“It sounds fun,” she replies, like there’s more behind that thought.
“And?” I ask, trying to pull it out of her.
“It’s a bit complicated with your father visiting, but nothing we can’t work through,” she replies. “What are your thoughts?”
“I sort of feel bad about missing Dad’s visit, but to be honest it kind of sounds like an awesome experience and it would be dumb to pass it up,” I say.
“True.”
“But part of me feels like I shouldn’t go and leave you and Ryan when Dad comes, but I really, really want to go.” I clench my teeth. “Is that bad?”
“It’s not bad,” she says softly. “Also, Cami’s parents already paid for this trip. It wouldn’t be right to back out now, anyway.”
I look over at her, and wonder if I should bring up the wedding. I know she knows, and she knows that I know, but we haven’t talked about it.
Maybe now isn’t the right time.
“Anyway, I told Cami we’d go out for sushi with her and her mom tonight and we can discuss all the details. So, cool?”
My mom hesitates. “Sure.”
We pull into the circular driveway by the main doors. “Have a great day,” my mom says. “I should be home pretty soon after you this afternoon.”
“Cool. Thanks for the ride.”
I walk inside and find all the girls at our lockers. Ari is writing in this marble journal notebook she got a few weeks ago at the pharmacy in town. She’s never been much of a journal keeper, but all of sudden she’s really into it. We always said we’d be the kind of BFFs that read each other’s journals but she hasn’t suggested I read hers and I haven’t asked. So I’m not sure what to make of that.
She looks up from the notebook. “Hey.” She caps her pen and puts everything away, safely, in her backpack.
I’m about to ask her if she wants to go have a quick heart-to-heart in the third-floor bathroom when she announces that she’s going to pop in for a little math extra help.
“K, see ya.”
She blows me a kiss and adjusts her backpack straps and walks on ahead, and even though I feel like things are great between us, it seems like she’s keeping something from me. And I know I kept the Cami trip from her at first, and I was nervous to tell her about it.
I start to wonder if a friendship can be real and true if secrets are kept between one BFF and the other?
16
ARI
I SPEND ALL OF STUDY hall researching stuff on the list. It helps keep my mind off of other things.
Cough, cough, Jason, Cough, cough.
I’d heard about things like this happening. Someone who’s always been around and then that person suddenly becomes someone else. I mean, not literally becomes someone else. But becomes someone else in your mind.
That’s what’s happened here.
The main question is this, though: Have I become someone else in his mind? I’m not sure.
That day that Kaylan, Jason, and I were all on my front porch together, before school, I just felt so lost. Something shifted and I’ve been ignoring it. I haven’t told anyone. I haven’t even really told myself. But it’s there and it’s happening and I’m going to have to face it one way or another.
I like Jason.
I didn’t expect it to happen, not at all. It seriously came out of nowhere.
I thought I loved Golfy. I mean, maybe I do still love Golfy. But then Jason came over, and we were sitting on the front porch even though it was freezing, and then he looked at me and I looked at him and it felt like there were those little sparklers around us, like the ones from the Fourth of July.
I couldn’t believe it. But it was there. It happened.
And now it’s like we can’t go back.
But what about Golfy? And what about Kaylan? Jason was hers, in that way, at least. He was her first kiss. That’s huge.
But he was mine, too. Neighbor-wise. And friend-wise.
I don’t know.
It’s too much to deal with on top of everything else.
So right now, in Ms. Lincoln’s study hall, I’m on my laptop, following all school regulations—not playing video games, not chatting with friends, not shopping online—and researching list items we need to complete. Kaylan’s already ordered the world’s spiciest chip but she keeps getting emails that the delivery is delayed. We’re not sure when it’ll actually come.
I already found the 5K for us, but we haven’t started training at all. We’ve already started on the fruit-infused waters, and we’ve laid the groundwork for the dog thing.
So. Where does that leave me?
