by Susan Pease
They turned the light on. It had the most beautiful glow, all soft and cosy. Jo was thrilled, it was the best pressie she had ever been given, well the second; the watch was pretty fabulous. Then she opened Melissa’s pressie, it was a cushion covered with shiny mirrors and colourful embroidery all over it.
‘It comes from India; Mum says you can sit on it when you’re meditating.’
Jo laughed happily. Looks like everybody thought that’s all she did. In the meantime, Geoffrey was next door plotting ways that he could cause havoc.
‘I think it would be fun if we go next door to scare the girls.’
‘Yer, that’s what we do the best, scare silly girls,’ said Ted boldly.
The girls settled down to watch an Australian movie about a pig, dressed in their best pyjamas, stuffing chips, popcorn and pizzas down their throats. Just as the picture was becoming interesting, Jo heard a voice coming from behind a lounge chair.
‘Smelly girls like films about pigs, I’ll give them pigs.’
With that, squealing sounds could be heard running down the hall.
‘Did you hear that Jo? It sounds like there are real live pigs in the house,’ asked Melissa.
‘I heard something too and I don’t think it was in the movie,’ announced Olivia nervously.
‘Sshh, let’s be quiet and see if we can hear it again,’ said Jo quietly.
There was nothing, so the girls continued watching the movie. All of a sudden the lounge room doors flew open and six pigs ran in jumping over the girls, knocking the chips over. They were squealing like they were about to have their heads chopped off. The frightened girls ran screaming into the kitchen and Jo sat glaring at a very naughty Eiki Slurp-it-Downs.
‘Eiki Slurp-it-Downs, that’s not funny! How will I ever explain the pigs and Mum will want answers? Go home, just go home.’
Eiki stopped in her tracks; she didn’t think her joke would upset Jo as much as it had. In fact, she had not even thought it through; she was just upset at not being invited. She sulked behind the chair and wouldn’t move. Jo went into the kitchen to find two very confused girls and a mother trying to calm them down.
‘Jo, the girls say there are pigs in the lounge. How did we get pigs in the house? What’s going on and where are they now?’
‘They’re gone Mum, don’t know where they came from. Sort of ran straight out of the hall. Marvellous what special effects movies have nowadays,’ laughed Jo shakily.
The shocked girls returned to the lounge and Jo shook her head. Eiki was still there but nobody else seemed to notice her at all. Squealing could still be heard as the pigs ran through the cat flap attached to the back door. What else could possibly go wrong? The birthday cake was brought out; it was a fantastic ice-cream cake in the shape of Charity. The old boat had never looked so delicious. After pigging out on cake, chips, pizza and watching movies, the girls settled down for some well-earned sleep. Silence fell on the lounge as the girls, one by one, drifted into the land of nod.
Geoffrey and Ted had been in bed for hours and you would have thought all was well; until Ted’s alarm clock woke them so they could do their teasing deed. The two boys climbed over the side fence with torches and arranged themselves outside the lounge windows. Putting the torches to their chins, they started to make scary sounds to frighten the girls. Nobody woke up and this annoyed the pair. Nobody woke, except a naughty Eiki who was behind the chair still sulking. She saw what they were up to and that enraged her even more.
Next thing there was yelling and squealing and thumping as the boys found themselves bailed up by angry pigs. Everybody woke up, dashed to the windows and started laughing at the sight of the two boys desperately trying to climb the fence. Jo’s mum ran outside and turned the garden hose on the pigs to chase them away. Geoff and Ted, petrified at what was going on, slid out of sight as they hurdled the fence. Eiki sat chomping on what was left of the party food; she was in Slurp-it-Downs heaven. Jo would never forget her double figures party. She had had a snorting good time!
GEOFFREY AND THE PRICKLY PEAR
In the morning Jo was exhausted, the night had been full of highs and lows.
Why did my birthday have to be full of dramas I will never know.
Melissa and Olivia were still fast asleep. Jo slid out of her sleeping bag, yawned and stumbled into the kitchen. Her mother was sitting at the table drinking coffee and reading the newspaper.
‘Hi Jo, did you enjoy your sleepover, it went very well I thought. Would you like some breakfast now or rather wait for the girls?’
