by Ava Danielle
“What?” he’s confused.
“Do you snore? It’s a simple question,” I smile.
“Only when I’m sick or worn the hell out,” he replies.
“Do you breathe heavy?”
“I’m a violent sleeper. I thrash.”
“So, you could potentially suffocate the person you’re in bed with,” we’re seated in the corner getting to know one another.
“No, elbows and knees,” his hand lies on my knees.
“That’s a relief,” I groan.
“Yeah, you would get a rough massage,” he jokes.
“Who said anything about me?” I grin.
“Oh please, you know it’s inevitable.”
“Oh really? Are you that sure of yourself?” I laugh.
“Of course,” his hand pinches my kneecap.
“I’m okay with that. I tend to curl up and need someone close,” I offer some insight of my wants.
“Just push your butt right up to me, but I’m sure my hands will roam,” our eyes gaze at each other.
“Go for it,” I mumble under my breath. He heard me.
“I will,” he mumbles in return.
After a great date with Bennett I’m starting to think I’m head over heels for him. It scares the living shit out of me since he’s married, I’m grieving my boyfriend, and I don’t think either of us are in the position to be with each other at the moment but being with him feels so good. The kiss we shared, that first second our lips touched, I craved more. I know he’s a bad idea. I know it’s too soon for both of us. Yet, I can’t control myself around him.
The following morning at the office, I'm met with someone I wasn’t planning on seeing and the look on that person’s face says it all, they weren’t really looking forward to talking to me either.
“Hi Jenna,” she greets me before I even have a chance to drop my purse on my desk.
“Hi Sabrina, what can I do for you?” I’m curious what she could want from me.
“This is actually going to sound strange, but I would like it if you could keep your hands off my husband,” shocked I stare at her unable to move away from the position at my desk.
“Excuse me?”
“I can tell he’s interested in you, and I know when he’s supposedly working, he’s with you.”
“We’re friends,” I’m not lying.
“I see his eyes when he looks at you.”
“You’ve seen me once with him and you were there. We hadn’t seen each other in years so it was only given we would look at each other in a certain way.” I try to reason with her but the cheesy grin across her face with her brown hair in a ponytail makes me believe she is serious.
“I’m only warning you once, Jenna,” I can’t help but interrupt.
“I’m sorry, but aren’t you two getting a divorce? I mean, it’s none of my concern,” when she interrupts me.
“You’re right, it’s not any of your concern,” she gets up from the chair she sat down on without any approval and spoke to me like no other woman ever has, “but like I said, I would like you to keep your hands off my husband. No matter what he told you, I have not and don’t plan on signing the papers. I’m fighting for my marriage and it would be easier without you in the picture,” before I even have a chance to say anything, she had already left my office leaving me dumbfounded.
“What the fuck did I just miss?” Cassie seems stunned pointing between the crazy lady that just left my office and me.
“I wish I knew,” I sit back in the chair.
ME: You won’t believe who visited me at work.
BENNETT: The President?
ME: LOL no, but the President of you
BENNETT: WHAT?!
ME: Your Wife ;)
My phone rings and Cassie just tosses a nod and walks out as I answer the phone, “Your wife paid me a visit to tell me to stop seeing you.”
“You’re kidding,” Bennett laughs, “The audacity of that woman never surprises me.”
“What does that mean?” I’m confused.
“She seems to think she runs me. She still thinks she has a hold on me, and that I won’t leave her. My lawyer has been sending papers over almost every week for her to sign, she’s stubborn.”
“Hmm,” I just agree.
“Jenna, you have to believe me when I say I’m getting a divorce.”
“I do,” but does that change anything?
“I don’t love her, I don’t want to be with her, and I would love to continue to see you.”
“I understand, Bennett. But,” he interrupts me.
“Don’t say it.”
“But, it might be for the best if we take a step back.” Awaiting his answer, I chew on my pencil hoping he’ll talk some sense into me, but deeply knowing it’s for the best to wait how their divorce pans out.