Online contests! That’s totally a school-appropriate study hall thing to do, and even though Kaylan’s already entered some, the more we enter, the better chance we have of winning. I can pass the time during this period and work on the list at the same time.
We decided to make up a fake name and fake email address to use for all of them, so we’re not giving out our real information. After Kaylan saw some news segment on identity theft, she got super freaked out.
The only issue is that I have no idea where to start. June’s aunt is obsessed with online contests and that’s one reason we put it on the list. Well, that and the whole win a trip to Japan thing from when we had our friends involved in suggesting stuff to do. But seriously, Theresa (June’s mom’s sister) spends an hour every morning entering online contests. And she’s actually won stuff, too. Some smaller things like a duffel bag and a set of face lotions. But she also won a free cruise to Bermuda! And a dining room table. I mean, come on. That’s big.
I do a quick search for online contests and a million different sites pop up. Contest Wiz, Contest Maven, Contest Bug, Sweepstakes Craze, and on and on and on. So I just start with the first one and I keep entering one after another, all the contests I can find that don’t have an age requirement. I put my fake name and fake my email and it’s super easy. But what’s even easier is imagining all the stuff we could win! A trip to Disney World for Kaylan and me! A whole new wardrobe from Abercrombie!
I’m going to leave Kaylan a locker note right after this period so I can tell her about my brilliant idea. Maybe we can make a pact to spend all of our study halls this way from now until we finish the list.
“Arianna?” Ms. Lincoln is suddenly standing over me. The powerful stench of her fruity perfume seems to be taking over the whole room. “May I ask what you’re doing?”
“Uh.” Hmm. So how to explain this? It would be awkward to tell a teacher that I’m entering online contests. I’m not quite sure I can do that. But I can’t lie either. I’m faced with a conundrum here. I wish I could quickly close the computer window, but I think it’s too late for that. Actually, I know it’s too late for that. My heart is pounding.
I offer Ms. Lincoln a half smile and hope that something else in the classroom will distract her and take her away from this situation.
“Arianna, please explain. Or you’ll be explaining in the main office very shortly.”
“Um, well, I’m trying to win a vacation for my family,” I explain, not totally sure where these words are coming from. “My dad lost his job earlier this year, and he got a new one, but money is still really tight, and so I finished all my homework and I just wondered if I could take this time to try and win us a trip somewhere. Ya know, like, a memorable family vacation?”
I look up at her and offer my saddest eyes. I can’t tell if I’m being convincing or not.
“Arianna, it appears you’re on a page to win Welch’s Fruit Snacks for a year.” She puts her hands on her hips. “I’m concerned. You’re not in trouble, but I’d like to speak with you about this after class.”
I nod and she walks away and then I just sit there, staring at the screen.
So much for my brilliant idea.
I close the windows and open up a new document and pretend to type something. At least we only have ten minutes left in this period.
I look around to see if
anyone else noticed what just happened, but the rest of the students actually appear to be studying. None of my friends are in this section because of the whole honors block system, and even though it’s nearly February I still don’t really know any of these kids. Might be time to make some friends in this study hall. To prevent another incident like this one from happening.
Finally, the bell rings, and Ms. Lincoln says, loud enough for all the students to hear, “Arianna, please come up to my desk.”
I pack up all my stuff and walk over there, prepared (sort of) for whatever is about to happen.
“So, talk to me,” she says, reaching to pull over a chair. “Take a seat.”
“I’m worried I’m going to be late for my next class,” I say, as respectfully as I possibly can.
“It’ll just be a minute,” she starts. “But I’m concerned. Is there anything you’d like to talk about? And if you’re not comfortable talking to me, maybe someone in guidance? Or the administration?”
“Um, I’m really okay.” I smile. “It’s just that it’s so cold and I figured I could maybe win a warm weather vacation somewhere.”
She sighs. “I know it’s hard here. Where everyone goes on vacation for every break. And they come back tan, despite all the warnings about sun exposure.” She pauses. “I digress. I know this is a tough community to be in when things aren’t going your way.”