Jo stared at her mother; there was no mention of the pigs. Her mother seemed happy and calm; it was all very strange.
‘I’m starving. Can I have some toast with bacon and eggs please?’
‘Wow, you are starving, nothing like a bit of pig to start the day.’
‘Oh gosh, I forgot bacon was pig, maybe just an egg please,’ answered Jo hurriedly.
‘Don’t you think you should check on the girls, after all, they are your guests,’ suggested Jo’s mum.
‘Mum they’re out like a light, too much excitement last night.’
Jo was right. The girls were sleeping so soundly that even a very naughty Eiki couldn’t wake them. Jo devoured her breakfast, feeding Eiki toast under the table. Bandaid growled at Eiki and tried to pinch the toast out of her hands.
‘What on earth is wrong with you Bandaid? Get out before I kick you up the bum,’ shouted Jo’s mum.
The dog ran out of the kitchen, annoyed at being traded in for a Slurp-it-Downs. When Jo’s mum went outside, Eiki dashed up and sat on a chair, eyeing off whatever was left on the breakfast table.
‘What do you want to do today Jo, how about we go visit Pepi? She would like to see you for your birthday. She couldn’t come last night, had too much stuff to do. Something about a visitor coming to stay, don’t know who it is, just know she is in a strange tiss.’
‘Can’t go Eiki, the other girls are staying for the day. We’re going to take a trip in Charity downstream to a picnic park with Mum. She thought it would be fun to go swimming and to have a picnic all together. We still have heaps of party food left.’
‘What about Eiki, can I come too? Mum let me come last night to your party. Well, she didn’t really, but that’s another story.’
‘Do you mean your mum doesn’t know where you are? Eiki, you could get into heaps of trouble. You don’t want to be grounded do you?’
‘Don’t care, I wanted to come and too bad I say.’
‘Too bad? You can’t say stuff like that. What if your mother panics and sends a search party?’
‘Mum won’t, she knows where I am cause she knew it was your party, and I don’t care.’
Jo thought for a while; it didn’t matter if Eiki tagged along, nobody could see her anyhow. That was not exactly true and the newly tenyear-old Jo was in for a surprise of her life. Melissa walked in rubbing her eyes, sat down next to Eiki and stared at Jo.
‘Have all the pigs gone?’
‘Yes, the pigs ran away and I don’t know where they came from,’ said Jo glaring at Eiki.
‘Can’t believe while we were watching a video about a pig, heaps of them ran through the house. Do you think Geoffrey organised it?’
‘No! Geoff couldn’t organise himself out of a paper bag.’
‘Well, somebody thought of it and as jokes go we were all surprised.’
‘Stupid joke if you ask me, the pigs could have done heaps of damage,’ scowled Jo.
Eiki looked at the girls; the fact that Melissa thought Geoff was to blame made her mad.
‘I know a good pig joke’, said Eiki. Jo pretended not to hear her.
‘Well I do, so listen to me Jo.’
Jo continued to ignore her as nobody else could see or hear her.
‘What do you give a pig with a rash? Oinkment! Do you get it?’
Jo started to giggle, which confused Melissa. Why was she giggling? She hadn’t said anything funny.
&
nbsp; ‘Melissa, I was told a joke once, do you want to hear it?’
‘Okay, that’s what you’re laughing about, did you just remember it?’
‘Yes it’s great, what do you give a pig with a rash?’
Before Melissa could answer, Olivia walked in laughing.
‘It’s oinkment,’ she answered giggling.
‘Hi Olivia, how did you sleep?’
‘Like a pig in a blanket.’
‘Mum doesn’t seem to remember anything, it’s really odd.’
Eiki looked at Jo and tugged at her pyjamas.
‘I removed the memory, she can’t remember.’
Why did you remove Mum’s memory and not the girls? thought Jo.
‘Because I only had enough Slurp-it-Downs power for one person. I thought your mother might be mad with you in the morning.’
Good point, but how are we going to deal with the girls’ memories? thought Jo.
Eiki heard Jo’s thoughts, she better tell her some way to fix everything up.
