by Bianca D'Arc
“All the data you need is on the crystal.” Zane stepped back.
“Good.” Darak moved closer to Jana, signaling the ship. “We’re leaving now.”
“We will meet again, StarLord. Plectarans remember.” Zane stepped back, into the shadows, fading away as the Circe responded, bringing them home.
CHAPTER NINE
Jana felt the worry coming from Darak as they translocated back to the ship. Through her own pain, she reached out to him, taking his hand.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered when the bridge of the Circe reappeared around them.
“None of this is your fault,” Darak replied, his gaze holding hers. He took her other hand, much as Zane had done. “You know that, right? You’re not to blame for what was done to you without your permission. Or what the collective made you do against your will.”
He’d been telling her essentially the same thing for weeks, as had everyone on Geneth Mar who had helped with her recovery, but she still didn’t quite believe it. How could she absolve herself of blame when she saw the evidence of what she had ordered done to Liata right there on the viewscreen?
She looked past Darak’s shoulder, noting the scars on the surface of Liata that were visible from orbit. She could never forgive herself for that. Nor for the innocent lives lost due to her actions.
“I killed so many here,” she whispered brokenly, unable to pull her eyes away from the scarred planet below them.
“And you saved everyone in the Plectar solar system. You heard what Zane said. They think you’re a hero, and that you acted on your own initiative to save many the collective would have sacrificed. The woman brave enough to stand up to the collective may not be perfect, but she is brave. Jana, you’re still that woman, whether or not you remember every little thing you’ve done in your past. What matters most is the future. What you do from here on out is the important thing. But you don’t have to face the future alone.”
Darak moved closer, obscuring her view of the planet below. He stepped right up to her, not quite touching, definitely within the bounds of her personal space. She was forced to meet his gaze.
“I’m with you now, Jana. I won’t let anything bad happen to you. Not ever again. Not if I can help it. You don’t have to face this alone.”
She looked deep into his eyes for a long moment, slowly becoming aware that the rest of the bridge crew was watching them intently. She looked past Darak, to meet the strong gazes of Seta, Agnor, Kirt and Whelan and even Trini, who were all on the bridge for some reason. They nodded at her one by one, silently backing up Darak’s words.
The show of unity almost brought her to tears. The Circe’s crew didn’t know her well, but they seemed to trust the judgment of their leader. If Darak was with her, they all were. Just like that. No questions asked.
Jana had the vague recollection of having that kind of loyalty directed at her once. Her memory was in tatters—probably altered with intent by Kol or one of the other masters—but she remembered certain faces. Soldiers. Humans with no discernible Talent. Warriors who had been part of her crew.
They hadn’t followed her orders simply out of duty. She had the distinct impression that, after a while, they had followed her for her own sake. The way the Circe’s crew followed Darak.
Maybe her past wasn’t all horror and torture and death. Maybe…just maybe…Darak was right. Maybe the old Jana hadn’t been completely bad. Maybe she had done whatever she could—within the tight confines of the collective’s control—to do good things once in a while, along with the bad.
The thought gave her hope.
She consciously straightened her spine.
“I don’t know if I can ever be Jana Star Killer again. I don’t remember her. But I’ll try to be better than I was before. With all of you to help me, I don’t see how I can fail at that.”
Darak’s smile was one of pride mixed with relief. He opened his arms and took her into a hug that warmed her from within. She still felt shaky, but for the first time since waking from her decades-long nightmare, she felt a real sense of hope for the future.
Maybe it wouldn’t be as bad as the past. Maybe she wouldn’t be as bad as she had once been.
* * *
The data crystals from Zane contained a wealth of information. Jana found she could only handle reading small amounts about her past at a time. Most of it, she didn’t remember. And a lot of it, she didn’t think she wanted to remember.
But she knew she had to face her demons—and her past as part of the collective was the biggest of them—before she could move on. It was slow going, though. The data crystal was filled to capacity, with many detailed reports about Jana Star Killer’s actions and activities.
She started with the earliest data and worked her way through it, but she knew it would take time to come to terms with each new discovery. So far, she had read the rather sketchy facts about her initial capture and subsequent forced joining with the collective.
Her early years within the collective were unremarkable, though she started her rise through the ranks after finding success as a platoon leader. It seemed that the un-Talented human troops were routinely assigned a Talented leader who was connected to the collective, so that they could be deployed at the will of the Voice without delay.
It was considered an entry-level position, but after losing most of her platoon during her first real battle, something appeared to have changed within Jana. The Plectaran spies speculated that, even though she was under the collective’s control, Jana had found a way to follow their orders in creative ways that led to better outcomes for her platoon, and much less loss of life among her troopers.
That was when the Plectaran soldiers started watching her apparently. There were detailed reports from Plectaran warriors who had served under her command from that point on, as she rose in rank and stature within the army of the collective.
