'Gwalchavad?' he wondered. 'However did you get there? We heard you ahead of us but a moment ago.'
'Stay where you are,' I insisted, struggling forward and tugging my reluctant mount behind me. A ghostly shifting light from the fire some little distance behind shimmered in the low clouds above and reflected on the surprised faces of Bors and the young warrior called Gereint.
'Finally,' I said, wiping sweat from my face, 'I have found someone.'
'We have been hearing Cymbrogi all around us,' Gereint said, 'but never can find them. You are the first.'
'Let us hope I am not also the last,' I answered. 'Have you seen Arthur?'
'How are we to see anything in this murk and tangle?' Bors growled. 'Three of us came through the fire together, and held on to one another.'
'I see but two before me now,' I ventured.
'I know!' Bors cried. 'I could not keep even the three of us together, much less find anyone else!' He puffed out his cheeks in exasperation. 'No one will stay in one place!'
'Listen,' said Gereint, 'they are getting further away.'
Even as we listened, the sounds around us dwindled. We all shouted and shouted again, but there came no answer, and in a few moments we could hear nothing at all. 'Well,' I concluded, breaking the silence after a time, 'it seems we are on our own.'
'So it appears,' agreed Bors. 'We can either stay here until morning and see if we can raise a trail then, or we can go on and try to find some others.'
'Morning?' I wondered. 'You amaze me, Bors. Do you even now believe that this foul night will end? I am thinking it never will.'
Stalwart Bors regarded me placidly. Then let us rest a little at least, for I grow weary of stumbling through this godforsaken wood in the dark, bashing my shins at every turn.'
Seeing no harm in the suggestion, I agreed, and we settled the horses and sat down to rest before continuing the search. 'I did not mind the fire,' Bors said after a time. 'At least it was warm. My clothes are still wet.' He yawned, and added, 'I am starving.'
'We best not dwell on that,' I said, and suggested that we should try to sleep instead.
'I will take the first watch,' volunteered Gereint.
'Very well,' I agreed. 'Rouse me when you get tired and I will take the second watch.'
'Wake us if you hear anything,' Bors instructed through a yawn. In a few moments I heard the gentle burr of a soft snore as Bors drifted off. Though weary to the bone, I could not sleep, so I merely closed my eyes and let my mind wander where it would.
I thought again about my dead swordbrothers, and a pang of grief cut me like a spear thrust in the heart. Great Light, I thought, using Myrddin's term, gather my fallen comrades in your loving hands and bear them safely to your strong fortress. Give them the welcome cup in your halls of splendour, and make a place for them in the forerank of your Heavenly Host. May they know peace and joy and feasting forever in your company, Lord of All, and grant me the strength to abide my trials until I, too, lay down my sword and take my place among them.
This I prayed, not as the brown-hooded priests pray, but as a cry from my own bruised heart. I felt better for having unburdened myself in this way and, though I still rued the deaths of my swordbrothers, was in some small way comforted by the thought that they would be welcomed and received in Heaven's bright hall. So I lay back, listening to Bors' soft snoring.
Here was a wonder: a man who could sleep in the midst of the enemy's camp, untroubled by fear or the frets of an uneasy heart. Here was a man so secure and peaceful within himself that he could forget his troubles the instant he lay down his head. Like a child, with a child's trust in the moment – here, surely, was a true soul.
'Gwalchavad,' came a quiet voice in the darkness. 'Are you asleep?'
'No, lad,' I answered.
'I have been thinking.'
'So have I, Gereint,' I replied. I heard him shift in the darkness as he moved closer. 'Have you thought of a way we might find our lost companions?'
'No,' he said. 'I have been thinking that it must have been difficult for the Pendragon – seeing all his men killed like that, and then being attacked by his own champion.'
'I should think that would be difficult, yes,' I agreed. 'But Arthur has been in many a difficult place, and he has never been defeated. Think of that.'
'He is the greatest lord I have ever known," Gereint confessed. There was nothing in his voice but awe and praise -as if the distress of our present adversity, and all that went before it, were nothing at all to him.
