by Bailey West
“It’s not that I didn’t plan on having kids, I had never thought about it. I’m excited. Mostly because you’re her mother.” Her eyes filled with tears. “Don’t cry.”
She smiled, and a couple tears fell.
“You are amazing, and my hormones are all over the place.”
She leaned in and kissed me. I grabbed the hem of my shirt that she was wearing and pulled it over her head.
“Your food is going to get cold.”
“I’m about to eat.”
I led her back to her bedroom.
I followed Zora back into the kitchen to help her prepare breakfast, again. I didn’t want to leave the bedroom, but I’d worked up an appetite.
“Watch this.”
I pulled out my phone to Facetime, my mother.
“Hey, beautiful girl!” I said once her face came into view.
“Hi, baby!” She smiled brightly.
“Zora’s here.” I moved the phone so both of our faces could be seen.
“Hi, Baby! How are you?”
“I’m good, Momma Grace. How are you?”
Zora had started calling my mother Momma Grace instead of First Lady. My mother requested the change. They are forming a close relationship.
“I’m fine. Thank you for asking. Did you go out on the road to meet Ezekiel?”
“No ma’am.”
“No Momma, I’m home for a couple of days. Lyrica had to take a break. Doctor’s orders. I flew in last night to spend some time with Zora and Braeden.”
“BJ called me last night. He said he was with Doctor Miller.”
“He did?” I questioned.
“Yes, he calls at least once every other day. He tells me all of the places he is going to take me when I come for a visit next time.”
We all laughed.
“Momma, is Dad around? I want to speak to you both.”
“Yes, he’s here.”
She moved a short distance in the house, and my dad’s face could be seen next to hers on the screen.
“Hey, dad! It’s good to see you.”
“Hi, Son. Hi, Sweetheart.”
“Hi Bishop,” Zora smiled into the phone.
“Zora and I are having a baby.”
“What! Ezekiel! Are you playing with me?” My mother screamed and covered her mouth.
“No,” I chuckled, “I’m serious!”
My mother’s smile warmed my heart. I didn’t really know how they would respond since Zora and I aren’t doing things the traditional way.
“I’m going to have two grandbabies! I just don’t know what to do with myself!”
We all laughed.
“Congratulations son.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
“Zora, how are you feeling? How far along are you?” My mother was wiping tears from her eyes.
“I feel okay after I get past the morning sickness. I’m going into my seventh week.”
“I was sick with both Roman and Ezekiel. I know what you are going through. Bishop, I have to be there for our grandbaby’s birth.”
“I know, baby, you will be there, don’t worry,” my dad assured her.
“I’m so excited! I went from zero grandkids to two in no time flat! You know there’s a possibility that this baby could be born with blonde hair like her grandmother and blue eyes like her mother?”
“How do you know it’s a girl, Grace?” My dad questioned my mother.
“I just know, Roland. I just know,” she smiled. “Call it grandma intuition.”
“We are calling her Peanut until she gets an official name.”
“See, her. Even Ezekiel already knows,” my mother winked.
“Alright, son. We will talk soon. I love you. Take care and be safe on the road.”
“I love you, baby. I love you, Zora. I will check in on you this week, okay?”
“I love you too, Momma Grace. I will keep you informed.”
“I love you both,” I said as I disconnected the call. “Have you told BJ?”
“No, I haven’t. I haven’t told anyone yet.”
“Cool, I would like to sit down with him and tell him. After we finish breakfast, I have a run I need to make and then we can go and get BJ.”
Zora
Momma Grace and Bishop both seem to be excited about Peanut. I was excited when I first found out, but that was quickly replaced with nervousness. I didn’t know what Ezekiel was going to think when I told him. He’s excited too.
I hadn’t thought about having any more children. I though BJ was it for me. I didn’t plan on opening myself up to anyone like I did with Bahir but I’ve opened myself up for Zeke. I’m so glad I took a chance on him. He has taken care of me and my heart. I know he is going to be an amazing dad because he already is to BJ.
“You have so many people that love you Peanut.”
I said out loud as I rubbed my stomach.
I’m going to eat, wear my stomach out, take pictures and enjoy this pregnancy. I’m experiencing it with someone that wants to be with me. I’m so excited.
“Z, I’m back.” I heard Ezekiel call from downstairs.
I came down the steps with my purse all ready to go and pick up BJ. He is going to be thrilled to see Zeke. I got to the bottom of the steps and saw Zeke standing there with a bouquet of red roses. I walked up to him to get the roses when he dropped down on one knee. He produced a box from his pocket and held it out as he spoke.
“Zora, will you marry me?”
It felt like someone had sucked all the air out of the room and I couldn’t breathe. I looked at the ring and back to Zeke. He was still on his knee waiting for my answer.
“Zeke…um…” I shook my head and backed away.
“Zora, I’m pretty sure that’s not how this is supposed to go,” he stood and walked towards me.
“I…I…I don’t think I want to do this. I like things the way that they are.”
“What do mean the way they are?”
