“Coffee’ll be ready in a second,” he called out to Jamal, before he remembered that his guest didn’t much like coffee. Peeking a guilty face around the corner he added, “Unless you want a tea or something else?”
“Coffee’s fine, just please… a lot of sugar and even more milk.” Jamal finally looked warm, huddled under the blanket. Matt noticed that he had pushed it up under his chin so all of him, bar two very white feet, was hidden from view.
Just as well. Anything to make him concentrate on the task at hand, which was to make sure Jamal was okay. He’d get something warm inside him, and then get him in a warm bath. And to bed, never forget bed. Matt grumbled at his brain. Of course Jamal needed a place to sleep. He peeked around the corner as the coffee began dripping into the pot. The best thing would be to give Jamal his bed and take the sofa. That was the gentlemanly thing to do. Matt grinned a bit as he indulged in the image of himself as a country gentleman, Jane Austen style.
“I think I’m going to thaw out.” Jamal rolled his beautiful green eyes as Matt walked in, two coffees in hand.
“Thank god for that.” Matt offered him the bigger mug as he sat down beside him, aware for the first time of his own wet jeans and almost-numb toes. When he glanced down at his fingers, he saw that they were almost the same color as Jamal’s feet. “I should call Ms. Feinstein in a bit, make sure she’s okay.”
“Thank you for getting me back.” Jamal’s voice was tinged with embarrassment. “I never should have gone out with so few layers on.”
Matt couldn’t resist a bit of teasing. “Yeah, now I may not know much about your country, but I’m assuming it’s pretty damn cold there. Am I right?”
“You are.” Again that cute blush tinged Jamal’s cheeks.
When Jamal glanced up over the coffee mug to meet Matt’s gaze, Matt found himself all but falling into those eyes. All of Jamal was beautiful— well, all that he could see— but it was his eyes that were like nothing he’d ever seen. Asian in shape, but green, so incredibly green. Matt could spend the rest of his life just gazing into them.
When Jamal raised an eyebrow, Matt realized he was staring. “Shit, man. I’m sorry, it’s just…”
“Just what?” There was a tinge of excitement in Jamal’s voice, or at least Matt allowed himself to think that for a moment. But there was no way a guy as exotically beautiful as Jamal would see anything in some small town bumpkin like him.
Matt cleared his voice, embarrassed by the words he was about to utter. “It’s just… I’ve never seen eyes like yours before. They’re stunning.”
“Glad you think so.” Now there was a definite undertone in that sentence.
“What’s up?”
Jamal shrugged his shoulders. “It seems like everyone here only wants some super model. They don’t want short, they don’t want slender, they really don’t want Asian.” At that he looked completely dejected.
“Well, they are off their fucking heads, right? Don’t you worry about that, if I say you have stunning eyes, you have stunning eyes.” With that, Matt mock-punched Jamal on where he assumed his shoulder to be. It was hard to tell under that thick blanket. Before he could say anything more and thoroughly embarrass himself, Matt stood up. “Let me get that bath on for you.”
“You don’t have to. You’ve been so kind already.” Jamal went for an attempt at sitting up. If there had been a wrestling contest between man and blanket, the blanket would have won hands down.
“You stay there.” Matt pointed to the sofa until Jamal settled back down. “And I’ll get a nice hot bath going. You need it, honestly.”
Jamal made no protest, so Matt moved into the bathroom. At least the hot water felt good. Matt leaned into the warm steam rising from the water and listened to the sounds of the blizzard outside. If anything, it sounded worse now. He nibbled on his lower lip as, for the hundredth time in the last half an hour, he wondered if he had done the right thing, setting the three of them off in the storm like that. Maybe they would have been better off staying the night in the store. His boss wouldn’t have minded, and they would have all been safe. But Ms. Feinstein would have set out anyway; she was just that type. And, no doubt, so would Jamal. He might still be out there, stuck and cold. So maybe this was the right move anyway. And it got Jamal in his apartment. Oh my god, I am such a perv.
