by Lily White
Because I am grieving.
Especially now that I have him in front of me. It’s like a person dying and yet their ghost never leaves. You can’t move on until every part of them is gone.
I can clearly see him battling what he wants to say, and the sad truth is he doesn’t have to say it. I already know.
“I want you to give us a shot. Just me and you. Nobody else.”
He says it like it’s easy. Fury filters through me, my pulse picking up to think about how we ended up here and why.
I was nothing more than a bet. A game. An amusement when Ezra first cornered me in high school.
Both he and Damon pulled their typical stunt of switching out for each other. If anything, this is a consequence of that.
So how does he think he can cut other people out now? Especially when the person who made the bet with him is the same one I’m supposed to marry?
The more I look at the entire picture, the angrier I get. And yes, I had a part in it. I accepted the first six weeks of fun with two boys.
I did that.
Regardless of how it started, regardless of who is at fault, this is still where we ended up, and nothing we say or do now can change it.
Why can he not see it?
Why do I have to be the strong one?
“We can’t do this,” I answer, more tears in my eyes that I’m tired of crying.
It’s all I have to say.
Rather than waiting for his argument, I turn to open the door and leave, but he slaps his palm against it to prevent me from walking out.
I wince at the sound, my back pressed against the wood as he cages me in with his arms, his head dipping down in the way that always sets my heart in my throat with hard, steady pounding.
Ezra grips my chin with his fingers and presses a soft kiss to my mouth, my body reacting to that small contact with need while my mind scrabbles to hold on to every reason this can’t happen.
He knows it, too.
His hips brush my stomach, his amber eyes warming until they are molten. There is so much promise in the gentle sway of his strong body, and my fingernails are scarring the door at my sides as I fight to keep from touching him.
“You know you want this.”
His voice is a tease, a dare, the tone soft yet mocking.
Through clenched teeth, I close my eyes and whisper, “It’s not about what I want.”
A tear breaks loose to slide down my face and the bastard catches it with a finger.
You’re so pretty when you cry...
Anger rolls through me with the memory of those words, of the pain he’s caused. I cling to them, fucking hold on with two fists because I need that anger right now. How dare he keep doing this to me over and over again?
“You want this,” he whispers.
Yes. I do.
But I can’t have it.
No matter how much I want it.
And neither can he.
My eyes flick open to lock with his, the anger welling inside me until it’s spilling over my tongue with every word I give him in response.
“What do you think can come of this Ezra? What will we be? In agony like Ava and Mason every day? Two people who know that no matter how hard they love each other and how desperately they hang on, that in the end there’s nothing they can do about being torn apart. I’m marrying Mason in less than two years.”
“We’ll fucking fix that,” he growls, refusing yet again to hear the truth.
Apparently, I have to keep stabbing and stabbing until I find the one barrier he’ll never be able to tear down. Ezra won’t leave unless he’s angry. So that’s what I attempt to make him.
“Oh, yeah? And what about Damon? Huh? What about him? It would destroy him if we ended up together.”
Tears leak from my eyes, and he kisses them away, his hands coming up to cup my cheeks.
Ezra presses his forehead to mine and traps my eyes.
“He was never supposed to fall in love. You’ve always been mine, Emily, you know that! He was only part of this for fun.”
I just want to scream, but I laugh instead. How can he think any of this is possible?
“Yeah, I remember when he was brought in. For your fucking amusement. For your fun. And look what you fucking did by playing those games. This isn’t my fault.”
“You’re mine,” he insists. And he’s not wrong. But that still doesn’t fix anything.
He says it over and over, as if just that phrase makes everything okay, but all I can do is shake my head and knock his hands away.
“I’m sorry, Ezra. But there’s too much standing between us.”
With a palm against his chest, I do what I should have done the first second he talked to me at the engagement party. I shove him back.
“I love you, but there is no possibility of fixing this. It doesn’t matter how we feel. It’s over.”
Knowing I only have a few seconds before he stops me again, I turn and open the door, practically sprinting through the restaurant like a crazy woman being chased.
Bursting outside, I keep going, my legs burning until I reach my car, my heart shredded as I climb inside and start the engine.
My tires squeal as I shoot out from the parking spot, my hands clenching the wheel and my teeth grinding together.
I can’t do this anymore.
I’ve lost the will to fight.
Ezra has finally bled me of every last drop of strength I have, and I know he won’t stop until he’s won.
Except, he can’t win because there is no solution.
The sad truth is he will just keep tearing down walls until we’re both buried beneath the rubble.
Ezra doesn’t know how to stop.
He doesn’t know how not to fight.
I have to be the one to show him.
Ezra
I won’t accept it.
Her excuses.
Her problems.
Sure, she’s right about all of it, but I’m not bowing down to defeat. Not in this. Never when it comes to her.
Like Ivy said, I took a good, long look in the mirror. I know my problems, know my weaknesses, know the nightmares that wake me up at night and shut me down.
