by ANDREA SMITH
He hauled me back to face him.
“So, you’re just going to leave without saying good-bye? Damn girl, did you leave my money on the dresser?”
I saw immediately that he was teasing me. He was being playful. He probably thought I felt embarrassed or self-conscious about what had transpired between us.
The truth was I was fine with it. Still, I couldn’t help giggling at his attempt to look injured.
I stood on my tiptoes and put my free hand around his neck. I kissed him softly on his lips. He kissed me back, his hand reaching over to tousle my hair.
“Merry Christmas, Taz.”
“Merry Christmas, baby girl.”
CHAPTER 16
As luck wouldn’t have it, the whole household was up when I quietly let myself in the front door.
Not only that, but they were all perched in various seating positions in the living room, watching Bryce trying to open his Christmas presents. Slate was on the floor beside him, trying to help.
Mom was immediately on her feet, her brow furrowed in anger or concern, possibly a combination of the two.
“My God, Lindsey. We were worried to death about you. The fact that my car was gone was the only reason we hadn’t phoned the police yet.”
My grandmother sat in stony silence as if she was still in a fog.
Slate looked up from where he was stretched out on the floor giving me a knowing look. It was almost as if he knew I had been up to no good.
“I’m really sorry, Mom. I couldn’t sleep. I’m upset about Granddaddy. I just needed to take a drive, to think about things. Do you realize how much loss I’ve suffered?”
I felt a little guilty about laying that on her, but it was the truth.
Mom had felt relief when my father left her life. I could understand her feeling that way under the circumstances, but she had to realize that for me it was different. He was still my father no matter what, and for nearly nineteen years, he had been a pretty damn good one.
“Sweetie, we all feel the loss of your granddaddy but to just take off like that without telling anyone or leaving a note, it was inconsiderate. We were worried.”
“I’m fine, Mom. I just have a lot to deal with right now.”
“We all do, Lindsey. The way to deal with it is to behave maturely. That is not what you did.”
“I said I was sorry, Mom. What more can I say? I’m sorry for the loss of Granddaddy. I’m sorry for the loss of your father, and Grandma’s husband, okay? I lost a father too, you know? I know that doesn’t count with you, but it damn sure counts with me. Am I just supposed to write him off so easily, like you did?”
My voice had risen with each word that spilled out. I was angry. I saw the look of pain in her eyes when I lashed out at her. For that moment, I just didn’t care.
“Lindsey,” Slate said, his tone taking on a warning edge.
I whirled around to look at him. “Lindsey what?” I asked harshly. “This is between my mother and me, Slate. You need to stay out of it.”
He was on his feet in a split-second. I saw Bryce jump as Slate’s voice got loud.
“She is also my wife, dammit! I won’t have you disrespecting her in our home. Do you understand?”
His incredibly blue eyes were flashing with anger.
I shrank back from him knowing that I had crossed the line. In all honesty, I had never talked to my mother like that before. I never had reason to; but I still felt it was time I stood my ground with her.
“I apologize, Mom,” I said. “I’m sorry, Grandma.”
I looked over at my grandmother. She still seemed to be in her self-imposed ‘fog’ world. It was if she was oblivious to it all. Maybe it was better for her that way.
I turned and went towards the stairs. “I’m going to bed. Merry Christmas everyone.”
I flew up the stairs to my room. I felt like a teenager that had missed curfew. Perhaps I had acted recklessly in taking off the way I did. Acting reckless was not me. It never had been.
I went into the bathroom upstairs and scrubbed the makeup off my face.
My skin had stubble burn in several places from Taz. I smoothed some face cream on to take the sting away.
I looked at my reflection in the mirror. I didn’t look any different than before. The important thing was that I felt differently.
I owed that to Taz. He had given me the boost I needed to understand what occurs sexually between a man and a woman.
While not experienced by a long shot, at least I knew that going into a relationship in the future I would not be the "bumbling" virgin anymore. I was at least a novice. That gave me some comfort.
I returned to my bedroom and for the second time in the last several hours, peeled my clothes off. I climbed beneath my sheets and burrowed down under feeling some sense of relief. I fell into a restful sleep.
∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞
There was a soft tapping on my bedroom door.
“Lindsey,” my mom called out. “May I come in?”
I rolled over in bed and saw the clock on my nightstand. It was nearly 2 p.m. I scooted up in my bed, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.
“Yeah, Mom, come in.”
She came into the room and took a seat on the edge of my bed. I looked at her waiting for her to speak.
“Do you want to tell me what’s going on with you?” she asked softly.
I ran my fingers through my hair. It was a fair question. I just wasn’t sure how I could answer it without making her feel unnecessarily guilty, or coming across as a whiney brat.
“A lot of stuff, I guess. Maybe a lot of it has been there for a while. With Granddaddy dying, I don’t know, a lot of stuff has just come to the surface; the finality of things with him and with Daddy.”
“Lindsey, it isn’t as if your father died.”
“He might as well have, Mom. Besides, how do we even know that he is still alive?”
She didn’t say anything. She continued to watch me.
