by D. G. Driver
“If that day comes, we’ll cancel the whole thing,” Roger said. “Is that what you want? Teenage boys and girls having an unchaperoned sleepover on an island?”
I blushed at the thought of it.
“Well, no,” Elizabeth said hotly. “I’m just saying that the girls shouldn’t be excluded. I’m sure there’s a way we could work out some kind of supervision.”
“That would take away all the fun,” Roger said. “The whole point is for them to experience the freedom and camaraderie.”
“Oh, pshaw!” She grabbed his empty beer bottle and walked away. “Bill, are you hearing this?”
“I’m staying out of it,” he said to her. Roger sneered at him. Bill shrugged in response like he didn’t care and took that moment to change the subject back to what I thought mattered. “We saw the rowboat about an hour ago, but it was empty. We kept sounding the horn, but no one appeared.”
“That’s because I was looking for Alex,” I said. It was my turn to explain a few things. I told them about how I found his kayak.
“We were wondering how you wound up with two boats,” Bill said.
“So, can you help me go find him? He’s back that way, I think.” I pointed over my shoulder.
“Can’t do it, Danielle,” Roger said, over-emphasizing my name. Hearing it said like that made me shudder. What were the guys going to think when they found out? “The boys shot a flare up on the island. We need to get over there and find out what they need.”
“Aren’t there other parents out here that can do that?” I asked. My voice cracked with my agitation. I was tired of people not listening to me about Alex. “He’s lost. He may be hurt. We need to find him.”
“I’ll tell you what,” Bill said. “We’ll radio the police to call Alex’s parents and find out if he’s come home. Will that ease your mind a little bit?” I nodded reluctantly. It wouldn’t matter. I knew in my gut Alex wasn’t at home. “In the meantime, we’ll head to the camp and make sure everything is all right there.”
I didn’t say anything. All I did was look away from them, over the rails out to the water. It wasn’t just that I wanted to go find Alex and help him—I didn’t want to face the other boys yet. Jasper and Brian might get a laugh out of me fooling them, but I’m pretty sure it would piss Chris right off. And he already hated me. Plus, I didn’t want to see the disappointment on Lamont’s face. He was the one who’d invited me. He trusted me, vouched for me. I didn’t really lie about who I was, but I didn’t tell them the truth either. He’d probably never speak to me again. My stomach flipped, and my heart began to race. I hadn’t felt this nervous about anything in a long time.
Bill must’ve seen the concern on my face, because he leaned toward me and put his hand on my knee. “Look, if Alex’s dad hasn’t heard from him, we’ll gather up a group of people to go looking. There isn’t a lot just the five of us can do if he’s really stuck out there in the woods somewhere. We’d need a lot of eyes and flashlights to comb the woods well enough. Do you understand that?”
“Yeah,” I said. “I guess.” I looked at Bill’s kind face. He had no idea what fears were bumping around in my brain, but it was sweet of him to be concerned. “I just feel bad leaving without knowing for sure that he’s okay.”
“I know. He’ll be all right, though.”
But would I?
I sipped from my creamy coffee now that it had cooled enough not to burn my tongue. It tasted bitter and sweet all at once, kind of like the way I felt inside. The adults let me sit in silence while they dealt with the radio and talked to one another. I couldn’t hear what was happening over the motor and the water. Their faces were serious, none of them telling jokes or anything like that, but I didn’t get a sense that anything was really wrong as I watched them. Every once in a while, one of them would see me looking and would nod or offer a stiff smile my direction.
It didn’t take that long at all to get to the other side of the island. Oddly enough, the island wasn’t as big as it seemed, and when you’re in a boat with a motor you travel a lot faster. I shook my head in disbelief as the campfires came into view, making an orange glow all along the beach. Four other boats were pulled close to shore, along with a speedboat with SMITHVILLE POLICE emblazoned on the side. Carol steered the houseboat right alongside the police boat and then cut the motor. The women stayed on the boat while the two dads jumped in the water, so they could wade up to shore. Carol went to the edge of the boat and called up to the policeman. “Hey Ted! This is Oleta’s granddaughter. You ready for her?”