No, I’m not the guy to come to when you need a shoulder to cry on, or even for good advice, but I am the person who tears down barriers and burns problems to the ground.
Emily has been fucking me up for years because she refuses to believe in me, refuses to see that, despite my issues, despite the life I’ve lived, despite all the bruises and cuts, the fights and violence, she is the only woman in this world who matters to me.
Yes, I’ve been a jackass with her since the engagement party. I’ve struck out with insults and barbs, snapped my teeth at her and hurt her without considering the consequences. But that’s because I was trapped by her refusal to see beyond the problems, by her stubborn hold on the belief that we couldn’t move past them.
I allowed her will to dampen my own, and that’s not how a man like me fights. That’s not how I win battles.
Emily has drawn a line, and either I lay down and die on one side of it, or I step the fuck over it and show her I’ll move mountains if that’s what it takes to make it possible for us to be together.
You know what I learned most by staring at my reflection?
That I’ll do anything for the woman I love, including chase her stubborn ass down every time she runs.
So that’s what I’m doing when I storm out of the restaurant and over to my bike. That’s what I do when I kick it into high gear and weave through traffic. That’s what I do when I pull into the driveway of her house and park behind her car.
That’s what Emily needs.
She just doesn’t know it.
She may be a queen, but she is one weighed down by guilt and obligation.
Heavy is the head that wears her fucking crown, and the only way she’ll remove it is for the beast kneeling at her feet to stand up and fight the battle that surrounds her.
/> This entire time.
All these years wasted.
When I could have fought for both of us instead of remaining chained down like her.
Not anymore.
Fuck this.
Fuck that.
Fuck everything.
She’s mine.
And I refuse to let the world beat her down any longer.
People think they’ve seen Violence.
The truth is they have no fucking clue what it is.
But they’re about to find out.
Pulling off my helmet, I climb from the bike and turn. A glimmer of sunlight catches my eye, and I glance over at Emily’s car to notice the back end has a new dent in it, the paint scraped away.
Wondering when the fuck that happened, I leave my helmet on the bike and walk up to her house. I bang my fist against the door a few times with no answer.
Apparently, this is the game she’s going to play. It’s too bad I’m not playing it. I check the knob to find it locked, and I kick the fucking door in, the frame ripped to shit from the effort, but it’s just another expense I’ll have to pay for.
Nothing, and I mean not a goddamned thing, is keeping me from her.
Not anymore.
Not now that I’ve decided I’m stronger than all the barriers between us, and that Emily should have believed in me ten long years ago.
“Emily!”
I hear her bedroom door slam shut down the hall, and I grin. This woman is going to fight me every step of the way.
But it is what it is.
I happen to like fighting.
I also happen to be very good at it.
Running a hand through my hair, I stomp down the hall, find her door is locked, too, so I kick it in, just one more busted frame to pay for.
Emily turns as soon as I step in the room, her turquoise eyes bursting with fire.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
There she is.
My girl.
My queen.
“What I should have done ten fucking years ago when you first started this bullshit,” I roar because, let’s face it, she’s so hard headed right now that I have to raise my voice just to be heard over all the excuses in her head as to why this can’t happen.
“This needs to end. You need to stop, Ezra.”
I close the distance between us and duck my head so we’re nose to nose.
“I’ll stop when I have you. Nothing will get in my way until that happens, so maybe you should stop giving me every reason this can’t happen and finally see that it has to happen.”
Her eyes round at that, a cute as fuck angry expression flickering over her face that I assume is supposed to back me off.
Guess what?
It won’t.
“You need to get the hell out of my room right now.”
I grin at that and step closer, stealing all of her space because she belongs to me just as much as I belong to her.
“Make me.”
Ivy said to give Emily a grand gesture, and that fluffy, romantic bullshit can take a hike because it was never the gesture I needed to make.
This.
This is what Emily needs.
Fire and fists and fury.
Because that’s what she has inside her as well, even when she tries to hide it behind demure manners and ridiculous excuses.
Slamming her palms against my chest, she only manages to knock herself back. I tilt my head because really? Did she actually think that would work?
Her angry glare locks to mine, her jaw set and the wheels spinning in her head so fast that smoke should be coming out of her ears.
“I’ve already given you my last answer.”
“I didn’t believe you.”
“Well, believe it,” she yells. “There is nothing you can do to convince me otherwise.”
Stepping closer to her, I smile and run my eyes down her body. Lifting them again, I shake my head.
“I don’t believe that either.”
There are no tears leaking from her beautiful eyes now, just a shade of red spreading across her pale cheeks, all the flames and heat inside her coming to the surface.
Emily tries to walk off, but I grab her arm and pull her back to me. Lowering my head, I whisper against her ear.
“You were going the wrong way.”
“I don’t think away from you is the wrong way,” she answers on a hiss of breath.