'When did you join the Cymbrogi?' I asked the young warrior.
'Cador came to us and said the Pendragon needed help to defeat the Vandali. Tallaght, Peredur, and I answered the summons and joined the warband.'
'Then you are Cador's kinsmen?'
'That we are,' Gereint confirmed.
'He was a good man, and a splendid battlechief. I was proud to call him my friend. He will be sadly missed.'
'Indeed,' the young warrior replied, 'and we will lament his death when we have leisure to do so.' He paused and added sadly, 'Tallaght and Peredur also.'
My forgetfulness shamed me. In truth, the deaths of my own friends and swordbrothers had driven poor Tallaght's demise completely from my thoughts. We fell silent, each to his own bitter memories, and I recalled the time Peredur, Tallaght, and I had gone to inform the people of Rheged of their lord's rebellion and the resulting forfeiture of their lands. It was on that errand that we had found Morgaws. Would that I had never laid eyes on Morgaws! And now Tallaght was dead, along with so many other good men, and probably Peredur, too.
Silent was the wood, and dark, as I say – dark as the night when the moon has gone to rest and the sun not yet risen. The air did not move and there was no sound. The darkness and unnatural quiet put me in a mournful mood, and I began to think about my dead swordbrothers: Bedwyr, and Cai, and Cador, and all the rest – dead and gone. I ached for the loss of them. The darkness seemed to gather me into itself and cover me over. I would have given myself to my black grief, but something in me resisted – a hard knot of stubborn wariness that refused to yield itself to either sadness or acceptance.
So long as we remained in the realm of the enemy, I would not indulge my grief. In duty to my king, I must strive through all things for the enemy's defeat. Thus, I determined to remain alert to any danger lest I, too, fall victim to the evil which had stolen the lives of my friends. When battle is done, I told myself, I will deliver myself to grief. One day soon I would mourn. Soon, but not now, not yet.
The thought gave me some consolation, and I took what solace I could. Arriving on the heels of my determination, however, came that sound which, once heard, can never be forgotten: the strange, tortured bellow of the loathly Shadow Beast. The eerie baying cry seemed to come from ahead of us, though still some distance away. Bors came awake with a start. 'Did you hear?'
'The creature,' Gereint said in a raw whisper. 'It must be the same one that attacked us before.'
'Same or different, I will kill the vile thing if it comes near me again,' blustered Bors. 'God is my witness: that monster will not escape this time.'
The bellow sounded again, farther off this time, and in a slightly different direction. It was moving swiftly away.
'You may not get the chance, brother,' I told Bors. 'The creature is going away from us.'
Bors grunted his disdain, and we roused ourselves and resumed the search of our lost companions. We set off on foot, leading the horses. Lest we become separated from one another, we held tight to all our bridle straps; Bors led the way, and Gereint followed, and I came last – wandering a hostile wood in the dark of a never-ending night. Less a search, I considered, than an exercise in forlorn hope.
In the silence that pressed in around us once more, I heard Myrddin's words: In the quest before us, none but the pure of heart can succeed.
The thought had scarcely formed when I felt a thin quivery shudder pass up through the soles of my feet and into my legs. I
froze in mid-step. The reins in my hand pulled taut as Gereint, just ahead, continued walking. I drew breath to speak, but even as I called for the others to halt, the sound of my voice was lost in the weird screeching bellow of the baleful beast.
The monstrous creature was closing swiftly. I could feel the drumming of the earth in my very bowels. Bors and Gereint stopped on the path ahead. In the gloom I saw Bors turn; his mouth opened.
'Fly!'
In the same instant, there came a crashing sound as the trees directly before us snapped like twigs and burst asunder. The monster was upon us.
THIRTY-THREE
My terrified mount reared, snapping the bridal strap that bound it to the others, and all three animals plunged into the wood. Branches and tree limbs scattered and fell around me. I glimpsed a massive black shape like a molten hillside charging towards me and knew the monster had found us again.