“I don’t think so,” he is adamant, “I’m sorry Jenna, but I won’t give up on you. Not again.”
“Bennett, I’m not saying give up, I’m just saying,” he interrupts again.
“Forget it. I can’t turn my feelings I have for you off. Not happening.”
Taking a deep sigh, I understand where he’s coming from, “we’ll talk soon,” I ensure him as I hang up before he has a chance to say anything. But a few minutes later I receive a text.
BENNETT: Not a second goes by where I don’t think about you. Every minute our kiss flashes before my eyes. And guess what?! I will get another kiss and another one after that, you just wait and see.
I can’t help but smile as I read the words over and over again. Anxiously I wait for the divorce to finalize just to see where this relationship could go. I want him, there’s no doubt, but I’m above fighting with someone over love. If we’re meant to be, we’ll find a way.
You know that moment when you’re stuck between looking back and moving forward and you are unsure which way to go? Do you consider the feelings of the past; do you try to move on with something you’re unsure about? Do you consider the feelings of others before your own?
Love can be so unsure.
Love can confuse you and mess with you.
Love is hard.
A bizarre piece of paper lies on my desk at work, assuming the worst I open the corner and read the words
FIND THE NOTE ON THE WINDSHIELF OF YOUR FOUR WHEELS.
What the fuck? “Cassie?” I yell reading the words over and over until something might trigger what this could mean.
“What up?” she walks in wearing some sexy jeans and a blue blouse looking classy as ever.
“What is this note?” I walk around my desk to show her.
“I don’t know. Maybe there’s a note on your car?” she doesn’t seem concerned one bit.
“Do you know anything about this?”
“Nope. Not a clue,” chipper she leaves going back to her own office.
I decide to check out my car and low and behold there’s a note on my windshield. Same pink paper as the previous note.
THE TRASH CAN YOU STUMBLED OVER HAS A SPECIAL NOTE ON THE SIDE. LOOK CLOSELY.
Are you kidding me? Is this some kind of scavenger hunt? Noah attempted this once but failed miserably. His clues were so encoded I never made it to the final destination. He was butt hurt, I was left in tears from confusion, and we vowed never to do anything like this. Here I am, different man, different situation, and better clues.
Smiling at the note, I remember the trashcan in front of the indoor golf location. I had avoided a gentleman trying to enter as we were leaving that I had stumbled over the trashcan into this man’s arms. It was awkward as hell for me. Meanwhile, Bennett was laughing so hard he nearly choked from laughter. I was highly embarrassed, but Bennett pulled me into his embrace, kissed my forehead, and reminded me life is always unforeseen.
Texting Cassie my whereabouts, I make my drive to the putt-putt place dancing to the music playing on the radio. Unsure what to expect I search the trashcan for a clue when at the bottom right in marker is written SIREN 51. Can t
hat be it? It’s his writing. But it makes no sense to me except for the fact he works at Station 51. Considering everything seems to pin me in the right direction I follow my only lead in hopes it brings me to Bennett. I’ve dropped him off once so I know where I’m going, but I don’t want to be wrong and look like a complete fool. That thought leaves my mind as soon as I pull in and see people waiting. Parking to the side of the building I make my way with two pink slips to one of the firefighters. Nervous as hell I ask, “is Bennett here?” without knowing whether he’s a captain, lieutenant, officer, or what. The conversation has never come up. “He’s waiting upstairs,” they say and it seems they might not have been waiting on me after all. Lost and puzzled I wander the halls of a fire station. “I’m looking for,” I begin my sentence as someone points me in the direction I’m required to walk. Taking the stairs, I end up in an open room with Bennett sitting at a table, “about damn time,” he says smiling walking towards me.
“What’s going on?” I ask as he takes both my hands and kisses one of them.
“I’m so happy you came,” he leads me to a pole.