Darak hadn’t shared what had been on his crystal, yet, but he’d been closeted in his room with it almost since the moment they’d come back. After he’d calmed her down, they’d shared a meal together, and then, he’d suggested they both get a look at the crystals they’d been given. He’d cautioned her that she should ask for help if she needed it, but also impressed on her that he trusted her to know how much she could handle.
That was a big thing…his trust. His faith in her ability to judge what was best when she didn’t even trust herself. If he believed in her, maybe she should believe in herself? It was worth a try. She always had the safety net of being able to call him if she felt the least bit of stress. He was right next door, and she knew he would drop everything and come to her if she needed him.
She hadn’t had that kind of faith in someone since her parents. Only her family had ever really been there for her. Until the collective had come calling, of course. They’d killed her parents and torn her away from the only home she had ever known, thrusting her into the middle of a nightmare.
But it was over now. Or it would be as soon as she figured out how to get past the trauma and get on with her life. Darak was her lifeline. He was there for her. As her parents had been. As Jeri had been. Because…
Because he cared for her?
Jana dismissed the thought. Thinking about such things only confused her. She hadn’t had a normal teenage experience. She didn’t understand how things happened between male and female. She understood the mechanics, of course, and had learned to enjoy all the things that Darak had shown her, but the emotional part remained elusive. Did he care for her? Did she care for him?
She thought so. Heck, she thought she might even love him. But would he welcome that love? Or did their physical joining mean nothing to him? Merely another experience in a long line of them. She didn’t know, and she didn’t know if she dared discover the truth.
Which made her a little cranky. And which was also why she limited her exposure to his lovemaking. It was clear he would have welcomed her in his bed all night, every night, but she couldn’t bring herself to make a commitm
ent like that without knowing where she stood. And she didn’t know how to find that out without looking like a complete and utter fool.
She had read the reports up to the point where she had been given command of her first starship when her stomach growled. Looking at the chronometer, she realized she been at this much too long without a break. She shut down the viewer, leaving the crystal so she could pick up where she’d left off upon her return. Stretching, she walked to her hatch, lowering the reflective field as she left.
It was then she heard the slight increase in volume in the back of her mind. The murmuring of the collective was growing louder. Panic shot through her for a moment before she realized it was still just murmuring. It held no power over her. It didn’t even seem to realize she could hear it. It had been the same since she had begun her recovery. It just grew a little louder as they traveled through space, getting closer to areas under collective rule.
So, if the murmuring was getting louder…
Jana rerouted her feet and headed for the bridge rather than the galley. When she stepped onto the bridge, the mood was tense, and Darak was in his command chair, frowning at his personal data screen. He looked up and met her gaze, reserved welcome in his expression, as if he wasn’t looking forward to telling her what was on his mind.
She walked right up to him.
“We’re going closer to the collective, aren’t we?” Her tone was challenging, but she didn’t wish to recall her words.
It was time she began to stand up for herself. The warrior Jana she had been reading about didn’t take shit from anyone—including her so-called masters in the collective. At least, she did what she could to circumvent their crappy orders and find ways to keep her men alive while still achieving the objectives set out by the Voice.
That’s what the reports she’d read so far had told her. The new Jana found solace in that small rebellion of her younger self. It made her feel better to know that even while under their control, she’d found ways to thwart them. Small ways, to be sure, but at least she’d put up a fight and saved lives in the process. That had to count for something, right?
“Yes.” He answered her challenge simply, with no subterfuge.
“Why?”
“Several reasons, actually.” Darak sat back and rubbed his hand over his stubbly chin. He hadn’t taken time to groom himself, which told her a lot. Whatever had been on the crystal he’d gotten had to be very important.
“Will you tell me?” She held her breath, waiting for his answer.
“There are few secrets on the Circe,” he replied almost automatically. “We’re all here because we’re working toward the same goal. So, yes, I will tell you. In fact, I’d planned to hold a crew briefing so everyone knows what we’re getting into. Agnor…” he turned his attention to the tall man at the comm station, “…ask everyone to come up here for a few minutes.”
Agnor nodded and turned back to his panel to issue the communication to the rest of the crew. Within a minute, they began to arrive. Seta was first, yawning and wearing a see-through nightie. The two yeomen entered next, both in loose pants with stretchy shirts that showed off their muscular physiques. Trini was last, but she was at least fully dressed, having been on duty in the hold, doing inventory from the looks of the datapad in her hands, the scanner on her belt, and the stylus stuck behind her ear.
“Due to the intel we picked up on Liata, I’ve plotted a course for Mithrak.”
Jana gasped, and a few eyes turned to her in sympathy. She had been born on Mithrak. She had been stolen from Mithrak. And she’d never been back to the place of her greatest joy and her greatest sorrow.
