by Katie Knight
Was he setting himself up for emotional turmoil by forming a bond with Megan and Logan, knowing he’d be losing both of them? Probably, but the problem was, he was enjoying it. He found himself saying and doing things to make them both laugh just to hear the sound resonating in the icy air. As he walked alongside Meg, hand-in-hand, he pictured their college days. He couldn’t get enough of her. Every waking moment he’d wanted to be beside her, inside her.
But it wasn’t just the physical with Meg, although the chemistry between them had been unlike anything he’d ever experienced. He was happy just being near her sunny aura that lit him up with hope for the future. Domestic activities like cuddling on the couch to watch a movie—something he’d never done with anyone before—suddenly seemed more natural than breathing. For someone who had always craved the love of family, it had felt like Megan was rapidly filling that endless void. The thought of someone else he cared for leaving him had knocked the wind right out of his lungs, and so he’d left first. As that memory replayed—the look in her eyes when he told her it was over, the way it had felt to turn away, knowing he might never see her again—he felt a sharp ache in his heart, and with his free hand, he rubbed his sternum.
At the time, leaving had seemed like the right thing to do. Leave before he could get left. But now, as they walked along chatting and playing their wildlife question and answer game, he wasn’t so sure. Maybe he’d done a disservice to himself and to Meg, grouping her with the likes of his foster mom. Hadn’t she shown her devotion over and over again? Maybe she wasn’t the type who would end a relationship because a better opportunity presented itself.
And maybe, it was all just wishful thinking.
Chapter Eleven
Megan’s calves ached from trudging through the snow, but it was so nice to have Ben carrying Logan. Even nicer to watch a bond beginning to form between them. It gave her a little thrill to see him, a rugged SEAL, softening toward the child she loved. To Logan’s delight, Ben continued to identify animal tracks and types of trees, and he proved to be an endless source of facts about the Alaskan Range. His knowledge of the life around them astounded her, but the way he shared the information in a kid-friendly manner was even more surprising. All these years, the one comfort she’d had about Ben leaving her was that staying with him might have meant giving up her dream of one day having a family. After what he’d been through in the foster care system, she’d worried that he might not want children of his own. But the affection in his voice was audible as he spoke to Logan. She could see now that he would be a wonderful father. One who protected the people he loved and made learning an adventure. One who spent time hiking, fishing, and sharing the wonders of the world instead of hovering over a cell phone screen. The realization was bittersweet. Sweet because one day she hoped Ben would banish all the darkness from his past by showing his own child what love really was, and bitter because it wouldn’t be with her. Even though they’d shared laughs and memories fireside, he’d quickly changed the kiss they shared to a platonic good-night peck. If that didn’t say uninterested, she didn’t know what did.
“We should be on the lookout for a place to stop.” The only thing that had pushed her this far was the knowledge that someone who wanted to harm them was on their tails.
“Just another fifteen to twenty minutes—it’s going to be dark soon and I’d like to find a suitable shelter if we need to stay the night, okay?” Ben paused and brushed back a piece of hair that had strayed from her winter cap. The gesture warmed her heart, but also scared her. Was she beginning to have feelings for him again? Had she ever really stopped? They needed to band together now for survival, but after it was all over he’d be going back to his life as a SEAL.
She cleared her throat and put one foot in front of the other in the snow. “All right. Logan, are you okay? Not too cold?” A few miles back they’d stopped, and she’d bundled one of the in-flight blankets around his shoulders, but she still worried. Ben squeezed her shoulder as if reading her mind.
“No. Go, Benny, go!” They both chuckled as Logan bounced back and forth urging Ben forward.
“Now my name ends in a Y, too.” Ben smirked, but the pleasure in his voice was audible.
“I think you have a new buddy.” It was so nice to see Ben getting comfortable with Logan.
