Heart and Seoul (The Seoul Series Book 1)

by Erin Kinsella

  She stared at the screen for a long while before finally dipping into sleep, a smile tugging at her mouth.

  The wee hours of the mornings were spent shoving a year’s worth of clothing and assorted items into her two suitcases. It was a task that kept her firmly occupied whenever she wasn’t at the hospital. Her remaining time in Vancouver disappeared with each heartbeat. As the end of the week drew closer, so did her return to Seoul and the beginning of a year apart from her parents. Her father was still in the hospital when the day of her flight arrived.

  “I don’t know if I can go.” Tessa fidgeted in her seat. The healthier her father became, the more her thoughts drifted to Seoul. Eun Gi had been texting her with updates on the others, and she’d kept him apprised of the situation, but seeing his name on the screen wasn’t the same as being there. Part of her felt guilty for how much she wanted to go back.

  “Of course you can go,” her mother insisted. “You’ve got less than two weeks until the wedding, and from the sounds of it that company is about to have a conniption if you stay away much longer.”

  Her father took Tessa by the hand. “Peanut, you don’t have to stay here for me. Dr. Sanyal is sending me home tomorrow.”

  Tessa puffed up her cheeks. Two directions pulled at her. Family on one side, and a contractual obligation and the potential for something she wasn’t quite ready to think about on the other.

  “You have things to do in Korea that are important. We’re not going anywhere.” Tessa’s mother pressed a kiss to each of her daughter’s cheeks and sniffled. “I’m going to miss you so much.”

  “Mamãe, you’re not supposed to cry until I get on the plane.”

  “I can cry whenever I want.”

  “Hey, hey, she’s right, tears are for the airport.” Tessa’s father sat up a little more, wincing slightly at the movement.

  “Appa, we’re having a moment. Join the hug or shoo.”

  “I’m trying to keep myself together!” he complained even as he opened his arms to them.

  Tessa indulged in a long embrace. “It’s only a year, not forever.”

  Her mother scoffed. “I think children have a very different idea of forever than their parents.”

  All too familiar with the flight by now, Tessa firmly resolved to sleep, which ultimately meant that she greeted the sight of Seoul from above with burning eyes that hadn’t slept a wink. When she shuffled into arrivals Eun Gi appeared out of the crowd, ball cap low on his brow. A blush warmed her face, her heart doing excitable flip flops. He pulled her straight into a hug, and she sank her weight into his arms with a contented hum.

  The soft coconut scent of his shampoo slipped into her awareness, and her forehead tucked against his silken hair.

  “How was the flight?”

  Her breath caught at the sound of his voice. She’d missed it.

  “Long. Need sleep.”

  His laughter echoed in her ear. “Come on, then. Let’s get you home.”

  Home.

  She curled into him a little more. “I can’t believe you braved the airport for me.”

  “You’re worth the risk.”

  Something in her chest melted, tension releasing in a flood of warmth.

  He managed to spirit her into their apartment without alerting the others to their arrival, and got her tucked into bed. His fingers brushed her cheek softly, and she could have sworn he kissed her hair, but the pull of sleep was too strong to know for certain.

  Chapter 12

  Tessa

  “I have a problem.” Tessa slumped onto Kelly’s couch.

  “With?” Kelly set two cups of tea on the coffee table.

  “Eun Gi’s been so sweet, and it’s making me confused.”

  “You’re gonna have to elaborate a wee bit.”

  “I just— I don’t get it. It took me three months to kiss Selena, and I already want to kiss him. I used to frustrate the hell out of everyone I ever went out with because I didn’t want to get physical early on.”

  “I’m not surprised that you want him.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Think about it. You’ve been invested in his life for years, and while that’s not the same as having known him, he’s familiar to you. Maybe your brain thinks you’ve been close all this time, and it’s kicked into gear now that you’re pushed into more intimate circumstances. It’s like a demisexual shortcut.”

  “Maybe.” Tessa sipped her tea and set it down with a groan. “I’m not comfortable feeling these things.”

  “Why not?”

  “It’s weird. I feel like I’m objectifying him when I think about kissing him, and…other things.”

