by Martina Cole
Christine didn't answer her, she wasn't getting into any conversation like that ever again.
'Are you sure you want to do this, don't want to go straight to the airport?'
Christine shook her head. She knew exactly what she had to do.
* * *
Chapter One Hundred and Fifty-Six
Phillip was watching Christine from the kitchen doorway. She had refused to even go into the house, and it was cold and raining as she walked up to the big barn. Inside, she stood and looked around her. Nothing had changed, but then she had not expected it to.
The furnace was humming as usual, that low sound it had, and she felt the sting of tears suddenly. It was hot in there, as always, and the heat made her think of her son's last moments on this earth. Inside her head, she could hear the sounds of the boys when they were young. Their voices, childishly high, calling for their mum. She saw Timmy on his first day of school, his eyes so wide and not a scrap of fear in them. Saw him standing by the Christmas tree in his pyjamas, all excitement and curiosity at what might be wrapped up for him. And she wondered, for the thousandth time, what had changed inside him, when it had changed, or if it had always been there. This was the nearest she would have to a gravestone and, as she knew she would never come here again, she felt she had to do this one last time.
'Goodbye, son.'
Her words echoed in the silence around her and, turning slowly, she walked away. Outside, she stopped. She looked at the farm one last time and, as she went back towards the house, she heard the familiar sounds of rural life.
She was going back to the sunshine, to her art classes, and to her bookclub. She was going back to her new life, without the violence and the feeling of dread that accompanied her old one. She knew suddenly, without a moment's doubt, that she would never come back to England again - not even her grandchild would be enough to bring her back to this place, and the memories it held.
She got to the car and, seeing Phillip watching her, she raised her hand in what they both understood was a final gesture of farewell. Then, getting into the passenger seat, she sat quietly as Breda drove her away from her old life, and towards her new one. As the gates of the farm closed behind them, she felt a huge sense of relief overwhelm her. The sun was coming through the clouds, and the rain had finally stopped.
She would never be happy, not like other people were happy. Too much had happened, and it would always be there in the back of her mind. She still woke up in a cold sweat remembering her life, and what it had finally become. But she knew that she was slowly but surely finding a measure of peace inside herself and, after living like she had for so many years, on her nerves, and with a bottle or a pill, that was a start.
She had wanted a family, to be a part of a family, so badly, she had sold her soul for the privilege. Well, now her family was decimated, and she was the reason for it. But for the first time since Timmy's demise, she felt a faint glimmer of hope for the future and, as they drove through the rolling countryside, she felt her heart becoming lighter. Felt the dread seeping from her bones. It was ironic really, and the thought brought her up with a jolt. She knew she had to leave her family - what was left of it anyway - behind her, even her brand-new grandson, if she was to finally have some kind of stab at a real life.
She closed her eyes. She would be home in a few hours, the sun would be shining and the villa would be waiting for her. There would be no Phillip, no violence, and no fear.
And all of this, she knew, would finally seem a long way away.
Table of Contents
Book One
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty-One
Chapter Thirty-Two
Chapter Thirty-Three
Chapter Thirty-Four
Chapter Thirty-Five
Chapter Thirty-Six
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Chapter Forty
Chapter Forty-One
Chapter Forty-Two
Chapter Forty-Three
Chapter Forty-Four
Book Two
Chapter Forty-Five
Chapter Forty-Six
Chapter Forty-Seven
Chapter Forty-Eight
Chapter Forty-Nine
Chapter Fifty
Chapter Fifty-One
Chapter Fifty-Two
Chapter Fifty-Three
Chapter Fifty-Four
Chapter Fifty-Five
Chapter Fifty-Six
Chapter Fifty-Seven
Chapter Fifty-Eight
Chapter Fifty-Nine
Chapter Sixty
Chapter Sixty-One
Chapter Sixty-Two
Chapter Sixty-Three
Chapter Sixty-Four
Chapter Sixty-Five
Chapter Sixty-Six
Chapter Sixty-Seven
Chapter Sixty-Eight
Chapter Sixty-Nine
Chapter Seventy
Chapter Seventy-One
Chapter Seventy-Two
Chapter Seventy-Three
Chapter Seventy-Four
Chapter Seventy-Five
Chapter Seventy-Six
Chapter Seventy-Seven
Chapter Seventy-Eight
Book Three
Chapter Seventy-Nine
Chapter Eighty
Chapter Eighty-One
Chapter Eighty-Two
Chapter Eighty-Three
Chapter Eighty-Four
Chapter Eighty-Five
Chapter Eighty-Six
Chapter Eighty-Seven
Chapter Eighty-Eight
Chapter Eighty-Nine
Chapter Ninety
Chapter Ninety-One
Chapter Ninety-Two
Chapter Ninety-Three
Chapter Ninety-Four
Chapter Ninety-Five
Chapter Ninety-Six
Chapter Ninety-Seven
Chapter Ninety-Eight
Chapter Ninety-Nine
Chapter One Hundred
Chapter One Hundred and One
Chapter One Hundred and Two
Chapter One Hundred and Three
Chapter One Hundred and Four
Chapter One Hundred and Five
Chapter One Hundred and Six
Chapter One Hundred and Seven
Chapter One Hundred and Eight
Chapter One Hundred and Nine
Chapter One Hundred and Ten
Chapter One Hundred and Eleven
Chapter One Hundred and Twelve
Chapter One Hundred and Thirteen
Chapter One Hundred and Fourteen
Chapter One Hundred and Fifteen
Chapter One Hundred and Sixteen
Chapter One Hundred and Seventeen
Chapter One Hundred and Eighteen
Chapter One Hundred and Nineteen
Chapter One Hundred and Twenty
Chapter One Hundred and Twenty-One
Chapter One Hundred and Twenty-Two
Book Four
Chapter One Hundred and T
wenty-Three
Chapter One Hundred and Twenty-Four
Chapter One Hundred and Twenty-Five
Chapter One Hundred and Twenty-Six
Chapter One Hundred and Twenty-Seven
Chapter One Hundred and Twenty-Eight
Chapter One Hundred and Twenty-Nine
Chapter One Hundred and Thirty
Chapter One Hundred and Thirty-One
Chapter One Hundred and Thirty-Two
Chapter One Hundred and Thirty-Three
Chapter One Hundred and Thirty-Four
Chapter One Hundred and Thirty-Five
Chapter One Hundred and Thirty-Six
Chapter One Hundred and Thirty-Seven
Chapter One Hundred and Thirty-Eight
Chapter One Hundred and Thirty-Nine
Chapter One Hundred and Forty
Chapter One Hundred and Forty-One
Chapter One Hundred and Forty-Two
Chapter One Hundred and Forty-Three
Chapter One Hundred and Forty-Four
Chapter One Hundred and Forty-Five
Chapter One Hundred and Forty-Six
Chapter One Hundred and Forty-Seven
Chapter One Hundred and Forty-Eight
Chapter One Hundred and Forty-Nine
Chapter One Hundred and Fifty
Chapter One Hundred and Fifty-One
Chapter One Hundred and Fifty-Two
Chapter One Hundred and Fifty-Three
Chapter One Hundred and Fifty-Four
Chapter One Hundred and Fifty-Five
Chapter One Hundred and Fifty-Six