by DaNeo Duran
Eventually the haze receded and Linah’s worry returned. Seconds after that she knew she must speak up.
‘Get dressed,’ she said.
The sharpness in her voice pierced their bliss like a pin through the skin of a balloon.
‘What?’ Johnny said puzzled.
Linah had, the previous night, freed him from a worry that had bitten into him since that fateful night years previously. He’d never felt so relaxed or slept as soundly as he had done in her arms.
‘Get dressed. I’m sorry,’ she said again. ‘Last night I said I hadn’t come all this way to seduce you.’
‘No but—’
‘I have a more important message.’
‘More important than . . ?’ he nodded at the bed.
‘Get dressed then I’ll tell you.’
Johnny went to the bathroom with armfuls of clothes not knowing what to think. What could be more important than what they’d just done?
When he came out he found Linah straight backed and dressed.
She patted the mattress for him to sit. ‘What I’m about to say isn’t easy.’
He sat next to her. ‘You’re scaring me.’
‘I’m sorry. Firstly forgive me for failing you.’
‘Failing me?’
‘When you disappeared I tried finding you.’
‘Forget it. I was in London using a different name before your shepherd’s pie was properly cold.’
‘Right, so I should have searched London.’
‘No offense but I’m glad you didn’t. No way I was risking coming back to the same city as that evil bastard; not without Frank.’
‘But Les Peters was already dead.’
‘So I’d have ended up in Social Services; that’s what happened anyway.’
She sighed. ‘Well anyway. I felt I’d exhausted all possibilities.’
‘I’m sure you did. Social Services were new ten years ago. I was lost in the system no doubt about it. With a name you didn’t know, hundreds of miles away in the nation’s biggest city …’
‘Thank you but I still feel guilty.’
‘Honestly, you didn’t lose me; I vanished.’
‘It helps me to hear you say that. But then two years later you phoned again and on a significant day.’
‘My sixteenth birthday?’
‘Yes. Significant in so much as you ceased being a boy so far as Social Services was concerned. Your being sixteen meant my job got way harder.’
‘You were still looking for me?’
‘I started again.’
‘Because you wanted to live out my fantasy?’
‘Please Johnny, this is important. No, I told a few people that you’d phoned and were okay.’
‘You didn’t share my fantasy?’
This time she laughed. ‘No. Just said you sounded well.’
‘So what happened?’
‘People were interested. It was a huge deal at the time as was your first call to me. But there was a lot going on at that time. Your call two years later was an isolated event. People wanted to know if you were coming back.’
‘Who?’
‘Busy-bodies mostly.’
‘So where’s this leading?’
‘The gossip stretched a long way. I had a phone call from a woman.’
‘What woman?’
‘To this day I don’t know. Like with your calls I had no way of tracing the number. The woman told me her daughter had been pregnant two years previously. The daughter hadn’t been married but loved the father very much and together they had a son.’
‘Are you sure this links to me?’
‘Before Frank died did he tell you about a girlfriend?’
‘He banged on about some girl but never invited her to the house.’
‘Did he tell you her name?’
Johnny looked at her. ‘When I asked him …’ His voice trailed.
For reasons unknown his mind and its thoughts stopped mattering.
He felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up and his scalp prickle. ‘He told me I’d find out soon enough.’
Linah didn’t speak. The pair just looked at one another. Johnny saw her as the ten year younger Miss Wilkinson. His body felt like clay drying out. The light drained from the hotel room as it turned into his bedroom of ten years ago. Though he didn’t know the reason for his mind’s profoundly altered state he felt he already knew and had always known whatever Miss Wilkinson would say. Ironically though he tried to predict what she’d say next he couldn’t.
‘Did you ever go on holiday abroad?’
Her voice sounded like it had been pitched down an octave. It echoed round his head.
His head shook its response.
‘Did Frank ever go abroad?’
His head shook.
She said, ‘I won’t be able to answer the questions formulating in your mind.’
Johnny knew that already somehow.