  Kelly laughed so hard she choked on her tea.

  “No dying, I need you alive to talk me through this.” Tessa patted Kelly’s back until the coughing subsided.

  “He is very pretty.”

  “That is wildly unhelpful, Kel.”

  “Can’t say that I was trying to be helpful. Seriously though, be honest with me. You’ve never done any bean flicking over him?”

  “Oh my God.” Tessa buried her face in her hands to block out the view of her best friend’s face. “I can’t believe you asked me that. This is worse than my parents’ sex talk.”

  Kelly nudged her. “What? It’s not bad. I’ve done it.”

  Tessa’s head snapped up. “Over Eun Gi?”

  “Sung Soo.” Kelly poked at her. “You never did answer me.”

  “And I’m not going to. Why does the earth never open up and swallow me when I want it to?”

  “If you can’t talk to me about this, how can you talk to him? I’m the safe zone here. This is a big deal! When was the last time you had sexy feelings for someone? I’m betting it’s been years.”

  Tessa nodded. “Close to five years I think.”

  “Exactly, and if you’re having sexy feels, that means you’ve already got emotional ones, and if you’re at the stage of panicking to me about them, then they’re deeper than you’re letting on.”

  Tessa let out a sound of protest.

  “Girl, I know you way too well. Have you talked to him about any of this?”

  “No. How do I even bring up the topic?” Tessa’s cheeks burned and her insides twisted contemplating it.

  “Well, how did people bring it up to you?”

  “I am not asking Baek Eun Gi over text if he wants to have sex.”

  “So ask him in person.”

  “Kelly!”

  “What?” She dodged a pillow Tessa hurled at her and grabbed it to hold as a shield. “We’re opening the lines of communication. It’s very important.”

  “Why did I think you’d take this seriously?”

  “I’m sorry.” Kelly set down the pillow. “I am, I promise, but you two are adults. You’ve got to talk about it. If you want to sleep with him and he’s agreeable, then go right ahead. You have nothing to be ashamed of.”

  “I know.” She groaned and reclaimed her pillow, squeezing it to her chest. “I’m just scared. It’s more than all that.”

  “What do you mean?”

  Tessa huffed. “If things keep on like they have been, how am I going to be able to manage it?”

  “Well—” Kelly squeezed Tessa’s arm, “—then that’s all the more reason you need to talk. You’re getting married soon, and you gotta be able to communicate with your partner. If he’s a butt about it, then I’ll have to punch him in the dick.”

  “Please don’t dick punch. What if I need it later?”

  Kelly snorted and dissolved into giggles until she was red-faced and crying.

  Tessa flopped back onto the couch, arranging herself across Kelly’s lap. “I feel so dumb about all of this.”

  “You’re not dumb. Pretty much everything about sex is awkward. You gotta accept that. Feelings aren’t easy.” Kelly stroked a soothing hand over Tessa’s hair. “It’ll all be okay, one way or another.”

  “I want to believe that.”

  Tessa’
s phone rang.

  “Hello?”

  “Hale Tessa-ssi, it’s Kyung Mi.”

  “Oh, hi. What can I do for you?” Apprehension buzzed through her. Any contact with the company didn’t bode particularly well.

  “I’m not sure if you’ve been updated on the situation yet, but Kim Hye Jin has spoken to the media. I’ll send you a link so you can read it, if you want.”

  “Yes please.”

  “I cannot stress enough how important it is for you to not speak with them if approached. We don’t need any more fuel on this fire.”

  “Of course. I’m not keen on it considering the last time they ambushed me.”

  There was silence for a moment. “Have you been harassed since then?”

  “No, but I’ve been pretty careful about where I go.”

  “Good. I do apologize for the inconvenience. It’s part of the lifestyle that can’t be easily avoided. I hope your family is doing well? You left in such a rush we were concerned you wouldn’t return.”

  “They’re well enough. Appa’s out of the hospital and back at home now.”

  “I’m glad. Though I do have to ask that you inform me next time, preferably prior to you getting on a plane. If I’m to do my best for you and Eun Gi, I need to be kept informed.”