“If he is alive, I mean, how should I feel about that? He chose what he did and how he is living over me. Either way, dead or alive, I’ve lost my father, too. The difference is that we can all grieve for Granddaddy properly. Who in this house besides me even feels like grieving for the loss of my father?”
I watched as my mother absorbed what I was saying. She chewed her bottom lip a sign of worry or stress.
“Lindsey, I understand how you feel, but I can’t lie to you. You are right; I don’t feel the same way. There are so many things that I’ve never told you about your father. I’ve kept those things to myself because I wouldn’t do anything to tarnish your feelings for him. These things happened long before he deserted us.”
“I appreciate that, Mom. As difficult as it is, I’m trying to hold onto the good things that I remember about him and the life that we had together when we were a family. Now I get that during most of that time you weren’t happy. You never let that show, Mom. You only told me that when all of this stuff went down with him. I guess I have a question for you. Why? Why did you stay with him for nineteen years, when according to you, you were clearly miserable?”
“That’s a good question, Lindsey. It’s a question I’ve asked myself over and over again. There is no simple answer. I suppose for the first few years it was because I was young and dependent upon him. I didn’t know how things were supposed to be between a husband and a wife. I threw myself into raising you and trying to keep Jack happy. Later on, it just became the way of life that I had grown accustomed to. It was easier to stay and be miserable than exert the independence I had never possessed. Making life changes is no easy thing. It takes determination and energy. I guess I lacked both.”
“Mom, I need to ask you something and I hope that you won’t take it the wrong way.”
She nodded and waited.
“What if you hadn’t met and fallen in love with Slate?”
“Are you asking me if I would have stayed with your father
?”
“In a way, I am. Let’s say none of the criminal activities he was involved with took place. Would you have continued to live that miserable life?”
“Lindsey first of all, I need to clarify something with you. I would have left your father regardless of the fact that I met Slate. Everything would have unfolded exactly the way it did irrespective of your father’s criminal activities. I would still have danced as ‘Diamond Girl’ and carved an identity out for myself. So, if in fact the criminal activities had not occurred, I would never have met Slate. The outcome between your father and I would still have been the same. We were done.”
I looked at her for a moment, trying to choose my words carefully so as not to offend her.
“Do you feel independent now, Mom?”
“I’m not sure I follow.”
“Well, the fact remains that circumstances being what they were from the time you met Daddy until now have not shown whether you could be independent if there was cause to be. I mean you left your parents’ home to be with Daddy. When you and Daddy split, you were already with Slate. The closest you ever came to being an independent woman was when you did your stint as a dancer and earned a living.”
I could tell I had pissed her off slightly. It was a valid question, especially in light of the fact that Grandma who had been under the direction of Granddaddy all of these years, was suddenly faced with carrying on without him.
“I think I understand what you are asking me, Lindsey. You are right. I’ve never had to be independent. Jack was the decision maker, brought home the bacon, handled the finances the majority of the time. I suppose I have been blessed financially being who my father was and knowing that no matter what, I would never end up on the streets homeless or anything.
"I am happy with who I am now. I love my husband, my little baby boy, and my almost grown up daughter. I love that Slate and I make decisions together and respect each other’s differences.
"If that were to ever change and I found myself becoming the Sammie I used to be, I can honestly say I would certainly exercise my right of independence. Does that answer your question?”
I smiled over at her. I knew she was being honest about that and I was glad. She had found her niche finally, and I knew that I would find mine.
I wanted different things for myself than she did, but that was natural.
I wanted a career and independence before committing to anyone else. It was if she was reading my thoughts.
“Lindsey, I want you to know that I am really very proud of you. You have enough independence for the both of us. You do well in school and have aspirations that I admire. I am confident that no one will ever cause you to doubt yourself or the decisions you make. You have strength, integrity and you have a heart. I think just maybe you got the best of each of us and none of the bad.”
“Oh, Mom,” I said, scooting to the edge of the bed to hug her, “thank you for telling me that.”
“I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you sooner. I’ve always felt that way about you.”
“So, how is Grandma?”
“Still rather quiet and withdrawn. I’ve made the funeral arrangements and our travel arrangements. We leave early morning on the 27th for Indianapolis. The funeral is on the 28th. I have left my return open pending how well I can get Mom situated at their condo there. I will probably spend a couple of weeks with her to help her sort their affairs out with their personal attorney.”
“Are Slate and Bryce going?”
“Yes both of them are coming with us for the funeral, but Slate and the baby are flying back with you on the 29th. Is it a problem for you to watch Bryce while Slate works?”
“No Mom, he’s my bubby. Of course, I would love to have some time with him. You’ll be back before the 11th then?”
“God, I hope so. I can’t imagine it taking any longer than a week or two.”
“Do you think Grandma will want to stay in Indianapolis?”
“At this point, it is too early to tell. We just need to take it one day at a time. Now, one very important thing I came up to tell you is that there are a bunch of unopened Christmas presents under that tree with your name on them. Come on.”
“I think I better put some clothes on first, Mom.”