What she doesn’t know is that it’s always been the wrong fucking way.
She sneers at me, practically gnashing her teeth as she narrows her eyes and stabs a finger to my chest.
“We’re done. I’ve told you that several times now. I’ve given you every reason we won’t work, and I’ve tried to be patient with you. But this isn’t going to happen. You need to get it through your thick head-“
“My thick head? Are you fucking kidding me right now? Woman, that skull of yours must be several inches thicker than usual because you’re the one who won’t listen to reason.”
Her jaw drops at the accusation, more fury rolling behind eyes the color of an angry sea.
“Give me one fucking reason I should even listen to you anymore after the shit you’ve pulled over the last few weeks! You’ve been unbearable, Ezra. Striking out at everybody. This isn’t something you can force with brute strength! Now get the fuck out of my room.”
“Like hell it isn’t,” I snarl.
When I step toward her, Emily’s eyes fly open, a heavy weight hitting my back as arms wrap around my neck and prevent me from getting close to her.
I’m tossing that weight off at the same time she screams, “Dylan! Stop!”
I must have tossed him a little too hard because I hear a heavy thud against a wall and turn to find Dylan crumpled, his eyes glaring up at me. He moves as if to come at me again, but I shake my head.
“You might want to rethink that decision,” I warn as I step his direction.
“Ezra, don’t you dare hurt him!”
Glancing at her real quick, I turn back to her brother and try to make sense of what the hell is going on. Then it occurs to me, and the corner of my lip curls up.
“Were you just trying to protect her?”
His grimace deepens, and I roll my eyes.
“Be as pissed at me as you want, but man the fuck up and answer me. Were you just trying to protect Emily?”
He nods, the movement tight because his body is popping with anger.
More than that, this kid is itching for a fight.
I can see the energy rolling off him, and I recognize it because I’ve seen it so many times before in myself.
“I swear to God, Ezra, if you hurt him.”
Emily doesn’t quite finish the threat, but she doesn’t need to.
Ignoring her, I reach down to offer him a hand up.
My voice is controlled when our eyes lock, and I say, “It’s about time you look out for her. But I think it’s fairly obvious I’ll never hurt your sister. I’ll beat a motherfucker down for hurting her, in fact. So let me help you up, and then you can leave us to finish this discussion.”
“We’re not finishing anything,” she snipes at my back.
Looking over my shoulder at her, I laugh. “Good luck with that.”
Eyes back to Dylan.
“Come on. Get up and get out of here, kid. Your sister is a pain in the ass. I think you probably know that, so let me deal with this without having to knock you the fuck out to do so.”
Dylan’s not dumb, which is good to find out. After casting a quick look at Emily, he drops the tough guy act and locks his hand with mine so I can pull him to his feet.
It might seem strange, but I’m a little proud of the kid for doing what he did.
“Sorry, Emily, but you are kind of a pain in the ass,” he remarks.
I’m suddenly liking him more and more.
A bark of laughter shakes my shoulders, my grin stretching wide but then falling away when I turn to see she�
�s not happy at all about this.
Not that I expected her to be.
“I’m proud of you for manning up. But you also might want to put your headphones on in your room since you don’t want to hear what’s about to happen.”
“Nothing is about to happen,” Emily snaps.
I glance at her. “Keep telling yourself that all you want.”
When I look at Dylan again, he rolls his eyes and turns to leave, closing the door behind him as best he can with the busted frame.
I spin back to face Emily, the tension between us oddly broken after her brother’s misplaced act of heroism.
Instead of staring at me, she’s looking at the door, surprise obvious in her expression.
Her voice is soft when she speaks next, almost as if she’s not talking to me but to herself.
“Dylan just tried to help me.”
Looking between her and the closed door, I cock a brow.
“Yeah, he did.”
Her gaze lifts to mine.
“He has been so horrible to me for the past few months. I don’t understand.”
Damn it. The fight is bleeding out of me to see her in so much shock.
“Has he been treating you bad these past few weeks?”
A shake of her head.
“No. He’s -“
Her voice trails off, her eyes locking to mine again, the fire behind them only embers now.
“This changes nothing, Ezra. You still need to leave.”
“Hate to break this to you, but I’m staying right here until you agree to be with me, only me, and you’re done fighting me on it.”
Emily blinks her eyes and crosses her arms over her chest. With a rebellious tilt of her chin, she pins me with her stare.
“I refuse to step onto the battlefield with you...”
Whatever the fuck that means, I think.
“I won’t fight about this anymore.”
My lips curl at the corners. “Well, that’s too damn bad because I’m fighting for both of us.”
“Why?”
The flames erupt again, her eyes like liquid, her cheeks shaded pink.
Good.
I like her better this way.
Leaning into her, I trap her chin between my fingers, my thumb brushing over her mouth as a tease.
Her eyes narrow at the touch, a muscle jumping above one.
“Tell me you don’t love me, and I’ll walk away.”