Jen squeezed her eyes shut and tears seeped from the corners, gliding slowly across her temples and disappearing into her hair.
Colt flinched, an unbearable pain piercing through the pleasure that still throbbed so strongly in his veins. Her mouth barely moved, but he heard the fractured words just the same.
“I can’t.”
* * *
JEN SHIVERED AS Colt disentangled himself from her and left the bed. Her skin, which had flamed under his touch minutes ago, turned ice-cold, and the chill cut through her all the way to her bones. She’d tried so hard not to hurt him. Had tried to say goodbye the best way she could. But she’d failed at both.
She dragged the sheet over her breasts and sat up, her stomach churning as he jerked his jeans on. “I’m sorry, Colt.”
He didn’t answer. The rasp of his zipper closing and the clang of his belt buckling filled the room.
“Colt?” Jen wrapped the sheet around her and stood, pressing her palm to the warm skin of his broad back.
He turned, capturing her hand and squeezing it in his, his eyes peering down at her. “Do you want to marry me?”
Yes. Jen bit back the word, stilling her tongue. She ached to say it. To tell him. But if she did, she wouldn’t have the strength to walk away.
“Because if you do, I’ll wait,” he said. “I’ll figure out a way to keep Margaret with us until you win at Vegas. Then afterward, we can all come back and settle at Raintree.”
She shook her head, forcing sound from her constricted throat. “It’s not that simple, Colt. I can’t just quit after Vegas. There are so many other things to consider.”
He stilled. “What things?”
She slid her hand from his, holding the sheet at her chest to keep from reaching for him. “Tammy, for one. I can’t leave her on her own out there. She—”
“Tammy’s a grown woman. And a strong one at that,” Colt said. “She knows the road and has plenty of connections. She’d be fine without either one of us. Has been since we left the circuit.”
“Maybe. But I promised her I’d come back.”
“What else?” he asked quietly. “Tell me what else there is to consider, Jen.”
She moved closer, wincing at the pain in his expression. “I’m so close to winning. Closer than I’ve ever been. And even if I do win, I can’t just hang up my saddle and walk away. It’s part of me. It’s what I do. The only thing I’ve ever been good at. I’ve worked too hard for too long to give it all up. I’ve sacrificed so much...” She straightened, steadying her voice. “I can’t throw it all away. I have to keep going. No matter what.”
“No matter what?” Colt stepped back, his face paling. “I used to know someone who lived by that mantra.”
A wave of nausea swept over Jen. “I’m not like your father, Colt. And neither are you.”
“I used to think I wasn’t,” he said. “But I did exactly what he would’ve done, initially, had he been in my position. I decided right off that I wasn’t going to take Meg. That I was just going to leave her in the care of strangers and go on my way. Leave her like I did every other female that crossed my path.” He grimaced. “Like I tried to leave you a couple of weeks ago in that bar.”
“But you changed your mind. You’ve chosen to be honest with me.” Jen’s voice broke. “And you’re staying with Margaret now.”
“Yeah. I am.” He tilted his head, his eyes thoughtful as they roved over her face. “Who did you call that night in the hayloft? When you said you were touching base with home?”
She ducked her head, her cheeks flaming.
“Who was it?” he prompted. “Jen?”
“My mom.”
Colt nodded slowly. “You’ve never talked about her. Not in all the time we’ve known each other. I only recall two times over the years that you left to go home, and both times, you were back on the circuit within three days.” He looked away. “I can’t really fault you for that, since I did the same thing. But now I know what it feels like to be on the other end of it.”
Jen’s eyes blurred and she blinked rapidly in an attempt to clear them. “You and I both know what has to be sacrificed in order to make it out there. There’s too much at stake for me to walk away. This is my chance. My shot at making something of myself. A shot at being someone who matters.”
“You matter to me,” Colt said softly. “And Meg.”
“I know. I love you and Margaret. But I need more than that.”
“Can you understand that Meg and I need more, too?” His eyes turned sad. “I’m proud of you, Jen. I know what’s waiting for you out there and there’s no limit to how high you could climb. But I don’t think racing makes you happy anymore. Not really. No matter how much you win, the fans will stop cheering when the fun ends and they’ll leave when the competition is over like always. My father valued his career more than anything else. He made enough money to build a mansion that could hold ten families but it’s remained empty in every way that matters.” He shook his head. “Meg has been unseen, unheard and unloved for the majority of her childhood. I know how much that hurts. And I won’t ever let that happen again. With me, Meg will always know she’s loved.” He stepped closer. “And so would you.”
Jen looked down and curled her toes underneath the fall of the sheet, unable to face him. “I know it sounds selfish and I know I’m hurting you. And that I’ll hurt Margaret...” She choked back a sob, ignoring the hot wetness coursing down her cheeks. “That’s the very last thing I’d ever want to do. But I can’t give up racing. I need it. I need to prove that I can make it and that I can stay on top.”
The warmth of his palms cupped her jaw and his thumbs drifted over her cheeks. “Who are you trying to prove this to?” he whispered.
She looked up then. “Everyone. People back home. The ones on the circuit.”