“I mean I like how we are. We are good together. Just like this.”
“Zora, you are carrying my child. In every way that counts, BJ is my son. Don’t you think that this is the next logical step?”
“Yes, but we are not a logical couple. We make our own rules. I don’t think marriage should be something that we do just because it's logical.”
He looked at me for a minute. I watched him go from confused to angry.
“So how would this work then? I would get to come over and see my kids as long as it suits you?”
“No, Zeke. That’s not how it is now. You will always have access to them.” He turned and walked away from me. I followed behind him and said, “you could move in, or we could move to your place.”
He turned to me and said, “No, I’m not playing house with you. You’re either in, or you’re out. This thing that we have is changing. There are kids involved, and I don’t want them confused as to my role in their lives.”
“I don’t want them confused either. I’m just saying…”
He interrupted me, “Is there someone else?”
I looked at him confused, “Huh?”
He moved in closer to me, “I said are you fucking someone else?”
“EZEKIEL!” I was shocked that he would mold his mouth to ask me that question but then to use the mother of all curse words. The only expletive I’ve ever heard him use is damn. I backed out of his space a little. I knew that he was pissed off. I know that he won’t put his hands on me, but if looks could kill, I would be six feet under.
“Answer the question, Zora.”
“Ezekiel, we…”
He interrupted me again, “ANSWER THE GOTDAMN QUESTION!”
Did he just yell at me like I’m a child? Now I’m pissed.
“First of all, who in the hell do you think you are talking to? Second, as long as you are black and breathing don’t you ever raise your voice at me like I’m your child. I am not your child! Third, I’m not going to justify that question with an answer. You know me w
ell enough to know what I will and will not do. If you think that I am going for this old raggedy ass proposal on the strength that your careless ass knocked me up, then you got another thing coming. I don’t need you or any other man. I have made it all this time on my own. You can’t decide something for my life and think that I won’t have a say in it. You can get on with all of that bullshit.”
“Get on? Get on, Zora?”
“Yes, I mean with all these demands. Zeke come on this is stupid.”
The way he was looking at me was making my heart break. There was anger and fear in his eyes. I want to stop the yelling and have a conversation about it. I understood where he was coming from, and I appreciated the gesture, but I’m not ready for marriage.
“No. Let’s go with your original thought. I’m out.”
He walked to the door.
“Zeke, come on. We can talk about this without yelling at each other.”
“I will call BJ later to talk to him about Peanut.”
He slammed the front door.
I looked down and realized I was still holding the flowers that he’d given me. What in the hell just happened? Did we just do that? Did he just walk out? I tried calling his phone, and it went straight to voicemail. I left him a text asking him to call me, but he didn’t respond.
I arrived back home after picking up BJ from Doctor Miller’s house. My phone rang, and I saw it was Ezekiel Facetiming me. Cool, we can finally talk and hash all of this out.
“Hey,” I connected the call.
“Is BJ home?”
He’s still pissed.
“Um…yeah…hold on.” I passed the phone to BJ.
“My Zeke! Hi.” BJ smiled at the phone.
“What’s up Lil Man! I miss you!”
“I miss you too! When will you be home?”
“Soon man. It may be sooner than we expected.”
“Yay!”
“I’m excited too. I need to talk to you about something very important.”
“Okay.” BJ sat down on the couch. I sat next to BJ but stayed out of the frame.
“Do you remember when your teacher had a baby in her stomach?”
BJ nodded his head. “Yes, she said that the baby had to linkubate in her stomach. That means her baby had to live in her stomach until he was big enough to come out.”
I held in my chuckle and nodded my head as BJ looked pridefully at me.
“Yes, it’s incubate, but that’s true. Your mommy has a baby in her stomach just like your teacher did. That means you are going to be a big brother.”
BJ looked at me and said, “You do?” He eyes were wide as saucers.
“Yes,” I smiled.
“How did it get in there?”
“I put Peanut in your Mommy’s stomach, so she is my baby too.”
“She is?” BJ looked at me to confirm again.
“Yes,” I smiled again.
“Peanut has to stay in your mommy’s stomach for a few more months then she will be able to come out. I need for you to do something that only a big boy can do. Can you help me?”
“Yes, I’m a big boy. I can help.”
“Okay, I need for you to help your mommy. She may be a little sick in the mornings, or she may be sleepier than usual. Can you be on your best behavior until I get back?”
“Yes, I am going to help my mommy and baby Peanut.”
“I knew you could do it.”
BJ smiled brightly and nodded his head.
I heard a female voice say, “Zeke, we are all about to leave. Are you ready?”
I looked at the phone and saw him looking over his shoulder at a dark skin girl with long black weave parted down the middle.
“Yeah, give me a minute. I’m talking to my Lil man.”
She peeked over his shoulder and said, “Oh he’s handsome. Hi,” she waved.
“Hi.” BJ politely responded.
She walked out of frame. Ezekiel turned his attention back to BJ.
“Where are you?” I asked trying to rein in my anger. How in the hell did he just leave here and already has some chick all in his face? He’s got some nerve.
