Emotion demolished most of her logic and left her brain feeling mushy. “Not at the moment, but thank you. I’m sure I’ll think of something later.”
Dr. Sanyal smiled at her, and the two nurses left with her. Tessa sank into the hard plastic chair placed next to her father’s bedside.
“Appa.” Her voice cracked. She scooped up the hand not occupied by his IV and kissed his knuckles. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t here sooner.”
He squeezed her fingers gently. “I’m sorry you had to come.”
“Don’t be silly.” She let out a hiccup, pushing back at the climbing sob in vain. “I couldn’t have stayed away knowing you were in here.”
His thumb stroked over the back of her hand. “I’m glad you’re here.”
She lifted their joined hands and rested her cheek against them. He seemed smaller than when she’d left, though it was probably the hospital gown that tricked her eye. Seeing him somehow alleviated the weight of one worry while dumping another onto her shoulders.
“Meu amor?”
Tessa turned to the door where her mother stood, looking dead on her feet. Purple circles shadowed her eyes, and she moved as though her legs were made of lead. Tessa set down her father’s hand and all but flew into her mother’s arms.
“Mamãe.”
Her mother tucked her head and burst into tears, which set Tessa off a moment later. They stood in the tiny entryway sobbing.
“I missed you so much.” Her mother gave a hearty squeeze and stepped back, cupping Tessa’s cheeks. A sigh melted out of her mother. “It’s so good to see you. I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you arrived. They ordered me to get food, so I was nursing a donut and coffee in the atrium.”
“It’s okay, Mamãe.”
“Did you sleep at all on the plane?”
Tessa shook her head.
“I’ll drive you home after you’ve had a visit. You can shower and have a rest.”
“I didn’t fly all the way here to not stay with you both.”
Her mother smiled. “You still need to sleep.”
Tessa eyeballed the chair in the corner.
“No. You are not sleeping in a chair here. You’ll hurt yourself. Let me take you home.”
For a moment it was the Seoul apartment that flitted through her head at the word, and not the house she’d grown up in. Tessa tucked that aside and allowed her mother to take her back to their house.
Eun Gi
“Earth to Eun Gi.” Min Jae waved his hand in front of Eun Gi’s face. “You okay?”
Eun Gi blinked. “Yeah, sorry. I’m a little distracted.”
Min Jae’s smile turned annoyingly self-satisfied. “Were you thinking about Noona?”
“So what if I was?”
Truthfully, he hadn’t stopped thinking about her since she left. Recalling how she’d curled against him, fear in her gaze, made his gut twist.
“Hyung, don’t be so cranky. You’re allowed to think about her.”
Hwan and Sung Soo exchanged a look.
“Has she said anything about her appa?” Hwan asked.
“Nothing yet. I only know she arrived. I’m worried.”
Sung Soo refilled their coffees. “Send her a text?”
“I don’t want to bother her.”
Hwan snorted. “I don’t think you’ve been paying enough attention to the situation if you think you’re a bother to her.”
“Let’s all be nice to Eun Gi,” said Sung Soo. “He’s just figuring out he has a crush on the woman he’s going to marry.” The eldest of them propped a grinning face into his palm, watching Eun Gi’s expression shift.
Min Jae burst out laughing and pulled Eun Gi into a squeezing hug. “Don’t worry, Hyung, I’m pretty sure Noona likes you too.”
Eun Gi groaned and dropped his forehead to the table. “I don’t want this to be more complicated than it already is.”
“Doesn’t it make it less complicated if you have feelings for your wife?” Hwan asked.
“In any normal situation, maybe. Not so much in this one.”
Tessa’s panic in the wee hours, her easy surrender into his arms for comfort, her complete offer of trust, played on repeat in his head. He knew her now, had experienced her vulnerability, and seeing her hands shake as she tried to pack had triggered some deep need to protect. But now she was across the ocean, and there was nothing at all he could do.
“Hyung, can I be best man at the wedding?” Min Jae’s voice snapped Eun Gi back to their conversation.
“Excuse you, best man is my right,” Hwan insisted.
Sung Soo rolled his eyes.
“I already promised Hwan like five years ago that he could be,” said Eun Gi.
“That’s no fair planning so far ahead!”
Sung Soo snared Min Jae away from Eun Gi.
“What am I supposed to do?” Eun Gi looked at each of them in turn. “What if she doesn’t come back?”
“She’s coming back,” Sung Soo assured.
“But what if she doesn’t?”
It was another thought that refused to leave his brain. She was back home now, and with an ill parent. There would be nothing he or the company could do if she chose to remain where she was. His stomach twisted when he contemplated it. They’d only just opened up to one another, and something between them had shifted.
“Eun Gi.” Sung Soo nudged the phone closer to him. “Text her and save yourself the headache.”
He avoided it long enough to give her time to settle, but eventually his curiosity got the better of him. He stared at the phone screen, willing it to conjure up a message without his involvement.
Eun Gi:
How’s your appa?
You’ve been so quiet, I hope everything is ok.
Relief swept through him when the typing dots appeared.
