by Lily White
That did it. A growl tears from his throat, and he grips my shirt to pull me up and punch me again.
Emily is going to be pissed when she sees the evidence of this conversation.
But it’s a necessary conversation, so she’s just going to have to deal with it.
This is who we are.
We both break away from each other, heavy breath causing our chests to expand, our shoulders moving with each inhale.
“You couldn’t leave it alone, could you? I had a fucking feeling that’s where you were last night,” he roars, blood on his knuckles from where he hit me.
We’re circling each other now.
Violence and Anger.
The air popping and cracking around us with tension and rage. It’s not me, though.
Yeah, I started this because I knew it would come to this, but I don’t want to fight Damon.
Not after what he’s been through.
Not while knowing he had it worse than me.
All that fury sparking around us belongs to him. And I can’t blame him for it. Can’t hold it against him. If one of us was handed the short end of the stick, it was Damon. But nobody knows that.
It’s why I couldn’t tell Emily the full story of what happened on those weekends. Some secrets simply don’t belong to me. I may have been forced to watch, but Damon was the one who endured it.
“We need to talk this out, little brother. It’s not going to change. I just thought I’d get this part of it out of the way first.”
He runs at me and catches me hard enough to slam me against the kitchen island, the edge of the counter jamming into my lower back.
I shove forward to push him off, a cabinet door breaking when his shoulder hits it, the wood listing down off the snapped hinge.
“She was ours,” he breathes out, his eyes narrowing on me and nostrils flared. “And then you treat her like fucking shit before keeping her all to yourself? That’s fucked up!”
“She was never ours,” I yell. “Emily was always mine! You just never saw it. The only reason she walked away is because she didn’t want to hurt you. But I won’t let it happen again. You need to fucking accept it.”
He’s on me again, both our bodies dropping to the ground with a heavy thud, his fist catching my jaw again in a punch that is hard enough to stun.
“It’s not fair! Why is it you always come out on top? You get Emily? You don’t have the shit beat out of you as bad? You’re not fucking tortured? Why the fuck am I the one always losing in this?”
Another hit and I realize Damon isn’t just fighting me about Emily. He isn’t just angry about a beautiful redhead neither of us can let go. He’s angry about all of it, about years of abuse that he keeps trapped in his head and refuses to let out.
He needs to let it go. Needs to release all that built up aggression and hatred.
The truth is I’m not the one you have to worry about when it comes down to the two of us. Where I was able to hide behind a shield of cold fury, Damon couldn’t escape.
Always more easy going, always more open with how he felt, Damon suffered not only what was done to him, but also what he continues to do to himself.
He punches me again, and I wrap my arms around him to hold him to me, both to prevent another punch, but also because I’m sorry.
Sorry because I couldn’t stop what was done to him. Sorry because I fell in love with the one woman who could ever help him. Sorry that I can’t give him any other outlet than violence to let all his anger out.
“You haven’t lost.”
“I didn’t get Emily,” he growls as he struggles to break my hold on him.
“You never had her in the first place, Damon. And I’m sorry you didn’t know that.”
“Fuck.”
He finally stops fighting as that word rolls over his mouth, both of us laying on the floor in a crumpled heap.
Now is probably the wrong time to mention that I need him to talk to her and tell her being with me is all right. But that’s what it will come down to eventually.
Emily will never allow us to fight over her again. I already know she’s going to be pissed about this.
Emily will just have to understand this is how it is with us. I know she hates the bruises, the cuts, the marks that stain our skin with the evidence of what our lives have been.
But this fight, this moment, isn’t just about her, it’s about finally stepping up like I should have done a long time ago to make Damon face what’s been done so he can finally learn to let go.
I love my brother. I’ll do anything for him. But I feel helpless when it comes to pulling him out of this nightmare.
“We done fighting?” I ask, my arms still locked around him.
He laughs, one bark of sound that shakes his shoulders.
“If I promise not to hit you again will you stop hugging me?”
My head rolls back against the floor. “Yeah.”
“Fine.”
I let Damon go, and he pushes away from me, both of us sitting up to lean against the cabinets at our back, our faces swollen and bloody.
Fuck. Emily is going to lose her shit when she sees me again.
Catching my breath, I eye Damon warily. He may have stopped fighting, but he’s still raging where he sits, his jaw tight, every muscle in his body hard. He leans his head back, his throat moving to swallow.
Instead of filling the silence, I wait for what he has to say.
You can always feel him, his thoughts, his emotions, like a storm of chaos constantly swirling, a tornado spinning so fast that you’re helpless but to be caught in its fury.
That’s why I had to learn to be the calm one. To be the quiet one. To be cold. Somebody has to be the person to tame the chaos surrounding him.
It’s why the guys always watch him to gauge what’s going on with both of us. I’m a solid wall when it comes to what I’m thinking, while Damon is a neon sign laying it all out for everyone to easily see.
“Are you going to keep being a complete ass to her?” he asks, his shoulders heaving with heavy breath.
