Instead, I say completely different words.
“Mom, I want to be a writer, I want to tell stories.”
She looks at me, astonished.
Yes, I want to tell stories, I want to write the story about the Perfect Princess, that wonderful silver fox, about the Fiery Knight, about what we were me and the old man, for one brief moment, in that courtyard, about the Seer Baby Girl, trapped forever in that horrible body, about the dragons, all those terrible dragons that are so much scary to everyone.
I will tell, because the old man deserves it, he deserves that this story has an ending.
My mother smiles at me.
“Of course, dear, you can be anything you want.”
July 2008
LIZARD
Translation by Cinzia Albanese
The lizard is catching the sun, motionless, except the forked tongue that sticks out form the mouth. He sees a butterfly that, hovering, was getting closer.
The kid is behind it. He came closer, without making any sound, and now reaching out, centimetre by centimetre.
The lizard is used to sensing danger, but this time: the butterfly took all its attention.
The hand of the kid grabbed it and it was too late for the lizard. He turned around too slow and the kids’ fingers trapped his tail.
It tries to escape and wriggles. The kid tries to grab it with the other hand, but it escaped between his fingers. He lifted the hand up by the tail. It writhes, trying to reach her hand and climb.
Then it commits the extreme sacrifice and detaches its tail. It’s pointless, falling into the other hand, tightening around it.
The kid watches with curiosity the detached tail, which is still moving, then he throws it away.
He looks at the closed fist to control the imprisoned lizard, then looks around, in that abandoned and deserter courtyard. Manages to find a rusted jar. He puts his hand inside and shakes it to make the lizard fall. He hears a thud. He looks at it from the bottom of the jar, while turning it, then he covers it with a piece of paper from a newspaper and an elastic band.
Picks up the backpack with the books and starts running.
In the jar, tight in his hand, the lizard is thrown everywhere.
He hides it at school, but he can’t stop looking at the jar and shaking it to make her move. His school class mates.
During the break, the kid moves away, he kids himself, and starts playing with the lizard. He teases it with a stick, stopping it from moving, pricking it to make it run. If it tries to climb up he throws her down.
Then he gets bored, closes it up, but doesn’t take the jar into class as they might steal it from him. Then opens a window of the corridor, placing it outside on the window sill, out of view.
When the bell rings at the end of the lessons, the kid waits, he waits until everybody’s out and goes to get the jar. The aluminium jar, stayed for hours under the sun, it’s boiling. It’s not moving, not even when pocking it. When his about to lose hope and about to throw the jar, the lizard moved.
He keeps it with him.
At the football field, he leaves it in the backpack. When it’s time to leave, some school kids stole it and threw it to a wall. The kid struggled to get it back.
He looks inside the jar and the lizard is still alive. Upside down.
He arrives home running, he gets to his room and throws the backpack to the floor and he forget. The lizard is still in there.
Stays in there until the kid finished food, watched TV and the caring mother put him to bed.
Only in that moment, when he was alone, he remembered of his prisoner. He retrieves the jar from the backpack and leaves it on the bed. The lizard is less than dead, it’s running from one side to the other trying to escape.
He puts the hand in the jar, in the attempt to capture it. Nearly squashing it.
The father, came to give him a good night kiss, discovers his secret. “What the hell are you doing?”
He grabs the jar from his hand, looks inside with disgust and takes it away. He doesn’t want to hear the reasoning.
Minutes later, the jar and the prisoner inside end up in the bin.
The kid is upset but forgets about it very quickly. After a few minutes, his back sleeping.
He doesn’t even remember the morning after, the thought of the lizard is stored deep inside his mind.
And the mother complained: “Remember to take out the bin before you go to school!”
And there is where he finds it. He recognises the jar, he stays uncertain for a bit, but then the curiosity made him pick it up.
He opens it with caution and the lizard is still there, to the bottom, with the eyes wide open. He closes it immediately and smiles.
“Still this beast!” shouts the mother who caught him.
“It’s still alive!” the kid moaned.
The woman sighs, because deep down she’s got a good heart. “Go and free it, then. Take it back where you found it.”
The kid is not happy with that, he had in mind a different idea, but he doesn’t want to upset the mother more than what she is. So, he goes out of the house, crosses the road and gets to the courtyard.
Finds the exact place where he trapped it the other morning.
The kid looks at it, thinking, he can take the top off and shake the jar on the rock.
The lizard falls immediately and stays motionless. Without a tail, with a broken leg and the skill all scratched. Again, only the tongue moves.
The kid shakes his head, his lizard ended up badly. It won’t make it, he said, better help it or it will die. Picks up a rock from the floor and decides to smash its head.
The lizard saw it coming but doesn’t move.
The kid is concentrating too much on his mission. When he feels a presence behind him and it’s too late.
He jumps forwards, like instinct, but he feels being stopped from a leg. Something strong and tight, crushing his ankle.
