by Hope Ford
Loving You
Alpha Hero 1
Hope Ford
Loving You © 2020 by Hope Ford
Editor: Kasi Alexander
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
www.authorhopeford.com
Contents
1. Mack
2. Jane
3. Mack
4. Jane
5. Jane
6. Jane
7. Jane
8. Jane
9. Jane
Epilogue
Epilogue 2
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1
Mack
Blind. I can’t see a thing. I’ve lain in this hospital bed for four days now and still no answers. Pain fills me and I grab my temple. But it’s not just my head; no, I feel like I’m about to lose my mind. I have no clue what happened. We were working a job. Something we’re trained to do. We answered the call just like every other call. We’re trained firemen—heck with that, we’re experienced, elite firemen. We’re the ones you call when shit’s really bad. I still have trouble remembering everything that happened or how it went down. All I know is what they told me. I fell and hit my head and didn’t have my helmet on. What the fuck I was doing in an open fire without my helmet is beyond me.
All my brothers have been in to see me and right away I knew there was something fucked up about the situation. It wasn’t until my second day here they finally told me. My best friend, Allen, died in that fire. I ended up missing his funeral. Damn, not that I deserved to go. It’s my fault he’s dead. It’s my fault… well, for everything.
“How you doing today, Mack?”
I recognize the voice. It’s the head doctor. The one that can’t figure out what’s going on with my eyesight.
I can’t fucking see. How the hell do you think I’m doing? “Not good, Doc. I still can’t see.”
I can hear his grunt as he approaches the bed. “Yeah, well, we’ve checked everything. Your blood work, all of your scans… there’s nothing we can find that is causing the vision loss.”
Unable to hold my frustration back, I ask him, “So that’s it? I’m just fucking blind?”
He ignores my outburst. “The swelling of your head makes the MRI inconclusive. I’ve talked to your other doctors and we are releasing you. We will have you scheduled for another MRI in seven days.”
I throw my hands up in the air. “So I’m going home like this.”
I can hear the whining in my voice and it pisses me off even more. I’m not a whiner. I take care of shit. I get it done. But damn, this has fuckin’ rocked me.
“Yes, but you can’t let this…”
I stop him before he tries to feed me a line of bullshit to not let this get me down. I’m blind. My best friend is dead and the way it looks right now, I’ll never fight fires again. “Yeah, Doc, I got it.” I don’t want to listen to his motivational crap right now. I pull the blanket off and stand up, grabbing the side of the bed. I’m already fully dressed, have been all day. I’m not the type to sit around in a gown.
“Woah, woah. Not so fast. We have to finish your paperwork. Plus, we are having a home health nurse assigned to you. Your captain has already set it up.”
“I don’t need a nurse,” I tell him grudgingly. I mean, I probably fucking do, but I’m not going to tell him that. I’ll make do. Some fuckin’ how.
He doesn’t say anything. And it pisses me off I can’t see what look he’s giving me. Automatically, I feel like he’s pitying me and well, I can’t stand pity.
“I’m leaving. Five minutes, Doc.”
The sound of footsteps and a knock on the door jerks my head to the side, but I can’t see who it is.
“He giving you problems?” I hear Terry, my friend and fellow fireman, say.
Relief hits me. I don’t know if it’s because I can’t see anything but right now, I need something or someone familiar to be surrounding me.
Even though I know it’s him, I still ask, “Terry?”
“Hey, brother. I hear you’re getting out?”
“Oh yeah,” I answer him and then say to the air, “Whatever happened to patient confidentiality rules?” I’m pissed off and I know I shouldn’t take it out on the doc, but fuck, I need to know when I’m going to get my sight back.
The doctor clears his throat. “I’ll uh, get the nurse on that paperwork. We’ll have you ready to go shortly.”
I start to walk and run into something. Terry reaches out and grabs me before I fall over. “C’mon, brother, let’s sit you down.”
He starts to back me up, but I throw my hand up. “I’m not going back on that bed.”
“Fine. Fine.” He leads me across the room slowly. “Here’s a chair.”
I sit down in it and barely get comfortable before I’m asking him, “Have you talked to April?”
She’s all I’ve thought about since I’ve been here. She’s my best friend’s wife, well, widow, and I know she’s probably devastated. I should have been there at the funeral for her. Fuck, I should have saved her husband.
“Yeah, I talked to her. We’ve all made our rounds checking on her…”
I nod my head, because really, there’s not a lot more I can say. I know she and Allen were having problems, but I’m sure she never expected this.
“What’s this?”
“Really, Terry? What’s what?” I’ll cut him some slack, but really, am I supposed to guess what he’s talking about?
“Did they give you a cane?” he asks me and I can hear the surprise in his voice.
I shake my head. Yeah, I sort of had the same reaction when they put it in my hand. “Yeah, they came in and worked with me on getting around and told me that would help.” I rub my eyes. I may not be able to see, but they still feel so tired. “Any more on what happened to… Allen?”