“I won’t push too much harder. Promise.” His eyes were suddenly gentle as he gazed down at her. A lump formed in her throat and all she could do was swallow it down and keep moving. She’d do well to remember that he’d left her without a backward glance once. Yes, he was a protector. Yes, she could trust him to keep them safe. But he wasn’t one to stick around. When they reached safety, he’d leave her behind again.
The wind had died down the last hour of their trek, but the cold was numbing the closer they got to sunset. With each inhale of breath, ice clawed down her throat and burned her nose, and with each exhale she could feel what little warmth she had left leaving her body. She stole a glance at Ben, who looked completely comfortable in the elements. The only indication he showed of the frigid temperatures was the white plumes exiting his mouth as his breath collided with the air. Having Logan on his shoulders, listening to them chatting companionably, softened him. Oh, he still looked every bit the warrior with hulking shoulders and a frame that spoke to sinewy muscles beneath the layers of fabric, but the hard look in his eyes had faded.
He tilted his head to grin up at Logan, and Megan’s eyes locked onto the two-inch scar down his chin. She’d noticed it on the plane but hadn’t asked him how he got it. Were there more hidden beneath his clothes? Scars that could never be seen with the naked eye?
A structure off to her left caught her eye. “What’s that?” Ben narrowed his eyes, and looked in the direction of her pointer finger. “Right up there,” she added when he didn’t immediately see it. Hope bloomed inside her. The triangular outline might be a trick of the eyes, maybe a low hanging branch, or it could be the roof of a small cabin.
“Let’s take a closer look,” Ben said. They changed their direction, and the thought of resting out of the elements fueled her forward. “Might be an old mining shack.”
“A whining shack?” Logan groaned and Ben’s rich laugh broke through the air.
“Not whining. Mining.” There was a smile on his face as he explained what he meant to Logan. “In the early nineteen hundreds, the gold rush drove explorers to Alaska in hopes of getting rich. They built cabins, mined for gold, and lived off of the land. If we’re lucky, there’s a sturdy structure up ahead that we can call home for a few hours.”
A rustic, stacked log shack came into view and she let out a loud whoop. If the roof wasn’t half rotted with lots of holes or the floor boards splitting up, they’d be sleeping inside tonight. Might possibly be warm and well-sheltered. She raised her arms in triumph, not caring how silly her happy dance appeared. She couldn’t contain it if she tried. Then Megan wrapped her arms around Ben’s waist beyond thrilled, but when he halted in place she quickly took a step back.
“I guess I’m a little bit excited to see some sign of civilization.”
“Just a little?” he teased, and lowered Logan off of his shoulders. “By your reaction, anyone would think we’d stumbled across a luxury resort and spa.”
Logan tucked his gloved hand inside of hers. “It might as well be.” Her cheeks warmed as she looked up at Ben and her knees suddenly felt like they wouldn’t hold her much longer. “Thank you for knowing the right direction to take us in. Your decisions led us here.” She could’ve sworn his shoulders straightened with the praise.
“You were the one who saw the cabin in the first place,” he said brushing off her gratitude with a shrug. “Wait here. I’m going to make sure the shelter looks secure and abandoned before we find a way to get inside for the night. Yeah?”
“Okay, yeah,” she agreed. As he walked away, her eyes remained glued to his masculine form and assertive gait. She couldn’t deny the liquid pull low in her stomach when he
was near. Maybe she was weak for replaying the lovemaking of their earlier years in her mind, but she’d never forgotten a single, incredible detail.
“All clear,” Ben said as he doubled back to them. Logan’s face lit up with a big smile, dimples indenting his cheeks. He let go of her hand, shuffled forward, then hugged one of Ben’s legs. His eyes widened, and for a moment, Ben froze in place for a moment, but he quickly recovered.
“Now we’re in for a real adventure,” he said and dropped into a crouch so he was eye-level with Logan. “Staying in the cabin of a goldminer. Do you think the person who built the shack found treasure?”