Tessa:
The doctors are hopeful he’ll make a full recovery, but he has to stay in the hospital for a little while longer.
Eun Gi:
I’m glad he has a good prognosis. Does that mean you’ll be coming back to Seoul soon?
His fingers felt clumsy, awkwardness fueling a growing tension in his limbs.
Tessa:
In a few days. I haven’t booked the flight yet.
He typed and erased a half-dozen messages. Unable to discern the exact tone of her words, but unwilling to ask, he decided instead on another idea. She was stressed, he told himself, and exhausted. It would be too much to expect more from her right now.
Eun Gi:
Do you mind if I pick you up from the airport?
Tessa:
You want to brave the airport?
You can, if you want to. No pressure though, I can take a cab if you change your mind.
Does that mean she doesn’t want me to?
He stared at the screen.
Surely if she were opposed to the idea, she would say so. She had before, but now he wasn’t sure what to think. He didn’t want to pull back the offer in case he was misreading the situation. Forcing himself to roll with it, he typed out a response he hoped wasn’t too stilted.
Eun Gi:
I won’t. See you soon :) Let me know if anything changes or if you need anything
He was anxious to see her in person, but that made him even more confused.
Only a few more days. That was doable.
Probably.
Tessa
An ache through Tessa’s body woke her several hours later. The sun was gone from the sky, leaving her home in a dismal twilight. Her mother had taken her home, and she’d fallen asleep on the couch under a fuzzy throw, too exhausted to make it any farther. She reached over in her sleep daze, expecting to find Eun Gi next to her, but there was only empty air. Disappointment sank in.
She climbed the stairs to shower away some of her fatigue and get dressed for the hospital. As she picked out her clothing it struck her that her bedroom had a foreign quality to it, like it didn’t quite belong to her anymore. It had housed her f
or most of her life, but there was a certain level of detachment as she stood in it, knowing she was about to spend a year away.
“Meu amor.” Her mother’s voice carried from the front door. “I picked up Chinese on the way home. I hope you’re hungry.”
Tessa wandered to the entryway, damp hair curling around her face. “You’re back early. I was just getting ready to head over.”
“Appa’s having a rest. We’ll go back after we eat. Sound good?”
Tessa nodded and took the bags from her, depositing them onto the table before laying out the plethora of containers. Despite what had brought her home, she felt a little lighter being in their kitchen with her mother like everything was normal.
“So.” Her mother plunked herself down at the table. “I need a distraction, which means I need you to tell me about this boy you’re marrying. You’ve had a chance to get to know him a little bit. What do you think?”
Tessa’s whole body warmed, cheeks flaming. “He’s sweet. It’s all so complicated, though.”
“Feelings often are.”
“I meant the situation, but I guess that also applies. I love spending time with him.” Tessa twirled chow mein noodles on her chopsticks. Nostalgia rocked her hard. The scent was reminiscent of their Friday nights growing up when they would order in and watch a movie together. “It all feels different than what I’d expected.”
“Different how?” Her mother dug into the sweet and sour pork.
“Hmm. More real? I’m not sure how to explain it. Before he was sort of this fantasy that existed, but didn’t. If that makes sense?”
Her mother nodded.
“Now, he’s this whole real person and I keep trying to not get attached, but I feel it happening anyway. He’s clearly struggling with all of this too. It’s hard for him.”
“I would imagine it’s hard for both of you. I’m not even part of it and I’m stressed. Do you think there’s a possibility of something coming out of all this?”
Tessa’s cheeks flushed deeper.
“I’m taking that as a yes. Do you trust him?”
“I think so. I’m not sure how far that goes this early on, but we seem to have an understanding. He was so great after you called. I cried all over him, and he just carried me back to bed and held me. He even tidied up the mess I’d made of my clothes when I was panic packing.”
“Oho! You’ve shared a bed?” Her mother’s face lit up. She scooched forward and stared expectantly at her daughter. “Was it a sexy bed sharing? I cannot believe it took you so long to tell me.”
“Oh God. It’s not like that. He stays with me because he has nightmares. I think he might have some PTSD from his parents.”
Her mother’s eyes widened, chopsticks paused halfway to her mouth. “Poor boy. I hope that’s not the case. Does he have good people around him?”
“Mostly. The other members are amazing, but some of the company and studio staff kind of suck.”
“Still, even if you only have a single person who truly has your back, that’s more than many people have in this world. You should see how things go. You’ve got plenty of time to figure out if you want to have a relationship with him.”
“But I’d have to live in Korea. There’s no way he could leave. You’d be okay with that?”
“Meu amor, I love you so much—” she reached across the table, taking Tessa’s hand in hers, “—and I need you to understand that I will support anything that makes you happy. If you find yourself in love and want to be with him, then I want you to do whatever you need to. We’ll make things work, arrange for more permanent help if we have to, but Appa would never get over the guilt if you missed out because of him. Of course we want you to be close, but we’re not so selfish that we’d tell you to stay if you think a move like this would be good for you. Besides, it’s a direct flight, and I would talk your ear off on video calls.”
“Have I mentioned lately that you’re the best mom?”