“Mack…”
Shaking my head, I tell him, “I need to know. I have tried to remember and I can’t. I need to know what happened to him.”
I can hear him take a deep breath and blow it out. It feels like the tension in the room just got higher. “He had been drinking, Mack. He had a blood alcohol level of point two. He either passed out or fell and passed out, nobody knows. But he died from smoke inhalation. We did what we could, Mack. We just couldn’t get to him.”
I take a deep breath and hold it. Not wanting to release it. I want the air to fill my lungs and stay there. When I can’t hold it any more, I release it. I feel at a total loss. Allen didn’t ride in on the truck with us. No one knew where he was, but when he showed up at the job, I assumed he had been running late. I knew he had been drinking more. But I never dreamed he would bring it on the job.
“We did everything we could, Mack.”
His soft plea about destroys me. “I know you did, Terry. I have no doubt. And well, I never thanked you all for saving me in there. If it wasn’t for you, I would have died in that fire too.”
The room is quiet and I’m waiting on Terry to crack a joke. He’s the jokester of the bunch and I know this is too heavy for him.
“So I hear you’re leaving us.”
A nurse comes in and stops somewhere in front of me.
“I need you to sign these before you go.”
She wraps my hand around a pen. Are you kidding me? I could be signing over my firstborn kid or something.
I feel a warmth and Terry’s deep voice booms beside me. “It’s legit. It’s discharge papers.”
I nod my head and sign the papers with the nurse’s help.
Now to go home.
2
Jane
I knew this was a special situation. Instead of meeting with my patient first, I met with the captain of ladder forty-nine. It is one of the biggest fire stations in downtown Knoxville. The captain broke it down for me and was completely honest at least. He told me that this was going to be a hard job. He said that Mack was used to being independent and would not like needing help with everyday tasks. I tried to reassure him and tell him that I understood and was not worried about it. I deal with patients like that every day.
But as I stand on the porch about to knock, a wave of something hits me. I almost go back to my car and sit down. I may have been self-assured, probably even a little cocky with the captain, but right now, I’m not so sure.
I roll my shoulders back and stand up taller. I’m a trained nurse. I have taken care of a number of men that don’t want to give up their independence. I know I can help him. I’ve done it before and I can do it again. I just have to make him understand that I’m here to help him so he can take care of himself. I open the folder and read through the notes again. Everything seems to be in order. It’s not missing anything, but there’s something about it that is causing me to be on edge. Could it be the fact that he lost his best friend in the same fire he lost his eyesight in? Possibly. I know about loss. I know what that can do to you and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
I close the folder and stuff it in my purse, then push the doorbell and wait.
I can hear rustling on the other side and finally the door opens. When I see him, I take a deep breath. Normal guy. I mean, he’s nice looking and not too intimidating. That is until I notice he’s looking straight at me.
I tilt my head to the side. “Uh… Hi, are you Mack Taylor?”
He laughs and I swear he mutters, “You wish” before he opens the door wider and waves for me to enter.
When he holds his hand out, I shake it. “Hi. I’m Jane Baxter. I’m the nurse that Captain Benson hired.”
“Hey. I’m Terry… and Mack is this way.”
I follow him then and take in my surroundings along the way. I can’t help but notice the white walls and dark furniture. It’s minimally decorated, which is actually good. Less to get in the way.
Terry stops and I almost run into the back of him. He steps to the side. “And this is Mack.”
That same feeling I had on the porch hits me hard and fast. I’ve never experienced it before today and I don’t know what it means, but I’m standing over one of the most handsome men I’ve ever met in my life. The first thing I notice, besides how handsome he is, is that he is obviously uncomfortable. He is not adjusting to losing his sight, but really, who could blame him? He’s big, taking up most of the chair he’s sitting in. His brown hair is short and there’s stubble on his chin. Did no one offer to shave him? Or is that how he normally wears it? When I realize he’s moving around, waiting for me to say something, I step forward and reach for his hand.
The contact catches us both off-guard. I stare at his hand in mine and I grip it firmly. “Hi, uh, Mack.” I clear my throat and pull my hand back. I can’t seem to form a sentence without stuttering while touching him. “I’m Jane. I’ve been hired by Captain Benson to help you get adjusted.”
He pulls himself up and I put my hands out in front of me to catch him. But he stands easily. The folder said that other than the loss of his vision, he seems to be healthy… no other side effects.
He doesn’t teeter or seem off-kilter, and I put my hands down and lift my head up to look at him. I have to tilt my head backwards to look into his face. He’s tall and he towers over my five foot six inch frame.
His jaw hardens and his friendly voice from only seconds ago is now menacing. “I appreciate you showing up, but I don’t need you here.”
Terry automatically intervenes. “Mack!”
But he’s not having it. Mack holds his hand up and Terry instantly backs down. I’m looking at Terry, trying to get a read on the situation and I can tell he’s mad. I would guess normally he would not let Mack get the last word, but he seems to be accommodating to his friend’s sickness. Which when I look over at Mack, I think he’s thinking the same thing.
