He looks like he's really feeling it. Guilt, I mean. Looking into his heart, yes, he is feeling guilty. But I could not care less about that. "I... Look, Trance... I..." he could not finish his words.
"Let me go," I ordered him casually to let go of my hand.
"Trance..." he called out to me. "I still love you," he told. It was out of the blue. In the dark, he told me that. And I am reminded a little by the past. "You and I have history, do you remember?" He asked, probably thinking that I really had lost some of my memories.
"Oh yeah... that's it. We're history... Remember?" I asked him back. In a way, that tells him that I still remember, of course. And that it had ended. What’s in the past should remain in the past. Especially if it hurts. We buried the thoughts. Wait. Hurt? Am I feeling hurt? I thought my soul had been dumped in the gutter. Why am I feeling hurt now?
"You broke up with me. I was furious! That's why I did it. The original plan was that I would be the only one to rape you but they joined in. I didn't know how to react. I couldn't stopped them," Peter is trying to back himself up which only sounded much like a selfish statement from a bastard that has no heart. Is it me or him that’s living without a soul? What kind of an inhuman statement was that?
Something stirs up in me. It's anger and also... sadness... "Let me go. You're disgusting me!" I said, despite of not putting up any effort in trying to pull my hand away from his grip. Tears build up in my eyelids. Why do I have these? Why am I feeling? Shit! William must be near-by. My soul... it must be near-by. "Are you asking for a punch, Peter?! I said let go!!" I shrieked at Peter.
With a little hesitance, he lets go of my arms which he had been gripping at for a while now. It still feels warm on my skin from where he had touched. It brings back memories. Tears stream down from my face and so is he from his face. "I'm sorry..." Peter said in a broken voice. Forgiveness? You asking for forgiveness? What a joke.
I fight my feeling. I was going to be nice and forgive him again. Like many, many times before. I had forgiven him many, many times before. No. Not this time. "'Sorry'. Would not. Change a thing!!!" I yelled in anger. "I'm not who I was anymore. You're going to get what you deserve," I said, turning around, quickly pacing up to walk away from him. Walking away from my past. Walking away from my broken heart. Anger erects in me as I realized that this is William’s doing. I'm going to punch William silly for this when I find him. He made me feel. I hate it. I hate it! I HATE IT!
12. PETER JENNINGS
~selfish~
I did this every time. Watching him leave broken and crying... Watching him suffer... I did this every time... What a coward! What a jerk I am! What a selfish jerk I am! And the worst part is… I can't even stop myself from being that way. What a loser... Why can’t I just face this fact that I am in love? That I wanted him to always be by my side? What is wrong with me?
We were very close back in junior high. We had known each other since middle school and were considered to be best friends back then. I realize of that. But, as fate settles in, in the last year of junior high, I got accepted into the football team. I got accepted by the popular kids. I got popular. And no one can know that all this while, Trance Wilson, the school nerd, the nobody, is my boyfriend. We were not best friends as thought by many. We were lovers. So, I bullied him to ensure my new friends that there was nothing going on between us. They didn’t know that I’m gay. Lord no. Not in this Christian school. Not in this standard heteronormativity society. No. They didn’t know of that little history between me and Trance. They just thought that I left him as my best friend because Trance didn’t deserve to be my friend anymore. Because I had become popular…
But Trance is the nicest person on earth. He went along with me bullying him and when we were together in places unknown and unseen, we were still lovers. He accepted my fears. He accepted my selfishness. He was the nicest person. I was the worst. He accepted me for who I am. I did not accept him for who he is. I am still the worst.
I realize that I am being a ruthless idiot, but I can’t stop myself. I don’t want to lose the fame that I had gained. My reputation in football. My reputation among the girls. Among the cool kids. I don’t wanna lose that. It matters a whole great deal to me. God, it was horrible of me. I can’t forget what I’ve done to Trance. I can’t forgive myself. I understand if he can’t forgive me too. The worst part is that I still was in love with him when I allowed my friends to have their way with him. How can I allow myself to be such a dick? That wasn’t even humane of me. I can’t stop. I just can’t stop myself. God, I really hate myself. The whole days of last year passed by like a recurring nightmare to me.
