by Beth Yarnall
“You don’t have a damn thing to be sorry for. When you laid everything out to me in my office, I knew how it must’ve looked to you. Add in our history and… I’m sorry. Honest to God, I’m so sorry I put you through all that.”
She nodded. “We have some luck, don’t we?”
“The worst. Look at you, knocked up by a no-account, dick for brains like me. And look at me—I can’t stop fucking up the best thing that ever happened to me.”
“Cal, what happened in your office and here tonight?”
“You want the short version or the long version?”
“I want your version.”
“Will you come in and sit down?” He waited for her response with the same nervous stomach he’d had when he first started knocking on her bedroom door.
At her nod, he exhaled the breath he’d been holding and led her into their living room like she was a guest. He even offered her a beverage when she was seated. His head throbbed in time with his heart, which beat so hard he thought it might break a rib.
He sat on the sofa next to her, close enough to touch but not to crowd. The whole thing reminded him of the night she’d come to him wet from the rain to tell him that she’d marry him. Only this time around there was more at stake. So much more.
He began with the magazine interview, which was when he’d first had suspicions about Felicia and took Lucy through everything that had happened to him since he’d last seen her earlier that afternoon. She listened without comment and didn’t ask any questions. When he ran out of words, he just stopped talking.
There was so much more to say, but he no longer trusted his verbal skills. I want you was too weak and easily misunderstood. I love you too trite and overused. I need you too small and ineffectual. He crossed his arms to keep from touching her and showing her all of the things that lived and burned deep inside him.
Lucy couldn’t believe what he’d been through tonight. She’d come so close to losing him. Too close. Since the beginning of their marriage she’d been the one in jeopardy. He’d been the one to protect her. And now when he’d needed her the most, she’d been curled up in a ball too afraid to look past what she’d seen to what she knew. Too scared to trust when all he’d given her was an open road to trust him. He’d earned her trust, and she’d refused to give it, holding on tight to it as though she needed for an escape hatch, a way out when things got too hard.
She was ashamed of herself. This man loved her and their daughter. He took care of them and cared for them. He was everything she wanted and needed. All she had to do was trust him.
“She could’ve killed you.” Saying it out loud made the backs of her eyes sting.
“I thought for a moment she might,” he said. “All the while I kept thanking God that you and Poppy weren’t here.”
“I wish I’d been here.”
“No, darlin’, you don’t. I didn’t have anything to lose when I grabbed for that gun. If you’d have been here, well, that would’ve complicated things considerably. I would’ve had everything to lose.”
“I never really listened to you when you said things like that to me. I heard the words, but I didn’t take them in. And you’ve backed up those words at every turn. I can’t think of one time where your words didn’t match your actions. If only I’d paid attention. If I’d only taken it all in. I do owe you an apology, Cal, for not believing you when you told me there was nothing between you and Felicia. Because I knew it. Deep inside I knew it.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that I know you didn’t cheat on me. That you’ve never cheated on me during our marriage and that you never will cheat. I’m hoping you can forgive me for not trusting you. And I’m really hoping that you’re happy about this baby.” She took his hand and laid it across her belly. “Because I can’t have this baby without you, Cal Sellers. I just can’t.” She burst into tears, and before she knew it he had her wrapped up tight against him.
“Am I happy? Oh, darlin’. When you told me in my office about the baby, it was a kick to the gut after a beating. All I kept thinking was how I’d lost the right to be there with you, how I wouldn’t get to see my children every day. I thought I’d lost you all forever. I’m happy. I’m so damn ecstatic I can hardly hold it in.”
“Really?”
He cupped her face and grinned down at her. “Really, darlin’. Really.”
“Can I…? Can I stay here tonight?”
“You can stay wherever you like.”
“I want to sleep in our bed. With you right next to me. I want to wake up wrapped in your arms, and I want to burn through a couple of options. If you’re up to it.”
“I’m up to all of that.”
“Then what are you waiting for, cowboy?”
He scooped her up off the couch and took the stairs two at a time. “This, darlin’, is going to be option number fifty-five.”
Dedication
For the survivors of domestic violence—the ones who got out—and for those still looking for a way out.
And as always, to my husband, Mr. Y, for buying into and supporting every single one of my crazy Lucy and Ethel schemes…including the one where I thought I could write a book.
*****
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence there is help through the National Domestic Abuse hotline. Trained advocates are available to take your calls toll free, 24/7 hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).
Donations to support the hotline can be made at www.thehotline.org.
Acknowledgements
I’m grateful for my family who supports my writing career and especially for my sons who get teased about the sexy books their mom writes. Sorry boys. Just try to remember that each books gets us that much closer to the pool you want. My thanks to my mom and my sister, who are the last set of eagle eyes to review all of my books before publication. Any mistakes are totally theirs not mine. To the fine women of The Keeper Shelf—the mighty, mighty unicorns—you are truly my New York.
Also by Beth Yarnall
A Deep and Dark December (coming in March 2014)
Dyed and Gone
The Pleasure at Home series
Rush
Lush
The Misadventures of Maggie Mae series
Wake Up Maggie
You’re Mine, Maggie
Find Me Maggie
Project Innocence series
EXONR8 (coming November 2015)
FR33D (coming February 2016)
LIBER8 (coming July 2016)
About the Author
Best selling author, Beth Yarnall, writes mysteries, romantic suspense, and the occasional hilarious tweet. A storyteller since her playground days, Beth remembers her friends asking her to make up stories of how the person `died' in the slumber party game Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board, so it's little wonder she prefers writing stories in which people meet unfortunate ends. In middle school she discovered romance novels, which inspired her to write a spoof of soap operas for the school's newspaper. She hasn't stopped writing since.
For a number of years, Beth made her living as a hairstylist and makeup artist and even owned a salon. Somehow hairstylists and salons seem to find their way into her stories. Beth lives in Southern California with her husband, two sons, and their rescue dog where she is hard at work on her next novel. For more information about Beth and her novels please visit her website- www.bethyarnall.com.
Find Beth’s newsletter at http://www.bethyarnall.com/?page_id=2639
Copyright © 2014 Beth Yarnall
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