by Anna Lewis
He stared at her, tugging on the ends of his hair, looking more stressed than she’d ever seen him look before. After a while he sat on the couch, and indicated that she should do the same. She complied, but she only perched on the edge, feeling incredibly awkward about everything. Maybe she should have just left silently after all…
“Look, I really should have told you this beforehand,” he started, causing Abbie’s heart to pound painfully against her chest. She wasn’t sure where this conversation was going to go, but she knew that it wouldn’t be good. “In fact, I usually make it a point to say this beforehand, so I don’t hurt anyone…” he sighed deeply, looking a little heartbroken. “Only, I can’t do long term… it just isn’t for me.”
She nodded, dumbfounded, unable to believe this was having to be said. This awkward conversation was ruining what had actually been a magical night. Couldn’t he have just left this unsaid? It was pretty obvious! Did she really look like that much of a bunny boiler?
“I already told you about my ex,” he continued needlessly. “She really screwed me up and I honestly don’t ever want to go through that again… I’m sorry. I just… I have this rule that I don’t hook up with a woman more than once, so that I don’t get my heart broken.”
“Yeah, yeah,” she gulped down a weird, unexpected ball of emotion that was sitting in her throat. “I understand.” Why did she feel so weird? This was exactly what she wanted – no strings, just fun. But it didn’t feel fun anymore…
“Thank you,” he replied, and she instantly spotted a moment of true heartbreak there. Something that suggested he wasn’t quite as happy as he was making out to be with his stupid rule. What the hell was going on here? Why was it all so weird?
There was an awkward moment of silence that lasted far too long. “So… I’m going to call a cab and go now…” Abbie said, suddenly needing to get away from this man before she totally lost her shit.
“I’ll get you a car,” he jumped in as if he couldn’t wait to get rid of her. “Hold on.”
In shock, she watched him race off to get his phone, with her mind reeling. There was something going on here, and she wished that she wasn’t so close to the situation, so she could figure it all out.
Then again, why was she even bothering? Why was she even worrying? He had already told her that whatever happened, it wouldn’t affect her job, so what was she getting so worked up about? She’d had her rebound, her night of passion, and that part of it had been better than she’d even expected, so what was her problem? If she didn’t focus on this shitty part, and she only recalled the sexual awakening that she’d gone through, then maybe Travis could serve his purpose.
“Okay, my driver is on his way,” he said, smiling weakly at her. “Can I… get you a drink or something before he gets here?” Abbie shook her head, wondering why he seemed so off. It was almost as if he wasn’t even used to this part. Did he really just kick girls out after he’d had his way with them? That thought made her feel a little sick inside – he really was a player, and the worst kind too.
What the hell had she been thinking, mixing with someone like that? She would have been better off with no one!
“No thanks. I think I’ll just go and wait outside.”
They shared one very bizarre, uncomfortable kiss at the front door of his mansion, before the car arrived to take Abbie away. As the car drove off, she couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. She had no idea why she was so upset about something that had been so expected, but she couldn’t seem to stop herself.
I should have known better, she thought angrily. I acted like an idiot! What the hell was I even thinking?
Luckily she knew that it wouldn’t be long until she was flying to Hawaii, leaving all of her messes far behind her. Being miles away from all of her problems – Travis, Greg, her parents – it seemed like the best damn thing of all. It was even better than furthering her career, and the week until she left couldn’t come quickly enough.
As she watched the city whiz past her window, she imagined herself on a beach in Hawaii instead – the break from real life that she so desperately needed.
Soon enough, she thought comfortingly. Soon enough you’ll be far away from all of this.
***
It took a few days for Abbie to calm down after the mess her night with Travis had left her in, but she got there in the end. It might not have gone exactly as she wanted it to, but as time passed and her hurt pride subsided, she started to only see the fun that she’d had, not the bad parts that had come afterwards.
On a positive note, things seemed to return to something like normal between her and Travis when he called her with the flight information. She had been expecting things to be stilted and difficult, but he simply acted like nothing had happened – which somehow made her like him more. It was a confusing and conflicting emotion, but every time he showed her any kind of attention, her rational side just shut down, abandoning her, leaving her in the hands of her untrustworthy emotions.
She knew that she shouldn’t let her emotions get the better of her, but she couldn’t stop thinking about him and the way that he’d made her feel that night. He’d given her a sexual revelation, and she had to be grateful to him for that.
As time passed, she even started to hope that after the weirdness had subsided that they might even get the chance to re-enact the whole night. Sure he had made the comment about his ‘one time only’ rule, but she was certain that he didn’t actually mean that. That was far too ridiculous to be true!
As the plane took off, flying her away from everything, she actually started to feel a little more positive. Maybe the time apart would do her and Travis good; maybe it was exactly what they needed to organize their feelings. Either he would realize that he missed her and that what they had was worth breaking his rule for, or she would totally get over him and they could return to a purely professional relationship.