‘Your brother Frank is alive.’
‘Yes.’ That made sense. That’s why he only ever heard his mother’s voice.
Johnny’s mind swooned. Had he always known this? Somewhere he heard banging, perhaps in his mind. He slipped further into reverie.
* * *
Three USed bandmates had gathered at reception and checked out.
‘Johnny not with you?’ Christine asked Stu.
‘He didn’t come back. I’ve got his bags though.’
‘So where is he?’ Christine said.
Stu held up the napkin Johnny had left. ‘Room-411 I imagine.’
‘For God’s sake, Little Spirit will already be on the coach.’
She stormed off towards the bedrooms and finding Room-411 banged on the door.
The moment the door opened Christine saw Johnny on the bed, grey and rocking back and forth. She barged past the teacher.
‘Johnny,’ she said kneeling and taking his shoulders. ‘What’s the matter with him?’
‘He’s in shock.’
‘What have you done?’
‘Told him some shocking news.’
* * *
Johnny had descended to the point where his mother’s voice found him. Though he’d never heard Frank’s voice he’d somehow known his mother had not been alone. Her angelic advice told him Frank would be out there waiting for him but he should maintain focus on his dreams. Do what you are and Frank will find space within your destiny. When he asked, his mother said she had connection with everything in ways he could not yet possibly image.
Satisfied, he felt loving hands on his shoulders.
‘I’m okay,’ he said out loud.
Linah looked on as Christine cupped Johnny’s face in her hands. She recognised the connection and realised Johnny Won’s life didn’t lack the love Barry Peter’s had.
‘It’s checking out time,’ Christine said over her shoulder.
Linah grabbed her watch. As a mother she’d been waking before eight each morning and hadn’t guessed it could be so late.
* * *
At reception Linah took Johnny to one side. ‘I’m sorry this has turned into such a rush.’
‘How come he’s alive?’
‘That’s the big one. I don’t know. As I said I’m not sure I can answer anything usefully.’
‘Okay, but how d’you know?’ Questions popped into his mind like bubbles to the surface of lemonade.
‘The woman who phoned—’
‘The girl he supposedly got pregnant, you don’t know who she was?’ Johnny interrupted.
‘No—’
‘What about his last known girlfriend?’
‘Ah, she was called—’
‘Holly Morgan.’
‘Yes.’ Linah said.
‘You checked her out?’
‘Yes.’
‘And?’
‘Her and Frank split up.’
‘How d’you know?’
‘I checked with people that knew them. They fell out. Nobody saw them together again.’
‘The woman who phoned, why did she tell you about Frank as opposed to simply asking my whereabouts?’
‘I couldn’t have told her anything. We’ve had to win each other’s trust. That wasn’t easy considering she wouldn’t even tell me her name. Remember, I told plenty of people you’d phoned but nobody else had heard from you.’
‘You know you’re the only person I contacted?’
‘There you are, she probably guessed as much.’
‘Why didn’t you tell everyone, the police, that Frank was alive?’
‘Firstly the woman told me, like you, the pair adopted different identities. Doing that and cheating the system meant they’d broken the law. They had their reasons but just wanted to get on and raise their family. Secondly I couldn’t bring myself to believe her. She told me she’d prove it once we’d earned each other’s trust.’
‘So did Frank come off his motorbike?’
‘I don’t know. The woman hasn’t confirmed any details.’
‘Something doesn’t add up here.’
‘Oh?’
‘I get why he did what he did, but that he’d reject me or leave me with dad …’
‘Johnny,’ she said touching his face. ‘The woman told me they never planned to leave you with that monster. It seems you were to go with them but you disappeared before they could rescue you.’
‘This is like a dream. I can’t work out whether it’s good or not.’
‘It’s a lot to take in.’
‘What will you do?’ he asked.
‘Nothing without your say so.’
‘I don’t know what to do.’
‘Again it’s a lot to take in.’
‘So this woman doesn’t know about this meeting?’
