by Lianne Oelke
I think he meant it as an apology. He’s the sort of asshole who feels bad for being an asshole. Eventually.
JS
I hate him.
DFS
You should calm down, think through this.
JS
He’s dead to me. I could have forgiven him for voting me off. Maybe. But not this.
DFS
Has it occurred to you that you might be acting a little melodramatically?
JS
Robbie Patel is the worst person to ever exist, and I will see his head roll, or so help me god.
SatJun18
Mom called this afternoon, and I answered. She apologized for “the way she handled our conversation the other day.” I apologized too. It was a brief conversation; neither of us could figure out what needed to be said to make things better. She still wants me to come to the family dinner on Sunday. She didn’t say anything about Dad, and I know what that means.
Jenna and I didn’t leave the house today. We cleaned and made enchiladas and watched old Hitchcock movies. I learned I’m not a fan of Hitchcock. Maybe I wasn’t paying enough attention.
JS
Hey, Jenna?
JENNA
Yeah?
JS
What would you do to someone who pissed you off?
JENNA
Could you be more specific?
JS
Someone who betrayed you.
JENNA
Is this about Robbie?
JS
No. Yes.
JENNA
I thought you handled it pretty well, with the coffee.
JS
Yeah, but . . .
JENNA
Did something else happen? Alexander said Robbie was a bit provocative yesterday.
JS
You could say that.
I didn’t want to tell her about my journal because I don’t like admitting to other people that it exists. Even hidden among my dusty high school science notebooks it feels vulnerable.
JENNA
You don’t want to talk about it, do you?
JS
No.
JENNA
Well. I’d make sure he didn’t win. And I’d make sure he knew it was because of me.
JS
That’s what I was thinking.
FB tells me it’s R’s birthday today. Not that I didn’t already know.
SunJun19
I’ve got a family dinner to look forward to tonight, my first time seeing the parents since I dropped the bombshell on Thursday. I’ll finish work early enough to attend. Dad assumes I’ve been working Sundays because I’m a misguided youth who has succumbed to secular temptation. Or maybe those were my grandparents’ words. It’s hard to keep track of which family member is judging me these days. Time to catch up with the other aunts and uncles. Hurrah.
Dinner was at Uncle Hank and Aunt Flora’s. They live on Upper Signal Hill with a lovely view of the city and mountains. No one knows (or will tell me) where their money comes from. It probably has to do with their lack of children. They don’t normally have family over, because they feel the same way I do about family dinners. They also make wine in their basement. Obviously they are my favorite relations. The parents left shortly after dinner. Dad said he had an early meeting tomorrow morning, but I think they just don’t know how to deal with me yet. I was afraid my bombshell would devastate them, but they seemed more uncomfortable than anything. Here I was thinking they’d show up on a righteous crusade to reclaim their daughter’s soul, with a Bible and a speech prepared for the meal blessing. Instead, Dad spent the meal scrutinizing every aspect of the weather this week and Mom picked at the homemade label on a wine bottle. Maybe they think I’m beyond their help. Or maybe hell no longer feels real to them, either. Either way, I’m on my own now. I guess I asked for this.
Aunt Gina brought up House of Orange, and of course everyone wanted to watch it. We were a couple bottles of wine in, so I didn’t mind. Anything is fun to watch in their theater. It was the first time I’ve thought of HOO as only a reality show. Pure entertainment. We had a great time, ripping everything apart. Aunt Gina was especially hard on Robbie, bless her heart. She had already seen the whole thing, so she knew what was coming. Everyone else was appropriately amused, disgusted, and outraged. They made fun of me, too. Specifically how pissed off I looked at the last group interview.
I threw my popcorn at the screen every time Robbie came on, but I felt bad afterward and cleaned it all up.
MonJun20
I stumbled into the kitchen this morning with pillow lines on my face, several elastics stuck in my hair that I knew I’d have to cut out later, and no pants. AP was waiting for me at the table. He looked short on sleep but sat up straight with a focused, single-minded air about him. He looked like his sister.
JS
Gooood morning.
AP
Sit down, Jane.
JS
You didn’t put a pot of coffee on by chance, did you?
AP
We need to talk.
JS
Okay, but I already told you. I’m done with the show.
AP
I got a call from the dean last night, Jane. He wants to know why footage of an Elbow River minor drinking alcohol ended up on television.
Uh-oh.
AP
You lied to me about your age, Jane.
This was probably the sort of conversation I should have worn pants for.
JS
I know. And I’m sorry. But I’m eighteen now. I only drank on camera on my birthday.
AP
And what about the recap we showed at the beginning of the episode? You think the cameras never recorded you intoxicated before? What about the costume party? Or how hung-over you looked when you cleaned the place with Robbie? And the first episode I had to recut—you think you can just erase something from the internet?
I was at a loss for words. AP was a thundercloud.
AP
The show was finally getting somewhere, Jane. Our ratings on Monday were better than we could have hoped for. And now that all this attention is finally on the show, the dean is on my ass because whoever put together our profile on the Elbow River website finally noticed that something didn’t add up with your records.
JS
Look, I didn’t know this would happen. I just wanted to do the show. I thought I was being careful about drinking.
How was I supposed to know that people would make a big deal about some girl having one or two beers on a shitty little web series about a shitty little community college?
AP
It’s not even the drinking, Jane. You lied about your age on the contract you signed. Your entire participation on the show was built on a lie.
JS
It’s not your fault; it’s mine. I’ll take all the blame. I’m already off the show.
AP
You don’t get it, do you? I exploited a minor on the show. The dean wants to cancel House of Orange. I could be expelled.
Shit.
JS
Does he . . . want to expel me, too?
AP
I don’t know.