Colt frowned, sweeping a blunt fingertip beneath her eyes and wiping away a fresh stream of tears. “I don’t think that’s what you’re looking for, Red. But if it really is, is what all those other people think that important?” He paused, tipping up her chin. “More important than what I think? Or Meg? Because to us, the woman who rides into that arena is the same one riding out of it. And win or lose, we still love you just as much as we did before.”
A choked cry escaped her and she hid her face against his broad chest, laying her cheek against his warm skin and absorbing the scent of him. The feel of him.
“I have to do this,” she whispered.
He exhaled, his heavy breath ruffling her hair. His arms wrapped around her, holding her loosely, his callused palms moving over the bare skin of her back above the sheet.
She pressed closer, her chest squeezing to the point of pain. “I can come back and stay for a while. Once this season’s over.”
His chest vibrated beneath her cheek. “And what happens when the next one starts? When the next opportunity arrives?”
She closed her eyes and didn’t answer.
Colt released her and moved away. He collected his shirt and boots from the floor, then paused at the door. “It’s not just me anymore. I have to consider what’s best for Meg. Time is the most valuable asset I have and I’m not wasting any more of it. I’m staying here with Meg and I’m going to make sure she knows that my family is what’s most important in my life. Meg deserves to be remembered and loved all the time. Not just when it’s convenient.” His voice firmed. “And so do I.”
“Colt, please—”
“I assume you and Tammy have already lined up another competition.”
Jen nodded, tremors tearing through her. “Texas.”
“I’ll check the truck and trailer over. Pack some fresh supplies.” He turned to leave. “It’ll be ready for you by tomorrow morning.”
Jen followed, stumbling over the sheet trailing across the floor. “I
can’t take your truck.”
“Why not? I’ll just get a new one.” He stopped and looked over his shoulder, his tone resigned. “Money’s not what I’m short on.”
Jen stood there long after he left, staring at the empty doorway.
Eventually, she headed to the room she shared with Margaret and hesitated by the girl’s bed. A couple strands of blond hair had fallen forward and settled over her mouth. They lifted gently with each soft snore.
Heart clenching, Jen reached down and carefully pushed the hair back from Meg’s face, then kissed her temple.
A fresh surge of tears streamed down her cheeks and she stepped away quickly, crawled into bed and closed her eyes. Sleep eluded her, though, and she gave up as the first tendrils of morning light crept between the closed blinds. Getting up, she began packing quietly.
Afterward, Jen loaded Diamond in the trailer. She said her goodbyes to the Slade family, hugged both sets of twins and baby Ethan, then stood outside by the truck, watching as Colt made one last inspection of the vehicle.
“Everything looks good,” he said, rounding the back and stopping at the driver’s side door. His eyes were heavy and the shadows beneath them had darkened. “I filled the tank so you’ll have plenty of gas. And I double-checked the air pressure on the tires, so they’re full, too.”
Jen’s breath caught at the gruff sound of his voice and she managed a strained whisper. “Thank you.”
“Ms. Jen?”
She turned to find Margaret standing beside the trailer. The girl wore her hat and one of her new outfits, her pink boots dusty and well broken in. She smiled, but her eyes were red-rimmed and her cheeks flushed.
A streak of pain traveled through Jen. “Hey.” She knelt and held her arms out, her palms aching to pull Margaret close.
Margaret ran across the dirt and hurled herself into Jen’s embrace.
Jen held her and kissed the top of her head, focusing on the green field. The image blurred in front of her. “I’m going to miss you, Meg.”
“I’ll miss you, too.” Her thin voice shook and her shoulders jerked. “Colt said we’re staying here, you know? For good.”
Jen nodded, biting her lip. “I know. I bet you were glad to hear that.”
“Yeah. I like it here.” Margaret stepped back and dragged her hand over her tear-streaked cheeks. “So that’s where we’ll be,” she said, her expression earnest. “If you want to come see us. We’ll be here. You are going to visit soon, aren’t you?”
“Of course,” Jen whispered.
“Meg.” Colt’s big hand squeezed his sister’s shoulder and he gestured toward the trailer. “Go say goodbye to Diamond. Jen has to hit the road.”
Margaret nodded and left, walking back to the trailer and climbing up on the wheel to pet Diamond through the slats.
Colt cupped Jen’s elbow and pulled her to her feet. “Don’t make her promises you have no intention of keeping.”
“I do plan to visit,” she said, wrapping her hands around his biceps. “As soon as I finish the season. And I’ll call—”
“Let’s not do this. You have a long drive ahead of you and...” Colt’s voice trailed away. His throat moved with a hard swallow and he pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her and squeezing.
Jen slid her arms up and gripped his nape, kissing his neck and breathing in the scent of his skin, memorizing as many details as she could.
“You’re breaking my heart, Red,” he said in a choked whisper. “But, damned if I don’t still love you.”
A chill swept over her and she rose on her toes, grabbing on to him and holding tight. “Colt—”
“Go.” He tugged her arms from him and spun on his heel, pausing to help Margaret down from the trailer, then taking her hand and leading her away.
Jen watched them leave, forcing a smile as Margaret glanced back at her several times. It faltered, though, once they climbed the porch steps and disappeared inside the house. And she needed every bit of strength she had left to climb into the truck, crank the engine and drive away.
