“It’s a viable battle tactic,” said Tessa, “but it’s such a shame that wars take so much history from people. This place is beyond gorgeous. I hate to think of it ever having been gone.”
Pyong Ho nodded. “Invaders care about resources and power. People are easier to conquer if you destroy their past and symbols of unity. Our country has had a rough time in that regard. Everyone wants a piece of Korea.”
“We’re not pie. Everyone should stop trying to eat us.” Hwan pouted his lip, and Pyong Ho laughed so hard he snorted, cheeks turning pink.
“I guess that’s one way of putting it.” Pyong Ho grinned.
Tessa sighed wistfully as a girl in a pink and blue hanbok floated past. “Traditional clothing is so beautiful.”
“And comfy as fuck. As long as you’re not wearing the fancy version,” Kelly said. “I haven’t worn any since the wedding, but I could live in hanbok.”
“You should,” said Min Joo. “You look cute in it.”
“I have to agree, but I already stand out so much being a foreigner. I’d have people gawking at me all day long if I was running around in a hanbok too.”
“Everyone gather up for a selfie!” Min Jae herded them together into a cluster and held his phone aloft. “I need longer arms,” he complained, angling the phone to get all the heads in.
He forwarded the picture onwards to the group.
“No one post it yet,” Sung Soo said.
Pyong Ho quirked his head. “Why not?”
“If fans know where we are, they’ll show up,” Hwan said. “You have to wait until you’ve left the area, especially when the background of the image is so distinct.”
“That’s fair.” Pyong Ho nodded. “I never thought about it before.”
“You pick up lots of tricks to deal with the fame.” Hwan shrugged. “If we didn’t we’d never be able to go outside.”
“It sounds exhausting.”
Eun Gi leaned his chin on Tessa’s shoulder. “It’s not terrible. At least not if no one recognizes you.”
Pyong Ho turned to Tessa. “How have things been since the breach? I reported as many as I could when it was happening.”
“Thank you.” Tessa sighed. “It’s coming along. They’re slow to tire, but it’s being managed as best we can.”
They wandered at their leisure, exploring the palace complex. Eun Gi, Tessa, Kelly, and Min Joo took photos with each other to send to Tessa’s parents, and the members of 24/7 took a bunch together to share with the fan-sites.
Mamãe:
Meu amor, you look so beautiful!
Tessa:
Thanks Mamãe :)
Mamãe:
Your husband looks like he’s having fun. You’re both so cute! I showed Appa and he’s jealous of you being at the palace. Maybe we’ll plan a trip to come visit
Tessa:
!!!!
DO IT! Come visit me :D
Mamãe:
You shouldn’t encourage me. I’ve already got the airline site open
Tessa:
Ooooh tragedy
Kelly peeked over her shoulder. “Your parents are coming to Seoul?”
“I hope so. I’m not sure when though. Appa should be okay to travel soon.”
“I can’t wait to see them!”
Eun Gi
Eun Gi flopped back onto the couch when they got home. “I’m afraid of meeting your parents.” Nerves prickled his stomach.
“They’re very nice, I promise.”
“Yeah, to you, maybe. I’m the outlier, the wily man who stole their daughter.”
Tessa started laughing and then couldn’t stop, burying her face into a couch pillow as she dissolved into helpless giggles.
“What’s so funny? Parents are terrifying. What if they hate me?”
Tessa pulled the pillow off her face. “Who could ever hate you?”
Panic raced through him. He hesitated, unsure how much he should say.
“My own parents managed to. I’m never certain that anyone else will like me because they don’t.”
Tessa sobered immediately. “I’m so sorry. That was insensitive of me. My parents are going to love you. I don’t know what’s wrong with yours that they would ever be anything but loving towards you.”
He huffed out a sigh. “It’s hard to shed the mentality. I know in theory that other people love me, but it doesn’t quite seem real. I feel like I’m one stupid decision away from ruining it all.”
His eyes burned.