Either way, she couldn’t feel sad because she was headed to Hawaii – the most beautiful place in the world, somewhere that she had always wanted to go to. Sure, it was probably a really romantic island, but work would distract her from thinking too much about that.
She spent the rest of the journey trying to figure out who she was going to be working for in this very exciting music video. There were a number of rock stars around that she would love to work for, but she still had no idea who this one would be. She hadn’t even been given a hint. The fact that they were being so secretive about it, suggested that this was going to be the most famous person that she’d ever worked for, which excited and terrified her in equal measures. She couldn’t wait to further her career, but she was scared to get so up close and personal with someone so high up in the world.
She just hoped that he wouldn’t be a douchebag. The singer that she’d worked for last had been a nightmare, and she was only semi-famous, so she really had no idea what she was heading into with this one – and with her being the head dancer, she was likely to be in the firing line for a lot of drama – if he was that way inclined.
But she wasn’t going to know who it was, not until she got to Hawaii. She had no way of finding out until she landed.
The driver who picked her up from the airport took her straight to a meeting with her new boss, which she was really not ready for. She hadn’t been planning on meeting anyone while she was so jetlagged and scruffy; she thought she would get to freshen up in the hotel first at least. But of course she wasn’t going to have any choice in this one.
“Hello, Annie…” the brisk producer said to her in a sharp tone, looking through a stack of paperwork at the same time.
“Er… actually it’s Abbie…” she tried, but she wasn’t heard at all.
“So we start rehearsing tomorrow, and as I’m sure you’ve heard from Mr. Bunney…” she had to really act like her heart didn’t flutter at the mere mention of his name. “…you’ve come highly recommended, so you are the primary dancer in this one…” Abbie nodded numbly, finally realizing
just how huge that was. “Oh, hold on a minute… I think Rex might be coming in to meet you.”
“Rex?” She gasped, stunned. Did she actually mean Rex Ryder? He was the hottest rock star around! Abbie hadn’t even considered him because she assumed that he was far too famous. He was on another level – talented, sexy, and with an amazing reputation. He wasn’t known as a playboy, he was actually renowned for being a really good guy, which was amazing considering his job. He could have any woman in the world, but he chose to always be faithful – a quality that Abbie had come to admire even more so since everything that had happened with Greg.
Rex Ryder – wow!
The door swung open, and in he came, confirming that it really was Rex Ryder. His long dark shaggy hair hung in his deep brown eyes, and his slack attitude to fashion meant that he was just as disheveled as she was.
But oh my God!
He was unbelievably gorgeous – even better in person – and he carried around a wonderful attitude that Abbie instantly felt drawn to. She gazed upon him in shock, drinking him in like a stunned teenage fan.
“Hello there Rex,” the producer fussed around him. “The dancer is here to meet with you, her name is Annie…”
“Abbie.” She suddenly felt a bolt of bravery around this man, and she stepped in front of the other woman, not even sure what it was that she was doing. “My name is Abbie.”
As she shook his hand, and she saw the cheeky wink he shot her, she instantly knew that things were about to change for her. If she was going to have to work in an up close and personal way with this man, then she was in trouble for sure! He was hot as hell, flirting with her, and making her feel crazy with lust.
Rex Ryder, she thought to herself, what am I going to do with you?
Book 2: The Rockstar
“No, you need to do it more like this…”
As the director pushed Abbie’s body closer into Rex’s she couldn’t help but feel a flush of embarrassment. She knew that as a professional dancer, her body wasn’t really her own, but this was on another level.
It didn’t help that she was seriously attracted to the man that she was being molded onto, and that she was really trying to stay away from him!
Rex Ryder was a seriously hot, famous rock star, and Abbie had been selected to be the main dancer in his music video – a move that promised to shoot her career up to another level. But it wasn’t all fun and dancing. There were a lot of very unglamorous, tiring parts to the job that were starting to get her down – even more so with this job, which was the most challenging of her career so far.
Sure, she might have been on a gorgeous beach in Hawaii, but being constantly told that you aren’t good enough was enough to get anyone down. Especially Abbie, who had suffered enough confidence knocks recently!
A few months before she found herself in this predicament, she had come home early to find her boyfriend of three years in bed with another woman. She then learned that the girl wasn’t even someone he knew, she was just another random one night stand of many.
That had been the part that had crushed her – it wasn’t even true love that had destroyed them. He just couldn’t keep it in his pants. What did that say about her? That his judgment was terrible? That she wasn’t worth anything? That she was too hideous to be loved?
She honestly hadn’t been sure, and that part was awful.
After a horrible break up, she had been forced to live back with her parents – the ultimate humiliation – so when she met the very hunky Travis at a party, and he offered her a new lease of life, she’d been utterly grateful to him. Not only was he a sex god that she struggled to even think around, he wanted to take her career up to another level, which was just the distraction that she needed from her disastrous love life.
It was he that had gotten her the job on the music video with Rex, but their relationship hadn’t managed to remain strictly professional – despite her best intentions to do so. A date had ended up with a very steamy night in bed, one that Abbie had considered the best of her entire life, but afterwards he told her that he didn’t do commitment. It had dented her pride, but she had quickly come to terms with the fact that he was just a rebound, and that was the end of it.
