I debate hanging up on him. Now I wish I had.
But I pick up the receiver in Mami and Papi’s room and say hello.
You will never believe what he says.
“Hey, Amalia. Want to go out tonight?”
Like we’ve been flung into a time warp and the Firehouse Cafe never happened.
“James, you —” are a total ignorant jerk, is what I should say. But all that comes out of my mouth is, “No. I can’t.”
“Tomorrow, then?”
Now Isabel is peeking into the room. She holds out a clenched fist, as if to say, stand firm. I frown and wave her away.
“No, James,” I say. “I can’t then either.”
“Tuesday?”
“I — look, we — no.” I close my eyes and count to five slowly. “Not Tuesday, not Wednesday, not any day.”
“Just to talk. As a friend, that’s all. I have to show you something.”
“No, James —”
“Look. If Maggie asked you to go out, you would, right?”
“That’s different.”
“Right. She’s a girl. Okay, Justin, say.”
“James, I am hanging up now —”
“Look, I have to see you. I’ll drive over. It’ll take a few minutes —”
“No. Stay home. Good-bye.”
James starts saying something, but I’m already hanging up.
As soon as the receiver clacks into the cradle, I hear Isabel whooping from outside the bedroom door.
“Eavesdropper,” I say.
Isabel stands in the doorway and smiles. “I’m proud of you.”
Bleeeeeeeeeep, goes the phone.
“DON’T ANSWER!” I shout to Mami and Papi downstairs.
It keeps bleeping. Isabel and I run downstairs to the answering machine.
It clicks on.
“Hello?” says James’s voice. Then, “I know you’re listening.”
Isabel and I look at each other. We’re both gulping. I reach for the receiver, but she grabs my wrist.
“No one treats me like this, Amalia,” the voice says. “I am bending over backward to give you a chance. Pick up now or you will regret it.”
I feel like I am going to throw up.
Isabel is holding onto my arm. I shake loose, but I don’t reach for the phone.
We hear a click. The answering machine cuts off.
Now Mami is standing behind us. “What are you girls doing?” she asks.
Isabel shrugs. “It was a crank call.”
Well, Nbook, that is all I heard from James. No more calls the rest of the day.
I try not to think about what he said at the Firehouse. About dying. But it’s not like him to avoid calling me, and I’m worried that he might try to
Well, I don’t even want to mention it.
But this morning, around 1:00, the phone wakes me up. I hear Papi’s groggy voice saying, “Hello…? Hello…?” Then I hear the receiver crashing back into the cradle, while Papi mutters something not too nice about a hang-up.
No one answers the call at 3:20. Everyone’s fast asleep and can’t hear it. Except me.
I have big trouble going back to sleep after that. When I do, I keep dreaming that the phone is ringing.
I’m totally awake now. Might as well start the day. It’s gorgeous outside. Looks like it might be hot enough for
What is that thing on the lawn?
Don’t go away, Nbook. I’ll be right back.
7:42
This is not happening.
This is just too weird.
The thing on the lawn? It’s two things. Two old rag dolls, a boy and a girl. They’re in a pile, and I pull them apart. This is what they look like:
Should I wake Isabel?
I have to talk to somebody.
I am shaking.
8:34
Okay. I just called Maggie. She’s a morning person. She was up.
She says that this kind of thing happened in one of her dad’s films. I should ignore it. Calling James would be doing just what he wants me to do.
Most of all, I should not act scared or look scared.
Right.
9:17
Isabel thinks Maggie is crazy. “Living in La-La Land,” is how she puts it. She thinks I should call the police right away.
10:23
Mami and Papi weigh in.
Mami says, “Even though it may seem obvious, you’re still not positive he did this.” She thinks I should invite him over, with the whole family in the house. I should have the two dolls sitting on the coffee table, and I should make no comment. Let him do the talking.
Papi wants to talk to James himself.
I can’t tell which of those ideas is worse.
What should I do?
11:21
The phone rings. I’m curled up in bed.
Papi answers it with the loudest, most unfriendly “Hello” I’ve ever heard.
Then, “Amalia! It’s for you!”
It’s Maggie. Inviting me over to chill. Dawn and Sunny will be there too.
I am out of here, Nbook.
10:15 P.M.
Back again.
I love my Palo City friends.
We’re sitting around the pool, eating nachos, trying not to be too freaked about James. And you know what Maggie tells me? She says Rico has called up James and read him the riot act.
Bruce and Patti are mad at him too.
I’m almost in tears when I hear this. I’m amazed that they’re loyal to me. James has been with the group since the beginning.
That was the first good thing that happened. The next? When Papi picked up the phone and threatened him. Exactly how? Neither he nor Mami will tell me.
But he did not call back.
I have hope, Nbook.
Maybe I’ll sleep tonight. Wish me luck.
Mon 1/12
7:31 A.M.
I did it.
Slept right through the night.
And there were no calls overnight.