I didn’t see him for the whole year since he is in coma. I sneaked into the hospital to check on him sometimes and then went back home crying and banging my head to the wall. I’m beginning to get into a new habit of burning my body with cigarette. The burning sensation on my skin helps me forget. It helps me to ease the guilt. It makes me feel like I can make it up to Trance by hurting myself. How pathetic. All I could do was watched him on the bed lying motionlessly. Sometimes I wonder if she was alive or dead. No movement. I wonder if he was breathing. Only the machine next to him that assured me that my Trance was still there somewhere. It hurts the most knowing that it was me. I was the one who did that. I thought I had lost him for good. Why haven’t I changed? Why haven’t I learnt my lesson? Why can’t I appreciate him more?
And now, I can’t stop crying. Why the hell am I crying? Am I feeling sorry for myself or for Trance? Maybe both. He seems to be just fine now. He has that guy. Damn it! Seeing them together makes my skin crawl. If I were to do the same, coming out of the closet with him like that, will people accept us? Fuck, I hate having these feelings. He really hates me now. He was disgusted of me. Yeah! He should! I am disgusted of myself too.
Trance… My sweet Trance… I’d want nothing in this entire world than your forgiveness. But for now, I should savor this burning sensation on my skin. It hurts. It stings. But it also feels so good. The pain makes me feel strong. It helps. The pain might offer me redemption. Absolve me. Release me. Forgive me. Love me, Trance. Love me again.
Offshoot. FAIRYTALES UNTOLD 2: Sleeping Beauty.
I will take good care of you, my love. I will. That was what ‘he’ said to him when he was covered in blood, shame, disgust and pain back then. That is what ‘he’ will do. A promise is meant to be kept. Especially if it was sealed with a contract of blood and sacrifice.
֍֎֍
Looking down at the old man, who is lying perfectly still on the bed now breaks his heart. The only signs that he is still alive would be the sounds of him heaving difficult breaths with each passing seconds. Rhythmically. “Kaname,” he called out to the man standing beside his bed. It won’t be long before he leaves this world that he had come to love. “I’m dying,” he indicated.
The man touches the hands of the old man he has been with for a long time. The skin feels familiar despite of the effect of aging. It is something he will never understand. Growing old. “I know,” he agreed. He feels something stirred up in his heart. Something unrequited. Something pure. Broken. But pure.
“Can I make one final request of you?” He asked.
“Ever since you lost both of your legs, when have I ever denied your request, King Hubert?”
The King smiles a little to the man, unchanged through time. An immortal. A demon. “I want to be with them,” the King said. Kaname looks at the King quizzically for a while, trying to understand what he was talking about before realizing what he meant.
Tears slip out from the corner of both of his eyelids. “Don’t do this to me,” the demon begged. After all these years, not once the King had spotted him crying. This weakness. This side of him. But now, on his deathbed, Kaname finally shows him his true self.
“I have many requests. I told you to take good care of me. Of Prince Phillip, my son. Of my armies. But this time, this is all I asked of you, Kaname,” the King, now, took turn in
begging.
Kaname leans down so that his face would be closer to the King’s. “May I?” He asked. The King only smiles in agreement. So Kaname plants a soft lingering kiss on the King’s lips. Tears flowing. On both of their faces. Hearts aching. The lips he had loved all his life. The only times he ever felt truly alive despite of his long, long life was the times he has spent being in contract with the King. Doing his bidding that was never uninteresting to his eyes. “Your wish is my command, my King. My love.”
֍֎֍
“Human’s child, how come you are lost in these woods?” The voice, distorted, inhuman, echoes in the air. Prince Hubert looks around, overwhelmed in fear, but at the same time, he is interested. He is curious. His young heart desires an adventure. And he yearns for the unknown.
“Are you the demon they’ve been talking about? Aurora? That’s your name, isn’t it?” Prince Hubert asked. “I’m not here trying to kill you. I heard that some people had kept you locked in here. Is the rumor true?”