He really needed to stop thinking this way. It wasn’t fair to Jamal, and it wasn’t fair to the situation he was in. Not fair, cut it out. End of story.
“Hey, bath’s ready,” he called out the door. When there was no response, he poked his head out the door.
Jamal was again struggling to get to his feet. But between the afghan, the coffee mug and Butch, Matt’s overfed Maine Coon cat— who had taken it upon herself to curl up into Jamal’s lap while Matt had been running the bath— the boy was having problems, to say the least.
“Oops, hang on.” He walked up to the sofa and waved his hands at the cat. “Off you get, Butch. Go find another warm spot.”
“Butch?”
“Yeah, ’cause she’s anything but. Furball was too obvious.” Matt grinned as the cat growled at him before hopping down and stalking off.
Jamal watched her and nodded. “True. Even with her gone I can’t seem to get up.”
“Here, let me help.” Matt leaned down to take Jamal from under his arms and bodily lift him up. Jamal clutched at the blanket. “Promise on my life, I won’t get all creepy and stare at your underwear.” Yeah, right. Matt put his hand over his heart and chose to ignore the voice in his head. Besides, he already knew what Jamal’s underwear looked like, so there.
For his part, Jamal snorted and relaxed. “Well, it’s not like you haven’t seen it all, right?”
“Are you calling me a slut?” Matt placed his hand over his chest in mock indignation.
For the first time today, that brought a genuine smile from Jamal. And a laugh that tripped over his tongue and fell about them, a sound so cheerful it could break the gloom of the storm outside. “I would assume the last thing you are is a slut.”
“Oh, how little you know, my friend.”
“Oh?”
That only deserved a coy smile. “Come on, let’s thaw you out.”
****
Hours later, a belly happily full of spaghetti and beer, and one purring cat stretched out beside the sleeping form of Jamal, Matt sat by the window and looked out. It had taken seven phone calls, but he had finally found the B&B which had the New York couple, and they were happily bickering up in their room, according to the owner— who sounded like she was pissed off he had suggested they go back to her place. He snorted, well imagining her annoyance. But all was well. They had made a little gamble and it had worked out in the end.
The wind was slowing a bit, enough that he could see across the street, to the mansion which— like this one— had been broken up into several tiny apartments. It was the only way to keep most of the large homes in this town alive. He knew full well if they hadn’t had the famous racetrack in town, most likely this house would have been either abandoned or torn down by now.
A sigh from Jamal brought his attention back. The boy had all but fallen asleep over his dinner plate. Matt had to help him back into the bed. He even tucked him in. All he had to do now was lean back a bit in his chair and he could see Jamal’s face in the light of the lamp. He really was stunning, even with his green eyes closed in sleep. Black hair framing his face, high cheekbones, full lips… what wasn’t there to like?
Or want.
Matt had been a good boy when Jamal had gotten undressed for the bath. He could say on his mother’s honor he had no idea what Jamal looked like from below the chin or above the knees. His mother would be so proud.
But now he couldn’t help the lingering look over the slender boy. And who was off their fucking heads to not snatch him up for their boyfriend? It hadn’t occurred to Matt, until Jamal had made the bitter comment about no one wanting the likes of him, that he had never seen Jamal
with anyone at the meetings before. People were so odd. He just wished he had known that three years ago. They could have been a couple that length of time, then. Provided Jamal had any feelings for him, that is. He didn’t seem to, other than being grateful for not being left to freeze to death in the blizzard.
He told himself he was only going to shut his eyes for a moment. One heavy blink was replaced by another. The last thing he felt was the heaviness of the cat settling in on his lap. At least he thought it was only a moment. But when he looked at the clock, it read six o’clock pm on the nose. They had been asleep for hours. There was a flicker of Jamal’s eyelids, and he opened them, looking as confused as Matt felt.
“I think we fell asleep right after lunch,” Matt said, hoping that helped him get his bearings. When Jamal looked alarmed at the feeling of heavy cat along his side, Matt added, “it’s just Butch. She’s a sucker for a warm body to sleep on.”