I threw myself into the dense brush and scrambled for my life. Branches tore at my face and hands. I heard Bors shouting, but could not make out the words. Crawling like a frenzied snake, I dragged myself through the tangled undergrowth.
I glimpsed a hole in the brush no wider than a badger set and dove headlong for it. But even as I squirmed to pull myself inside, I felt a heavy weight seize upon my legs and I was yanked off the ground. In the same moment, the most foul stink assaulted me: a putrid stench of decaying flesh, together with vomitus and excrement.
Choking, retching, I gasped for breath. Tears filled my eyes and streamed down my face. The beast secured its hold on me and began jerking its hideous head back and forth, shaking me hard to break my bones one against the other before swallowing me whole.
Kicking and clawing, I twisted my body this way and that, trying to scratch out one of the creature's eyes. In my frenzy, my hand struck against a slick-furred neck below the massive jaw; I clenched the odious fur in my hand and hung on, screaming and screaming for help.
The pain grew unbearable. I screamed and screamed again, beating at the heavy flesh with my fists. Pain rolled over me in waves as darkness – terrible, mind-numbing darkness – gathered around me. I could feel the life slowly being crushed from me, and I knew I was breathing my last.
'God in heaven!' I cried in agony. 'Help me!'
No prayer was ever more heartfelt than that one, and the words were no sooner out of my mouth than Gereint appeared.
He seemed to hang in the air above me, as if floating, or hovering. I realized then that he had somehow contrived to scale the beast's back. Plunging his knife to the hilt to secure his handhold, he began hacking at the creature with his sword.
The young fool will get himself killed! I thought, trying desperately to free my legs.
Up swung the sword, and down, striking at the back of the great beast's skull. The vile creature's neck jerked up and its mouth gaped wide. The monster roared in agony and I was sent sprawling to the ground. I fell heavily on my side and fought to get free lest I be trampled to death.
My left leg would not move. I heaved myself forward and, on arms and elbows, pulled myself into the brush. Once clear of the beast, I glanced back over my shoulder to see Gereint. He was gone now, but his sword was still stuck in the brute's bulging neck just behind the skull. The monster was belling its agonized shriek with a sound to rip the earth asunder. I threw my hands over my ears and hunkered down, trying to hold out that hateful sound.
What happened after, I cannot say, for the next thing I knew, I was waking up in the dark, silent wood. The black beast was gone, and I was alone. My side felt as if it had been raked with a spearhead and then pounded with an iron rod; my leg burned. Though it hurt to breathe, I drew great draughts to keep from passing out again.
A swirling mass of fear churned within me, but I have been afraid before and in equally trying circumstances. Forcing myself to remain calm, I lay back and listened for a moment. When I did not hear anything, I made to rise. Instantly, pain burst upon me anew, and I fell back.
Bors and Gereint are pursuing the horses and will return any moment, I told myself. They know I am here and will not abandon me. I clung to this hope, repeating it over and over.
The pain in my leg throbbed with a sharp, deep-rooted, urgent ache. It took my mind off the raw pulse of pain in my side. With an effort I pushed myself upright and leaned back against a fallen log. I reached down to touch the place where the pain seemed the worse, and my hand came away sticky and wet with blood. I tried to move my leg; the exertion sent a searing bolt of fire into my head and I almost swooned, but at least the leg could bend somewhat and no bones seemed broken.
My knife was still tucked in my belt, but my sword was missing; my spear had disappeared with my horse. Using the knife, I contrived to cut a strip from my siarc and bind my leg to stanch the flow of blood.
The effort exhausted me. I tied the knot and lay back panting and gasping. A fragment of Myrddin's psalm came into my mind and I spoke it out. There in the darksome forest, lying on my back, warm blood oozing from my wounds, I said:
The Lord is my rock!
The Lord is my fortress, and my deliverer!
God is my refuge; He is my shield!
And the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
There was solace in the words. Just saying them aloud in that dolorous place comforted me, so I continued:
I call to the Lord, who is worthy to be praised,
And I am saved from my enemies.