‘No,’ Linah said. Johnny didn’t say anything to that. ‘Do you want me to let her know I’ve seen you?’
‘How?’ he asked.
‘I’m not sure. Eight years ago she gave me a Darlington PO box address. I don’t know if it still exists.’
‘It’ll have been a long time without mail if it was set up for this eventuality.’
‘It might never have had mail. But I assume she would have contacted me before closing it.’
‘So you could write to the woman and say you’ve seen me.’
‘I could and I will if you want me to or I could give you the address.’
‘I don’t know. How d’you know any of this is for real?’
Linah went into her handbag and withdrew an envelope.
She held it to her chest and said, ‘The reason I asked you if you or if Frank had ever been abroad was because the woman eventually sent me this.’
Johnny looked at a photo she handed him. In it Frank stood looking more tanned than he’d ever seen him. In his arms he held a baby.’
‘What else do you see?’
He sighed. ‘Palm trees. Where is it?’
‘I don’t know,’ she said. ‘Nowhere in England.’
‘And nowhere I’ve ever been with Frank. First palm trees I saw were in LA. Any chance it’s fake?’
‘I showed it to a photographer. I didn’t tell him who was in it of course but he confirmed its authenticity. I guess that’s Frank’s son he’s holding. I don’t know his name. What d’you think – about any of this?’
‘I think I stopped thinking ages ago,’ Johnny said.
‘Now’s as good a time as any to show you this then.’
She handed him a second photo. ‘I checked this one with a different photographer. He reckons it’s real too.’
This time Johnny saw his brother bare-chested drinking Orangina in shorts as blue as the sky and Pumas as white as the yachts behind him. Next to him a blond boy held ice cream grinning at the camera.
‘That came almost two years ago; a little reminder to keep looking for you.’
Johnny studied the pair of photos. ‘It’s Frank alright. And, he never had chest hair.’
‘I thought it was him but I’ve not shown them to anyone else who knew him. I can’t imagine how you feel right now.’
‘Neither can I,’ Johnny said. Obviously the news should have delighted him. It did – but for the shock. And the idea that his brother had been living, loving and raising a family for ten years without his knowledge rankled him. How come Linah had discovered him? Frank should have found him. Had Frank not wanted to find him as much as Linah?
‘Would you like to keep them?’ Linah tapped the photos.
‘No.’ He handed them back to her. She looked surprised.
She looked him in the eye.
‘Take them,’ she said handing them back.
When he thanked her with a smile that reached his eyes Linah threw her arms around him. ‘Thank you for last night.’
Johnny held her. ‘No regrets?’
‘Not a trace. It’ll have done me and my husband good.’
‘Me too. What happens now?’
Still hugging him Linah said, ‘It’s up to you.’
‘You’re the adult here,’ Johnny said.
‘No I’m not. You and your band are plenty adult.’
He knew what she meant. He recalled that he’d sensed his mother talking to him: Do what you are.
When the hug broke Linah handed him a postcard of the hotel they hadn’t yet left. Pointing to the back she said, ‘My new telephone number and the PO box address. What happened last night …’
‘A wonderful one-time experience?’
She nodded. ‘But keep in touch. Don’t make me feel like I’ve lost you again.’
‘I promise that won’t happen. I guess I’ve no reason to hide anymore.’
‘That’s right. That man can’t hurt you now and the only way you could be implicated in his passing is if his body gets exhumed.’
Johnny hadn’t thought of that.
‘Don’t worry,’ Linah said seeing his doubt.
‘Why not, anything’s possible.’
‘Not this time Johnny Won. He was cremated.’
He told her he’d think for a couple of days and let her know when he’d decided what to do.
‘So you’re in Leeds tonight,’ Linah said.
‘Last gig. We’re back in the Production Annex with Austin from tomorrow to mix all the stuff we recorded in London.’
* * *
Linah left and the bandmates regrouped. They walked to the coach they shared with Little Spirit. Nobody spoke until they arrived.
‘It’s empty,’ Mazz said.
