He was sleeping and he was happy.
They were in the water, the boy and his dog. Although it was night and the water would be cold. The boy was dressed, his hood raised.
It was a strange game I couldn’t understand. The dog seemed to want to escape him and the boy pursued him.
Then I saw that shimmer again and realized that the boy was still holding the knife. I understood it wasn’t a game but a death dance.
I knelt on the beach, few meters away from them.
I said: “If you have to kill someone, here I am. It doesn’t matter to me.”
He turned to look at me.
The dog came to me, and I called him: “Kow! Kow! Kow.”
Again, I crawled to look like a dog that barked. He stopped almost in front of me and answered me. He wagged his tail.
I rolled to the ground, then I stood motionless to watch the moon while I waited for the boy to come. The sand seemed to disappear and there was a green meadow beneath me, a soft and fluffy meadow.
It was great to be there, everything was beautiful. I found that to be a perfect moment, I wanted it to last forever.
His shadow was on me now.
“I have to kill her”, he told me. “I can’t take her with me. Now she is no longer necessary.”
He was holding the knife, but his arm was lying, kneeling beside me.
I raised my arm and took off his cap.
His skin was shining in the moonlight, and it seemed blue. I caressed a cheek, and it was as soft as Egon’s.
The dog kept prudently the distance from us.
He had a strange accent, the boy, and realized he was coming from far away. Yet I could understand him the same.
“You love her.”
He shook his head.
“Why? It’s your dog…”
He shook his head again. “No, it’s not mine. I was just holding it, but now I don’t need it anymore.”
I reached his hand and loosened his fingers one by one, the knife slipped into the sand. I took it. It was a switchblade, I clicked it and closed it. He did nothing to stop me.
He was in pain, but I couldn’t do anything for him.
I was fine, I just wanted to laugh and sing, but I couldn’t. Not in front of him.
“Why did you want to kill Egon?”
He grimaced with anger. “He’s name is not Egon! It’s José!”
Of course, it wasn’t called Egon, that was a name Alain had chosen, but why was it important? At the end of the day what was a name about?
“Do you hate him?”
He grabbed the hand where I held the knife, with both his hands. He leaned over and almost touched me.
“Do it, please! I can’t do it myself!”
Then he pointed to the dog. “She too! I couldn’t do it.”
That knife was hurting in my hands now, I tried to crawl away. The colors had distorted even more. It seemed that a blaze surrounded the dog, and even the boy.
He was crying.
I wanted to leave. I wanted to understand. I wanted to throw that knife away, but I kept tightening it. Silver bells appeared from the lawn and waved to my arms. They played when I tried to move, so I stopped.
“Who is Egon? Or José, or whatever his damn name is! Do you know him?”
He was so strange, kneeling in that way, he seemed to pray.
“I always took care of him until he took him away.”
I had to focus to be able to think, to fight the effect of the drug. “Alain? Are you talking about Alain?”
He didn’t answer and I still couldn’t understand. The dark skin, those hairs, was very similar to Egon.
“Are you his brother?”
He shook his head. “I took care of him. I kept him out of trouble. Without me he couldn’t make it.”
But was he talking about the most paid model in the world? I was getting more and more confused. I looked at the dog.
“It’s his? Is this his dog?”
The boy nodded. “I promised to take care of her.”
The idea blurred me. “And you’ve come here from…Brazil? To bring her back to him?”
He didn’t deny it.
“How did you do that? How did you make it? Who helped you?”
No answers needed. I just needed a look to see what I had always ignored. His eyes were not blue, his clothes were just rags. And he was a beggar, it was a nothing. Yet he had crossed half a world to bring the dog back to his friend.
“He didn’t even recognize her! He didn’t even recognize Kow! He doesn’t remember anything anymore!”
“And you want to kill him for that?”
He came against me, making me jump.
“Have you seen what they do? What have made of him? How do they use him?”
I couldn’t complain.
“I promised to protect him! I promised him I wouldn’t allow anyone to hurt him!”
I found myself stuttering. “You are a child.”
“José never had anyone to take care of him! He only has me! We are alone against everyone, against the whole world!”
I tried to sit down and I noticed that the bells were gone. “Don’t you have a family?”
“He took him away. I couldn’t stop it. José didn’t want to go, he forced him.”
It was a crazy story, it didn’t make any sense. “Tell me how it happened.”
He shook his head.
“What does it mean to take care of him? And how could Alain force him to follow him? What is it that binds you and José?”
The understanding struck me suddenly, but what I had found out was so absurd that I started laughing.
And I continued, and continued unable to stop, and in the end, I realized I was crying.
“He’s not normal, right? His mind doesn’t work properly, he’s like a child? That’s why you had to take care of him. That’s why Alain could take him away. José followed him obediently. Is this what you mean?”
The boy nodded.
Again, I looked at him. “They lived in the street, José and that dog. There was no family. That’s where Alain found him. For him it was a gold mine, and much more. You didn’t want to, but there was nothing you could do about it. José was older and you were nothing, worse than nothing. He has taken him away.”