No. You’re grown now. You’re fine.
Tessa’s fingers brushed his cheek, slipping into his hair. “Lots of people love you, and even more will in the future. You’re easy to love.”
The words felt like lies—like a knife in his chest. He wanted it to be true, had always been desperate to feel that someone truly loved him. The other members expressed it often enough and without reservation, but still, he was trying to be loved. He put a lot of effort into stuffing down the unpleasant parts of himself so that he would be easier to love. It didn’t always work, but he feared what would happen if he ever gave up trying.
The poisonous thoughts cycled around in his head, swirling down into his belly until the nausea forced him to head to the bathroom. He locked the door behind him.
He despised getting caught in these patterns, in letting the rising swell of self-loathing choke him. Memories of his parents shredded his self-confidence, stripping him away to a bare and broken foundation.
Tessa was saying his name, but the sound came from across a chasm too great for him to bridge. He hiccupped and tried desperately to get his breathing under control so he could stop embarrassing himself. It wasn’t cooperating.
“Eun Gi!” Tessa called out to him and knocked on the door. “What’s wrong?”
Don’t let her in. The voice of self-loathing whispered to him.
He turned on the shower, stripping down to climb under the spray. The shock of the cold water broke through some of the haze, but all of the hatred directed at his parents, at himself, still roared in his ears.
He sat waging a quiet war against the monsters of his past, but eventually the door opened. Min Jae could always undo the locks. Sung Soo came in first and turned off the water. Shivers racked his entire body. Jolting forward, Eun Gi threw up into the basin before curling into himself.
Arms hoisted him out of the tub and wrapped him in a towel, hustling him back to his bedroom.
“I don’t feel good.”
“We’ve got you.” Tessa draped a towel over his head, scrubbing at the dripping hair. The comforter from the bed sank over his shoulders, trapping what little heat his body was able to produce.
“What happened?” Sung Soo asked while they worked.
The voices were hazy.
Warm hands gripped his cheeks, and he tried to focus on Tessa’s face. She looked so worried.
I did that. I always make everyone worry.
Tessa pressed a hand to his chest, and her voice reached to him through the haze.
“Follow me.” She brought one of his hands to her chest and breathed deeply.
He inhaled once, then again, using the rise and fall of her chest to force his own to cooperate. Her forehead rested against his. He didn’t know how long she kneeled in front of him, patiently coaxing him, when suddenly the grip on his lungs eased, and he sucked in a grating gulp of air.
Tessa’s arms were around him instantly.
Sung Soo pressed against his side, cheek to his hair.
“I’m okay.” Eun Gi’s tongue felt thick and slow in his mouth.
“Panic attack?” Sung Soo asked.
“I think so.”
They got him bundled onto the bed where he sank limply into the mattress. The others flooded into the room. Tessa stretched out on one side, Sung Soo on the other with Hwan and Min Jae draped over his legs. It was a tight squeeze, but they managed to fit without anyone falling off.
“We haven’t had to cuddle pile for a while now,” Min Jae
said. “What set you off?”
“I think meeting my parents,” Tessa said when Eun Gi didn’t respond.
Sung Soo wrapped his arm over Eun Gi. “We’re here, and we love you.”
They stayed like that until Eun Gi’s heartbeat finally calmed and he settled into a languid, half-sleep state. “You guys, this is embarrassing. I’m not a baby.”
“Adults need care sometimes too,” Hwan pointed out.
“We should order pizza and eat it in bed.” Min Jae grinned.
“I’m not opposed,” said Eun Gi, “but I definitely need to put on some clothes for that.”
The boys vacated the room to order food, and Tessa waited while Eun Gi got dressed.
“Eun Gi, have you talked to a professional about all this?”
He pulled on a pair of sweatpants. “Like who?”
“A doctor or therapist? They can be helpful with anxiety and panic attacks.”
He shook his head and slipped on a T-shirt. “I don’t want to take drugs for that.”
