by Kip Nelson
“I missed you,” she said, reaching out to stroke his arm, her fingers running through the hair that sprouted from his forearm, then up to his shoulders and chest, then all over his body.
A warm tingle spread through him, the kind that he almost had forgotten existed. There were so many things that seemed like a distant memory, but now were returning to the forefront of his mind, like the way she smelled. He had tried holding onto that for as long as possible, but eventually the memory faded as he made his way through this new world.
“I missed you, too,” he said, trying to summon the words to encapsulate his feelings, but they were so complicated and far-reaching that he found it an impossible task.
Although many people in the settlement would have told anyone that Mack was capable of doing the impossible, this was something that even he could not do. He leaned in and kissed her on the cheek, then rested his head on the pillow beside her, so that he was nestled right beside her neck and could breathe in her scent. He hated seeing his wife so weak and hurt like this, but he was glad she was alive and knew it was only a matter of time before she was back on her feet. Hopefully, she would be back to her old self, back to the woman he knew, if that was possible. This position was uncomfortable for him. He still was sitting on the chair, with his body positioned at a right angle as he lay on the bed, but he remained there for a while as he wanted to be as close to Anna as logistics allowed.
“Do you remember anything from when you were awake before, from when I brought you here?” he asked.
Anna's brow creased and she shook her head lightly. “Not really. I remember hearing your voice, although I don't know if it was a dream or not. I remember the lion.” At this point, she looked down at her body and gently touched her wounds.
“And then I don't know. I think I remember being carried through the city, but it's all a mess in my head.”
“I'm sure it will be for a long time. I found you. After I heard you were in the city, I went looking. You had been attacked by a lion, but you had killed it, then moved to the bushes to keep warm. You were almost gone, but I brought you back here and now you're going to be okay. You're going to be okay, Anna. We're back together again,” he said, unable to stop himself from smiling. She smiled, too.
“I remember you saying sorry,” she said.
Pangs of guilt stabbed at Mack, for he still was ashamed that he hadn't throw aside everything to get back to her.
“I am. I'm so, so sorry for not coming to find you. I shouldn't have let everything else get in the way. I should have tried to make it back to you from the first moment I was able. Part of me was afraid I'd never see you again. Maybe in my heart I wanted to put it off because at least then there always would be the chance that you were still out there, but now I'm with you. I'm just so, so sorry and I wish there was more I could say.”
“That's the beauty of us, Mack, we've never needed to say anything to know what the other was thinking. There's nothing we can take for granted in this world, and I know the type of man you are. I'm sure you've been doing whatever you can to make this world a better place. The doctor was talking about everything you've done here, and I'm so proud of you. The rest of the world is falling apart and you're trying to put a small piece of it back together. That's why I fell in love with you in the first place. Don't apologize for being yourself.”
Her words were a relief to him, yet the guilt still resided in his soul, and would remain there for the foreseeable future. Exhausted, and emotionally drained, all he wanted to do was fall asleep next to his wife, but at the same time he didn't want to waste any more time with her. They already had spent so long apart he didn't want to fall asleep now and have to wait even longer to be with her properly.
“I had to face the same thoughts myself, you know,” she said, her voice still low and hoarse. Every word was a struggle to speak although there was water on hand to relieve her aching throat.
“But I'm glad to see you're alive. When I came to the city I didn't think I'd find you. It was so big. I guess we're just lucky.”
“I guess we are,” he said, squeezing her hand. She squeezed back.
It had been so long since he had held those hands and he wondered just what they had been through. She's already claimed the life of a lion, what other preposterous things had his wife accomplished? She was always someone who could do anything she set her mind to and it wasn't a surprise to him that she had flourished in this world. She had such a strong will that it would have taken a titan to slow her down. He was proud of her for having made it through the world because he knew just how tough it was to survive this long, and in turn, she was proud of him as well.
For a while they laid there, not saying anything, simply enjoying being in the presence of each other again after so long apart. Both of them had spent countless hours dreaming and hoping for this exact moment, and they wanted to bask in its glory while they could. However, there was a lot to talk about. There were many questions that both of them had for each other, although in some ways they were scared of what the other had to say. They had both been pushed to their limits of morality and endurance, but they were husband and wife, and there could be no secrets between them.
By lying down next to Anna and breathing in her scent, by listening to the rhythm of her breathing, Mack was being lulled to sleep. As he realized this he jerked himself up and forced himself awake. He was getting a crick in his back as well, so the change in posture did him a world of good.
“So, how long is it going to take you to tell me just what you've been up to?” he asked, trying to keep the mood upbeat, but both of them were worn out and not in the mood for laughter.
“About the same time as it's going to take for you to tell me.”
“Ladies first,” Mack said, smirking.