“Okay, sweetie. See you in a few.”
I felt better as I redressed in my earlier outfit. I didn’t want there to be a wedge between Mom and me ever.-
CHAPTER 17
(Taz)
I heard the honking of Slate’s truck blowing out front.
Shit, he was an impatient dick sometimes. I grabbed a hoodie shrugging it on as I pulled my front door shut behind me. It wasn’t as if I had kept him waiting. He said 7:30 a.m. and by my watch it was 7:37 a.m.
Our meeting in Germantown wasn’t until 9:00 a.m. Even with rush hour traffic, we had plenty of time to get there.
I got into his truck and saw the now familiar scowl on his face. Ever since Sammie had been staying with her mom in Indianapolis, dude was in a foul mood.
Christ, it had only been a little over a week since he returned without her. He must be jonesing that pussy big time.
“How’s it going, bro?” I asked.
“It’d be going better if I didn’t always have to wait on your sorry ass, Taz.”
That well, huh?
“Sorry, man, I was up late last night burning the midnight oil.”
“Is that right,” he said with a scoff. “Anyone I know?”
“I was studying, Slate. I am going to school, remember?”
“Yeah, I know.”
“So, you heard anything from Sammie? Does she know when she’s heading home?”
“Fuck no,” he said, taking a sip of the coffee he had picked up at McDonalds. “It sounds like she may be there for two more weeks, maybe longer.”
Shit! Maybe I need to put in for a transfer.
“Really? That blows.”
“You got that right,” he replied. “Apparently there are a lot of things to go through before the will is even in Probate. His controlling shares of Banion Pharmaceuticals, real estate holdings, stocks. They haven’t even filed the inventory for his estate yet.”
“Hmm,” I said, “bet he was worth a pretty penny. You married well, dude.”
Slate shot me an evil glare.
“Hey, I’m just fuckin’ with you,” I said. “So who’s taking care of the rug rat?”
“Lindsey. She’s home until the 12th. Shit, I don’t know what I’ll do with him if Sammie is not back by then. I think Lindsey would like to be back in Charlottesville now if she could.”
“Doesn’t like pulling diaper duty, huh?”
“No. It’s not that. It’s that Kyzer dude. He’s blowing her phone up big time these days.”
Oh, really?
“Sounds like love,” I said almost wanting to choke on the words.
“Or lust,” he said with a laugh. “Christ, Taz, you remember what it was like to be twenty years old and unencumbered?”
“Hell, I still know what that’s like at twenty-nine, bro.”
“Yeah, I guess you do at that,” he replied, chuckling.
“I guess those college prep guys have it made, huh? Probably getting different tail every night.”
“Not with Lindsey,” he stated firmly. “At least I don’t think so.”
“Oh sorry, Slate. I didn’t mean to disrespect your step-daughter. I was speaking in general terms.”
“Yeah, I know, Taz. It’s not about that. It’s something else that happened over the holidays. I happened to walk into the room when Sammie and Lindsey were wrapping Christmas presents one afternoon. I overheard her tell Sammie she was still a virgin.”
“No shit?”
“Yeah. She sounded pretty pissed about it, too.”
“Well, hey, you know, that’s a good thing, right? She’s not a skank.”
“Well, then she pulls this disappearing act sometime in the early hours of Christmas morning. Comes trippin’ in damn n
ear eight o’clock in the morning. I thought I was going to have to medicate Sammie.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Claims she was driving around to think or some shit like that.”
“Maybe she was. I mean a lot went down the night before with her grandfather and all.”
“Naw, there was definitely more to it than that. She had that “just fucked” look going on big time. Then she proceeds to get lippy with her mom and arrogant with me.”
Shit, I know that didn’t go over well with Slate.
“You know what I think?” Slate said.
Fuck, here it comes.
“What, man?”
“I think that Kyzer dude that so generously commissioned his rich daddy’s plane to bring my mother-in-law up from Florida stuck around. I think they planned to meet later.”
“Well, you know, that is a thought,” I replied. “But hey, it’s really none of our business I guess, right?”
“Yeah, I know. I just hope to hell she doesn’t fall for some slick Willy like her dad. Rat bastard.”
“I hear that.”
I was relieved when the topic of conversation between us changed. It wasn’t as if I wasn’t constantly thinking about Lindsey without Slate having to bring her name up anyway.
Christ, I was replaying that little tryst we had like an X-rated movie in my mind over and over again.
I couldn’t recall ever being inside someone who was so sweet and so innocent, yet mind-blowing sexy at the same time.
She was a fucking contradiction in terms. She was soft and sweet; lusty and sexy; reserved and abandoned at the same time. I had gone back to bed right after she left; wanting to revel in the scent of our sex all day long.
It had killed me to finally have to wash those sheets after three or four days. Her scent was gone and it pissed me off. I wondered how it would have felt to be inside of her without that damn condom on. I had never wondered that with any other girl before.
God, I wanted to teach her so much more. I envisioned those sweet full lips of hers wrapped around my cock, her tongue tracing the length of it.
“Taz, hello? Did you hear me?”