The policeman named Ted did a double take at me, his mouth slightly agape. “Granddaughter?”
“Yep.”
He came to the side of the boat and opened a little door where a stepladder went down into the water. He put his hand out with the intention of helping me cross over the water without falling in. “Well, girl, you need to grow out that lovely blonde hair.”
“That’s what my mom always says,” I quipped back. It was the statement I always made to the three thousand people a week who said that comment to me. Mom did, in fact, say that a lot and usually followed it with, “You’d be a lot prettier that way,” which is, I’m sure, what everyone else thinks but are too polite to say.
Frankly, I was extra glad at the moment my hair was so short. It was probably the only part of me that still looked decent. If my hair was long, it would be a sticky, nasty, tangled mess right about now. The absolute opposite of pretty.
I started to put out my hand to grab his, and I looked over my right shoulder to see the men joining the boys at the edge of the water. A number of parents were there, and lots of people were gesturing wildly. Some fingers pointed out at the water. Some of them pointed at me.
I let my hand drop back to my side. It would be easy to get on this police boat and go back to Grandma’s. I could hide out there with her until my parents got back from Europe and never see any of the boys again. I’d never have to deal with the humiliation of facing them after they found out who I really was.
Had I really done something so terrible? I hadn’t lied. Not really. I just didn’t correct them when they got it wrong. That’s not the same as lying, was it? I felt guilty for tricking them, but I also felt proud of it. I liked the guys. Well, except for Chris. The brothers were funny. Lamont was so together. And so handsome. Alex was a sweet guy…
I was still worried about Alex. I felt like I needed to be sure that these people were going to try to find him. Everyone seemed so unconcerned about it all. What was really important here, me being a girl or Alex being lost?
“Just give me a second,” I said to Ted the Policeman, and I jumped into the water. I glanced back when Carol shouted my name.
I saw Ted put his hands on his hips and nod toward the beach. “Don’t worry, Carol. She’ll come right back. Those boys’ll chase her away faster than a hound dog chasin’ a rabbit now that they know what’s up.”
I forced out a laugh, pretending I didn’t care. “Who says I want to stay? I’m so tired. The idea of sleeping on the ground in the cold night air does not even remotely appeal to me right now. They can have their stupid island. I just need to talk to them for a minute.”
“Okay,” Ted shouted back to me. “But then I got to get you home.”
“Be careful, Dannie,” Elizabeth said. “You’ve been through a lot today.” I noted some genuine concern in her expression that made me feel more uneasy. I was already nervous about facing the boys, but should I elevate that feeling to flat-out scared? How awful were they going to be to me?
“I know,” I said, trying to act a lot braver than I felt. “I’ll be right back.”
The cold water was up to my hips, and I walked over the slimy, moss-covered rocks at the bottom of the lake all the way to shore. The coolness of the water against my swollen, bloody knee felt good. However, as the water got shallower, I felt heavier and heavier until it seemed like I weighed two hundred pounds. It was hard to lift my feet up high enough, and I trippe
d forward three times, putting out my hands to stop my fall. The last time, I fell all the way into the water, my hands skidding across the pebbles, and I landed hard on my elbows. My face went under water for a moment, and I raised it up, gasping for air. I pulled myself back to my feet, sopping wet and grateful that I had a sweatshirt on and not just a T-shirt. I didn’t have much in the boobs department, but my little nubs would have been really easy to see in a wet t-shirt. The sweatshirt was thin, but I held it out from the bottom, so it wouldn’t cling too much. I don’t know why it mattered at this point to keep my minute figure from showing, but I didn’t want the boys immediately looking at my chest when I came up to the group.
By the time I got to the campsite, all the grown-ups that had come to shore were gathered around Lamont, Chris, Jasper, and Brian. All the other campers were out of their tents, standing in clumps and very interested in what was going on. A buzz of angry adult voices assaulted my ears when I got close enough.