  Guilt picked at Tessa’s stomach. “Did you get in trouble because I left?”

  “Don’t worry about that. Let’s just do better in the future, all right?”

  “Okay.” She was definitely going to worry about it, but Kyung Mi wasn’t likely to spill the beans over what disciplinary actions she might’ve faced.

  “I’m getting a handle on the Hye Jin situation, but I wanted to check in with you first to see if you’d been affected. I honestly thought my days of dealing with her were over, but the past never truly sleeps.” Kyung Mi sighed. “I don’t want either of you going through what happened then.”

  “What did happen? Eun Gi has been pretty quiet about it.” Tessa sat up and turned the volume up full blast to assist Kelly with her eavesdropping.

  “To be fair, he doesn’t know everything.” Kyung Mi hesitated. “Some of the fans were monstrous to her. She was still quite young at the time, only twenty, and she had to close down her entire social media presence. Her home address was leaked. It was an entire mess and the company washed their hands of her. It was far easier for them to let her go than to deal with it. I tried to keep an eye on her, but we were on tour and I had a million other things to attend to. She’d all but disappeared by the time we returned.”

  Each word piqued Tessa’s anxiety. “Oh my God, that’s awful.”

  “Yes. I should have intervened sooner. Idols don’t have the luxury of a normal life, and I knew they would get in trouble with the company if they were caught. I never should have allowed their relationship to continue.”

  “You couldn’t have known what would happen.”

  “It still happened on my watch, and I’m determined not to make those mistakes again.” Kyung Mi’s voice softened. “Your career wouldn’t allow you to go on a blackout like she did, but the risk is there. I intend to keep the situation under control. As skeptical as I was at first, it seems like things are working out well, and I don’t want Eun Gi to face the consequences of an irate EchoPop because you had to back out of the arrangement for your own safety.”

  “I’ll follow whatever instructions you give me,” Tessa promised.

  “I’m happy to hear it.”

  When they hung up Tessa turned to Kelly, who was staring at her with wide eyes. “Wow, drama. Get the article, I want to read.”

  The message from Kyung Mi with the link popped up a moment later and Tessa clicked it.

  Kim Hye Jin Speaks Out To The Press.

  Previously outed to the public in a dating scandal with Baek Eun Gi of 24/7 fame four years ago, the makeup artist speaks out for the first time on the new scandal between Baek Eun Gi and Hale Tessa.

  “You’re all being horrible. Don’t ruin things for them like you ruined it for us. Accept that he’s happy and respect his privacy.” The makeup artist eluded further commentary.

  “Every time I think I understand what I’m getting myself into I get a whole new layer added on.” Tessa downed the rest of her tea. “This is a lot.”

  “You’re going to be fine. I’ve got your back.” Kelly squeezed her tight. “If I have to mama-bear the entire fanbase, I will.”

  Chapter 13

  Tessa

  Tessa managed to chicken out of talking to Eun Gi about her feelings over a dozen times until she was staring down the day of her wedding. Her eyes burned and a mild ache prodded her forehead. She was tempted to roll over and scream into her pillow, but that might wake Eun Gi.

  She could hardly marry him if she couldn’t say a few simple words. What was so difficult about “I’d like to pursue a proper relationship”? She briefly wished telepathy upon him, but rescinded that a moment later when she realized that would mean he’d know everything.

  She looked at his sleeping face. Her heart squeezed. Strands of dark hair swept over his brow, and his cheeks were soft and plump. It wasn’t even fair how weak she was for him.

  Surrendering to the intimacy their situation brought was too easy, but even so she kept reminding herself it wasn’t real. They slept in the same bed at night as a preventative measure for his nightmares, not because he wanted to be there. They shared meals and went to set together because it was convenient. She knew she was being silly, but had no idea how to prevent it from happening. Logic was a terrible weapon when surrounded by the warmth of his body.

  Eun Gi shifted and sighed against her skin, tugging her a little closer.

  He was going to be the death of her if he kept that up.

  She was marrying him today. Tessa suppressed the urge to cry and instead brushed his hair from his face.