Her mother grinned. “Feel free to remind me.”
The next few days stretched into a sort of exhausted monotony. Tessa and her mother woke early and spent all day at the hospital with her father until visiting hours came to an end. The painkillers dulled some of his alertness, and he slept more than he was awake, but Tessa was grateful to be there regardless of his acuity.
“I snuck you a cookie,” Tessa said, handing over the chocolate confection.
“I don’t think it counts as sneaking if you ask the nurses for permission first.” Her father laughed and nibbled at his treat.
Her mother slipped into the room. “I just got off the phone with homecare. They’re sending a physiotherapist for the first while until he’s moving easier. And at that point we can go to the clinic instead.” She slumped down into one of the chairs.
“I can’t wait to go home.” Her father leaned against his pillows, setting the cookie on his rolling table.
“Soon.” Tessa smiled.
Her father laid a gentle hand on her mother’s cheek, thumb brushing softly over it. She smoothed his hair that had become a spiked disaster from lying in bed so long. They shared a kiss that in Tessa’s youth would have had her scrunching up her nose in disgust. As an adult it was closer to heartwarming, knowing that sort of deep and attentive love was possible. She still averted her gaze, because no amount of sweetness made parents kissing comfortable.
Her mother glanced up and laughed. “We’re done, you can look.”
Tessa stole a bite of her father’s cookie. “You’re never done.”
“Thirty years of habit, what can I say.” Her mother settled her head on her husband’s shoulder, watching Tessa from her snuggled post. “I’m sad Appa will have to miss your wedding.”
“It’s okay. It’s mostly for show anyway.”
“You should come back, and we’ll do a party for you. Kelly’s moms already offered to host,” her father said.
“Appa, it’s a temporary fake marriage. It would be silly to go to the trouble.”
“But I can’t come to it.”
His wide-eyed gaze melted her, guilt swelling in her gut.
“I’ll ask Eun Gi about it. I’m not sure what his schedule is like. I’m sure you two will get to Seoul before then either way. Kelly’s moms will want to go all out, and they’ll need time to plan.”
“Too true. They throw quite the event.” Her mother sat up and fished a small velvet box out of her purse. “I nearly forgot. They might not let you wear these, or you might not want to anyway, but if you do—”
Tessa grabbed the box and pried it open to reveal two pearl earrings. “Mamãe, these are gorgeous! Did you wear them at your wedding?”
“Actually, these were a gift Appa surprised me with when we found out about you. My wedding jewelry was stolen when someone broke into our first apartment, so I can’t offer that to you, but we hoped that this might be almost as meaningful.”
“It is.” Tessa took her mother’s hand.
“Olivia, Tessa, I’m so sorry to bother you.” Nurse Zhao popped through the door. “You only have about five more minutes before I have to kick you out for the night.”
Tessa’s mother sighed dramatically. “We’ll get going in a minute. Thank you, Nuan.”
Nurse Zhao bobbed her head, smiling before she disappeared back into the hall.
“I love that you get to know all the nurses,” Tessa said.
“I like to know the names of who’s taking care of one of my favourite people.” Her parents kissed again, soft and sweet, while her mother fussed and tucked him more comfortably into bed. “We’ll see you in the morning.”
Back at the house they sat on the couch, mother and daughter snuggled together. A sitcom rerun filled the silence until her mother muted it.
“I’m proud of you, meu amor. You’ve been so good through all of this, and I’m so grateful to have you as my daughter.” Her mother’s eyes shone in the lamplight. “You’re doing such a big thing to help this boy back in Korea. I want to make s
ure that you take care of yourself too. Don’t let yourself get lost in helping others and forget about you.”
“I won’t.”
Her mother stroked a soothing hand over Tessa’s hair. “You’ve always been a helper, ever since you were little. You say you won’t, but you tend to set aside what you need to make sure others are cared for.”
“Eun Gi is pretty good at not letting me do that. The others keep an eye on both of us. I think you’ll like them.”
“If you like them, I’m sure I will too. I’m glad he’s looking out for you. That’s important in a husband.”
“Mamãe.”
“I know, I know. Fake marriage, fake husband, but you like him, and he’s kind to you. If I have to give you up for a year, it had better be to someone amazing.” Her mother sighed, and a yawn cracked her jaw. “I’ll fall asleep on the couch if I stay here any longer. Go on up to bed. I’ll see you in the morning.”
Tessa curled up on her bed, staring at the empty space next to her in the dark. A quiet ache burned in her chest. Her phone buzzed, and she rolled over to check it.
Eun Gi:
Sweet dreams :)
I miss you. She typed it out and erased it. Groaning into the pillow, she attempted a different message.
Tessa:
You too, when you get there
A <3 sat unsent. The phone slipped from her grasp, and she caught it before it smacked her in the face.
Tessa:
<3
“Oh, fuck my life.”
Agonizing moments passed, and then those three dots appeared, taunting her.
Eun Gi:
<3
Tessa giggled, dragging her pillow over her face as the sound pitched louder. “Oh my God.”
Heart and Seoul (The Seoul Series Book 1) Page 15