‘Ask them not to mention it again, because your mum will get mad. It works every time,’ advised Eiki. Here they were, all sitting around the kitchen table. Eiki was talking to Jo and Jo was talking to Eiki through her mind. Melissa and Olivia were staring at the funny expression on their friend’s face.
After breakfast they arranged the boating trip. Each person was in charge of something, picnic blankets, food or towels. Eiki kept out of Jo’s way but hurried along not wanting to be left behind. Mum arrived with Geoff in tow; he looked pale and anxious and said absolutely nothing. Jo was surprised at his lack of smart talking. Not a joke or a dig to be heard. He just sat and didn’t say or tease anybody.
‘Jo, I can’t believe how quiet your brother is. He is totally out of it,’ whispered Melissa.
‘Think he’s worried about what Mum will do to punish him.’
Eiki whispered to Jo that she couldn’t remember so her brother was safe. Jo thought that this was fantastic, something to hang over his head. He is scared of Mum’s punishment. There wouldn’t be one because she can’t remember Geoff being a brat. It’s perfect; he doesn’t know he is off the hook. I think I will have heaps of fun with this.
She was in big sister heaven now; all her birthdays had come at once.
Let me think, he’ll probably do everything anybody asks of him to keep Mum pleased.
Jo asked the girls not to mention anything from last night. She said her mum was in a good mood and it would spoil it if they brought up what had happened.
The girls all agreed; nobody wanted Jo’s mum to get upset. They started walking down to the creek, excited to go on a day’s outing. Jo’s mum loved Charity nearly as much as Jo and when she untied the boat, memories of her childhood flooded back. As they floated down Corkuparipple Creek, Jo noticed how murky the water was.
‘Look, the creek definitely isn’t its normal clear colour or condition. It actually stinks and there’s rubbish floating everywhere.’
‘Oh dear, I never even thought about the water. There is no way you girls can swim in here today. It’s too dangerous with all the rubbish; there are even pieces of metal roofing.’
‘Do you think it’s because of the fires Mum?’
‘Yes Jo, unfortunately the fires have caused lots of environmental problems. I suppose your aunt is working out what to do as we speak.’
This was very disappointing; the girls were all looking forward to a swim in the creek.
‘What if we go for a walk after lunch? There are lots of places we haven’t explored.’
‘Well Jo I think not, it’s too hot so a picnic will be just fine.’
The day went fast as everybody was having a great time, making daisy chains, feeding their faces and telling jokes. When the time came to pack up and go home, nobody could find Geoffrey.
‘Have you seen your brother, I haven’t seen him since lunch,’ panicked Jo’s mum.
‘No, we’ve been having too much fun to worry about that little brat.’
‘Jo that’s not nice, he’s not that bad. I’m worried; I can’t see him anywhere. He’s just disappeared.’
Of course this caused great alarm and everybody searched for half an hour. To make matters worse it started to get dark and creepy.
‘I promised the girls’ parents they would be home before six and it’s five already. We just have to find him soon,’ fretted Jo’s mum.
Great! He just had to stress Mum out and muck up my day. Typical boy, thought Jo.
After looking for him and yelling for him, Melissa heard a sound coming from behind some trees. It seemed far away and everybody ran as fast as they could. Then Jo heard a scream and found Geoffrey; he was stuck to a prickly pear bush. He had backed up and his pants were stuck fast with the prickles sticking into his bum.
‘Oh gosh, how can we get him out of this? I wish your aunt was here. She always knows what to do in times of stress. He’s been skewed like a kebab!’
Geoffrey was screaming and his face was red and sweaty. He had his arm pointing at something and was shaking in his boots. When Jo looked up past his pointing arm, standing there was Eiki.
Heavens! He can see Eiki; she isn’t invisible to him. Now what am I going to do?’
‘Monster, there’s a hairy monster over there!’ yelled Geoffrey.
‘What are you talking about, there’s no monster. Seems the pain has caused hallucinations. We’ll just have to pull him off the prickly pear bush carefully. Heaven knows how many prickles are in his behind,’ announced Jo’s mum all flustered.
Melissa had run back to the picnic site and collected some ice from the esky and ran to where the poor boy was stuck fast.