I crinkle my eyebrows a little. I wonder if Ms. Lincoln is the one who needs to talk to someone. Maybe that someone is me.
“It’s not so bad, really.” I laugh for a second. “I’m totally fine. But thanks for your concern.”
She nods like she doesn’t believe me. “I’m going to alert Ms. Min in guidance, not that you’re in trouble, but it’s my duty to share things that concern me. And you can go talk to her if you need to.” She scribbles something down on a piece of lined paper. “Do you know her? She’s a doll.”
I shake my head. “No. I’ve never gone to guidance.”
“She’s really lovely, Arianna.”
“Um, okay, well, thanks. I should really be getting to class, though.” I shift my weight from foot to foot. “Thanks, Ms. Lincoln.”
“You’re welcome.” She puts a hand awkwardly on my arm and then removes it. “And remember, study hall is for schoolwork. Right?”
“Right.” I walk out of the classroom, finally able to breathe again, but I get the sense that this little episode isn’t over yet. For some reason, it seems like there may be more to come. Either with Ms. Lincoln or Ms. Min.
I can’t wait to tell Kaylan about this. How some innocent little list work turned into a full-on therapy session with Ms. Lincoln.
Maybe Ms. Min will forget about it. I just can’t see myself in her office explaining this. It’s way too complicated. And I wonder if the fact that Kaylan and I make lists like this will concern her even more. I don’t know.
I’m at my locker cramming for the science quiz, switching my books for my next class, and hoping to find Kaylan here. But there’s no sign of her. Someone comes up behind me and drapes an arm over my shoulder.
I’d know that arm anywhere.
For one simple reason.
The watch.
It’s Jason.
I whip around and my insides turn glittery. I don’t know how this happened so quickly or where it even came from.
Most of all, I don’t know what I’m going to tell Golfy.
“Hey.” I smile.
“Hey,” he replies, moving his arm away. “Want to walk together?”
I nod. “Totally.”
“Oh, and I have the craziest story to tell you,” he starts, but then I sort of stop listening.
All I can think about is this sudden new Jason feeling. I don’t know where it came from or how long it’ll last or anything at all, really.
And the biggest problem is that I have no idea what I’m going to do about it.
17
KAYLAN
I MISS LUNCH BECAUSE I have to finish a science test, so I don’t have any time to tell Ari about the Cami and moms sushi date. And she’s not on the bus home because she’s going right to a youth group event at her temple.
But after school, when I’m obsessively studying the Laurel Lake website, I get a text from her.
Craziest thing with Ms. Lincoln in study hall today. Call me later. Xx
I write back okay, and then plan to call her after sushi.
My mom and I get to the restaurant before Cami and her mom, so we sit at our favorite table in the big bay window and order edamame to munch on before they arrive.
“You sure you’re okay with all of this, Mom?” I ask, just as our waitress, Meg, brings over our waters. We’ve known Meg forever, and in a way, she’s kind of part of the family. My mom and I always go to Hibino when we need a mother-daughter heart-to-heart, and Meg senses just the right time to join in the conversation and also to leave us alone when necessary.
“Hi, Meg.”
“How are things, ladies?” she asks, setting the waters down on the table. “Winter going well so far? Pretty cold out there.”
“Yeah, so so so cold. But we’re good,” I tell her.
She side-eyes me like she knows something’s up. Probably because this is the place we always come when we have something serious to discuss.
“Sure?” she asks.
I crack up. “Yes, Meggy Meg.”
“Going to check on your edamame.” She nods and walks away.
Maybe Meg’s my unicorn. That steady, reliable outsider who feels like an insider, who makes me feel at home when we’re here. She gets me somehow, without even knowing me that well. She’s kind of like a kindred spirit in a way.
Feels a little too easy, though. And now’s probably not the time to be working on the list.