“I have to free him”, the boy murmured. “I promised him that I would never have left him.”
“And you want to kill him?”
“He would want it! If only he could understand what they were doing to him, he would ask me to do it.”
The dog seemed to shine, it was all yellow now. He was no longer afraid, he came to lick my hand.
“Free them! Free them both. Let them be together again.”
“And what will you do?”
“I don’t exist. I’m nothing.”
I tried to raise myself. Around me, strange flowers were blooming, all blue, moving like crabs. Golden palms swirled in the air. The boy’s eyes had become pure gold.
“I don’t exist”, he murmured.
I left him there, kneeling, and I left.
Kow came with me.
The most beautiful man in the world, and he was just a child. Less than a child. A simple, basic mind.
I kissed those lips again.
He kept sleeping and smiling. Maybe he was playing with his dog.
I stroked that body, which millions of women had wanted, and I felt it almost mine. Only mine, completely mine.
His life was in my hands.
The boy was right, death was better. Everything was better than the life we we’re living. We were no longer human beings, maybe we have never been.
I was a doll, and he was a mannequin. And when we were broken they would throw us away.
I opened the knife blade. Nobody noticed, no one heard it. Alain snorted even stronger.
I slipped on the bed, climbed over Egon and put my knees around his hips. Now I was on top of him. With one hand, I continued to stroke his chest. Then I reached his hea
rt and stopped there. I heard him beat. Regular, indomitable.
I saw him, as if his skin was transparent. It was bright, an infuriated ruby. It gave heat, such a warm heat that could burn the whole world.
I slipped over it. I stopped right between Egon and Alain.
He had picked him up from the street. He had picked up a simple and innocent boy from the street. He had brainwashed him, he enslaved him. He had violated him in all possible ways, He used him.
And one day he would throw him away, just as I was about to be thrown away.
A happy boy, who loved his dog, who had a wise friend who took care of him.
Perhaps Egon had forgotten everything, perhaps he no longer knew that his real name was José. Maybe he didn’t know who Kow was, yet love wasn’t dead. I could never forget his happiness as he was playing with Kow.
I raised my knife and lowered it heavily on his back.
There was only a whirlwind, a shiver.
“Pig”, I murmured. “Damn Pig.”
Then I pulled it out and hit him again. This time nothing happened. And I hit, hit, five, ten times. Then I pulled the blade that was dripping blood and wiped it on the sheet.
I closed the blade and put it away.
I woke him up with a sweet kiss on his forehead.
He opened his eyes wide open.
“José, you have to get up, it’s time to go home.”
He smiled at me, but perhaps he didn’t understand anything.
I let him get out of bed, and he was naked. I dressed him as he was a child.
I covered Alain’s body with the sheet, making sure he couldn’t see him. But the sheet had become red. Everything was red on that bed, but not Egon’s skin, not even a drop had dirty him. There was silver in the air, and liquid gold. The sea was breathing, the windows pounded, as like everything was hiding a heart.
He hadn’t noticed anything.
“Kow, do you remember Kow? It’s down here waiting for you.”
He still didn’t understand, he was frustrated.
“The dog? Do you remember the dog? Chien, cane!”
His gorgeous smile appeared. “Dog? Here?”
I fastened up the buttons of his shirt. “Yes, the dog. She wants to play with you. Do you want to go play with her?”
He was confused. “I can’t.”
I nodded. “Yes, you can. Actually, you must, it’s an order. You have to go playing with the dog.”
I took him out, without making any noise. The floor was covered in mushrooms in the corridor and they lit up, as if to show us the right direction. They were so soft, it was a pleasure to walk on them with bare feet.
Kow was still where I left her, but the beach was deserted. The boy was no longer in sight.
Kow recognized him at once and ran to meet him.
“Not here”, I said. “Take a walk. Down this beach. Keep on walking and don’t stop. Never stop.”
He laughed as Kow tried to lick him.
I continued to point out the direction. “There! Go.”
He remained uncertain only for a moment. I understood that he had already forgotten Alain, as if he had never existed. They ran, he and the dog, and his laughter filled the night. They seemed to explode like fireworks, illuminating the sky of a thousand colors. The meadow was back, the beach was an immense green meadow, which seemed to have no end.
I was waiting as they moved away further and further. He looked very young now, so much alike the guy with the hood. Is it possible that they weren’t brothers?
I wondered what happened to him.
Perhaps he had come to accomplish his mission and now he was gone. Maybe it doesn’t even exist, it never existed, and he was just a figment of my imagination.
Perhaps it was what he lacked, the intelligence that protected him, that he wanted to defend him from the whole world.
It didn’t matter.
Only they were important, a boy and his dog.
I would have wanted so much to be Kow, to be that dog, be free, run with him, but it was too late for me.
The mushrooms under me pulsed, they showed me the way. The hotel door opened itself, tempting.
My job wasn’t done yet. The night was young. I still had a lot to do. Barry was waiting for me.
I clicked the knife blade open again.