The cords of death entangled me;
The torrents of destruction overwhelmed me.
It was an act of defiance, I believe, to invoke the Great Light in that place, for I felt my heart stir as courage returned. In truth, I surprised myself at how much of these songs I could remember. Feeling a very bard myself, I sent those heaven-breathed words into the darksome wood:
The cords of the grave coiled around me
The snares of death confronted me.
In my distress, I cried to my God for help.
From his temple he heard my voice.
Wonder of wonders, even as I spoke those last words I saw a light shining in the wood: so pale and dim, I first thought I must have imagined it. I looked and the faint glimmer disappeared, but when I glanced away again, I saw it once more. I raised myself up and stared at the place – as if to hold it there so that it would not vanish again, leaving me alone in the dark. I could not see the light directly for all the trees and brush. Desperate to hold the fragile luminescence, I tried to remember the rest of Myrddin's prayer. How did it go?
And he gazed with…
No, no… that was not right. The pain in my leg drove out everything else. I could not think. I took a deep breath and forced myself to concentrate. In clumps and snatches the words came to me and I spoke them out.
And he looked down in his anger and said: Because their love is set on me, I will deliver them. I will deliver them from danger, for they know my name. I will be with them in times of trouble; I will rescue them from the grave, And bring them honour in my courts; I will satisfy them with eternal life to enjoy their rich salvation.
As I spoke, the faint radiance seemed to strengthen, gathering itself into a steady gleam like that of the moon on a mist-shrouded winter night. I thought that the light might yet break forth, but though I continued repeating the psalm over and over again, the fragile light remained a mere pearly glimmering, and beyond that did not increase.
After a time, I felt the winter chill seeping into my bones. My clothes were damp with sweat and the air was cold, and I began to shiver. Each tremble sent a jolt of pain through me, as it meant moving my leg. I clenched my teeth and willed the gently gleaming light to stay.
I do not know how long I lay there, shivering with pain and cold, grinding my teeth, and praying for that small, thin glow to remain. It seemed a long time, however – long enough for me to begin harbouring the suspicion that I had indeed lost both Gereint and Bors, and was now completely alone. Once this suspicion hardened into certainty, I decided to try to g
et up and move in the direction of the light.
Searching around me for a sturdy branch to use for a staff, I put my hand to a crooked tree limb; it was old and the rotten bark came off in my hand, but the wood was strong enough to support me, and so I used it to pull myself up onto my feet once more. My injured leg still throbbed with the slightest movement, but I clenched my teeth, steadied myself, and started off.
I found I could hobble only a few paces before the pain grew too great to bear and I must stop and rest. Then, after a few moments' respite, I staggered on. I saw that I was following the trail which the black beast had forced as it crashed through the wood. This made my passage somewhat less difficult, for I was able to steady myself against the fallen trees and broken branches.
Thus, by halts and starts, I proceeded along the narrow path. Despite the cold, I was soon sweating once more with the pain and exertion, my breath hanging in phantom clouds around my head. I listened all the while, alert to any sound in the forest. I strained to hear Gereint returning at any moment, or Bors. Or the black beast.
But no. I was alone. Again fear boiled up, but I swallowed it down and moved on, berating my companions for running off, as I supposed, after the horses. How I had come by this notion, I cannot say. Consumed by my own troubles, I had not spared a single kindly thought for them. Indeed, they could have been lying wounded or dead in the wood nearby and I would not have been any the wiser.
'Blessed Jesu, forgive a foolish man,' I sighed aloud, and then breathed a silent prayer for the safety of my friends. These thoughts and prayers occupied me as I staggered my slow way along the trail towards the faint moon-shimmer of radiance.
At long last, the trail turned slightly and I came to a huge bramble thicket – an infernally dense tangle of spiked vines and thorny branches. Had it been a rampart of stone, it could not have been more formidable. Yet the monstrous creature appeared to have crashed into this wall and, in its blind rage, driven a ragged gap into the close-grown tangles. Although I could not discern the source, the light seemed to be coming from somewhere beyond the hedge wall.
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