“You don’t expect me to slide down that thing, do you?” I’m perplexed.
“You too chicken?” he grins.
“Um, it’s not that,” I start to say when he mocks the sound of a chicken, “Really Bennett?” I can’t help but laugh.
“Slide,” he demands.
But when I look down I notice the slide doesn’t completely hit the ground, instead you land on the roof of a fire truck. Bewildered I look at him as he just nods and waits for me to slide down the silver pole.
Placed perfectly on a plaid red, white, and blue blanket I see a basket of fruit, champagne glasses, and cheese, on top of a fire engine in a fire station. “What is this?” I smile as I try to crawl to a spot I can sit.
“It’s a “I’m divorced” date,” he pours us a glass of champagne.
“It is, huh? Congratulations?”
“Thanks,” he winks, “Cheers,” he hands me a glass and I oblige.
“But I don’t understand what this has to do with me?”
“Everything. We can see each other more, we can see where this goes,” he licks his lips.
“Don’t you think that’s moving a little fast?”
“It’s not fast. I can’t help it I want to spend as much time with you as I can.”
“Clearly even when you’re at work,” I smile noticing the work clothes he’s wearing.
Noticing the attempt he’s making, the thought and time he puts into being with me, warms my heart completely, and I do want to be close to him as much as I can, but I’m scared. And being scared is holding me back from enjoying every bit of the date. He’s beyond sexy in his uniform. His hair is slicked back. His scruff keeps growing a little with each time I see him and I’m not in the least bit annoyed because it suits him. We’ve grown since high school and matured. Are we mature enough to have a relationship after a failed marriage?
“Am I the reason you’re divorced?” I can’t help but ask.
“Not in the slightest. It was happening before I saw you again.”
A passionate kiss is being exchanged in the most romantic setting I could ever imagine. It’s not about the roses, the chocolate, the flowers, it’s about the company you’re with, and it’s the most unusual date you’d ever expect. He shows he cares. He wants me, not just his tongue tangoing with mine, not just his breath filling my mouth, not just the hands that wander my body showing me how much he wants me, the way he sighs my name.
I’ve never been happier. Pure excitement rushes through my body until the alarm rings and brings us out of our embrace and our kiss is forced to end. “Shit,” he mumbles as he pulls away forcefully and jumps off the fire truck. Confused I look around wondering where to go. “What about this stuff?” I shout as he laughs, “this truck doesn’t go anywhere, it’s broke,” he laughs, “I’ll call you later, babe.”
Silence fills the room as I laugh at the craziness surrounding my relationship with Bennett. Every day it’s something different. This relationship is anything but predictable. It’s a nice change of pace. I never know what to expect, where I’ll be, or what we’ll be doing. We just had a date on the roof of a fire truck, right next to the ladder in a fire station. A date I couldn’t ever have imagined. It was honestly, pretty fucking amazing. Although, we did celebrate a divorce. I’m not sure how morbid that actually is to celebrate the end of something. It felt good and bad at the same time.
Researching for my next story I can’t help but think of Bennett and the date he had set up for us. It was an afternoon I’ll never forget. Between the odd scavenger hunt and a date on a fire engine, I dream of our kiss. I’m smitten by him. Totally attracted to him and head over heels for him. I’m daydreaming instead of working. Daydreaming the magical things, I’d love him to do to my body. Just the thought makes me wet.
“Earth to Jenna,” I look up to see Cassie in the doorway.
“Hello best friend,” I smile at her.
“Oooookay. How’s life?” she sits in the chair curious about my mood.
“Absolutely wonderful,” the smile still bright as ever.
“I see,” she grins, “how was your date?”
“Dreamy,” suddenly I feel like I’m a teenager again.
A month has gone by and strange things are happening. I feel as if I’m being followed. Both Cassie and Bennett seem to think it’s all in my head. Nightmares have been keeping me up with worry. I might be exaggerating, but I feel like someone is always watching me. It sounds ridiculous, but I can’t shake the feeling.