Anna pushed herself up and winced, but waved Mack back as he moved to support her. She reached over and brought the glass of water to her lips, which she would do intermittently as she told her story to Mack. She looked him in the eyes, then looked away. The blond hair fell over her face as she breathed deeply and prepared to tell her story. Mack adjusted his position in his chair as he listened, rapt with attention, finally about to know just how his wife had managed to traverse the country to find him after months of being apart.
Outside, the people of the settlement went about their business. Although Mack cared for them deeply and wanted the best for them he shut them from his mind. The only thing he wanted to pay attention to at that moment was his wife, his one true love.
Chapter Seven
Anna stared at the blank wall in front of her, then looked at Mack. Their hands were still together but she was afraid that once she was done he would pull them away and nothing would be the same again. As she looked into his blue eyes she remembered all those nights had spent together, talking about the future and the life they were building together, and how that had been taken away from them. She'd fought so hard to get back to him, and now she was paralyzed inside, almost afraid to tell him the truth.
Her body ached all over, and all she wanted to do was sleep, but her husband was beside her. After all this time, they finally had a chance to talk, and she could share her story. He would be the first one she told as well, the first one to hear it in its entirety at least. He looked at her earnestly, this man to whom she had given her heart. Being by his side again made her feel complete in a way that she hadn't felt since this whole thing began, but she had to wonder if he felt the same doubts as she did, if he, too, was afraid things wouldn't be the same.
But her story had been burning inside her for a long time, and when the words began spilling from her mouth Anna found she was glad for the opportunity to tell. And, as all the best stories did, she started at the beginning.
“I remember the day it happened so clearly, even though it feels like it was a lifetime ago. I was making a plan for the day and emailing some clients, as well as preparing a surprise dinner for you when you returned.” As she said this she sm
iled sheepishly. Those kinds of things seemed alien now.
Then the computer died, as did everything else. I tried to switch on the television to see what had happened, tried my phone, but nothing. I left the house. The neighbors were frightened but, at first, we all thought it was just a power outage. Then more people started coming out, panicked. We tried to stick together and wait it out, but the power wasn't coming on. We tried the fuse boxes, but still there was nothing. Then we saw a plane plummet from the sky and we knew something was wrong. It didn't crash anywhere near us, but it made me think of you, and I knew we were in serious trouble.
The street was filled with people who didn't know what to do. Kids were crying. People were looking all around for somebody to give them some information. It was like we were cut off from everything. Without the internet, without any way to call people, we were on our own. It was the elderly I felt bad for, like Mrs. Graveson, you remember her? People were rushing by and she was left in quite a state. Then there was Hans and Ivy, they were yelling at people that an invasion was coming and that we all had to get to cover, which only made people get more worked up. I tried to calm them down, but I soon realized it wasn't going to help and I wasn't going to get anywhere with them. People were hysterical, crying out for their loved ones, trying to find some semblance of sense in this chaos. None of the cars would start. Some people grabbed their bikes and left the crowd, with others shouting after them. Others had their bikes wrestled from them, stolen, and these were the first signs that something bad was going to happen.
I didn't really think things were going to be as bad as they were. I thought that people would see the best things to do were to remain calm and get more information before getting all worked up. But, of course, I had too much faith in my fellow people. I shook my head and left them, going back into the house to get the weapons that you kept in there. I didn't want to get into a fight, but I wasn't going to be left defenseless given what I'd seen out there. These were just our neighbors, people who saw each other every day and said hello, had each other over for barbecues. One crisis and they started to lose their minds, and seemed to forget we knew each other at all.
When I was in the house I looked around for things to take. I grabbed some food from the fridge and some knives, and then I packed some extra clothes in a bag along with some tablets. I wanted to take more. I would have taken everything if I could because that was our home. It had everything we'd built together and to leave it there almost felt like I was turning my back on us. All those photos we had, all the things we'd bought together, it was just going to be left there, but I knew that I needed to move. If there was any relief effort it was going to be in the city, and I knew the plane you were on would have gone down. I wanted to find you eventually, but first I needed to find out what had happened. If I was going to try getting to you, I was going to have to figure out how to get there, because I didn't fancy having to fight everyone for a bike.
But as soon as I left the house the looting and fighting already had started. A brawl began, with the wives trying to pull their husbands apart. I thought about going over to try calming them down, but I knew that was going to be futile. I thought about telling some of them to come with me, but as I looked at their faces I knew they had surrendered to the madness and they weren't able to think rationally. It hurt a lot, and I wished things had been different, but I knew I couldn't let sentimentality get in the way of my goals. Maybe that was too cold of me, but I wanted to get to the city and didn't have time to get caught up in other people's bullshit.
I walked away from them, and a few people noticed I was going. They called out to me but I didn't bother turning around because I didn't have anything to say to them. I knew then that the world had changed. Whatever the world is now, it already had begun, and everyone else was just catching up. Sometimes I think back to all those people. I wonder if I should have been more patient with them and tried working with them, but there's only so much of yourself you can give, especially now, and if I had done that I don't know if I would have been here,” she said.