January 2011
HENS
Translation by Alfio Loreti
I remember leaving the barn really angry that day: an axel fell from the roof and almost caught me. I was growling as I headed home. There I didn’t waste any time: I lost the apron, I didn’t even got change and I put my old coat. I even put a veil to hide my hair all messed up.
Then I went straight to town hall to make my remarks.
Mr. Bosetti was sitting as usual on the rocking chair by the entrance, working as usual, doing nothing. He was pushing himself with his foot with indolence in a way that his chair would move slowly. He was everything in our village: the mayor, blacksmith, carpenter, bricklayer, as well as the only human being male for miles and miles.
His thick black hair began to gray, but his mustache has never been so lush.
“As soon as possible!” he said immediately, preventing my complaints. “I will come as soon as possible.”
Which meant, basically, that he had no intention of doing so.
“He’s embarrassing”, said Mrs. Franzetti, who had watched the scene. “He doesn’t want to do anything! He’s always sitting there to wallow! What does he expect, that we beg him?”
And Mr. Bosetti, giggling: “Calm down, calm down ladies, don’t behave like old ladies. Everything has its own time.”
“His clock must be broken!”, added Mrs. Randazzo.
“Not only that!”, Mrs. Manni said. “I believe that nothing is working anymore, not even his brain.”
“It’s a shame”, Mrs. Vincenzini shouted. “This must come to an end! If he’s not a man, if he can’t do a man’s job, then he should be replaced!”
All this was happening in front of Mr. Bosetti, who watched it with a smile, not worried at all.
“Do you think you’re essential?” Mrs. Manni screamed in his face. “My roof is falling down! The gas cooker almost exploded yesterday!”
And Vincenzini added: “The fireplace is clogged! A blind is collapsing.”
Then Randazzo: “The fence needs to be adjusted, the animals flee and get lost in the woods!”
And all of them continued with their complaints.
Mr. Bosetti just shook his hands for silence. “Don’t worry, ladies. I will definitely come to see you, as soon as I have some spare time.”
At that, Mrs. Manni, angry, pronounced the fateful words. “It will be necessary to find someone to replace him.”
Done! His replacement came only two days later: a worker who had come from the nearest city.
Mrs. Manni hosted him in her farm and he quickly repaired the roof. She praised him, saying he was a repair wizard, who knew how to fix anything. And things to be repaired have grown up in number lately.
His name was Diego Rossi and he was twenty-four years old. If the young age wasn’t enough, it was even handsome. Tall, muscular, very handsome, he always wanted to work without a t-shirt, showing his chest, whether it was on a roof or hanging from a window. Mr. Bosetti couldn’t compete; actually, he was doomed.
We, old ladies, were in queue just to look at him. We found every excuse to walk by Mrs. Manni’s house and greet him. Oh yeah, we definitely greeted him. “Good day, Mr. Rossi”, “How’s it going, Mr. Rossi?” and “Nice day, Mr. Rossi!”
I think we were pathetic, but the young man was always being extremely polite, he answered each one of us.
I couldn’t do it. When I was in front of him, I opened my mouth but couldn’t say a word. Then I was happy to just blush and flee away.
Ms. Vincenzini was the first one to step forward. “Mr. Rossi, I was wondering… when you finish repairing Mrs. Manni’s home, could you come to mine? I really need som
e help.”
He smiled and nodded.
Everyone followed her example.
So, our young worker went house to house, repairing and fixing, painting and doing all sorts of odd jobs, watched carefully by those thoughtful old ladies.
His stay in the village extended. From two weeks to one month, then the months became two.
At one point, there was nothing left for him to do, but none of us wanted to let him go. It was then that Mrs. Randazzo turned to me, with a great smile. “And you, Mrs. Chionna, don’t you have any job for our friend?”
I was paralyzed, my eyes fixed on the young man who was smiling.
I swallowed.
That’s how Diego Rossi set foot in my house.
He was extremely polite, so young, so kind. Someone I would have never hoped to meet. Not even an hour later, I was already madly in love with him, absolutely certain there couldn’t be anything else more beautiful in the whole world.
No illusions though, I knew I was too mature.
He wanted to talk, and talked to me about his parents, his brothers, the schools he had been to, and the dreams he had: he wanted to work for himself, to start some kind business, maybe a shop. Nothing more than ordinary and mundane. But I looked at him ecstatic, approving everything he said and praising him.
Then he asked me, “How old are you, Mrs. Chionna?”
He must have noticed my distressed look, for he added, “It’s funny, I can’t put a precise age on you.”
I answered the first thing that popped in my mind. “Thirty-six.”
“Oh”, he commented, and then he resumed working.
A child! He was a child compared to me. And was far too handsome as well.
I knew I was horrible, a round body, with my wide hips, flat feet, and breasts too big. And then I was stringy-haired, a nose out of proportion, eyes too wide. I looked at the mirror to see only negative things.
What a silly dreamer I was, fantasizing like a little girl.
Yet one night he was there past his work time to finish an urgent job, when he asked me: “It’s too late to go home now. If is not too much trouble can I sleep here tonight? But don’t worry, the barn will be fine.”
The Prison Page 27