“Or you either, Terry. I don’t need either of you here. Both of you need to leave,” he yells at the two of us, holding his arms out like he’s going to shoo us out the door.
Terry finally looks like he might stand up to him, but I grab his arm and shake my head side to side. I gesture to the door and start walking.
When we get to the front door, I whisper to Terry, “I think it might be better if I did this on my own.”
His eyes go wide and he looks at me like I’ve lost my mind. “Really? You want to be left alone with that? He’s a pain in the ass, but I’ve never seen him lose his temper like that.”
“I can handle it,” I assure him. “Now, tell him bye and I promise I’ll call you if I need anything. Your number is listed in his folder.”
I stand holding the door open as he goes and tells Mack bye and then walks out the door. He mutters to me as he passes by, “I hope you know what you’re getting yourself into.”
I just smile and shut the door, but I can’t help thinking, So do I.
I hear a noise behind me and a muttered, “Fuck.” I’m sure Mack ran into something. I fight the urge to run to him. Instead I stand by the front door and give myself a mental pep talk. You can do this, Jane. He’s just a man. Albeit a handsome one… with big shoulders and a beautiful face.
Shaking my head, I know I’m losing track here. C’mon, Jane, get it together.
Mack walks in the doorway between the living room and the entry way. His gaze is toward me and even though he can’t see me, his gaze penetrates me.
I don’t say anything. I can’t. I just stand here and take him all in.
His face is filled with sadness even though I know he’s trying to hide it from me. His shoulders are huge and it looks like his shirt is barely able to contain them. He is obviously in very good shape, looking at how his body leads into a v. His thighs are huge, though, the warn material of his jeans almost losing the fight of keeping him held in.
He takes a deep breath and I watch his chest rise before he lets it out. “You’re still here.”
There’s so much I can say to him. Something to reassure him. But all I say is, “Yes.”
The tension in the room is almost palpable. I’m holding my breath, hoping and praying he doesn’t throw me out of here, because even though he thinks he doesn’t need me… he does.
3
Mack
I need her. I know I do. But I just can’t handle this right now. I need to grieve. I need to check on April and make sure she’s all right.
I take another step into the entryway. I know she’s standing by the door. I know she ran off Terry. Which is good. He’s a good friend, but I hate for him to see me like this. Hell, I hate for her to see me like this.
I’m pretty sure, if it was under different circumstances, I would probably ask her out. I may be new to being blind, but I know when a woman’s interested. The electric charge I felt when she grabbed my hand tells me that I would be interested too. Even now, I can hear her unsteady breathing.
“I don’t need you here.” I mean to say it firmly, but instead it comes out like a question.
She walks closer to me. “You do though. I’m here for a week, maybe two, just long enough to teach you how to adjust to this way of life.”
“I don’t want to adjust.” I pull my hand through my hair roughly. “I want to get my eyesight back.”
She gets closer to me and I swear I can feel the heat coming off her body. I take a deep breath and her sweet, honey scent fills my nostrils. She grabs my forearm and squeezes it. “I know. And from what I’ve read in your file, there is some swelling that makes your MRI inconclusive. But I’ll tell you from experience, you can�
�t put all your attention on that right now. I need you to work with me. Next week, you will get more answers but there is nothing you can do now except work on taking care of yourself.”
I want to scream. I want to cuss. I want to punch a wall. I hate this feeling, but I know she’s right. If I don’t get my shit together, it’s going to consume me.
She releases my hand and touches me on the shoulder. “Trust me, Mack.”
I take a deep breath and nod my head at her, agreeing.
I can hear how happy that makes her by the way she claps her hands together. “Perfect! I read that you’d only had bed baths since the accident. So first things first… A shower. I know it’s one thing that always makes me feel better.”
Although the idea of her helping me in the shower is tempting, I’m still a stubborn ass. “I can bathe myself.”
She laughs and I swear the sound makes my stomach ripple. “Oh, I know you can. I’m just going to teach you a few things and then let you get started. So where’s your bathroom? And where is the cane?”
I grunt. Oh hell no. “I don’t need the cane. And the bathroom is down the hall. My room is the last door on the left and the bathroom is through there.”
Even though I’m still being pissy, she still just laughs. “Okay, tough guy. Your way had you knocking into the furniture. Just try my way and if it doesn’t work, we’ll do it your way.”
I think about it and realize she’s not asking much. “Fine.”
She releases me and comes back only a second later, grabbing my hand and wrapping it around the head of the cane.
She turns me around and tells me I’m facing the hallway. “Okay, so some people will tell you to count steps. In your house, it may be helpful, but there’s always the possibility of losing count. I want to help you develop your senses so you can get around more easily. We’re going to be using your visual memory, how you remember your house. But we’re also going to depend on your hearing – for example, you’ll know where you’re at by the sounds in your kitchen or even if you’re in a small space, you’ll have a closed-in feeling.”