  She had a year. It would be best to enjoy this as it was and move along when the time came. How hard could it be?

  Tessa jumped when someone knocked on the door.

  Eun Gi lifted a sleepy head. “Hmm?”

  “I need to speak with you.” Tessa recognized the voice as Kyung Mi and slipped from Eun Gi’s hold to open the door.

  Kyung Mi glanced between Eun Gi, who had promptly fallen back asleep, and Tessa’s sleep-worn hair. “I’m asking as a formality since I’m already quite certain of the answer given what I’m seeing, but am I to assume that the wedding will be going ahead as planned?”

  “Um.” Tessa backed away quickly and shook Eun Gi’s shoulder.

  “What’s happening?” he asked groggily.

  “You’re getting married, is what’s happening.” Kyung Mi sighed. “This is your last opportunity to back out of the arrangement. Once you get on location, I won’t be able to help you.”

  Eun Gi’s cheeks paled, and Tessa’s heart revved.

  His gaze focused on Tessa, voice wavering. “If Tessa is comfortable with moving forward, I am too.”

  At least she wasn’t the only one who was nervous. Neither of them had a reason to say no that the company would accept. Even worse, for all her internal panic, she didn’t want to say no.

  “Let’s do this.”

  “Come on then, we’ve got to get you all to hair and makeup.” Kyung Mi pulled the blanket off the bed, and Eun Gi contracted into a ball against the rush of cold air. “I have to check on the others. If you’re not dressed and ready to go in thirty minutes, I’ll sic Gyeong Suk on you.”

  The wedding coordinator kept a firm grip on Tessa’s wrist, as if sensing her growing panic, thwarting any intrusive thoughts that might urge her to flee. Kelly and Hwan waited outside of the room where the guests, along with the film crew and photographers, sat in anticipation of Tessa’s arrival. They’d managed to sneak the bride and groom into the building without being bothered, but she’d seen the lineup of cameras waiting to capture images of attendees.

  Her fingers found her pearl earrings, and she rolled the smooth studs between th
umb and forefinger to calm herself.

  “You okay, Tess?” Kelly’s dress matched the flowers they both wore in their hair, a pale pink that was almost lost amid her bubblegum-tinted curls.

  “Um, sure?”

  Hwan wrapped a tuxedo-clad arm over her shoulders. “You’ll do fine. Just don’t trip.”

  “Shouldn’t be a problem.” Tessa stuck her foot out from under the gown, revealing a bedazzled ballet flat. “They put me in these so Eun Gi isn’t tiny next to me.”

  “I know what’ll make you feel better.” Kelly whipped out her phone, and a moment later the screen was filled with the face of Tessa’s mother.

  “Oh my goodness, meu amor, you’re gorgeous! And they let you wear the earrings. I’m so glad.” Her mother’s face was paler than usual, hair unstyled, eyes glassy.

  “How’re you feeling, Mamãe?”

  “Just peachy.” Her mother held out a thumbs-up. “Food poisoning is still destroying me, but I haven’t thrown up in two hours. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there.”

  “Quit hogging.” Her father’s face nudged her mother over. “Look at you. Pretty as a peanut.”

  Tessa giggled. It was a ritual they’d had since she’d learned to speak. “Peanuts aren’t pretty.”

  “But you are—” her father grinned, “—and you’re my peanut.”

  The giggles wavered dangerously. “Oh God, don’t make me cry, they already did the makeup.”

  “Let us see the whole look,” her mother asked. Tessa stepped back and did a slow twirl. The full A-line skirt swept around her body, nipping in at her waist with a beaded silk belt over the lace bodice. They’d skipped a necklace since the scalloped edges of the off-shoulder neckline came up to her clavicle, but they did add pearl-studded pins to her hair, nestled amid the baby-pink roses to match her earrings.

  “I wish I was there so I could see his face when you walk out in this. I’m glad they went with ivory for the gown. It’s much softer against your skin.”

  Kelly turned the screen around. “I’ll keep you guys on video call for the ceremony so you get to see. I have to mute you or the scary company people might steal my phone.”