Logan shrieked out a resounding yes and Ben lifted him up and tossed him in the air, catching him easily. Laughter bubbled out of the boy, and something expanded in her chest.
“Do you think they left tweasure for us?” Logan asked as they walked toward the cabin.
“We can pretend they did. We’ll make a fire, and it will be just like we’re a group of stampeders, the people who made the long trek to the Yukon to find fortune.”
She just had to pause as they walked toward the cabin, they made such a picture, the big SEAL and the small boy.
“I guess playing gold miner is tiring work,” she said as she came to join Ben by the fire. Logan had conked out after having something to eat and pretending their trio was on a fantastic journey looking for treasure. Little did the boy know that he had his own pot of gold sitting in a trust fund. But maybe money wasn’t as much fun when you didn’t get to dig through the dirt for it. That seemed to be Logan’s perspective, anyway.
“His eyes were as wide as dinner plates talking about what he’d buy with his share. An island of lollipops.” Ben laughed and shook his head.
“His very own dragon.” She grinned and sat with him by the fire, the old, roughly cut floor boards creaking with every movement.
“Don’t forget the bagel shop and cream cheese factory.” Ben smiled back at her, and for a moment she had an overwhelming urge to reach out and touch his face.
“Now that might not be such a stretch—if when he gets older and he wants to deviate away from the family tradition of medicine.” The flames swayed, a medley of gold, crimson, and blue, in the rustic hearth.
“Would his parents give him a hard time for not following in their footsteps?” Ben’s brows knit together, and his smile faded.
Did he really care about Logan’s future? Was he worried that the little boy would feel forced in one direction instead of having the chance to follow his own path? His question indicated that he cared for Logan and that warmed her, but also made the nerves in her stomach tangle.
An image flashed in her mind. One where she was holding a newborn baby to her breast with Ben smiling lovingly down at them. They were sitting here talking about Logan like two parents might, but that was no excuse for sitting here and picturing the child they might’ve had together.
“If Logan decided he wanted to join a traveling circus, they’d pay for acrobat training and do everything they could to be at every performance. They’re great parents, and they adore him—all they really want is for him to be happy. When I think of someone trying to harm them….”
“I know, Sweetheart. I know.” His tone was low, soothing. “Don’t think about it. Not tonight.”
She sighed, the breath whistling out of her lungs, and gazed into the fire. “You’re right. Tonight, we’re lucky. We’re sleeping inside by a warm fire with a roof over our heads.”
“Meg.” The desire in Ben’s voice sent a shiver down her back, and she looked away from the fire to look at him.
His steel eyes were pinned on hers, lips slightly parted. He looked strong and capable, not to mention a little dangerous with that scar down his chin as a reminder that he was a badass SEAL. One who could handle any danger that life threw at him. One who would protect her and Logan.
“You shouldn’t be so goddamn beautiful after a plane wreck and two days in the wilderness, but all I’ve been able to think about is kissing you. Feeling you against me.” Ben touched the side of her face, caressed her bottom lip with her thumb, and inched closer.
This kiss was just a whisper at first, a brush of lips. She sighed—couldn’t help herself. How many times had she fantasized about his clever mouth? He dipped his tongue against hers and when a primal growl rumbled in the back of his throat, heat ripped through her. Wanting—no, needing—to touch him, she gripped the bottom of his sweater and inched her hands up until she found bare skin. Ben fisted his hands in her hair, tilting her head back so he could kiss her more deeply.
“Come here.” His voice was thick with passion as he dragged her onto his lap where the proof of his attraction pressed against her hip. Ben rubbed his hands up and down her sides, and she arched toward him, encouraging his touch to move higher toward her aching breasts. He did just that, encircling her engorged tips with his thumbs. When he broke the kiss, she nearly gasped in frustration, until he lifted her shirt and replaced his thumbs with his mouth. He sucked and tortured the peak of her left breast through the thin material of her bra before moving to the other, expending equal attention. Her breath was coming in quick pants, and though she wanted him to continue more than she wanted anything in the world at that moment, she placed her hands on his shoulders. Ben immediately stopped and looked up at her.