That brought out a smile on Jamal’s face. Matt marked this as the second real smile he had seen from the boy. If only he could begin to make this a habit. It would be nice to see Jamal happy, always, instead of pensive, which was the way Matt had usually seen him. But of course, Jamal had much to be serious about, poor guy.
Jamal sat up straight in the bed. “What time is it?”
“Just after six, the storm’s letting up. Why?”
“Fuck!” Jamal looked around frantically.
“What’s up? What d’you need?”
“A phone. My mother, she would have called earlier, and I wasn’t home to answer. And my sister.” Jamal knotted his hands up in his hair.
Alarmed, Matt reached out to gently pry his fingers out. “Hey now, what’s the big deal? You can use my phone, international rates aren’t too exorbitant.”
“No, no you don’t understand. It’s too late to call. My mother’s going to think something terrible happened to me. She’s going to be so upset.” Fear welled up in his eyes.
“What could happen to you in Saratoga? Besides being caught out in a blizzard by some idiot from the coffee shop.”
Jamal took a deep breath, holding it for a moment before he let it out with a giggle. An actual, genuine giggle. He rolled his eyes. His body relaxed. “She’ll think I’ve been kidnapped. She always thinks I’ve been kidnapped.”
Matt snorted. “And I thought my mom was a bit nuts. What about anyone else in your family? Your sister?”
“Oh, she has more sense. She was over for New Year’s last year, so she knows what it’s like here. She’s seen how it’s like… all of it.” Jamal’s small moment of joy was over. “How am I going to be able to go back? It’s horrible, being gay there.”
“You want to talk about it?” Even though Matt had pulled Jamal’s hands from his head, he didn’t let go of them.
Jamal looked down at their hands enveloped in one another’s. He squeezed Matt’s before speaking. “It’s just… You’re not a human being, a real human being.” Jamal stared straight ahead as he spoke, not making eye contact with Matt. “All the men in my family, they all think people like you and me, we’re better off dead. My papa always says all ‘people like that’ should be shot. He was annoyed Serik was only beaten up. He said he should have been killed; it would have been better for everyone if he was dead.”
“How can you stand it?” Matt slumped down onto the bed and pulled him by the shoulders close to him. If anyone needed a cuddle, it was Jamal.
Jamal laid his head on Matt’s shoulder. “I can’t. I mean, I have to, but it’s hard, so hard… Every day my family calls, telling me about one girl or the other. I’m expected to get married and settle down and have babies as soon as I get back home.”
“What do you want?” Matt could feel Jamal tremble a bit by his side, but he didn’t pull away.
“Love.” Jamal’s whisper was so soft Matt barely heard it. But he felt it. “I just feel… like there’s something so wrong about me. That no one will ever love me. Back home, I’ll have to marry some poor girl who deserves better, who deserves to be loved. But I won’t be able to love her. And my life will be like all the gay men I know, constantly sneaking around, having sex, but no love.”
“So, stay here. There must be a way.”
Rather than answer, Jamal snuggled up against Matt’s side. “I always wondered what these houses looked like from the inside.”
Matt looked down to meet his eyes, shivering at seeing those eyes, that face so close. All he had to do was lean over a bit to kiss him. “I hope you like it.”
Jamal’s gaze flickered from Matt’s, to his lips and back up. In a low voice, he said, “I love it. I love your home.”
“So it’s not a bad place to be kidnapped then?” Matt’s voice was as husky as Jamal’s.
The corner of Jamal’s mouth twitched as he tried to keep his face serious. “This is true. Should I be worried?”
“Depends.”
“On what?” His face broke into a full smile. He laid back against the pillows and held his hands over his head, like a helpless damsel in distress.
As much as Matt wanted to continue with the teasing, that sight made his body swell in a way that Jamal might not welcome. He tried to straighten up.
“It’s okay.”
Jamal’s voice was so low Matt almost didn’t catch it. He looked up at him. “You can keep coming.” When Matt didn’t do anything, Jamal added in a whisper, “Don’t make me beg.”
“I’d never make you do that.”