“…Then what did you set the flare off for?” one mother asked.
“We thought someone was hurt,” a dad pointed out.
From the other side of the group, another mom said, “That’s it! From now on they need to have walkie-talkies or CB radios. Something! In the age of cell phones, there is no excuse for these boys being out of contact for a whole night.”
Groans from every guy in earshot rose up along with some whines and complaints.
“But Mrs. Hampshod,” Jasper said. “That’s the tradition. That’s what this thing is all about. The independence.”
“Independence my foot!” Mrs. Hampshod said. “We gave you flares for emergencies, not to shoot off like fireworks.”
All the parents agreed with fervor.
“But we shot it off for a reason,” I heard Lamont say. I couldn’t see him well, surrounded as he was by all those parents. “I promised we’d shoot it off after a while to make sure Danny knew how to get back.”
Then a new burst of voices questioned:
“Danny?”
“Danny who?”
“What are you talking about?”
Others knew the answers:
“That’s Oleta’s granddaughter.”
“She’s been looking for her all day!”
“You mean you’ve seen her?”
Realizing that my timing completely sucked, I tried to duck behind the group of parents, but I was too late. I could tell Lamont caught me lurking behind everyone. He cocked his head to see me better and let me know for sure he knew I was there. I stepped forward, crossing my arms over my chest tightly.
“Hey,” I said weakly. No one turned to me, so I’m not sure I even spoke that out loud.
Lamont averted his eyes from me, pretending that I wasn’t there. He told the adults, “Yes, we’ve seen her. She took the rowboat and went looking for Alex.”
Chris, Jasper, and Brian hadn’t seen me yet. All three of them looked like they’d be shot with stun guns. Their mouths were open like they were trying to think of something to say but didn’t know the words.
Bill and Roger stood just in front of me. Roger snapped at Lamont. “What kind of boys are you to let a girl out on the lake alone at night like that? What on earth were you thinking?”
Lamont took a sharp breath through his nose, and I saw his nostrils flare. “Well, Coach, she, um…” He let the words fall to the sand. How could he let this man see that he’d been fooled? The other boys stared at the ground. I was right about Roger having a job that kept him outdoors. He must be the coach of one of their high school teams. Football probably.
“She what?”
Roger knew darn well why they let me go. I already told him on the boat. He was forcing them to confess it, and I didn’t think that was fair.
I stepped forward, moving between the adults and the boys. “They let me go because they thought I was a boy. That’s why.”
Chris lifted his face, and if his eyes had laser beams I’d be dead right now. Brian seemed a little confused still, like he didn’t quite get what was going on. Jasper looked like he might laugh. Lamont, well, he looked angry, but he also looked hurt too, like I’d disappointed him.
“You lied to us,” he said.
“Not really. I didn’t lie. Not really. You thought I was a boy, and I didn’t correct you.”
“That’s lying as far as I’m concerned.”
The parents barraged me with questions, but Bill and Roger took over and led them away. I’m guessing they shared my story with all the adults, because after a few minutes they calmed down and began to disperse to their boats. A couple of the moms found their sons and gave some final kisses and “watch out fors” before they left. All the while I stood there awkwardly while my friends from the pizza place stared at me.
After several minutes, Chris said, “I can’t believe we couldn’t tell. It’s obvious now.”
“Is it?” Jasper asked. He gave me a crooked grin. “If you came up to me right now, I’d still have no idea. You don’t act or dress like the girls around here.”
Brian nodded. “Yeah, you aren’t like normal girls, that’s for sure. Why did you even go along with it? Why didn’t you correct us when we thought you were a boy?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “Almost all of my friends back home are boys, and your campout sounded fun. I just wanted to have something to do while I was visiting my grandma. That’s all. I didn’t mean anything by it.”
Jasper put his hands up in a friendly shrug. “Hey, I don’t see why she can’t stay.” He addressed me directly and spoke carefully. “I mean, you’re one of those trans people, right? You think you’re a boy inside or something like that. I’m cool with it. I say, what’s the harm?”
