Ezekiel's Passion

by Bailey West

  “Why didn’t you say something?” My father finally spoke, but he said it so low that I almost missed it.

  I looked at him, and we finally made eye contact.

  “I did say something the first time he touched me,” I cried.

  “To whom? Who did you say something to?” I could see the agony in his eyes.

  “I told Mom,” I whispered.

  “She has always been such a liar. I wasn’t going to let her tell those lies on my brother when he…”

  Before she could finish her sentence, my father lunged at her. She fell backward out of her chair trying to get away while my brothers jumped in front of my father just before he got his hands on her. Ezekiel jumped in front of Zanetta and me while my mother ran to the corner of the room. My brothers wrestled with my dad for several minutes. He was taking on all three of them until he realized he couldn’t get past them.

  “James, you tried to put your hands on me!” My mother screamed at my father.

  “No,” my dad said in a cool tone while my brothers stood in front of him, “I was not trying to put my hands on you. I was about to take your life.”

  Ezekiel moved to the side of me once my dad calmed down.

  “James!” My mother yelled.

  “You knew that bastard was touching my daughter…”

  “I didn’t know…”

  “I make a vow right now that if you open your mouth and lie to me again, today will be your last day on this earth. That lie that you tell me will be the last breath that you take. Did Zora tell you something was happening to her.”

  My mother nodded her head then started shaking and crying.

  “You knew that bastard was touching my daughter and you didn’t do anything to stop him! Let me go, son. She needs to die.”

  My brothers didn’t move.

  My mother covered her mouth and moved further into the corner of the room like the walls would magically protect her. I wanted to go to her, but Ezekiel had a grip on me while Uncle JD stood close to Zanetta.

  “I have never in my entire life put my hands on a woman, but I promise to God if I get back to that house and you or your stuff are still there I am going to spend the rest of my life in jail because I am going to end your life. GET. OUT!”

  My mother didn’t move at first. My father charged her so quickly that my brothers had to scramble to catch him. As soon as my dad was about to put his hands on my mother, I yelled, “Daddy, please don’t kill my mother.”

  He stopped mid-stride giving my brothers time to hold him back again. He looked my mother in the eyes and said, “She is not your mother.”

  “What?”

  It felt like someone knocked the wind out of me. I slowly sat back down in my chair.

  What did he mean she wasn’t my mother? Did he mean because of what she allowed to happen, she wasn’t my mother or did he mean that she was never my mother from the beginning? I was confused. If she’s not my mother, then who is? Where is my mother? Did my brothers know? Why would my father not tell me? Why did he let me live with a woman that hated me? Is that why she hated me because I’m not her daughter?

  “Shelia, there is a car waiting for you outside. Some of my men will help you get your things. Please just leave. Once Dad calms down we will find you,” Countee said.

  “James, I…”

  “Please just leave Sheila. We won’t let him hurt you,” Langston added.

  “You’re not worth it,” Amiri added.

  My moth…Sheila was escorted out of the office by one of Countee’s employees. She didn’t even look back to apologize.

  My father came over to where I was sitting and got down on his knees in front of me. He took my hand and said, “Baby girl, I am so sorry that I was not there to protect you. I trusted you with her, and that was my fault. I lost sight of what was important, and I let you down. I promise I had no idea. If I’d had an inkling of something happening, I would have ended his life. I am so sorry. Please forgive me.”

  He laid his head in my lap and cried. I never thought that I would hear my father say something like this to me.

  “Daddy, I forgive you. I should have come to you and told you myself. I just thought that…”

  “No,” he cut me off. “You don’t have anything to be sorry about.” He wiped my tears. “It was my responsibility to keep you safe, and I failed. If you will let me, I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you. I love you Baby Girl. I love you so much, and I am so proud of the woman you are.”

  He stood and pulled me into a hug. I was back in my daddy’s arms again. It felt so good. We hugged for several minutes before he sat me back down in my seat and sat next to me.

  “What did you mean when you said that Sheila was not my mother?”

  “Baby Girl, your mother’s name was Kasima.”

  He pulled his wallet from his pocket and handed me a picture. It was like looking into a mirror and seeing me in the future.

  “Daddy, I’ve dreamt about this woman since I was a little girl. Yes, she would sing a lullaby to me while she rubbed my hair or let me lay my head on her shoulder.”

  “What lullaby?” Langston asked.

  “Hush a bye. Don’t you cry…”

  “Go to sleep, my little baby…” Langston finished the song.

  “She used to sing that song to all of us when we were small,” Amiri smiled.

  “Kasima?” I ran my finger along the picture. “She is beautiful.”

  “She was beautiful, and she was the love of my life. She was so excited when she found out that you were a girl. We had already tried three times and produced these three knuckleheads,” he motioned to my brothers.

  “You all knew about our mother?”

  “Yes, we did,” Langston answered. “None of us cared for Sheila, and we definitely did not agree with keeping our mother from you, but pop and Sheila insisted, so when we were old enough, we left. We always talked about telling you about our mother, but we didn’t. I’m sorry Baby Girl.”