I’m looking out my window. Nothing on the lawn.
Maybe it’s over.
No. I can’t let myself be overoptimistic.
I still have to get through the entire school day.
1/12
homeroom
I am not singing hallelujahs yet.
But the signs are good.
I see James in the hallway on my way here. He’s with his friends. They all smile at me. James waves.
That’s it. He doesn’t come after me. He just stays put.
I’ll check back after lunch.
lunch
I’m early. Waiting for friends to arrive.
James is not at the doorway today. I am feeling more and more
Sorry, Nbook. Gotta move. Girls at the next table are being snots. Looking at me, whispering and laughing.
Haven’t they ever seen someone write in a journal before?
study hall
Where do I begin?
Nbook, I am in shock.
You know what those girls were laughing at? Graffiti on the cafeteria wall.
Graffiti that looked something like this:
I go right to the head custodian, and he’s in there with stain remover in seconds.
But you can still see it.
Sunny is practically in tears when she arrives at the table. She says everyone in school is talking about Ducky and me. There’s this rumor “From an eyewitness” that I’ve been chasing him. That I forced him to kiss me behind Rico’s garage at a Vanish rehearsal.
Then Maggie comes to the table. She’s upset because some kids in her math class have heard that I fooled around with Justin.
She makes it clear that she doesn’t believe it. She’s just upset anyone would think it.
Marina just ignores me. She and Cece sit at another table. Is she feeling guilty? Angry? What’s going on?
I am fed up. After lunch I wait for James.
He comes strolling down the hallway. I ask him if he wrote
the graffiti on the wall.
He asks, “What graffiti?”
When I show him he just shrugs and says, “You and Ducky? Who would even imagine such a ridiculous thing? Too bad you’re not still going out with me. Then no one would even suspect it was true.”
I want to scream at him. I want to kill him.
But the words get stuck in my throat. And he walks out of the building.
9:47
When I ask Mami and Papi about going to Rico’s, they seem cautious. Papi still thinks James is a dangerous psycho. Mami worries about what Rico said. To her, “solve your problem” could mean something threatening, like a fight.
Isabel to the rescue. She insists on going along. She promises to whisk me away if anything bad happens.
Fine with Mami and Papi. Fine with me.
Isabel drives me to Rico’s Everyone’s there. Except James.
Right off the bat, Isabel asks if this is a revenge meeting.
Rico shakes his head. “It’s a strategy meeting. Family strategy. That’s how I see Vanish. Either we stick together as a family, or…”
“We vanish,” Bruce remarks.
“But James is a part of the family too,” I say. “He’s an original member. He brought me in.”
“You’re our manager,” Patti speaks up. “We’re all equal.”
“I think we ought to talk to him,” Rico says. “Let him explain himself — why he started those rumors, why he’s treating Amalia so badly —”
“He’s been acting like a jerk for too long,” Bruce cuts in. “We don’t need him. Kick him out.”
“That’s what I say!” Maggie blurts out.
“Be fair,” Patti says. “I agree with Rico. Let’s call him now and ask him to come over.”
Everyone (except Maggie and me) is mumbling in agreement.
“Don’t bother. He’s here.”
The voice comes from the garage door. It makes me freeze up inside.
It’s James.
He strolls through the garage door. Smiling.
It’s that evil smile of his. Right away I know he’s heard the conversation.
No one speaks. We’re all too shocked.
“What’s the matter?” James asks. “You only kick people out behind their backs?”
Rico steps forward. “We’re not doing that. We wanted you to explain yourself first —”
“And then you’ll kick me out.” James is glaring at Bruce. “That’s the thanks I get for bringing you into this group, even though you can’t play?”
Bruce turns red. He starts sputtering. But James is moving on to Maggie now.
“And you,” he says. “You think you’d have gotten into this group if my sister hadn’t begged me —”
“Shut up, James!” Patti blurts out.
“You’re killing it for yourself, man,” Rico adds. “We wanted to give you a chance —”
James laughs. He says he doesn’t need the group. He says we’re all a bunch of tone-deaf amateurs. He turns away and calls out, “Come on, Amalia.”
Come on, Amalia! I’m supposed to follow after him like a little chihuahua?
I want to throw something at him.
I’m about to yell, but Isabel beats me to it. “Don’t you talk to her like that,” she says.
“Oh, I’m scared,” James replies, laughing. “Big sister’s going to beat me up.”
“Big sister and friends,” Bruce says through clenched teeth.
“Hit me with the bass,” James remarks. “You might make a decent sound for once.”
That does it.
Bruce is ready to fight.
Maggie is in tears.
Patti is furious.
Rico is telling James never to set foot in his garage again.
And I’m ready to kill him.
Rico, Bruce, and Patti are advancing on James. His eyes are on me. I see fear in them. But I also see mockery. And anger.
“You have a lot of people fighting your battles, Amalia!” James shouts scornfully.
