthy. Those blind, desperate grasps for control of something ended terribly every time.
Eun Gi pulled into the underground parking of their building and sat in the stall with his head on the steering wheel. In just over two weeks he was marrying a woman he hardly knew for the sake of his career. The complicated emotions surrounding that reality were an itch under his skin he couldn’t reach. Ultimately, no matter how kind and understanding Tessa was, they were both being coerced.
If he were less of a coward, he could say no.
It wasn’t the idea of losing his career that terrified him. What froze him to the bone was the realization that he would also lose his found family. They had come together because of shared goals, their hours of blood, sweat, and tears poured into the treacherous path to fame. What would happen to them if he was no longer a part of it? How long would it take to fade away? Until he was left alone.
Eun Gi gripped the steering wheel like a lifeline. He forced a deep breath through his aching throat. His eyes burned, and every muscle felt poised to snap at the slightest movement.
He didn’t feel like he deserved to contact anyone.
Eun Gi sat and stewed until the cramping of his empty stomach began to hurt more than everything else and he was compelled to go upstairs. The others would worry if he took too long and already messages had popped up on his phone asking when he’d be home. He grimaced and left them unanswered.
Tessa
“There you a—” Tessa broke off as Eun Gi came through the door. Her heart dropped to her toes. “What happened?”
Eun Gi shook his head as she stepped toward him. He flung his shoes off his feet and beelined to his room. The door swung shut behind him, leaving Tessa frozen and staring after him.
She grabbed her phone and sent a message to Sung Soo.
Tessa:
Eun Gi is home.
Something’s wrong.
Please come over.
The door code beeped, and the boys filed in. Sung Soo went straight to Eun Gi’s door, knocking softly.
“What happened?” Min Jae asked Tessa.
“I don’t know. He didn’t say a word.”
Hwan puffed out his cheeks. “I was hoping this wouldn’t happen again.”
“Again?”
“Eun Gi isn’t great at recognizing when he’s stressed. It compounds on him until he cracks over the tiniest thing. Honestly, we should have been on guard when all of this started.” Hwan sighed. “He was doing so well.”
Tessa’s stomach twisted. “What can I do?”
Min Jae hooked an arm around her shoulders. “We usually just make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid.”
The three of them sat on the couch while Sung Soo disappeared into the room. Min Jae put on the TV, but none of them paid attention to it. Tessa wrung her hands, the voice of the newscaster blurring into the background. Her phone pinged about half an hour later, and she dropped it in her haste to see what was sent.
Sung Soo:
He hasn’t had anything to eat or drink for hours.
Can you find something for him?
Tessa and the boys fussed in the kitchen, settling on a kimbap stuffed with a random assortment from the fridge. Min Jae picked out banana milk to go along with it.
She tapped on the door with her foot and Sung Soo ushered her in, leaving her with Eun Gi. He was curled miserably around his pillow, eyes red-rimmed and uncomfortably blank as they stared past her.
She set down the food on the side table and got down to her knees. “Can I help?”
“Why are you here?”
She paused, unsure how to respond. “To help you.”
“Why?” The word was so soft she barely heard it.
“I don’t understand.”
“Why do you care?” he continued. “It doesn’t make sense.”
“You’re important to me. Why wouldn’t I care?”
Eun Gi sat up, and she toppled backwards.
“You’re giving up a year of your life. You’ve moved in with a stranger. You’re putting yourself under scrutiny from the press. All for my sake. You’re even giving up your first real wedding. You can’t be happy about that.”
“Well, it’s not ideal—”
“Didn’t you get mad?”
“Eun Gi, what do you want me to say? Do you want me to be upset?”
He let out a sound of frustration and curled his knees up to his chest. “No. I just don’t want to be the only one who feels this way. You don’t deserve to be trapped. You should be living your life and marrying someone you love. Not me.”
She set a hand on his arm. He didn’t pull away.
“I need you to trust that I don’t resent you for what we’re going through. We
have make the best of it.”
He opened his mouth, but Tessa held up a hand for silence.
“I meant what I said. We’re in this together and we can talk, but first you need to eat.”
She parked herself on the bed, forcing him to scoot over. He took a few reluctant bites but then devoured it with ravenous hunger. The banana milk was consumed at a much more sedate pace.
The silence was heavy, words sitting on the tip of her tongue, waiting for release.
“You’re sure you want to know why?”
He glanced up, eyes wide and curious, then nodded.
“Eun Gi.” She paused to collect herself. “I owe my life to 24/7. I know it sounds overdramatic, but when I first heard your music I was not in a good place.”
Tessa dropped her gaze, fidgeting with the sheets.
“I was nineteen, and Halmeoni had recently passed after a long battle with breast cancer. Appa was devastated. He’d already lost his dad, and then his eomma was gone too. She was a huge part of my life. She was there when I got home from school, taught me to cook, to speak Korean, and I struggled so much with losing her. Kelly had moved to Seoul recently too, and I wasn’t good at coping. Technology wasn’t the way it is now. It wasn’t so easy to keep in contact with her, and I missed her so much. Then Halmeoni was gone, and I wondered if maybe it would be better if I was too.”
Eun Gi made a sound of protest, and she realized she was sniffling. He opened his mouth to speak, but she held up her hand for silence.
“Kelly sent me your album that year for my birthday, and it connected somehow. She’d picked it out just for me, and it came from Halmeoni’s homeland. I listened to it so often that I learned every word by heart. It made me feel less alone and gave me something happier to focus on. I know it’s stupid. You weren’t actually reaching out to me with the lyrics you sang, but it still felt that way.”
He took her hand and squeezed gently. “I’m sorry you went through that.”
“Thank you.” She rubbed at her watery eyes. “You’re being punished because you helped me when I was vulnerable. You took care of me when you didn’t have to, and I’m never going to forget that. I might have freaked out when all of this was suggested, but there was no way I would turn my back on you. You were there when I needed you, now I’m here when you need me.”
Heart and Seoul (The Seoul Series Book 1) Page 13