She spoke with a hint of remorse in her voice, as though she was trying to justify her decisions to herself. Mack wondered if it wasn't a pointed reference to the way he had conducted himself, always putting others' needs before his own. But he didn't say anything to interrupt, merely listened to Anna's story as he could tell she had a great deal to say.
“As I walked through the suburbs I saw the same things everywhere. People were scared, looking to anyone for direction. They were banging on a bus, trying to get the driver to drive them away, but they wouldn't listen when he told them it wasn't working. A cop was swamped with people begging him to call for backup. He ended up throwing his radio at them because they wouldn't believe him when he said it wouldn't work. I don't know what it was like for you when this began, and I really want to know how you survived a plane crash and how many people were with you. Those in the city started clustering together in restaurants and bars for some word that everything was going to be okay. People were staring at the sky, almost expecting to see bombs dropped on us. But I figured that if there was going to be an attack like that you would have heard something about it and warned me.
It took me a while, and I had to trade a kid a knife for his bike, but I went into the city. I tried to stay to the side streets and alleys, because by this point there hadn't been any word about the authorities and everyone was going crazy. Looters started smashing windows and the store owners were fighting back with baseball bats and guns. The police were trying to keep order, but there just weren't enough of them, and without their cars and their radios they weren't able to coordinate their efforts. At the time, I didn't understand why everyone went so crazy and tried looting the stores when nothing was working. Now I'm starting to think it was just because they didn't know what else to do. Nobody ever had faced anything like this and their first reaction was to descend into anarchy, lashing out at the world because that was the only thing that made sense to them.
I stayed away from all that as much as I could, and encountered a few people, but they were scared and didn't say anything to me. I went to the middle of town, trying to make it to the library. On the way there I heard a speech from the mayor, trying to tell everyone to stay calm. He bellowed at the top of his voice, but nobody seemed to be paying any attention to him. It was in that moment when I realized how absurd society was. It was fine and worked when we all agreed to the social contract, but as soon as it fell away there was nothing left. We all were equal.
I thought about trying to make it to the army base. I figured if anyone knew what to do it would be the military, but it was too far away and they'd have their hands full anyway. Besides, I didn't think they'd take kindly to civilians going down there, even if I was your wife. While everyone was busy losing their mind, I walked into the library. A few people had taken refuge there, but it was a lot quieter than outside. I remember thinking that if you had been in there when the whole thing started you might never have known that anything had happened. I made my way to the archive section where I pulled out a map of the country. I knew the time of your flight and where you flew from, so I managed to estimate where you landed and this was the nearest city. I figured the best chance of finding you was to make my way here and hope for the best.”
She had taken a break to drink some water and catch her breath. Mack squeezed her hand.
“I don't want to sound ungrateful or anything because I know I'd have done the same in your position, and I'm so glad you made your way to me, but why did you come all this way when, for all you knew, I could have been dead? Surely it would have been easier to stay at home?”
“When have I ever taken the easy route?” she said, and a flash of the old Anna came through, before she turned serious again.
“We made vows to each other, and if we didn't uphold them, then they meant nothing. I gave you my word that I would be by your side, and I wasn't going to let anything stand in my way. I had to know for s
ure what had happened to you. If I didn't, then I wouldn't have been able to live with myself. We talked about the future together. We were going to start the rest of our lives when you got back and I wasn't going to let anything take that away from me,” she said, her voice sonorous with determination.
“I folded up the map and left the library, after having a little snack. I foraged food where I could as I made my way out of the city. With the riots going on I figured it was best to stay away from the large pockets of civilization. I still had the bike, so I rode it out of the city. I passed people on the freeway, many of them camping out in their cars, praying for someone to save them rather than saving themselves. I had hardened my heart because it killed me to hear all the kids trying to get some kind of answers from their parents when they had none to give.
“We all looked to something greater for guidance, but the only answers I could find were in myself. I wasn't sorry to leave the city behind, which I found strange at first because it had been my home for so long, but I knew if I was going to survive I was going to have to learn to let go of the things that meant the most to me. But the one thing I couldn't let go of was you.
“I followed the freeway as far as I could go. Eventually, the people began to get fewer and fewer, although the cars remained blocking the road. As I moved out of the city I saw the traffic helicopter wedged against the side of the freeway as well. I tried not to think of the state of your plane. I moved out farther and eventually met up with some other survivors. Funny enough, they were people who had made it through a plane crash. The pilot had managed to land in a lake, and a few passengers had survived. They'd been camping out for a while, living off the land. When I met them, they looked at me with hope, thinking I was part of a search party that had been sent from the city to find them. I try not to think of the disappointment on their faces when I told them what had happened, and that the city was as good as lost.