  I nodded. I guess I never thought about why she let the boys call her by her first name. I was the only one that called her mom.

  My father continued, “Your mother died after you turned one. She loved you so much. She would never let me put you in your crib. You slept with us until she passed,” he smiled thinking back.

  “What happened to my mother. How did she die?”

  “When she was born, she had a heart defect that was corrected with surgery but even with the surgery, she wasn’t supposed to live past her sixteenth birthday. She did though. She was amazing. I pursued her from our first day of kindergarten until she finally gave in when we were thirteen. She loved poetry and literature. That’s why all of you are named after a poet or author. She was quoting Paul Laurence Dunbar when she was in elementary school. I loved her more than I have ever loved anyone. She loved me too. I wanted to marry her as soon as we graduated from high school but she was afraid that she would die and leave me a widower, so she refused my proposals.”

  “Sounds like someone I know,” Ezekiel mumbled.

  I shot him a side eye and continued to listen to my father’s story.

  “She went to college, so I went too even though the streets were my home. My uncles introduced me to the streets, and I fell in love with them. I loved the streets almost as much as I loved Kasi. Drugs, guns, gangs, I was into everything. She wanted me to leave the streets and get an education. We compromised, I got the education but still stayed in the streets.

  After our first year of college, we got pregnant with Countee. I thought that having your brother would make her want to marry me, but she didn’t. Then we got pregnant with Amiri right after Countee. Of course, Langston came after Amiri. We finished school and moved in together. We thought we were finished having kids and four years after Langston, you came. You were the prettiest baby girl I had ever seen. Your eyes are just like your mother’s. Right after you turned one, she collapsed at home and never regained consciousness.”

&n
bsp; “You never married her?” I asked.

  “No, I had planned on asking her again, but she died before I got the opportunity. I don’t regret one single day that I had with her. She wasn’t my wife, but that didn’t matter because she was my everything. She never judged me for being in the streets. She didn’t like it, but she always had my back. She was the best mother to you and your brothers. I never felt like I was in competition with my kids. She managed to give me what I needed and still be a wonderful mother.”

  “She’s where I get my blue eyes from?”

  “Yes, you look just like her. When I met Sheila, I was just being introduced to church. I was still hustling when your mom died, but there was a minister that would always come on the block and tell us about Jesus. After I lost Kasi and found myself a single father with four kids, I didn’t know what to do. I followed the minister to church, and I have been there ever since. I didn’t give up the streets right away, but eventually, I did.

  I thought that Sheila was a good church going woman that would help me raise you. I still had so much of the streets in me, and I didn’t want that for you. I had already influenced your brothers to some degree so I was determined that I would not influence you too.

  I was wrong about Sheila, very wrong. I lost you because I was too stubborn to recognize her manipulative ways.”

  “Why didn’t one of you come and find me?” I looked at my brothers.

  “We did find you, Baby Girl,” Countee responded.

  “We knew you were in New York at Columbia,” Amiri added. “That scholarship that you got every year, that was us. We set it up through the university so that you would be taken care of.”

  I always wondered who the donors were for the scholarship I was awarded every year. The school always said that the donors wanted to remain anonymous.

  “Why didn’t you say something? I needed you.”

  I felt myself becoming emotional again. Ezekiel kissed the side of my forehead.

  “Sheila…” Langston began.

  “I told y’all not to trust that bitch,” Countee interrupted. “Sorry Pastor JD but I told my brothers not to believe her!”

  “You’re good. I understand,” Uncle JD responded.

  “What did she do?” My father looked at my brothers for an answer.

  “She told us you left and didn’t want anything to do with the family,” Langston finished.

  “But you should have asked me!”

  “We know, Babygirl. We know,” Langston replied. “It was shame, guilt, not knowing what to say or what to do. So, we just stayed in the background and made sure you were okay financially.”

  “We realized it was wrong for us to do that. When we decided that we were going to come to New York and speak with you, you’d moved,” Amiri finished.

  I broke down and cried. They all moved in to hug me. Each one of my brothers hugged me and apologized.

  “Thank you for taking care of me. I survived off the money I received from that scholarship.”

  “You deserved it. We are all so proud of you,” Langston said while still holding on to me.

  “Baby Girl, I know it’s been a lot all at once. Why don’t you go and get some rest? We can all meet at my house later for dinner.”

  I nodded my head. It had been a long day already, and it was still early. I needed a little time to process everything, but I did want more time to spend with my family.

  My dad helped me stand.

  “I will see you later, okay? I love you.”

  “I love you too, Daddy.”

  I hugged him again.

  Ezekiel

  Watching Zora go through such a wide range of emotions was hard. Her father was genuinely repentant for everything that she’d gone through. I’m so happy that she found the answers that she was looking for and some she wasn’t. She stared at the picture of her mother the whole ride back to our hotel. She went into the bedroom and closed the door. I wasn’t sure if I should just leave her alone or go into the room with her.

  “God, please give me some direction on how to handle Zora. Should I give her space or should I go and make sure she’s okay? I really need your help.”