He screams, desperate, and wriggles.
He feels being lifted from the ground and finds himself upside down. Screams again, trying to grab onto something.
He’s been caught by the leg and the pain is atrocious. He starts crying and screams.
When the sound of the bone broke, he screams even louder.
October 2009
ALONE LIKE A CAT
Translation by Talida Mantegna
The boy disappeared in front of the bonnet, while Lili nailed with a shout: “Damn!”
The foot pressed on the brake, her hands tight at the wheel, Lili thought only of one thing: “I’ve invested it! Damn, I’ve invested it!”
She had only seen him for a moment and seemed young to her. Very young. What was he doing around those parts right on Christmas morning? The roads were deserted, especially in the suburbs, far from the few shops still open.
She lost several seconds to unplug her seatbelt, her hands still trembling.
Then she got out of the car, filled with agitation.
She looked around for a moment before daring to come forward. Has anyone seen her? Did anyone notice the accident? Did the reliefs have already been called?
The silence was absolute, the snow was melting at the edge of the road.
She turned around the car with her heart in her throat. There was not the pool of blood that she feared so much. The boy’s gaze threatened to burn her, despite the cold surrounding them.
“What the fuck did you do? You could kill me!”
A smile appeared on Lili’s face, despite the situation. The boy looked unharmed, though he was on the ground. He had peeled off an elbow and had a rip on his pants, but the damage seemed very small.
“You came out suddenly…” Lili began to apologize, but he broke off at once.
“It’s Christmas, fuck! No one’s around! Because you did not stay home!”
He was offensive and treated her with too much familiarity, but Lily did not care, she cared that he was just fine.
“How do you feel? Do you ne
ed help?”
The boy refused her elbowed hand with an eloquent gesture and put horns to pull on. He was still not well on his legs. He was looking for something he could not see anywhere. Then he found it under a parked car and ran to resume it. It was a backpack, now all dirty and spotted.
“All right?” Lily asked.
He did not even look at her. “Go away! I do not need anything!”
It was not true, he was losing blood from his arm. Lili leaned forward and took a handkerchief. “Wait, let me see.”
The boy retreated. “I do not need anything!” he repeated.
Lili was not convinced at all. “I’ll take you to the hospital.”
“Leave me alone”, he said at once.
“But you cannot go around like this! Look, you still lose blood!”
He did not even notice it, and when he bowed his eyes on his arm he grimaced. “It’s nothing.”
“I’ll accompany you home. If you do not want to go to the hospital, I’ll take you home at least.”
The boy continued to shake his head.
Lili looked around, but the road was always deserted. Nobody seemed to be up yet. “At my house, then! I live down the street. Leave at least medication.”
He became more cautious. “It’s a nonsense. There’s no need.”
“I insist. It was all my fault. I’d be much quieter if you let me do something.”
“It’s nothing”, he repeated, but he accepted Lili’s handkerchief and let her help him knit it.
“Do you want to alert someone?”
He shook his head, but let himself be led to the car.
“Do you know your parents that you are here?”, she asked once they left.
“What do you care about?” he replied.
The woman thought it was more prudent not to investigate further, at least until they had arrived.
Lili’s house was separate from all the others, a villa that seemed out of a fairy tale, surrounded by a garden covered by snow at that time.
“I’m live alone”, Lili said, stopping the car, though there was no reason to say it.
Or maybe she had already framed him, that boy. How to behave, to attack others. She was certain he was a fugitive, had already happened to meet others in her life. And she did not intend to frighten him in any way.
He sat silently, clutched in his chest that miserable backpack, and for Lili was like an open book. She imagined the last fight with his parents, she imagined him to run away from home, to go to adventure, to freedom.
“Watch out for Minou”, she told him while they walked across the boulevard.
“It’s scorbutic, that cat. Unpredictable.” As she stepped aside to let him in, she continued: “It is very old and It doesn’t see from one eye anymore. It has a mood swing, sometimes it can be intractable. But what do you want me to do, I only have him, I have to bear it.”
There were no cats, the boy did not see him anywhere.
“Stay upstairs, in the living room. I’m going to take the medicine box.”
There was a giant Christmas tree, right in the middle of the room, full of colorful balls and flashing lights. At its base is a mountain of decorated gifs. The boy turned off and went to sit on the couch.
There was, of course, a cat in that house, because he soon found clothes full of hair. Reddish hair.
“Let me see your arm and don’t make a fuss.”
Lili put the box on the couch and pulled gauze and bandages as well as a disinfectant.
“It’s just a scratch”, the boy said, but he let her go.
It was not a big cut. Lili cleared it, then bent it.
“Can I go now?” the boy asked as soon as she had finished.
“You have to call your parents. And let them come and pick you up. You might still be on shock.”
“I ‘m very good.”