Mom sips her water and looks at me. “I think I’m okay with this. I think your father is disappointed, but that’s not a reason not to go. He understands what a unique experience it’ll be.”
“Yeah.” I pause. “Mom, are you okay, though? I mean, about the wedding and, like, life. We haven’t talked about any of it.”
“I’m sorry we haven’t talked about it. Maybe we should have.” She looks down at the table. “Um, am I okay? To be perfectly honest, I’m not sure.”
I nod, waiting for her to elaborate. I want to ask her about Robert Irwin Krieger. As far as I know she’s still happy with him. They don’t see each other a ton, but they talk all the time. And when they do see each other, she always comes home smiling.
My mom sort of stares at me for a minute in that awkward mom way where you can tell she wants to say something else but isn’t sure if she should or not. And this kind of thing is usually followed with a “you’re so beautiful” or an “I can’t believe how grown-up you are.”
I wait for it to come, but she just sits there sort of half smiling at me, like maybe she’s not even thinking about the wedding anymore. I pray for Meg to bring the edamame or Cami and her mom to get here. I’m not sure what’s taking them so long.
I slyly take my phone out of my sweatshirt pocket to see if she texted me.
Nothing.
“So what else is going on, Mom?” I ask her. “Anything new at work? Seems like Ryan’s in a good place these days.”
“Yup.” She smiles.
“Have you given any more thought to Mrs. Etisof painting the mural in the basement?”
It’s like no matter what I’m doing, the list finds a way to creep in. Now that we’re on our third list, it seems like it’s just part of my life now. Something I’m always working on. Even when I’m not even really working on it. That’s one of the things I love most about it—that it really ties into everyday life.
“I think we can do it, if Mrs. Etisof wants to, but I want you and Ryan to finish cleaning out the basement first. You started the process but there’s more work to do.” She smiles. “So get on that, and then we can discuss the mural. Sound good?”
I nod, and see Cami and h
er mom coming in. I wave to them and they hurry over to the table.
“So sorry we’re late,” Cami’s mom says. “The phone rang and I got stuck on a call with this friend who goes on and on. You know how it is.”
My mom chuckles. “I do.”
“Eeeeep,” Cami says, sitting down, already at freak-out levels of excitement. Not sure if it’s about this sushi dinner or the trip or both or everything. Probably everything.
She grabs my hand. “Lannie! I am so excited that this is actually happening.”
“Lannie?” I laugh.
She lifts her shoulders. “Well, Ari calls you Kay and I realized I need my own nickname for you. Does Lannie work?”
“Um . . . I’m not sure.”
“Okay, well, TBD. Anyway. I am just so beyond excited.”
“So am I!”
I wonder why she chose me. Out of all the people at the lunch table, she chose me to come on this fancy trip. Why, though? I don’t really get it. It’s nagging at me, but it’s not the kind of thing I can ask her. At least not right now. Maybe on the trip, I’ll ask. As we’re watching the sunset and sipping fruity drinks with mini umbrellas and we get all soul-searchy and introspective. That’s what I’ll do.
Our moms start talking about something with the parents’ association and Cami launches into a whole explanation about the resort. “It has the sickest waterslides. Like literally the best ever. I mean, you know how the indoor one we went to is fine but not great. Well, this place is the best in the world. And get this, you can order lunch on this app on our phones. It’s all-inclusive, too, so don’t even worry. Get like three thousand Cokes if you want!”
I burst out laughing. “Three thousand Cokes, Cam?”
“Well, you know what I mean.” She pauses. “Anyway, it’s amazing. We’ll definitely have a balcony and the sunsets are beyond. They have a teen lounge with an arcade where we can hang out and meet other kids, but we can always just totally lounge by the pool or the ocean and tan and whatever. And I’m bringing like a zillion magazines. I always do.”
“Sounds amazing,” I reply. “How many years have you guys been going?” I ask, but then Meg comes over to take our order.
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