‘He’ll need it on his bum; there’ll be lots of swelling,’ whispered Melissa.
‘Yeah, it’ll match his fat head. Boy you are such an idiot. You just have to spoil my day; it’s always about you,’ growled Jo.
‘What do you mean by telling everybody that I’m an idiot?’
Jo was mad; in fact she was looking like a Slurp-it-Downs.
‘I’m sorry Geoffrey; I didn’t know it was supposed to be a secret!’
The girls started giggling as poor Geoffrey was pulled off the prickly pear bush.
‘Look at the damage you’ve done to the environment, the bush is all mangled because of your bum,’ yelled Jo.
‘Take your pants off, we’ll have to pull all the prickles out and ice your bum. By the way Jo, stop yelling and saying mean things to your brother. It was an accident. He didn’t do it on purpose to spoil your day,’ said Jo’s mum. ‘Not on your nelly, there’s no way I’m going to show my backside to all the girls!’ yelled back Geoffrey.
During all of this commotion, Eiki was enjoying the sight of Geoffrey’s pain.
‘Serves him right, trying to spoil Jo’s party. Maybe a touch of hives would do him some good as well.’
Jo heard Eiki and shook her head – that was all they needed. Geoffrey wailed, he was in so much pain and he could still see the hairy monster. Jo thought this was definitely karma but she still wanted to tease her brother.
‘Seeing that it’s all about your bum, I have a joke for you; hopefully it will cheer you up,’ laughed Jo.
All the girls stood around with tears in their eyes.
‘What did one toilet say to the other toilet Geoffrey?’
Geoffrey was in no mood for jokes and just glared at her.
‘I don’t know or care, I’m in too much pain right now.’
‘You look a bit flushed.’
With that, it was the end of Jo’s birthday picnic.
SLURP, GULP, NONSENSE AND FIDDLESTICKS
The next morning unfortunately brought heaps of work. The house was in need of cleaning after the birthday sleepover weekend. Geoffrey was propped up in bed sitting on a rubber ring as his bottom was still red, sore and swollen. That didn’t stop him from ordering everybody around though. Even the animals were fed up with his constant demands. Geoffrey definitely had a type of S
lurp-it-Downs attitude. Jo helped her mum clean up as much as she could between running up the stairs attending to all of Geoffrey’s needs. That was, until Jo cracked it with him and told him she would belt him on the head with a prickly pear if he didn’t shut up.
The kitchen was in an awful mess and the lounge was grubby because the pigs had run mud all over the lounge chairs, not to mention the carpet. Jo’s mother couldn’t work out how all the mud had managed to get there. Jo announced that it must have been Geoffrey and Ted running through without taking their boots off. Because Geoffrey was in such a state he got away with it.
Jo’s mum just shook her head and sighed, ‘Oh well, never mind.’
‘Wish I could wriggle my nose and everything would be cleaned up,’ said Jo to her mother.
‘That would be fantastic; unfortunately we have to do it the old-fashioned way. Maybe in the future things will be different. Magic may become a reality. Ask your Aunt Pepper about it all, she has weird ideas about how the world could be.’
‘Do you really think Aunt Pepper is strange, I mean, I can’t believe you are sisters? You are so different, were you adopted Mum?’
Jo’s Mum laughed as she folded some sheets.
‘It’s funny how sisters can be so different, I assure you, we are real sisters. I asked my mother heaps of times the same question. Pepper was so weird and she used to gulp and slurp her food down in such a rush. Mum called her the Gulp-a-Waters kid and Dad called her the Slurp-it-Downs brat. She was always getting into arguments with him and it drove him crazy as she always had a valid answer.’
Jo looked at her mother in shock; she didn’t know what she had just said. Gulp-a-Waters and Slurp-it-Downs, how weird!
‘She was always getting into trouble. Your grandfather just gave up. Didn’t matter what he said to her, she would always have a different opinion. Believe me; it was just like science fiction reasoning.’
‘Do you mean Aunt Pepper had a very creative imagination? Maybe that’s where I get my flair for writing stories,’ asked Jo.
Her mum smiled, she knew that it was exactly where Jo had inherited her imagination.