He did not convince her at all. Lili was studying the best way to handle that situation. “You could stay here.” And at once she added: “At least a while, until you feel better.”
He only got a grimace. “Why?”
She turned her head away from his gaze.
“There’s so much to eat, I’m afraid I’ve cooked too much, just for me.”
“I…”
She did not let him talk. “You could stop here for lunch, and go away soon after. It’s not better?”
She no longer wanted to ask if he had to call someone, so she realized he did not want to be found. “I think I should, do not you think so? I almost invested you.”
“You’ve invested me”, the boy said.
Lili turned smiling. “So, I owe you a lunch, do I not?”
It was so easy to read inside of him. In those blue eyes, there was fear and mistrust, but also the desire to be accepted and so much insecurity.
“I’m doing this, I often do. During the holidays, I forget to be alone. I cook always for a regiment.”
“It’s too early”, said the boy.
“Early?” she repeated, confused.
“To have lunch. It is early. It’s not yet ten.”
Lili’s smile widened. “Yes, of course, it’s soon. You ought to get some rest. Wash yourself, change dress if you like. There is a free room above, where you can also rest while I cook.”
The gaze continued to be suspicious.
“Only if you need it”, Lili added uncertainly.
When the boy got up, she realized she had won.
“It was of my son”, she admitted, before opening the door. She did not want him to do strange ideas.
It was a boy’s room, it was understood by furniture, but also by hanging posters and toys.
He just gave a look. “He’s gone?”
It was clear that nobody would live there anymore. The posters also featured musical bands several years earlier.
“He’s dead”, Lili said. “Eight years ago. Leukemia. It was very painful.”
The boy was astonished. “And you get me out of his room?”
She snatched a smile. “I’m not giving you his room. But you can stay here if you need to rest. Look, there is the bathroom, there are clean towels too.”
The boy was not convinced yet, but he dropped his backpack on the bed.
“He was just like you”, Lili murmured. “He was fifteen. He looked like you. A little, at least.”
They were not the right words because she saw him stiffen. Then she hurried back and opened the door. “I’m going downstairs, I have so many things to do. You also do so calmly, if you need something you know where to find me.”
She left with a strange smile on her lips.
He decided to have bathe, an eternity had passed since he had done it for the last time.
He filled the tub and stripped off naked. The old woman did not care, he had framed her easily. A single woman, with a dead son, full of Christian charity and bitter with loneliness.
He is immersed in the hot water with a groan of satisfaction. That incident had been providential, he just would not know where to go if he had not met her.
He dived his head underwater, then raised his with his eyes closed. It was heaven. When he opened them again, however, he suddenly froze.
The bathroom door was open.
He was sure he had closed it. At least flipped, as the lock did not slip well.
“Lady?” he called, with a loud voice. “Is it you?”
He felt uneasy and helpless, he could no longer stay in the tub, he just wanted to dress.
When he reached the hand for the towel, a sudden pain tore him a scream. He withdrew the arm and the observed incredulous. Four crosscuts dripped the blood.
“What…?” He looked around with his heart in his throat, then spurred his head with prudence over the edge of the bath.
The attack came suddenly. He yelled again when the nails came into his cheek. Before he could defend himself, a chilling noise came, worthy of a horror movie, then he saw a reddish blush spitting out of the door.
He stroked his cheek
and withdrew his dirty fingers.
Only then did he realize that he had known Minou.
“It’s almost ready!” Lili welcomed him when he entered the kitchen.
The confusion was total. All the stoves were lit, the table full of loads, the woman was pulling out of the oven a gigantic turkey.
The boy had changed and this one ripped a smile to her. “It takes five more minutes. Why don’t you start opening the gifts in the meantime?”
The boy stopped at the door with a strange expression. “What gifts?”
“Those under the tree. They’re all for you.”
He shook his head. “You are making a fool of me.”
This was the toughest rock, Lili realized. “They are there from a life, they just wait for someone to open them.”
He understood, little by little. “They were for your son, don’t you? He died before he could open them.”
Lili shrugged. “I’m stupid, right? Put them all the years under the tree, as if he could…It’s right that someone can play, do not you think?”
“I stopped playing, I do not need it anymore.”
“He also said it. He was too big. But then they liked him. Feel content, go to open them.”
“I do not think that’s right. They are not for me.”
“What should I do, then, throw them away? Do you think that will be better?”
When she turned, the boy had disappeared.
It was the biggest box. He stroked the paper with a strange feeling. It never happened to him before, he did not have that kind of memories. The Christmas Tree, Gifts, Christmas Eve. His parents were not like that.
He started to tear it off, almost feeling guilty, but before he could see what contained a demon out of hell had he attacked. He felt ten sharp blades to make his way into his flesh. He jumped to his feet as he screamed as the demon was ruining his back. He tried to scroll it out, and saw a red lightning rolling on the ground and slipping fast behind the couch.
The Prison Page 33