Chapter Twelve
“Next up, we’ve got a gal from Spokane, Washington. Let’s give her a strong, Southern welcome, folks.”
Jen centered her seat and ran her fingers through Diamond’s mane, watching as the alley gate opened and the next competitor took her position under the bright lights.
The noise inside the arena increased as the brunette kicked her horse’s flanks and charged across the dirt. The Priceville, Alabama, crowd was smaller than most, but what they lacked in numbers they made up for in enthusiasm. And in winnings. An additional six thousand dollars had just been added to the pot over the last few days and the resulting payout was big by anyone’s standards.
“Only six more and you’re up.”
Jen glanced down to her left, smiling at Tammy’s excited expression. They’d both performed well over the two weeks since Jen had left Raintree, placing in all three of the competitions they’d entered. Tammy had clocked one of her best runs yet, scoring well enough to secure a position in tonight’s top five. And Karla had joined up with them at each competition, holding her own with the more experienced riders.
“A 15.12 is the highest so far,” Tammy continued, patting Diamond’s shoulder and smiling. “Don’t think you’ll have a problem cracking that.”
Jen shrugged. “Maybe. But only one person can get that top spot.”
Tammy shook her head, stepping closer and rubbing Diamond’s neck. “I don’t mind coming in second as long as first goes to you,” she said. “And even if you don’t get first, you won’t be far behind. You certainly won’t be last.”
Jen’s smile slipped as she turned the word over in her mind, surprised to find it had lost its sting. “I don’t mind being last,” she said.
And for the first time, she really meant it.
She turned back to the gate, searching the stands and scanning the fence by the alley. Her stomach dropped at the sight of so many strangers’ faces and the absence of two people in particular. Just as it had at each competition over the past two weeks.
Jen moved her hand across her front pocket, tracing the outline of her cell phone. “You mind watching Diamond for a minute?” she asked, swinging her leg over and hopping down.
“Sure,” Tammy said, wariness crossing her features as she took the reins. “But what’re you doing? You’ll be up soon.”
“I know,” she said over her shoulder, tugging her phone from her pocket and walking away. “I just need to make a quick call.”
“Don’t be long,” Tammy called out. “You’ll miss your spot.”
Jen nodded, waving away the concern and dialing. She stood outside the warm-up area, watching racers turning and loping from one end to the other. The warm night air caressed her cheeks and whispered across the phone. Her heart fluttered as she counted the rings.
“Hello?”
Jen blinked and cleared her throat, expecting the deep tone of Colt’s voice, but hearing the high-pitched lilt of Margaret’s.
“Hey, Meg.” Her chest warmed at the sound of Margaret’s excited gasp.
“Hey, Ms. Jen,” she said, almost breathlessly. “Are you in Alabama already?”
Jen smiled. She’d called Colt almost every night since leaving Raintree. He’d answered every time, asking how she was doing and filling her in on Margaret’s activities at school, before handing the phone to his sister.
Jen’s smile slipped at the thought of the last couple calls. Colt’s voice had sounded heavier each time he’d answered, his responses growing shorter with each conversation.
“Yeah.” Jen forced a bright note into her tone. “We made it to Priceville last night and scoped out the arena this morning.”
“Are there lots of racers at this one?”
“Quite a few.” Jen watched the movements of the horses nearby, an ache blooming in her chest. “How are things your way? Did you and the boys play basketball at school again today?”
“Yep. And I beat ’em.”
“All of them?” Jen teased.
“Every one of ’em. Kayden and Jayden made almost as many baskets as I did, but not enough to win. I whopped ’em good.” Margaret laughed, the joyful sound ringing clear over the line. “Colt said he’s gonna get us our own basketball hoop and put it up this weekend so we can practice. He said he’d show me some moves so that I’ll be ready to try out for the basketball team when I get to middle school if I want to. Do you think I could make the team if I practice real hard?”
“You can do anything you put your mind to, Meg,” Jen said, stilling as the phrase echoed over the line. “Anything at all.”
“We all had good grades on our report cards and Mr. Logan said we can have another movie night to celebrate. I can let you know when it is ahead of time. Then maybe you could come back for that?” Margaret hesitated. “Are...” Her voice stalled, the bright cheer in it dimming. “Are you going to visit soon? ’Cause I miss you.”
Jen winced at the sadness in Margaret’s tone. “I—”
The sound of muffled movements came across the line and she heard Colt’s voice in the background. There was silence for several moments, then the line was clear again.
“Jen.”
Jen closed her eyes, wishing she could see his face. “Hey.” She dragged her teeth over her bottom lip. “How...how are you?”
“Fine.” His tone was short, the word clipped. “You and Tammy make it to Priceville okay?”
“Yeah. We’re at the race now. My run’s almost up.”
A heavy sigh sounded and Colt’s voice lowered. “You can’t keep doing this, Jen.”
“Doing what?”
“Calling like this. Talking to Meg every night and promising to visit. She does okay until she hears your voice. Then she cries when she gets off the phone.”
The Bull Rider's Cowgirl Page 17