“That feels like heaven.” She shot a glance over her shoulder. “But I don’t want Logan waking to see something he shouldn’t.”
“Damn. You’re right.” He lowered her shirt reluctantly, then pulled her in close and rested his chin on the top of her head. “But this isn’t over by a long shot.” He kissed the top of her head, a gentle gesture that made her throat tight.
Ben wasn’t the boy she’d fallen in love with. He was still charming and engaging, but now he was more stable, more responsible. She thought he’d never be able to commit to anything, but he’d proven her wrong with his career. Still, there was no place in his life for her, not long-term at least. She was a coward, using Logan as a barrier between them. Would it be enough to shield her heart from a repeat performance of her college years?
Chapter Twelve
Ben snuggled closer to Megan, loving the feeling of her silky hair against his cheek. He wasn’t sure what time it was, but he’d woken with his arms around her waist, and her back pressed against his chest. The moment they’d shared earlier was intense, passionate. With his hands molded to her subtle curves and her taste—so sweet, so Megan—on his tongue the need for her roared to life inside him. If only his lust for her could be sated with one night together, he might ask her if she wanted to take things further. He knew better though. If he made love with her, the craving would only intensify.
Laying with her in his arms and the smoky scent of the fire crackling in the cabin, everything around them was peaceful. He stilled, then shot up to a sitting position. Too much smoke. He whirled toward the hearth, ready to extinguish the blaze, but the fire was perfectly contained. His eyes watered as he struggled to locate the source of the smoke. Opening the door might feed the fire more oxygen, but it would also let the smoke dissipate, and create an easy escape route if he couldn’t get the fire contained. In four quick steps he paced across the room to the exit, gripped the door latch, and gave it a quick yank. Then another. The door didn’t budge, and warning bells sounded in his brain.
“Meg, the cabin is on fire.” With agility akin to a trained soldier, she pounced to her feet and rushed to Logan’s side without a second thought. Ben stopped wasting time on the door –someone had intentionally jammed it and if he didn’t think fast they’d burn up like tinder. There was a boarded-up window at the back of the cabin and Ben rushes over to it. “Door won’t budge. Our best shot is trying to climb through here.”
Ben grabbed onto the hastily nailed plywood, yanking it until the boards broke. That snap of wood was the most beautiful sound he’d ever heard. It meant they weren’t going to die of smoke inhalation—or worse, burn to death—in this
mining shack.
“Logan, we’re going to get you out of here,” Megan said with surprising calm as she quickly put the boy’s coat and boots on him before grabbing her own coat and boots and quickly shoving her feet into them.
“I’m going to help you out first, so you can catch Logan on the other side,” Ben told Megan. He tore down the last wooden barrier, made a fist and smashed through the remnants of glass.
“That’s good enough. We don’t have much time.” Megan passed Logan into his arms, and the little boy clung to his shirt sobbing. Ignoring the shards of glass and splintered wood, and without waiting for his assistance, Megan hastily dragged herself through the window. “My feet are on the ground. Get Logan out,” she screamed.
He could barely make out the outline of her hands reaching up for Logan, but she was right, they didn’t have time to spare. Ben carefully lifted the boy through the rough opening, and felt his weight shift and lift off his hands when Megan took hold of him. Ben looked back at the cabin, then at the window. There wasn’t time to salvage their supplies as he grabbed his own coat thankful he’d slept with his boots on. A deafening crack sounded above his head, and he pushed up and out through the window. Sharp bits of glass or slivers of wood raked against his gut. None of it mattered. Megan was on the ground with Logan, and both were alive and unharmed. A sound like gun shots rang out in the air, and Ben didn’t wait to see if it was the crackling of the fire or an actual weapon. He just threw himself on top of Logan and Megan and covered both of them the best he could.