by Lily White
It doesn’t take a genius to know she’s chasing after Damon, but I doubt there’s anything she can say to him at this point to turn this around.
He needed to see what I’ve been trying to tell him, the slap to his face by walking into this room just as hard as the one Emily gave me for the accusation I made about William.
Not that I actually believe that’s what she’s doing. Not Em. Not with as much as she hates our father, but she’s up to something. And I need to know what.
Dropping down onto the mattress, I scrub a hand down my face and stare up at the ceiling.
I don’t feel proud about what I did. Don’t feel good about it. If anything, I hate myself for it. While I’d like to blame the whiskey on most of that decision, I know the truth is I’m bitter as hell.
Maybe Emily is right to call me ugly on the inside. I’m certainly scarred, all my edges jagged and sharp, all my memories bloody.
The fucking ceiling has a small stain on it. The only reason I know that is because I stared up at it all night, a million thoughts crashing through my head about this situation with Emily, with William, with the damn servers Tanner and Gabe are chasing down, but mostly anger for what I was doing.
I knew it was only a matter of time before Damon walked in on us, and I was debating all damn night about whether I should leave things the way I’d intended or pick Emily up and carry her back to Ivy’s room.
It’s not that I wanted to betray her. And it’s not that I wanted to hurt my brother. It’s just that I saw no other way out of the mess I created. I started this crap, and I needed to end it. But I’m not as manipulative as Tanner, or as eloquent as some of the other guys.
My first instinct with any problem is to tear it down with brute strength and not give the first fuck about the mess left in my wake. Messes are other people’s problems to work out. I’m more the type to kill it with fire and then see what springs up from the ashes.
And fuck if I haven’t burned this situation to the ground.
My fists slam down on the mattress beside me before I press both my palms to my face.
I love that girl.
She’s embedded in me.
Every cell in my body infected by her since the night she first kissed my bruises.
But I’m an idiot when it comes to emotions. A novice at anything that doesn’t require pounding fists or a well-placed kick.
I hear the door open and pull my hands away to watch Gabriel stalk in the room looking just about as beat to shit as me.
He drops his weight down beside me, both of us feeling like crap.
“There’s a stain on the ceiling,” he mumbles, the ragged sound of his voice making me laugh.
“Yeah, it’s been bothering me all night.”
Silence passes between us for several minutes before he shifts position to fold an arm behind his head.
“I hear there’s a problem.”
That doesn’t help me at all. There are several problems, and most of them my fault.
“Such as?”
“Emily.” He rolls his head to glance at me. “At least, that’s what Tanner told me last night. I assume Damon stomping through the living room loud enough to wake me up has something to do with that.”
Oh. Yeah. This problem is definitely my fault.
“I’m handling it-“
“Except that’s not true, and stop trying to lie about it. If anything, you’re making the situation worse.”
I glance back at him. “How do you know that?”
He grins.
“Because last night Emily was actually being civil with me, and this morning she told me to get fucked on her way out the door chasing after your brother.”
That pretty much proves I was right that her temper is at full volume. Sadly, it only makes me smile. I love her even more when she’s mad.
“Why did she say that?”
“Not sure. It probably had something to do with me asking if she was chasing after him to bone because you’re not readily available.”
“Jesus, Gabe. This is not the morning to be fucking with her.”
“Why not?” Another glance and I know the asshole just cornered me by making me admit it.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“I think it does,” he croons.
“I mean it. Just leave this alone.”
Silence and then, “Would that I could do as my lady asks-oomph.”
Gabe balls over himself after my fist slams down on his stomach. “Fuck.”
“I’m not a lady. And I’m also not in the mood for your sarcastic shit this morning.”
“Asshole,” he groans as he slowly straightens out again. “Hitting me is not going to end this conversation.”
“Why the fuck not?”
Frustration is riding my spine at the moment, and Gabe is not making it easier by wanting to talk about my feelings.
I don’t talk. It’s not my thing. He and Tanner love to just chat shit up, but I’m the silent one.
“Because we’re worried that this is becoming just like ten years ago when we first left for college. You were a nightmare for over a year.”
“And Damon,” I remind him.
Gabe shakes his head.
“He was never as bad as you. And that’s the fucking problem. We all know how both of you feel about Emily, but you take it a step further than Damon. You always have.”
Another glance my direction.
“Are you going to tell me what’s going on? Or would you rather I find new and inventive ways to bug the shit out of you until you do? I’m good either way. And with Ivy around, I’m sure she can help me brainstorm-“
“Fine,” I growl, but only because bringing Ivy into this would cause more problems. “Damon and I both want Em.”
He blinks. “Okay, I fail to see the problem. You’ve shared her before.”
Our eyes meet, and he purses his lips. “Unless, sharing her is the problem.”
A heavy breath pours over my lips.
“I know she wants to be with me. There’s no doubt about that. She’s always wanted that. But she doesn’t want to hurt Damon.”
“And he was pissed this morning because?”