“And if it is? What benefit does it to you?”
“I’m here to release you.”
Laughter echoes in the air now. Evil. Amused. Wickedly amused. “I’m hungry, human. If you release me, what if I eat you up? Will that be beneficial to you?”
“I’m willing to take that risk.”
Silence. The leaves are rustling among the wind. The darkened sky looks beautiful even in its uncanny dimming light.
“Demon? Are you there?”
After another moment of silence, the demon speaks again. “Human’s child, may I know why you dared yourself to this length?”
“Because I have nothing else to lose.”
“To release me, you need to offer me sacrifice. A blood sacrifice. I see you’re here empty handed, human.”
“I’m sacrificing myself. In return, I want you to take down a kingdom that is now at war against my kingdom. My father is on the battlefield. I’m willing to die for his sake. For my kingdom’s sake.”
A small laughter is heard. But it is not a mocking kind. It is one with amazement. “Kingdom will always be at war with another kingdom. You die this once, your father lives, your kingdom survives. Then, all it takes is time. A small moment of peace. And another kingdom will come to declare war with yours. By that time, will your kingdom survive? Will your father live? You, have withered. What would it be by then? Have you thought of that?”
Feeling slightly defeated, Prince Hubert sighs in anger. “I don’t care! I want my father to live. What matters is now. This is for the better.”
“Dear Prince Hubert,” the demon called. “What if, you offer me a sacrifice of your blood, of course. But you will live. I will do your biddings for you, I promise. I will take good care of you, my love. I will. I love an innocent heart such as yours, my love. You interest me.”
It is a surprise to Prince Hubert, at first, to be called ‘my love’ out of the blue and for the demon to know his name. But he must not ask questions for now. He is running out of time. And energy. “What do you want, then?”
“Some of you.”
“What do you mean?”
“Some of your body parts. It’s all I take. And a contract will be formed.”
Dreadful to the idea, Prince Hubert gulps a little in fear. In fear of what’s to come. Will he make it, to live without some of his body parts? Which parts would he give? But throwing aside his fear, he is reminded that he was here before ready to sacrifice his whole self to the demon. This is already too merciful of the demon for only wanting some of his body parts. “Alright then, I’ll offer you both of my legs.”
֍֎֍
What the King had asked of Kaname was for him to devour him as a whole. To be with them. To be with both of his legs that he had lost. Inside of Kaname. Inside of the demon known by many as Aurora. The mouth at the back of the demon’s head is ready for a feast. He will feast on the King as a way of keeping him. For eternity. King Hubert will be with him forever. In his veins. As his blood and as his flesh. That was the King’s final request. It pains him. His heart is broken. For the first time in his existed, he longs to die too. He longs for death. But no. He thinks he is already dead. Living. Breathing. Moving. But dead.
To kill off his loneliness, his emptiness, he heads to a place far from seeing eyes. His hair turns golden. His face pale. He is going to sleep. So that it is almost similar to that of being dead. One day, someone will awake him, when he is ready. Someday in the future, someone will form a new contract with the sleeping beauty.
13. WILLIAM ACKERMAN
~evil wish~
Trance looks real furious as he lashes towards me. He pushes me behind. It does not hurt, of course. But I just find it so amusing to see him like this. I like playing with him in this manner. It’s adorable. Turning his soul on and off whenever I see fit. He, on the other hand, does not find it amusing at all, as it appears. I won’t be too surprised. Kind people, once they got a taste of evil, they don’t like to venture the path of going back to being kind. Hell, he needs humor in his life though. No wonder he was so broken. He had found no joy in little things at all. I smile at him in the most charming way possible. I have to utilize my charms once in a while, don’t I?
“You A-class Jerk!” he cursed at me. Even in his choice of words, he’s adorable. Even in anger, he’s adorable. Even in tears, he’s adorable. “Why did you do that? Why did you let me feel?” He asked me immersed in fury. By hell, he’s adorable. Did I just deploy ‘adorable’ more than once already? I think I did. But hell, he’s really adorable.