I’m thinking, this may be the first and last time I am agreeing with James Kodaly.
This is not Maggie’s battle. Or Isabel’s. Or Rico’s.
It’s mine.
Suddenly Bruce lunges. James ducks aside and holds up his fists.
“Knock it off!” I shout.
Both guys turn toward me. Bruce mumbles something under his breath and backs off.
I am facing James now. His features are tense, almost distorted. It’s amazing how someone so handsome can make himself look so ugly.
I feel drained. I feel empty. But I don’t feel scared.
“James,” I say. “You don’t need to start rumors about me. Because no one will believe you. You don’t need to pick fights. Because even if you beat someone up, you can’t change anything. And you don’t need me. Because I will never be your stuffed animal.”
James is looking at me as if I’m a small, annoying child. “This all happened because of me,” I continue. “Because I was stupid enough to trust you. But I’m not making that mistake anymore.”
I look James in the eye. I wait For him to react.
When he doesn’t, I turn away. “Let’s get out of here,” I say.
I walk out of the garage and toward the car. To my surprise, everyone else is following me.
Including James.
“Wait,” he calls out.
I look back. Some of the others don’t.
“You’re right,” James says. “I’m sorry. I did the wrong thing. I really, really lost it.”
I nod. Isabel and I climb into the car.
“Yeah,” I say out the window. “You did.”
Sat 1/17
Nbook, I can’t believe five days have passed since I last wrote.
My excuse? Homework, I guess. Exhaustion.
Also, I’m so tired of bad news. And the week is full of it. I guess I just don’t want to depress you.
But I feel the urge to write again, Nbook. Hope you don’t mind.
First I’ll let Linda’s card speak for itself.
Dear Isabel,
I hope you can come visit Mikey and me before we move. You’ve been like a younger sister to me.
Robert has been released. Despite the fact that he violated the restraining order. Despite the fact that he trespassed on GAEA’s property. And despite the fact that he kidnapped Mikey. He’s under surveillance, and he’s wearing some kind of electronic monitoring device.
I am going to have to testify against him in court. In the meantime I am sending Mikey away to a place where I know he’ll be happy and safe. And I will be living with some people I know.
Please come see us so we can say good-bye.
Love,
Linda and MIKEY
The only positive thing I can say, Nbook, is that Mikey seemed really happy when we visited.
But as of Wednesday, he and Linda are in places where no one can find them.
I search the newspapers every day for reports of Linda’s case. But I haven’t read anything that resembles it.
I know I may not ever see them again, Nbook. But that doesn’t keep me from thinking about them. All the time.
Sun 1/18
I just read over the last entry. I realize it’s the first time in awhile I haven’t written about James.
Guess you’ve been wondering what’s been happening between him and me, huh, Nbook?
Well, until today, nothing.
I see him from time to time in school. We don’t ignore each other or stare menacingly. Sometimes we just nod. Once or twice we’ve said “Hi.”
I don’t know how he’s feeling. Marina doesn’t say much. I think she feels caught in the middle. Our friendship has definitely taken a nosedive.
As for Vanish, well, we haven’t met for rehearsal. I know I should call Rico, and I will, eventually. Maggie thinks he’s totally lost interest in the group.
Mami, Papi, and Isabel are glad James is not calling. Simon is hinting I should meet his ni
nth-grade brother, who’s even dorkier than Simon.
One good thing about all this — it’s brought me closer to Maggie and her friends. I like them all so much.
Actually, not counting what happened to Linda and Mikey, things have been going pretty well.
Until today.
Vista’s having this Valentine’s Day bake sale, to raise funds for gym repairs. I first see the sign-up sheet after second period, and I sign my name on the second-to-last slot under Decorations Committee. On the way to third period I see Maggie and ask her to sign the last slot.
Later she tells me she did just that. But when the committees are announced later, her name isn’t mentioned. James’s is.
I corner him after school and ask about this.
But he’s with a group of new friends and he just shrugs.
I head to my locker, furious. I pull it open and a note floats to the floor.
Ducky: Diary One
California Diaries
Ann M. Martin
Contents
Feb. 12
During Homeroom, F the 13
Feb. 14, Sat. Morning
Sur La Plage
Feb. 15
Epilogue
In Which Ducky McCrae
Sometimes You Wish
A Passage of Several Days
Saturday at Venice Beach
In the Kitchen
The Great McCrae
The Morning After
It Is Two A.M.
2:15Still.
2:23
Feb. 12
Saturday is Valentine’s Day.
So we will be allowed to celebrate it at school TOMORROW, Friday.
Unless you don’t have a Valentine. Like me.
Then you don’t celebrate. You walk around feeling sorry for yourself. You might as well stay home.
But look on the bright side, McCrae.
Tomorrow also happens to be Friday the 13th.
So maybe having a Valentine is unlucky. And the best thing to do is go to school and don’t worry.
You will not worry.
Diary One Page 29