“I tricked her into fucking me last night and falling asleep in here. Then I stayed awake all night, waiting for Damon to walk in and find us.”
Silence again, the weight of it crushing me.
“While I can see how that would get your point across, I’m pretty sure it was the worst way to go about it.”
“Yeah,” I grumble, “well, I’ve never been one to play around. This shit needs to end. All of it. And even if I walk away, I wasn’t sure Damon would.”
“So you made sure he would.”
“Exactly.”
“And you’re sure you can walk away?”
Teeth grinding in response to that question, I attempt to play it off.
“Yeah.”
“Even when she marries Mason?”
It’s like a boulder dropped on my stomach. The first barrier between us. I’ve been so annoyed with this shit with Damon, and Emily going behind our back with William, that I’d forgotten about what started all this crap to begin with.
“That’s what I thought,” Gabe says when I stay silent. “No matter what you do, Emily will be in the picture. Walking away won’t solve anything.”
“Since when are you the voice of reason?”
“Since I also know she’ll be around because she’s Ivy’s best friend.”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
This time it’s his silence that’s telling. I chuckle at Gabe’s lack of an answer.
“Fuck, man. It’s about time. You and Ivy have been circling each other forever.”
“It’s not like that-“
“Right. Just like it’s not like that with Emily and me. Tanner and I both heard what you two were doing out in the woods last night.”
Gabe groans again, except this time it’s not my fist that ca
used it.
“I’ve always liked Ivy,” I admit. “She’s insane, but entertaining as hell. You could do worse.”
Nobody in the Inferno has any clue about my relationship with Ivy. Not that there’s much of one, but we haven’t always been on opposite sides.
Back in high school, she was the only reason Emily kept talking to me after a fight I got into with another kid, but it cost me for Ivy to help.
It’s a secret both of us carry, and I’m impressed Ivy has never let it slip.
“What are you going to do about Emily?” he asks, diverting the conversation back to the current problem blowing up in my face.
“What can I do? I’ve burned just about every bridge in this situation.”
Gabe laughs. “Yeah, you’re good at that. The first thing you need to do is fix shit with Damon.”
“He’ll be fine,” I mutter.
“Then get Emily under control. Her temper is as bad as yours. If you two need to fight this out, then fight it out. But hiding up here isn’t helping.”
My fingers curl into my palms while I decide whether to tell him about Emily and William.
Nobody in our group is very trusting when it comes to outsiders, and I know if I say a word about it, she’ll be on their shitlist fast.
Without knowing exactly what she’s doing, I don’t want to take the chance of setting her squarely in the middle of their sights.
Deciding against it, I do mention one other thing that has been grinding in my thoughts.
“I saw William the other day.”
Gabe’s head snaps my direction. “Did he approach you?”
“That’s not what matters. I’m more interested in knowing who beat the shit out of him.”
Because that was all sorts of interesting when Emily mentioned it. I let it slide at the time because I was working on getting her upstairs, but it’s just one more mystery that needs to be solved.
Gabe cocks a brow. “Maybe there’s some infighting in the family.”
“Maybe,” I answer, not that I believe it.
He sits up and pushes to his feet. Running a hand through his hair, Gabe stares down at me with concern in his expression.
“Go fix this shit, Ezra. I’ll keep Ivy busy so she doesn’t jump into the middle of it. But I’d like to have it resolved before we take off to drive back to the city. Two hours in the car with this bullshit going on will suck.”
“I’ll just cut shit off with Emily.”
A bark of laughter shakes his shoulders.
“I think we both know that won’t happen. My advice is that you pull your head out of your ass and grovel.”
I lift my brows. “Says the man abducting women and also running them through the woods. I don’t see you groveling.”
“You have a point,” he answers with a wide grin. “But I haven’t betrayed anyone. And that’s exactly what you just did. We all do a lot of fucked up stuff, but the stunt you just pulled was cruel. Just go fix it before it blows up in all of our faces.”
He’s halfway to the door when I admit, “I’m not sure I can trust her, Gabe.”
Pausing at that, he glances over his shoulder at me. “How does it benefit Emily to screw you over?”
That’s a damn good question. One I haven’t considered. And the first answer to whisper in my head is, “It doesn’t benefit her.”
He arches a brow.
“From what I saw when she ran through the house this morning, she’s just as fucked up over all of this as you. I’m not part of Emily’s fan club. Never have been. But she’s put up with you two assholes more than any sane woman would. Especially you. So I have to think she deserves some credit for it. And the benefit of the doubt. It’s possible I misjudged her just because she was Ivy’s best friend.”
Knocking his knuckles against the doorframe on his way out, he grabs my attention.
“I’m jumping in a quick shower. Wait to start the fight until after I’m out or you’ll have Ivy crawling all over you in defense of Emily.”
Shit. He’s not wrong about that. Ivy’s the type of girl who would take on a pissed off grizzly if it meant protecting someone she cares about.
The only problem is I’m not patient enough to wait. And I’m a hell of a lot interested to know what she’s saying to Damon.