“I’m with the tour.”
“With the tour? You just lef…”
“I’m back with the tour. I just got back.” He mugged me like he was waiting for me to say something else. I mugged him back. He is so lucky BJ is sitting right here.
“Hey BJ, remember you are going to help your mom until I get back.”
“Yes sir, I am. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Can I speak to your mother?”
BJ handed me the phone.
“Put your earphones in.”
Usually, when I was instructed to put my earphones in, he was about to say something naughty. This is about to be a different conversation.
“BJ, go and get ready for bed. I will be in after I get off the phone.”
“Okay.”
“Goodnight, BJ.”
“Goodnight, Zeke.”
I waited until BJ left the room. I closed the door before I put my earphones in and said, “How are you back on tour. You said you didn’t have to be back until tomorrow evening. I thought you would be back after you cooled off.”
“I found a flight leaving out right after I left. So, I caught it. Now, I’m back.”
“Why would you do that? We needed to talk through everything that happened.”
“I think we said everything that needed to be said.”
“How can you say that when we just said a bunch of stuff out of anger.”
“Were you angry when you turned down my proposal?”
“No, but I…”
“Look, Zora. I don’t feel like it. I just need for you to send me the doctor’s appointments for Peanut. I want to work my schedule around them. As far as you and me, we don’t have anything to talk about outside of BJ and Peanut. Let’s at least be cordial for the kids and the family.”
I can’t believe he is acting so cold. This is not what I want. I want my family, and that includes Zeke. I just wish he could understand where I am coming from.
“Cordial? Zeke what are you…”
“I will call BJ again as soon as I can.”
He disconnected the call.
It felt like someone had ripped my heart from my chest. I felt sick, like I was going to throw up. I ran to the bathroom, but nothing came up. I put some water on my face and went into BJ’s room to tuck him in.
“Come on Big Boy, it’s time for bed.”
BJ climbed into his bed and sat next to me holding on to his drumsticks.
“Mommy is baby Peanut going to sleep in my room?”
“No, I think we are going to give Peanut her own room. Will you help me decorate it?”
“Yes, I will help. My Zeke will help too.”
“That would be nice.”
I felt the tears trying to come, but I forced them back.
“Come on. Say your prayers.” He got on his knees like Zeke taught him and began his prayer.
“Dear God, thank you for my mommy and my Zeke. Thank you for my grandma Grace and my grandpa Bluette. Thank you for my Tee Tee and my uncles Blue and Paxton. Oh, and thank you for Baby Peanut. Amen.”
“Amen.”
I kissed his forehead and helped him under his covers.
I closed his door and went into my room. As soon as I stepped over the threshold, the tears started falling uncontrollably.
I called Zanetta.
“Hey Sissy,” Zanetta said as soon as she answered the phone.
“Hey Sissy,” I tried to sound upbeat.
“What’s wrong?”
I cleared my throat attempting to clear the large lump that had formed, “You’re going to be a Tee Tee again.”
“Zora! What! I am?”
“What?” I heard Roman ask in the background.
“You can put me on speaker. I might as well tell everyone at the same time.”
“Babe, I will tell you in a min
ute. I’m going to talk to Zora in the other room.” Zanetta spoke to Roman.
“Hey, Sis!” Roman said loud enough for me to hear.
“Tell him I said hello.”
“Okay, hang up. I’m going to Facetime you so I can see you.”
“Okay.”
I disconnected the call and waited a few seconds before my phone was ringing with a Facetime call. I knew as soon as I saw her face I was going to start crying. I didn’t even try to fight it.
Her face filled the screen. She saw me and immediately looked concerned.
“What did he do?”
I chuckled even though I didn’t feel like laughing. Zanetta was ready to fight and didn’t even know what was happening.
“He is excited about Peanut.”
“Peanut?”
“Yes, he’s already declared the baby is a girl and has nicknamed her Peanut.”
“Okay, so what did he do?”
“He asked me to marry him, and I said no. Then he got mad and left.” I wiped the tears from my face.
“Left? He was here?”
“Yes, he came in because they had a short break and he said he missed us. We were going to get BJ and spend the day together, then he got down on one knee. I thought he would come back once he cooled down but he got on a plane and met back up with the tour!”
I didn’t share the ugly things we said to each other when we argued. I know we were both upset and those words didn’t mean anything.
“You don’t love him, Sissy?”
“I do Nette, I love him but…”
“How can love have a but? Doesn’t but negate everything that came before it in the sentence?”
“I love him. I love him so much. I’m excited to be carrying someone that he and I created together. I don’t want to be married.”
“You don’t want to be married, or you’re afraid to be married?”
“Both?”
“Are you asking me or telling me? Does this have anything to do with the things you experienced in your past?”
I didn’t answer.
“I thought so. You’re still letting your past dictate your future? You’re never going to fully embrace the present if you keep looking back. You’ve made it! Do you understand? You made it! In spite of everything that life threw at you, you made it! You have to live and enjoy it!”