“They wouldn’t force you, and even if it was recommended, it’s no different than taking medicine for a cold. I take meds, and I’ve been to therapy before too. Sometimes your mind needs extra care just like your body, and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s not so scary.”
“Tessa, please.”
“You could talk to someone with training for how to deal with this.”
“Can you please drop the subject?”
She bit her lip, but nodded. “I’m worried about you.”
“I’ll be fine.” He shrugged. “I always am.”
Chapter 19
Eun Gi
“I don’t want to go to Busan today,” Eun Gi moaned.
Tessa kissed his cheek. “Good luck convincing the studio that you don’t have to go.”
Each day over the last two weeks had moved them closer to filming in Busan, and it was like a looming shadow that had Eun Gi becoming more anxious about his return to the city.
“If only. Couldn’t you have set your book in the mountains?”
“I don’t think Bridie’s ship could have sailed into the mountains,” Tessa remarked.
Eun Gi rolled over and crushed her. “Go back in time, make it a historical fantasy, and let the ships fly.”
“I can’t go back in time with you squishing me.” She looped her arms around him.
He dropped a kiss to the curve of her throat, and she shivered, fingers tightening against his back. Her breath turned ragged in his ear, nails digging in a little more with each subtle movement. His name disappeared into a sigh.
“Hmm?”
“We have to get ready to leave.”
He made a sound of protest and rolled off. “Who plans flights this early in the day?”
“Studios with no respect for sleep?” She pressed a kiss to his mouth and climbed off the bed. “We’ll have some time to settle in before they need you on set. Maybe it’ll rain and they’ll have to postpone.”
Eun Gi checked the weather on his phone. “It’s not supposed to rain until tonight.”
Indulging in one more kiss before gathering up her toiletries, she leaned into him, nipping his bottom lip.
“I’m trying to be good and pack all our things. You’re being so distracting.”
“Do you want me to stop?” She quirked her head to the side.
He backed her up until she met the wall and his arms moved to cage her. “No.”
Shivers raced over her skin as she pulled him in, capturing his mouth. She inched closer until their hips touched. Her fingers kneaded the base of his skull, sliding through his hair, and he made another incomprehensible sound, diving down to nibble her throat just because he could.
His phone buzzed loudly on the nightstand, and he sighed, dragging himself away to answer it. The driver was waiting to take them to the airport. “We’ll be right out. Give us five minutes.”
Hwan was already in the hallway when they stepped out of their suite. Sung Soo was wrangling Min Jae who’d somehow managed to lose his wallet. Eun Gi stepped in and went straight to the couch, fishing it out from underneath one of the cushions.
‘’How’d you find it?” Jae asked, catching it out of the air as Eun Gi tossed it to him.
“I know you too well.”
“Hyung,” Min Jae turned to Sung Soo, “why don’t you know me that well?”
Sung Soo rolled his eyes. “I know plenty else about you. I can’t be expected to remember every single thing.”
They hustled downstairs to the waiting vehicle.
“It’s so early,” Hwan whined. He leaned his head on Sung Soo. “Hyung, you have such bony shoulders.”
Tessa sat on his other side and patted her lap. Hwan tipped over immediately, shoving Sung Soo with his hips until he could lay curled up on the limo seat. He was asleep immediately, lulled by the sway of the vehicle.
“You shouldn’t spoil him like that,” Eun Gi mused, propping an arm around her shoulders.
“Are you jealous you didn’t claim the space first?”
“I shouldn’t have to claim. Husbands should get first dibs.”
Tessa stuck out her tongue at him.
“Noona.” Min Jae pawed at her arm from across the way. “I don’t know English yet. Can you speak Korean?”
“Of course. We didn’t mean to exclude you.”
“Speak for yourself,” Eun Gi replied in English to make Min Jae pout.
“Noona, Hyung’s being mean.”
“It’s too early for me to parent grown men.” Tessa sighed. “Also, I refuse to do so. Work this out among yourselves. I’m closing my eyes until we get to the airport.”