Emily
I must have searched outside for over an hour.
Barefoot and wearing nothing more than a t-shirt and sleep shorts, I couldn’t go too deep into the woods where I assume Damon stalked off.
Still, I tried, and all I have to show for it are a few scratches on my arms from low lying branches that stuck out into the path and stone bruises on the bottom of my feet.
I stood in the parking area for a while, too, the happily chirping birds and dappled sunlight through the trees at odds with how angry I felt.
Ezra has lost his damn mind. And no matter how much I try to see things from his point of view, no matter how many excuses I make for him because of what he was put through growing up, I can’t rationalize his decision to do something so evil.
Not just to me either.
To Damon.
His twin brother.
The one other person I have destroyed myself for over and over again because I can’t be the person who comes between them.
Ezra made me that girl, invalidating everything I’ve done to keep it from happening.
Maybe I can claim I deserve it because I have been lying about the stuff with William, but what did Damon do? Cared about me? Tried to go along with this screwed up friendship while fighting his feelings?
How he feels is not his fault. And Ezra should know that. He’s the closest person there is to Damon, which means he, of all of people, should understand that Damon wears his heart on his sleeve.
Yet Ezra didn’t seem to care about that. All he wanted to do was prove a point.
Fucking me to do so was only the cherry on top.
For him, at least.
It’s obvious Damon is out there blowing off steam, but I’m not willing to go inside just yet. I don’t want to face Gabriel after his bullshit comment this morning, and I sure as hell don’t want to see Ezra.
It’s also for the best that I avoid Ivy because once she gets a look at me, she’ll hold me down and demand answers.
Fuck.
I don’t want to stay on the front porch since I can’t see the trailhead from it, so I round the house and head up to the raised balcony.
Leaning against the railing, I watch the branches of the trees sway with the soft wind, the rustle of leaves a soothing white noise that helps calm me down.
Unfortunately, the peaceful moment is short lived when one of the French doors behind me opens and Ezra steps out.
A vein of rage unfurls inside me, but worse than that is my body still wants this man whenever he’s near.
Regardless of what he’s done to me, and despite all our problems, I still can’t help to feel a flutter in my stomach and the squeeze of my heart.
Why does love have to be so blind and so damn stupid? We should be able to turn it off like a tap. Especially when the person you love has done nothing but hurt you.
Yet it’s there, the love never-ending, the need to touch him so damn strong that I have to curl my fingers into my palm and savor the way my nails cut crescent marks into my skin to keep from reaching out.
“Can we talk?”
“I don’t know, Ezra. Can you talk without insulting me or setting me up? Or are you out here looking to cause more damage? Why not just snap my neck and bury me if you want to get rid off me so badly?”
Mature, I know. But I’m so irate with him that I can’t bring myself to be civil. I don’t even bother turning to look at him, which is probably safer.
I can’t look at him without getting confused, my memories of who he was in high school warring with the cold and cruel man he’s become.
Ezra doesn’t immediately respond. Instead, he blows out a heavy breath and steps up to stand beside
me.
“I deserved that.”
“You deserve a lot worse than that.”
“Would you like to hit me again?”
I spin to face him. “I never wanted to hit you to begin with. You’ve been hit enough in your life. And just the fact you pushed me to that point is fucked up. Then again, everything is fucked up with you lately, so I’m not surprised.”
My palm still stings from slapping him, but worse than that is the scar on my heart for being just another person who hurt him.
No. That slap won’t bruise him, it won’t do more than cause the red mark I clearly see on his cheek now, but I’ve kissed too many of his injuries and spent far too many hours willing them to heal to forgive myself for marking him myself, even if it’s only temporary.
Even if he deserved it.
The only thing Ezra has known is violence, and I never wanted to add to it.
His jaw clenches at what I said, his amber stare shooting out over the distance.
“I’m not sorry for what I did, Em, but I am sorry for how I did it.”
With a shake of my head, I grit my teeth as well.
“Why? Because you’re done with me? It would have been a hell of a lot easier to tell me that without fucking me at the same time. Literally and figuratively.”
“I have to be done with you,” he murmurs as he reaches up to rub at the back of his neck.
The tension over his shoulders is obvious, the energy rolling off him making me tense as well.
“I’d ask you why, but it doesn’t matter anymore. I’m done with you, too. With both of you. I was hoping to walk away under better circumstances, especially with Damon, but you stole that choice from me.”
“He needed to know, Em.”
Rolling my lips, I refuse to look at him. “He didn’t need to know about the promise I made you. And he certainly didn’t need to find out that while I’ve been pushing him away, I’ve been spreading my legs for you. He would have been perfectly fine without any of that.”
“Would he?”
Ezra grabs my shoulder to turn me toward him, but I jerk away, my voice a sharp edge when I remind him, “Don’t touch me. You lost that privilege when you disrespected me and accused me of fucking your father.”
His eyes narrow at that, his nostrils flaring. I can clearly see fury rolling behind his eyes, but it does nothing to calm me down.