I rub at my jaw, stretch it to ease the pain, and pull my hand down to rub the blood between my fingers.
“I told her I’d apologize for that every day for the rest of my life.”
He grins.
“Sounds like something she’d require. Red isn’t one to let that go until you’ve learned your damn lesson.”
Which is why she’s a queen, even if she won’t accept the truth.
“Yeah, I know.”
“Did she hand your ass to you?”
My grin matches his.
“I had to kick in her front door and bedroom door to get to her. Then she yelled at me so loud her brother came in and tried to beat my ass.”
Damon’s head lifts, a stare that is identical to mine pinning me in place.
“Dylan tried to fight you?”
“To protect her.”
His brow cocks, the expression almost lost to the swelling in his face.
“About time.”
“We’ll probably need to teach him to fight. I was able to throw him off way too easily.”
Nodding at that, Damon exhales heavily.
“I know you love her, Ezra. It’s impossible not to. And if this is what makes both of you happy, then I’m okay with it.”
Relief floods me, my shoulders withering as I blink sweat from my eyes.
“Thank you.”
Dropping his face into his hands, Damon sits still for several minutes, the chaos swirling and snapping again.
There’s nothing I can say to calm that storm, to stop the spinning. He just needs to get to a point where he can let it go.
Eventually, he lifts his head again and asks, “Do you need me to talk to her? Tell her that I can live with this?”
I nod. “She won’t do this if you don’t.”
Pain flashes across his expression. Not that I don’t understand. I’d be torn as fuck if I had to tell Emily that I give my bl
essings for her to be with another man.
“I’ll talk to her,” he says as he pushes up to his feet.
Taking a few steps to leave, he stops in place and turns back to me.
“Treat her right, Ezra. I think you already know I’ll kill you if you ever hurt her.”
“I’d expect nothing less,” I answer, thankful that my brother will hold my feet to the fire if I start acting stupid again.
His jaw tics, but he nods his head and leaves the kitchen.
My head falls back against the cabinet again, blood still leaking from a cut on my face, and my heart crushed in my chest.
I’m worried about Damon, and once again feeling like there’s nothing I can do to help him.
One of these days, all of this shit needs to come to a head, but until then, I’ll work my ass off just to keep Damon sane.
Whatever it takes when it comes to him.
Whatever I have to do to bring him back from the edge of the cliff he’s been standing on for too many years, his eyes staring down into the depths as he decides whether to jump or step away.
Emily
The second Damon’s truck pulls into my driveway, I’m hauling butt outside. I was expecting Ezra to come back. But not this.
Waking up alone meant Ezra was out dealing with the problems between us, my throat going dry to think of how he planned to tear down the barriers.
I’ve been keeping an eye outside for hours, the flash of sunlight off a moving vehicle drawing my immediate attention.
Seeing that it’s Damon concerns me, but I wait until he’s parked behind my car to start across the driveway.
He climbs out before I get to him, turning a little to stare at the back of my car.
“What happened here?”
Which reminds me, “I got into an accident yesterday. A woman rear-ended me, and I recognized-“
My words die off as soon as he turns to face me. Rage explodes through my body, violent enough that I’m shaking when I run up to him and reach up to examine the injuries to his face.
“What the hell happened? Where’s Ezra?”
I swear to everything holy that if Ezra caused this, I’m going to hunt him down and break my promise all over again. This is exactly what I was worried he would do.
Damon laughs like it’s funny - like it’s funny - his swollen eyes softening to look at me.
“Red, relax. It’s not an issue.”
“Not an issue? Are you kidding me? How is this not an issue? Your face is bruised.”
Another soft laugh, his fingers reaching over to smooth a muscle jumping above my eye.
Instead of telling me what happened, he pulls me in for a hug, his body strong and calm while I’m practically vibrating with anger.
He rests his chin on my head and explains, “Ezra and I had a conversation to work some stuff out.”
“That doesn’t look like a conversation.”
“It was our kind of conversation. But it’s over. I came here to talk to you because he’s afraid and hiding at the house.”
“I’m going to kill him.”
“He knows, and it’s exactly why he’s hiding.”
Laying his full cheek on my head, he pulls me against him tighter, his heart beating steady and strong beneath where my ear is pressed to his chest.
“I’m serious, Red. We worked it out.”
“This isn’t the way to work things out,” I complain as I pull away, my eyes lifting to his face again, pain stabbing through me to see those marks.
Again, his expression softens, and he strokes his finger along the line of my jaw.
“Ezra wasn’t the problem, though. So if you need to kill anyone, it’s me. I started this back at Tanner’s house.”
“Right in front of me. I remember.”
He doesn’t say anything immediately, his amber eyes searching my face, sorrow bleeding behind his gaze. That and regret...and acceptance.
The last part I can live with, but I never wanted Damon to feel pain. It’s what I’ve fought all these years to avoid. He deserves so much better.
“There’s a lot you don’t know. We should go inside and talk about it.”