Not quite believing his luck, Matt leaned down until Jamal was close enough to kiss. There was something about seeing those intense green eyes watching him, until he was so close he could feel Jamal’s breath on his lips, feel the way the bed was trembling under Jamal’s body. His own arms were shaking too, trying to hold him up, trying not to give in to what he wanted.
Jamal didn’t make him wait any longer. Wrapping his arms around Matt’s shoulders, he pulled Matt to him, pressing their lips together in a kiss Matt had fantasized about for years but never thought would happen. Even now he wasn’t sure this wasn’t just some sort of mirage. But the lips pressed to his, the hands clutching his back, pulling him tight, were real. As was the soft tongue playing against his lips, asking entry.
He let himself sink into Jamal. It was fighting against instinct not to crush the smaller man under him. Jamal pushed his hips against Matt’s, widening his knees to allow Matt to push his cock against Jamal’s, only separated by cloth. Matt couldn’t stop the long slow thrust against Jamal. His cock filled with blood as needs and wants got in the way of “this is going too fast.” To make matters more urgent, Jamal met him, his own hardened erection pressed against Matt’s.
That last, mean but sane, part of Matt’s brain said they were going too fast, that he wanted more than some one-night stand with Jamal. Though it was the hardest thing to do, Matt pulled away from Jamal, slightly.
“Jamal. Hey, slow down a minute.”
It was even worse when Matt saw the stricken look in Jamal’s eyes. “Have I…? I’m sorry… I thought…”
Matt reached out and cupped his face. “It’s okay, Jamal. You’ve done nothing wrong. It’s just… I want more between us. I like you. I want this to go slow. I’m a bit old-fashioned about that.”
Jamal leaned his cheek into Matt’s hand. “I am too.”
“Oh good.” He let out the breath he was holding, and settled down against Jamal again. When Jamal widened his eyes, Matt said, “Well, now that we have that settled, a little kiss and a cuddle, okay?”
Jamal didn’t answer him.
At least, not in words.
Chapter Five
The smile on Jamal’s face lasted forty-three minutes, to the second. This he knew from the clock on Matt’s wall, to the blinking face on his own dorm room alarm. Forty-three minutes to feel that all was right with the world.
The outside of Matt’s place was as beautiful as the inside. As Jamal had suspected, the house was one of the ones he often walked by and admired, with
its combination of red brick walls and blue slate roof, and the curving bay windows to the side of it. It gave him an extra smile now, knowing which bay window was Matt’s living room. Now he could walk by and know that Matt was sitting there, watching the world go by.
Most of the snow from yesterday morning was gone, taken away by the winds. It also took away the fairytale look to the town, but at least, the walk was easier. They used the sidewalk this time, as cars were back to driving on the roads. Matt was quiet, but the silence was comfortable. Jamal felt a funny little flutter in his stomach every time he glanced at the taller boy.
Today, they could walk up Caroline Street. The road was narrowed in the final block before it ended on Route 50, and the shops closing in on either side gave the place a secret feel. Matt must have thought so too, as Jamal felt a gloved hand slide into his on the steep walk up the hill. When he glanced over he saw Matt’s eyes crinkled in the corners, his smiling mouth hidden under his scarf. Jamal was sure his grin was as silly as Matt’s.
Breaking the silence, Matt said, “You have anything planned this week?”
Jamal shook his head, fighting down that funny flutter in his stomach. “Just classes and studying, nothing big.”
“Want to go out?” Matt pulled his scarf away from his face. His grin was as silly as Jamal had known it would be. “I mean… if you don’t mind… or you want to, that is…”
“I’d love to.” Really, like Matt really thought he’d say no? That funny flutter melted away. “Where do you want to go?”
“Dinner Friday? I have to go visit my mom, so I won’t be in most of the week, but when I get back I was thinking… If it’s okay with you… that we could— y’know— go on a proper dinner date and…”
“I’d love that.” Jamal squeezed Matt’s hand. He bit his lower lip to keep from breaking out into the goofiest grin known to mankind.
“You okay with The Wine Bar? I mean, you being Muslim and all—”
Un/Common Ground Page 4