Stu pulled the flap next to the door and pressed the button behind. ‘But not locked.’
The doors hissed open.
‘You wanna tell us anything Johnny?’ Stu said when everyone settled, ‘or should we just sit and stare at each other in silence?’
‘What do you think Christine?’ Johnny said.
‘She was alright that teacher of yours. She gave me these shoes, said they were too small for her.’
‘But you’ve no idea what we’d been talking about when you came into her room earlier?’
‘Something shocking.’ Sitting opposite him, she leaned forwards and squeezed his knees. ‘But it’s up to you if you want to share.’
‘I do.’
He told them his dad had been cremated and what that meant to him.
Then he told them about Frank. ‘It’s so good to be able to tell you guys these things.’
‘D’you feel less of a fraud?’ Mazz asked. ‘You said yesterday you did.’
Johnny smiled. ‘I do because I’m still not telling you my birth name.’
Given how much the mood had lightened Stu said, ‘So, did you bang the teacher?’
‘Can’t tell you that I’m afraid.’
‘Eh? You’ve told us this much and you stop now?’
‘Part of the deal I’m afraid. She doesn’t blab about what Johnny Won’s birth name was and I won’t blab about what may have happened or not last night.’
It seemed everyone had run out of things to say until Johnny piped up again. ‘Th
ere is one other thing I feel I should share.’
Everyone looked expectantly.
‘I know you all know I’ve got a thing for Linda and I know you think I’m daft and maybe I am but if I’m being honest with myself it’s more than a thing.’
He saw Christine’s face fall to the floor.
‘I can’t help it,’ he said, ‘but I love her.’
‘Well I think we’d all guessed that,’ Stu said.
Johnny looked and sure enough Christine nodded.
‘So I’m the last to know?’ he said.
‘Looks that way mate.’
‘Where’ve you guys been?’ Calvin said jumping aboard the coach.
‘Same to you,’ Stu said.
Johnny and Christine looked at each other. She smiled.
‘We got sick of waiting, we went to the paper shop and had a coffee,’ Calvin said.
Epilogue
Wednesday 03rd October 1984
Linda picked up her phone.
‘New York calling,’ a woman’s voice said.
‘Trudie?’
‘It’s me. Can you manage another band?’
‘No problem,’ Linda said. ‘Fiona’s back fulltime and a new girl started on Monday.’
‘Good stuff, I’ll fax the details. You ready for Little Spirit and The USed Wonz?’
‘Professionally – yes, personally – I’m not so sure.’
‘Oh dear; you nervous about seeing Johnny again?’
‘A bit. He says he wants to take me out to make up for shouting at me when he left.’
‘Tell me you said, yes?’
‘I said I’d think about it.’
‘Linda, don’t leave the poor lad wondering. Either go out with him or cut him off, socially at least. I can find them another agent if it helps.’
‘No,’ Linda said impulsively. ‘I mean … I don’t know what I mean.’
Though she’d missed him insanely she’d always known he’d return. The notion of cutting him out her life seemed unthinkable. Whatever happened she wanted him in her life.
‘Linda,’ Trudie said interrupting her thoughts, ‘meet the guy halfway. Go out with him and when he drops you home, snog him. He’s not stupid if there’s nothing in it he’ll get the message.’
Since becoming single again she’d given that some thought, with mixed feelings. ‘And what if there is – something in the kiss?’
‘Then in the next year or two you’ll be the envy every woman in LA.’
* * *
High above Arizona, Johnny checked his seatbelt. The pilot had announced they’d begin their final decent soon.
Across the aisle Dane sat reading a magazine. From his T-shirt his arms looked toned and tanned. Seeing him with one foot slung over a knee Johnny, despite his waking nerves spared an ironic chuckle thinking how cool he looked. He couldn’t credit the change that had come over Dane.
Not that Johnny would ever mention it, but he’d heard Dane’s office manager had originally appointed him to The USed Wonz because the now sacked Patrick Phillips wanted the band to suffer someone inept.