I nod my head and let him take my hand to lead me inside the house. We both head back to my room, and when he drops his weight onto my bed, I sit down next to him.
Damon doesn’t say anything at first, just stares at me as if memorizing all the details of my face, as if taking the last look at a person he loves. He sighs when he reaches forward to tuck a stray hair behind my ear.
“I was angry Ezra was treating you so badly, and I made a deal with him to stay away from you. To be done, like he said a while back. He broke the deal, and that’s why I attacked him at Tanner’s. I saw you walk in behind him and lost it. I didn’t think about what it would do to you. So don’t hold that against him.”
Interesting...
“And today? Who started that conversation?”
He grins. “We never finished the one from Tanner’s.”
My eyes widen. “You’ve been fighting for the past week?”
“Not like you think, Red. Seriously, put down the knife.”
“I don’t have a knife.”
“You looked like you were about to jump up and grab one,” he jokes, the humor in his expression fading into that damn sorrow I can’t stop seeing in him. “Ezra told me you two are together. And I’m here to tell you I’m okay with it.
My breath hitches in my lungs. Obviously I knew the truth would come out eventually, but I didn’t expect Ezra to run home immediately to do this. Then again, it’s just like him to rush forward and attack whatever he considers to be an issue.
“I’m sorry.”
He shrugs. “You can’t help who you love.”
Somehow I know he’s talking more about himself than me.
He blinks, his eyes capturing mine in a soft hold. Damon has never been like Ezra, at least not with me.
That’s not to say some other woman won’t some day pull raw, undeniable and breathtaking possession out of this man, I just wasn’t the one to do it.
I’m not sure he knows that, though. And now is not the time to discuss it. But there will come a day when he meets someone he won’t be willing to let go. Someone he would fight to the death to hold onto.
I’m both jealous and worried for that woman. She’ll have no idea what she’s getting herself into.
Hopefully the love he feels for me will become a close friendship, a familial bond where the comfort I can give him is still possible.
For now, though, he has to learn to nurse and heal a broken heart. Ezra and I both will have to be careful to remember that when we’re around him.
Leaning over, he plants a soft kiss to my cheek, a breath blowing over his lips so full of restrained sorrow that it’s killing me to feel it. Damon might be telling me he accepts Ezra and me being together, but he’s not unaffected by it.
It’s just something we’ll all have to work through. I can’t keep running away.
Still, there is one other thing I need to worry about with him. Something nobody has told Ezra. Not the full story, at least.
“Is your dad still calling you?”
“Yeah,” he answers, rubbing at the back of his neck. “Shane told Ezra about that, but not all of the other stuff.”
“He saw me at William’s house.”
His eyes snap to mine. “Ezra?”
I nod. “It’s why he was so mad at the cabin. Why he did what he did. I haven’t had a chance to tell you.”
“Fuck, Red. That would have explained a lot. I thought he pulled that stunt just to hurt you.”
A thread of anger snaps through me, and I realize I still haven’t fully forgiven Ezra for what he did.
It’ll take months of groveling for him to escape that.
Actions always speak louder than words with me, and starting a fistfight with Damon is not a good start.
“So what did you tell him about why you were over there?”
/>
“I lied and said I was trying to find out what happened with you two on the weekends you were gone. I don’t think he believed me, but he’s dropped it for now.”
Damon knows his twin better than anybody, and what he says next is absolutely true.
“He’ll bring it up again. Will you keep lying?”
My stomach clenches, a sinking feeling taking over.
“What choice do I have?”
“Damn it.” He shifts his position to lay flat on his back.
With his eyes staring up at the ceiling, Damon exhales loudly, his chest rising and falling with breath.
“It doesn’t matter. You don’t have to go over there again, and maybe Ezra will be too focused on finally being with you to worry about it.”
I grow quiet, my thoughts racing through everything that’s been done.
“Do you think it will work?”
“It has to.”
He rolls his head over the mattress to look at me, and I wonder when the day will come that pain doesn’t flicker behind his eyes when they meet mine.
It’s probably best I don’t touch him, but I can’t help reaching over to cup my palm against his cheek.
Like Ezra, he leans into the touch, a silent communication between all of us that I’m standing with them.
I’m here, that touch says. No matter what.
“What about Tanner and Gabe?” I ask, knowing that if they suspect something is going on, they’ll blow up.
I’m still not entirely sure what they’re after, but I know it has a lot to do with Luca and Ivy’s dads. I’ve just been too tied up with Ezra and Damon to pay attention.
“As long as they don’t find out, they won’t tear us a new asshole for what we’ve done. We all have our battles to fight. And what we’re doing won’t get in the way of what they’re after.”
We both grow quiet, our eyes dancing together for several minutes.
“I love you,” I say without thinking that maybe I should keep it to myself.
More pain flashes in his expression.
“Just not like you love Ezra.”
Until now, I never knew how to accurately describe the difference in how I felt. Love versus being in love is one thing, but when it comes to Ezra, what I feel is so much more than that.
“I belong to him,” I say, hoping Damon will understand what that means.