Motherfucking shit on a stick. Jane, you idiot. First the suicide attempt, then high school, then the only real friend you thought you had in the house, then your relationship with your family, then the entire show. Why not add community college to the list of fuckups?
JS
So what do we do?
AP
I’m going to beg the dean not to expel my ass. As for you—I don’t know.
Jenna found me sitting in the same chair an hour later. She placed a latte in front of me.
JENNA
It’s not too late for coffee, I hope? It’s definitely not too late to put some pants on.
JS
Thanks.
She took a seat next to me.
JENNA
He told me what happened. It really suck
s.
JS
It does, doesn’t it?
On top of the humiliation of being expelled, as well as being the one responsible for bringing the show crashing down, is the massively unsatisfying prospect of what happens to R. If the show is canceled, R can’t win, but I don’t want him to simply not win. I want him to lose. I want to see him humiliated, too. He can’t violate my privacy like that and simply get away with it.
JS
They can’t really expel him, can they? He didn’t know.
JENNA
But it was his job to know. He should have checked his facts.
JS
So what can he do to save the show?
JENNA
Nothing. I’m going to save it.
JS
How?
JENNA
I don’t know yet. But haven’t you ever wondered why a guy like my brother ended up at Elbow River? I’m in university, but he’s the better student. And don’t tell him I said that, or you’ll no longer have a roof over your head.
JS
So why is he here?
I was starting to sound like a broken record with all these questions.
JENNA
He started off at the U of C. Spent a year there. But he was kicked out. Like you.
I never thought of AP as someone like me. Someone looking for a second chance at Elbow River.
JS
Did he jump off a cliff too?
Jenna smirked.
JENNA
No. And I’m not telling you what happened. All you need to know is, he didn’t deserve to be expelled then, and he doesn’t deserve to be expelled now. So we’re not going to let that happen.
I’m dying to know what happened, but I can’t very well be annoyed with Jenna for keeping secrets when she’s kept mine for so long.
JS
We?
JENNA
This is your mess, Jane.
I never thought I’d say this, but I have to call Mr. Dubs.
He’s out of town for a few days, so we’ll meet on Thursday. Until then I guess I’ll sit in this corner and think about what I’ve done.
TueJun21
Not even Bonnie and Tom could cheer me up today. They’re all caught up with the show and the drama and my uncertain academic future. I know Tom thought the show was a bad idea, but at least he had the grace not to say “I told you so.” I wish their summer break didn’t start when mine ends next week so we could go on a road trip or camping or something.
TOM
Actually, Jane . . . I’m going to Edmonton for a week in July. With the youth group. There’s gonna be a bunch of concerts there.
Edmonton is possibly the worst place on earth, but I’d go with them if I could. I never received the invite. Probably because they knew I’d have school. Or maybe it’s because I haven’t shown up at youth group since April.
TOM
And in August I’ll be on a missions trip to Colombia.
South America? I really am out of the loop.
JS
That sounds like fun.
TOM
I wish you could come too.
I don’t know if I believed him.
ThuJun23
Jenna and I discussed the fate of HOO over cereal.
JS
The school needs the show. Even if they don’t know it yet.
JENNA
So what you have to do is make them understand. Explain to your adviser today what House of Orange can do for the school.
JS
I think he knows what it can do. He’s already a fan.
JENNA
That’s not enough. He has to believe the benefits outweigh the risks. That the attention on Elbow River is more positive than not. And as for you—Elbow River is full of people looking for second chances.
JS
I think I’m on my third chance now. But who’s counting?
It’s hot out today. I bought a Slurpee on my way to the school but dumped what was left of it before walking into Mr. Dubs’s office, in case it made me seem too flippant about my future. Maybe I should have worn my #JANESINNER shirt to show school spirit or whatever. Mr. Dubs sat on his exercise ball, wearing shorts and sandals with socks. His new glasses, big, square lenses rimmed in thick hipster black, gave me hope. This was a man trying to fit in with Kids These Days. Always one step behind, but trying nonetheless. All I had to do was convince him this reality show was even better than hipster glasses.
MR. DUBS
Good to see you, Jane.
JS
You too. Nice glasses.
MR. DUBS
Thank you. You don’t think they’re a bit much?
JS
Not at all.
A tiny, necessary white lie. I rolled up an exercise ball.
MR. DUBS
So, Jane. We have a bit of a situation here, don’t we.
JS
I suppose we do.
MR. DUBS
You understand the consequences of your actions, of your . . . misrepresentations?
JS
I do. And I’m sorry things got so out of hand.
Mr. Dubs began a series of squats on his ball.
MR. DUBS
This puts the school in a tight spot. Elbow River can’t condone underage students drinking.
JS
But you knew all along. You knew how old I was. You could have done something.
Maybe it’s risky implicating Mr. Dubs, but if we’re on the same sinking ship, he’s more likely to start bailing. He sighed.
MR. DUBS
Yes, I knew. I thought it would be best for you to deal with your participation on the show and Mr. Park on your own terms. I misjudged the situation.
JS
So what do we do? I mean, canceling the show seems a bit much, don’t you think? Especially since my friends at high school are really getting into it. You know, a couple of them are thinking of coming here in the fall.
Yet another little misrepresentation. Forgive me, Lord, for I am a Sinner.
MR. DUBS
Is that so? Well, that’s good to hear. Really. Maybe we can send them T-shirts. Do you think they’d like that? But as for the show . . . well, it’s really not my decision.
JS
Maybe you could talk to the dean about it. I’d hate for House of Orange to end on a bad note. You know? I mean, the show could do so much more good for the school. We could really put Elbow River on the map.
MR. DUBS
I see your point. But we can’t let this . . . incident . . . happen without consequences.
JS
I agree. But don’t expel Alexander. Without him, the show would fall apart.