All the words I could say at that moment caught in my throat. My mouth was open. I could feel it. No words came out, not even a breath. A tiny part of me wanted to go along with what Jasper said just to get out of the line of fire. Maybe if they believed I legitimately thought of myself as a boy, they’d be more sympathetic. And hey, it would also mean another Southern stereotype would be crushed. These guys camping on an island in the middle of a lake in rural Tennessee appeared to be more open-minded to the idea of a transgender kid joining their group than a girl simply trying to cheat her way into the party. I was about to say yes when Chris groaned.
“Is that true? Are you one of those? Do you like guys? Are you gay?”
I didn’t want to lie again. I glanced briefly at Lamont and then lowered my gaze to the water. “No.”
“No to which part?” Brian asked.
I mumbled, barely loud enough to be heard over the lapping water. “All of it. I’m not trans. I’m not gay. I… I just look this way. I’m not girly. My mom hates it. Everyone gives me a hard time about it, actually.”
“Then why don’t you grow your hair or something?” Jasper asked. He said it sweetly, but still…
I bit my lip to keep back a snarky comment. This wasn’t the time. Through clenched teeth, I said, “I don’t want to. I like my hair like this. It’s easier. I’m sorry if you guys were… confused by it.” I had a different word in mind, but I kept it back.
“Well, I don’t like being duped,” Chris snarled at me. “And your stupidity is probably gonna get our campout cancelled from now on.”
Lamont sighed. “The parents are going back to the boats. No one said anything about the campout getting cancelled or we’d be packing up right now.” He looked at me. “You’re not staying, though. Just so you know.”
Even when he was frowning at me, he was still so handsome. Suddenly I felt all girl. It was hard to look at him. I felt like every bit of my femaleness was showing and wondered how they ever took me for anything else.
“No, of course not. I wasn’t even thinking about staying. The police are taking me back to my grandma’s. She’s been freaking out all day. Plus, I’m kind of a disaster. I’ve got bruises and cuts all over me.”
“I noticed that,” Lamont said. He reached up toward my face, and
I flinched for a second, thinking he might be about to smack me or something. But then he gently pushed my bangs aside. His thumb touching my skin ever so faintly. “We’ve got a first aid kit. You want me to clean up those cuts on your face? The one above your eyebrow looks bad.”
I didn’t know what I looked like. A hot mess, probably. I may not look like a boy in their eyes anymore, but I certainly didn’t look like a desirable girl. “Thanks, but I’m sure they’ve got something on the boat, and I have to go. I just wanted to see you guys for a minute and say I’m sorry.”
“We don’t forgive you,” Chris said. “Get outta here already.”
I started to turn but then Jasper said, “Wait a sec. What happened out there? You weren’t all banged up like this when you left us.”
I faced them again. They appeared eager to hear my story.
“Did it bring you back?” Chris asked, apparently getting over his eagerness to see me gone. “The rowboat?”
I thought about lying and disappointing him. He was such a jerk that he didn’t deserve to know. However, I didn’t feel like cheating the other guys out of a good story, so I said, “Kind of.”
“Kind of?” Jasper asked, not at all satisfied with that answer. “What happened?”
“I was following the empty rowboat.” To Chris I added, “out of pure curiosity.” He gave me a sarcastic “sure” look in response. “And then I was picked up by the people in that houseboat over there.” I pointed at the houseboat.
“Were you headed back to the island, though?” Chris demanded to know, impatient for the answer. “Was it taking you back?”
I shrugged and looked him in the eye. “I don’t know. It sank before it got here.”
All four of them closed their mouths and lowered their eyes as though I had told them that someone died.
“It sank?” Brian repeated after a moment. “Just like that? It sank.”
“Yeah,” I said. “So, I guess unless it rises again, it’s not haunted. Well, not anymore.”
“Wait a second,” Lamont said after another moment. “Did you say you were following the rowboat? What were you in?”