The only problem was he’d been texting her a little bit during her time in Hawaii, which was giving her more hope. Maybe there was more to his feelings after all… maybe they could actually have a chance. Of course, he hadn’t actually said anything about that, but Abbie couldn’t help but feel that way. There was just this chemistry between them that wouldn’t quit, and for someone who had been in a very safe and boring relationship, that chemistry was addictive, so she struggled to let it go.
All she needed to do was keep away from Rex Ryder.
She had been attracted to Rex as soon as she had met him in Hawaii, but she had been doing her best to keep her distance from him. It was difficult when he insisted on flirting with her, but she didn’t have any choice if she wanted there to be a chance with her and Travis. Chances of something developing might have been slim, but she couldn’t risk that – just in case.
“Now again,” the director all but yelled. “From the top everyone.”
She took in a deep breath and tried to steel herself to keep her emotions in all over again.
***
“Woah, that was crazy, right?” said Rex, shooting her the flirty grin that she couldn’t help but love. “I didn’t think we would ever finish up today.”
As he brushed against her, she felt sparks of desire, but she tried her hardest to keep them inside. She didn’t want him to think that she was ever even slightly responding to him, because she was terrified of where that might lead. She couldn’t risk leading him on, either, for the same reason.
“Yeah, I’m exhausted now,” she told him, rubbing her eyes to highlight her point. She really was tired, but she was more afraid of spending too much time alone with him. She knew it was what he wanted – he’d spent enough time asking her out for her not to see that – but she couldn’t allow that to happen.
The problem was there was definitely something there between them. There was an undeniable chemistry that was almost impossible to ignore, but she had to. There was far too much at stake.
“So I guess there isn’t any point in me asking you out for a drink then?” Rex smiled at her sadly, and she couldn’t help but feel guilty. There were literally millions of women that would die to be in her position – being asked out by Rex Ryder – and here she was turning him down, and not for the first time.
She brushed him off quickly, turning away so that she wasn’t even looking at him. “Sorry, not tonight…”
She stalked off quickly, feeling really weird about doing so. She had never been in a position like this one before, and it felt really strange. A hot guy had never even shown her so much interest before, and she hated having to turn him down. She knew that if she hadn’t met Travis, she would have been keen to explore what lay between her and Rex… but then again if she hadn’t met Travis she wouldn’t even be in Hawaii. Whatever destiny’s plan was, it was really messed up!
She quickly returned to the sanctuary of her hotel room to find her phone so that she could finally see if Travis had communicated with her… but of course he hadn’t. Just as she needed him most, he was absent. She knew that she shouldn’t be disappointed because he didn’t contact her every day, but after the day filled with sexual tension, she felt insecure and she really needed to know that he was there… but today he wasn’t.
She wondered for a second if she should just be brave and pick up the phone to call him, but she was far too afraid of pushing him further away to act upon that. His confession that he didn’t do commitment had really upset her… so much so that she was only willing to speak to him on his terms.
Was she being foolish?
She flicked her eyes over their past messages, wondering if there was something there that could help her identify his true feelings to reassure her for a few moments, but inste
ad she found herself looking at something she found quite troubling.
Hi Abbie, how is the shoot going? Travis
Really well thank you Thank you so much for getting me this job, it’s amazing. Miss you, Abbie xxx
Then nothing.
Another exchange went like this:
How are things in Hawaii? T
Oh my God… stunning! It’s really lovely here, you would love it! Abbie xoxox
A cold, unsettling feeling overcame her as she started to see everything at a slightly different angle. She’d been so happy to hear from him that she hadn’t looked very deeply into it before now, but after the day she’d had she couldn’t seem to resist. Examining their texts now, it was clear to see that the exchanges were very one sided, and that actually Travis’s messages could be seen as purely professional if you were looking at them through those eyes.
Maybe he messaged all his dancers like that? Maybe there was nothing special about her after all, and he was serious about what he’d said. Maybe he felt like it was appropriate to contact her in that way because he had made his feelings crystal clear. Maybe she was nothing more than a hopeful fool, pinning her feelings and emotions onto something that was never going to happen.
Maybe she was headed towards another, very serious heartbreak – and this time, she would only have herself to blame…
She sat on the bed for a few seconds, allowing her thoughts to settle. She started to think about his last words to her – the ones that came right after sex – and an anger started to overtake.
“I can’t do long term… it just isn’t for me.”
“I have this rule that I don’t hook up with a woman more than once, so that I don’t get my heart broken.”
He certainly hadn’t been thinking about her heart at the time! Had she been putting her life on hold for a man that didn’t even want her? Was she going to end up cold, alone and full of regret after all of this? Was she rejecting Rex for the right reasons, or the wrong ones? After all, she knew that Travis had a playboy reputation, whereas Rex was the opposite as that. Why was she throwing something away that could potentially be amazing, for someone who had given her nothing?