They made it to Busan without incident. Tessa and Eun Gi were swept off to set and the others settled into the hotel. Although his friends were only there for a few days of vacation, Eun Gi was glad to have them close while he settled into this new phase of the project.
“It’s so beautiful here,” Tessa said as they walked through the area cordoned off for filming. “It hasn’t been that long since we were at the ocean, but I never stop missing the water when I’m away from it.”
“I like the ocean, but I don’t think I’ll ever miss Busan. Seoul is where I learned to be happy.”
Tessa slipped her hand into his and squeezed. “I’m here.”
His fingers squeezed back. “Thank you.”
Eun Gi was taken with Lily and some of the other cast to go over the set safety. The crew had been there a while already, transforming this section of the beach into Old Busan. People bustled like an ant nest, darting this way and that, putting the final touches in place. They’d be able to use some of the areas that had been restored to their original splendor, like the Haedong Yonggungsa Temple and the Chungnyeolsa Shrine, but most of the city was too modern to be of any use for their on-site work.
He was familiar with the process of blocking and set safety because of their music videos, though they weren’t as intensive as a drama production.
Lunch called his name, his rumbling stomach serenading those around him.
When they let him go, he found Tessa perched on the edge of a stone wall watching the swish of the sea. A bank of pearl-grey clouds was encroaching quickly, warring with the wide blue for dominance of the sweeping vista. The colour of the ocean melted from aqua to green to grey as the light above faded, breeze pushing the clouds to engulf the sun. She looked so pretty sitting there with the sun to one side, setting her hair to gleaming, teasing out the strands of amber hidden there.
She glanced over as he got closer, a grin stretching over her features. “What’re you smiling about?”
He sat down next to her and laced their fingers together. “You’re so beautiful.”
Her cheeks flared pink. “Want to go back to the hotel?”
His stomach growled obnoxiously.
“After we get food.” She laughed.
Too hungry to wait for a restaurant, they ended up gorging themselves on street food the whole
way back to the hotel.
“I’m so full,” Eun Gi groaned as they stepped over the threshold into their room. “I need to digest for a decade.”
“I’ll check if the others want to go for dinner tonight and then I’m having a nap because that early morning flight is kicking my butt.”
Eun Gi settled down on the bed, patting his food baby. She kissed his cheek before heading upstairs.
Eun Gi woke Tessa two hours later with soft fingertips brushing her forehead.
“Good morning,” she murmured.
“It’s afternoon.” He leaned in for a kiss, smiling against her mouth.
“I have a surprise for you.”
“Oh? What is it?”
Tessa giggled. “Well, if I told you, then it wouldn’t be a surprise. Close your eyes and give me a minute.”
He dutifully followed her instructions, listening to her suitcase unzip and her rustling around before the bathroom door closed. Minutes ticked by and he waited in impatient silence.
“Okay, you can open them.”
His muscles froze in shock a moment before it melted under the heat that flooded his system. Red lace cupped her breasts, descending in delicate swirls over her ribs amid a criss-cross of satin ribbon until it joined up with the bottom piece that wrapped her hips in lace as well. Shining black heels adorned each foot, elevating her already statuesque height. Each click of her shoes on the floor seemed to boost her confidence, a playful smile tugging at her lips.
“I know you weren’t excited to come to Busan, so I figured I’d give you something a little more fun to focus on.”
An animalistic sound escaped him. He was off the bed in an instant, staring up at her towering form in her four-inch heels, his hands on her lace-clad hips. She backed him towards the bed, dipping her head to kiss him as they maneuvered back onto the sheets. Tessa settled in, straddling his waist. His hands latched on to her again.
“Your eyes are so big right now.” She grinned and stroked his cheek. “I like it.”
Her fingertips slid up his arms, pressing the backs of his palms into the bed. She rotated her hips until a gasp spilled out.
Heart and Seoul (The Seoul Series Book 1) Page 23