I sigh as I place both of my hands each on one of his shoulders, still smiling, trying to calm him down. Trying to woo him in a way. But he quickly pushes my hands away. Tch tch. He dares?… “I just wanted to see if you still had it in you to sentence him to death sooner or later, Trance. It was just a test,” I said nonchalantly, quietly sulking to the fact that he had pushed my hands away. The very hands that had saved him.
“A cruel one, then,” he commented.
“I can see you’re still troubled by your emotions towards him,” I insinuated.
He sighs at me angrily as an answer. He’s thinking about how I would know of such things. Is he an idiot? I can read people. Not like reading a book. But reading into their lives, their emotions, their thoughts, their desires. That’s just a plain gift for being the devil. And that wretched human’s child named Peter, his desire is off limits. He desires of what’s mine and for that, I want him to suffer more than anybody else. “I’m not who I was anymore!” Trance indicated sternly towards me. I think he just shouted. I don’t fancy people shouting. How rude. Has he forgotten who I am? Has he forgotten who held out his hands towards him when he was on the brink of death?
Enflames by a tiny spark of fury, I calmly step forward towards him. But with each step I took forward, he took a step back. Probably he notices the evil red glow in my eyes. Probably his fear is functioning at the moment. Probably. “I know of your little history with him, Trance. The devil knows a lot of things. Remember what he did to you. You can never forgive him until he’s dead,” I reminded him. “Never think of even forgiving him, Trance.”
It took a few moments that our eyes locked on one another before he finally nods at me in agreement. With that, I smile at him feeling satisfied that now his respect towards me is portrayed once more. Once in a while I must remind him of who I am. I am a devil. A devil that had sealed his fate. I shut his soul back in. Back to the depths of the unknown. Now, he can no longer feel. He then looks at me with no other emotions but hatred. Hatred towards those who had broke him. “We have another victim to take care of,” he said.
I nod at him slightly as a sign of aware. “Yes,” I agreed.
“Can I make a request?” he asked.
“Sure, dear,” I said to him with a smile. I like it when he asks like that. It would sound better with a ‘please’ though. But this will do, I suppose.
“I want her to do it at school,” he said, with an evil look
in his eyes. The kind of look that I adore the most of his. “I want her to commit suicide at school… Tomorrow…”
I chuckle lowly at that evil side of him. He can be very charming when he’s malignant. “Sure, my dear. Let’s see her tonight and ask her to do it at school tomorrow. I’ll abide to any orders from you as long as it is assured that you are completely mine… With each soul I take from revenge, I gain more power. Revenge of the innocence is the strongest of them yet. Your revenge, however, is the most beautiful of them yet.”
14. NUMBER FOUR OFF THE BUILDING
It’s the urge you get when you’re in a high place and you look down, you feel like jumping or you feel like you’re closer to falling down. It was like gravity has a wicked scheme of trying to pull you down without you knowing it. Lindsay is not getting the urge as she stood at the ledge of the school’s highest block’s rooftop. All she knew is that she had to do it. William, Trance’s new boyfriend, told her to do it last night. Before that, he made her feel Trance’s sufferings. She could not handle the torment. But it was not up to the point that she wanted to kill herself. But those words from William… It is absolute… It is final. The order that she cannot refuse. A compulsion.
She feels like she is obligated to do whatever he said. It’s like he was speaking the words of the devil. And last night, he told her to jump down from this building. It is currently recess time. There are many students wondering around down there. She doesn’t want to do this. But, she has to. She has no choice. She could not even show it on her face the kind of emotion she is feeling right now. Her face looks empty like that of a zombie. She has no control over her own body. She can’t even blink as she feels the surge of adrenalin running through her body and the cold strong wind blowing on her face as she jumps off from the building.
All the way down… she goes… she can hear people screaming in fear at the sight of her falling. She can’t even blink her eyes. She can see the ground perfectly as she hits it. Lindsay… one of the school cheerleaders… is dead…
The Devil's Lover Page 5