  I sat back on the couch for a minute until I thought back to our conversation about every man in her life walking away. I knew that she needed me.

  I shot up from my seat and went into the bedroom. She was sitting on the side of the bed with the picture of her mother still in her hand. I ran a tub of water and undressed before going into the room and standing her on her feet.

  She had tears running down her face. I undressed her and carried her into the bathroom. She stepped into the tub, and I followed situating myself behind her.

  We sat quietly until she broke the silence.

  “Zeke, do you understand how this changes everything?”

  I didn’t respond, I let her talk.

  “My mother is Kasima, not Sheila. My mother loved me, not hated me. My brothers took care of me financially while I attended college. My father loves me and always has. He was trying to protect me. Nothing is what I thought it was.

  I used to dream about my mother all the time. I thought she was just someone that I made up, but she wasn’t. She existed, and she loved me.”

  “I know baby,” I pulled her into me and held her until the tears stopped again.

  I turned on the shower and washed her before we got out.

  I helped her into her nightgown and dressed myself. We crawled into the bed together. I held her until she fell asleep. We would go over to her brother’s house, but I needed for her to rest before we did anything else.

  Zora

  “Hi baby,” she smiled while opening her arms for a hug.

  I quickly made my way into her embrace while she rubbed my back.

  “Why didn’t you tell me you were my mother?”

  I looked into her beautiful blue eyes waiting for an answer.

  She led me to our couch by my hand. I sat down next to her.

  “I didn’t tell you because it was not my place to tell you. James needed to tell you. I’m glad you finally know.”

  “Did you love me? Did you want me?”

  “I loved you more than everything and everyone. I had dreamed about you before you were even conceived. I knew I had to keep trying until I had you. You completed me. You completed your father. He fussed over you all the time. I wanted to name you Seven because you completed me, but your dad thought we should keep with the tradition and name you after a strong woman and author,” she smiled.

  “Mama, I never got a chance to know you,” I cried.

  “Baby, you know me with your heart. You know my love. My love has always surrounded you. It will continue to surround you. Speaking of love, do you know the one thing that I wish I could have done differently?”

  I nodded my head.

  “I should have married James. He was the love of my life. Sorta like Ezekiel is to you. Let him love you, baby, you deserve it. BJ deserves it, and my little baby girl in your stomach deserves it. Become a family and love him. Protect your love like you protect your children. Forgive your father and your brothers. They did their best. Can you do that for me?”

  “Yes, Mama,” I continued to cry. “Will I ever see you again?”

  “I don’t know. You’re the mama now. Surround your family with your love and watch them grow. I love you, Zora Neale Chambers.”

  “I love you too, Mama.”

  I sat straight up in the bed after my dream. My face was wet with tears, but things were very clear. I knew what I needed to do.

  “Zeke,” I softly nudged him.

  He sat straight up in the bed, “What! What’s wrong?”

  “Yes,” I smiled.

  “What?” he knitted his brows together.

  “Yes, yes, yes!” I smiled.

  “Wait…yes? You’re saying yes?”

  “Yes!” I nodded while smiling.

  “Wait, just to make sure I’m not dreaming. Yes, you will marry me?
”

  “Yes, I will marry you. Yes, I love you. Yes, I want your last name.”

  “I want to adopt Braeden and change his last name.”

  “You do?”

  “Yes, I do. What do you think?”

  “Yes, I want you to be Braeden’s dad. Yes, I want his last name to be the same as ours. Yes, yes, yes.”

  “Yes, you will give me Cashew and Almond?”

  “What?”

  “After Peanut. I want Cashew and Almond.”

  “Now you’re pushing it!” I laughed. “No, just kidding. I will give you whatever you want.”

  “Word?”

  “Word,” I smiled.

  He jumped up from the bed. He grabbed something from his travel bag then came back over the bed.

  “Let me do this the right way.”

  He got down on one knee and took my hand into his. I started crying immediately.

  “Zora, I thought that I would never let a woman have my heart. At first, I fought the feelings I had for you. They came hard and fast, but it hurt too much to fight it. I was happiest when I heard your voice. I smiled more when I saw your face. You and BJ came into my life, took my heart and split it between the two of you. I didn’t think love felt like this. I mean I actually feel it. I feel it when we are away from each other, and I fight to get back to you. I feel it when you innocently touch my arm or brush past me. I need you in my life forever. I can’t promise that I won’t mess up because I’m fairly certain that I will but I will be the best husband, friend, father and provider that I can for you BJ and Peanut, oh and Almond and Cashew. Zora, will you marry me?”

  I fought through my tears to find my voice, “Yes, Ezekiel! I will marry you.”

  He popped open the box he was holding to display a beautiful Princess cut diamond ring that rotated in the box with a light under it. The light made the diamond sparkle brighter. He removed the ring and placed it on my finger.

  “Zeke, this is not the same ring.”

  “I had to step my game up,” he chuckled. “No for real, this one was being made. I was going to keep asking you until I broke you down and you said yes. I love you, Zora.”