“Can you sleep over?” I ask Bennett as we are out on a lunch date.
“You sure?” he questions knowing I’ve been hesitant with our relationship. He just divorced Sabrina and I didn’t want to be the girl he ends up starting a new serious relationship with. Besides the two passionate kisses and the pecks we give each other now, I’ve been asking him to be patient with me. I wasn’t ready.
“I am,” I bite into my burger, “I swear someone is following me,” I mention again as he sighs.
“I promise, you’re fine.”
It’s easy for him to say. It’s easy for Cassie to say. But she remembers the stranger with the hoodie. The phones have been ringing but no one ever seems to say anything, and when they do, it’s apparently the wrong number. Sometimes a male voice. Sometimes a female. How am I supposed to believe that when I get the strange feeling someone’s watching me?
“So, will you?” I ask again unsure if this is the best move.
“Of course,” he winks, “I would love to.” You can see the happiness written in his face.
Once I pull into my parking spot at work, another car drives off and all I could see through the window was a small glimpse of another black hoodie. Running into the building to look out of the window, I keep a tight eye on the parking lot and who goes in and out.
“This letter came in for you. What are you doing?” Cassie catches me by the window.
Not to worry her, I just say, “just thinking, trying to get inspired,” I lie.
“Oh, well here, this looks sketchy. It has no return address and just your name on the front.”
Opening the letter, I pull out a piece of paper.
WHAT YOU DID WAS A MISTAKE.
“What the fuck?” I hold up the paper and show Cassie.
“What the actual fuck?” she repeats.
Unsure what to do about it, I send a picture of the note to Bennett to hear his thoughts. Crickets. I wait and wait for a reply and receive nothing. Surely, he’s on a call even though he said he was done for the day.
Currently Bennett is sleeping at a friend’s house. He’s given his home to Sabrina. She had a choice, move out and find somewhere else to live, or pay the mortgage and have the house in her name. She chose to keep it in the hopes to win him back and it would still be their home. He told her she was crazy. I guess where there’s hope, anyone would do something crazy, m
aybe crazy enough to send me such a letter? I couldn’t think of anyone else mad enough to have a vendetta against me.
“Let me see,” Bennett storms into my office unexpectedly and definitely unannounced.
I hand him the paper knowing exactly why he’s here.
“Hmm,” he mumbles.
You’ll never know who sent a note as such when it’s typed. You don’t know who sat behind the desk, “maybe I should have one of my buddies at the station check it out.”
Agreeing with him my only thought is, I’m glad he’ll be spending the night with me.
Can one love feel stronger than the one before? Could it be that when you’re with one person it’s only preparing for something much stronger and deeper? Bennett gives me heart flutters every single time I see him. When I look him in the eyes, whether it’s in a stress situation or just a lunch date, I feel closer to him than I ever felt towards Noah. We connect on a much deeper level. I miss him when I’m not around him and count seconds until I see him again. I enjoy every minute we get to spend together. And so often I want to tell him I like him more than like, hell even a little love, but I hold back from the fear we might be moving too fast. So, can one love feel stronger than the one before? Is it possible to fall even deeper?
Adjusting our bodies on the couch, we’re cuddled up watching a movie. Cassie is out on another blind date while we have the apartment to ourselves. I feel protected when he’s here. I feel safe in his arms. This would be the first time we’re this close together and I feel something more than just butterflies. Whatever is on the television doesn’t even phase me, I’m only thinking of where this night could go. Nuzzled into his chest I feel his heartbeat against my head. It’s rapidly beating. It feels like he’s trying to keep up with it. His lips kiss the top of my head. Shifting my body to take a look at him, he doesn’t even hesitate to look right back at me. Our eyes meet and I feel him take all my pain, all my worry with a single look. As I lean in to make the first move his cell phone interrupts us. “I have to take this,” he’s apologetic – that’s what you get for dating a fireman.