“The Liatan governing council believes that the reason they were attacked is due solely to one of their own who took off and joined the collective of his own free will,” Darak went on.
It was Trini’s turn to gasp. She was a native of Liata and probably found it hard to believe one of their own would send an armada to destroy their home planet.
“Our target’s name is Kol. He’s Liatan, so therefore has blue skin. There are no current surveillance images of him. He’s very careful about being seen. But we’ve learned that he’s leading the Wizard cull on Mithrak over the next three weeks. If we can pin him down, we have orders to attempt capture and return to Liata so he can stand trial. If we can’t manage a capture, we are authorized to kill. His crimes against his home planet have earned him a death sentence.”
“They have proof?” Trini asked, her hand trembling.
“Irrefutable proof,” Darak answered. “I’m sorry, Trin. I know Liatans are generally pacifists. This man is a threat that your government wants gone.”
“If we don’t know what he looks like, how do we identify him? We can’t just go shooting every blue person on the planet. Liatans like to travel. There’s bound to be a few there besides the one we’re looking for,” Seta pointed out.
Darak turned to look at Jana. “I was hoping…”
“I can identify him,” Jana said in as strong a voice as she could manage. “In fact, I can do a computer sketch of his face as I remember it. It may not be exact, but it’ll be good enough to start the search.”
Darak smiled at her for the first time since she’d stepped onto the bridge. It was a small smile, but a smile nonetheless, and it warmed her.
“All right,” Darak recaptured everyone’s attention. “Seta, I want you to check my nav calculations once you wake up a bit, then you can go back offshift. Trini, we’ll need to change the ship ID and find something in the hold that might possibly pass for trade on Mithrak. Ag, you’re on our alternate personal IDs. Do at least one for everyone, just in case. Jana’s working on the sketch, and I want you two…” he pointed to the two yeomen, “…to calibrate the guns and check the weapons systems.”
Jana was hearing things she hadn’t truly comprehended about the little cargo vessel. For one thing, it was armed. Now, the presence of the young men made more sense. She’d wondered what their duties entailed, but if there were guns, they’d need someone to fire them during battle. Not everything could be left to a computer—even a really good one was no match for the computing power of the human mind. And if those minds were Talented, as she knew both yeoman’s were, then the possibilities of successful targeting increased exponentially.
The fact that everyone seemed nonplussed at the idea of changing the ship’s ID along with their own personal IDs also told her something. She’d assumed Darak and this ship operated as some kind of intelligence gathering group for the Council. She hadn’t realized just how actively they participated in the spy game. The Circe, in truth, was a full-fledged spy vessel.
Jana grinned as she sat at her console, pulling up the items she would need to create an image of the blue man she remembered from her nightmares. It wasn’t a pleasant task, but if she could put a stop to Kol, the bastard, she would put every effort into the task. He needed to be stopped. And he needed to pay for what he’d done. Preferably by her own hand.
Only then, she feared, would she be able to bury the past. With him.
Within a few hours, Jana was finished with the sketch. It was as good as she could make it working from hazy memory and using the computer for assistance. She sent the image to all personnel after showing it to Darak first.
Darak had stared at the image of Kol’s face for a long time, his expression hard. She knew he was memorizing it, possibly looking for some sign of how such an outwardly plain-looking fellow could be so cruel and power-mad. Jana had wondered the same thing whenever her mind was free of the collective. Which, mercifully, hadn’t been all that often.
For when Kol cut her off from the collective, it was to play his sick games. He would use the time off the grid to rape her. Sometimes, he held a knife to her throat. Sometimes, he cut her. Once, he’d beaten her.
That time, she recalled now, at least one of the soldiers who stood guard inside the “playroom”, as Kol called it, had to be restrained by one of his compatriots. Kol hadn’t
seen it, but Jana remembered the guards behind Kol moving—one trying to come to her aid while the other held him back, shaking his head furiously.
Even then, she had understood why the guard’s impulse had been thwarted. She’d wanted that guard to help her, but she knew if he stepped out of line, Kol would have him killed. His kindness would be repaid with death—his and possibly his entire platoon’s. Kol had that kind of power over them all. It would do no good to go against his wishes.
But Jana also remembered that after Kol had finished with her, that guard had picked her up and taken her to a healer. His face was the last she’d seen before sliding into unconsciousness, and when she’d awoken, she was back in the collective.
She still remembered that guard’s face. She had known his name, too, but it escaped her, at the moment. Her memories were coming back in bursts, but they weren’t always complete. Perhaps, in time, she would get the rest of the memories back. Perhaps not. At this point, she wasn’t sure if she really wanted to remember everything.
Then again, that guard had been kind to her. He’d had nothing to gain by treating her with gentle hands. He could just as easily have tossed her to the healers and turned away. But he’d stayed while they worked and watched over her until she lost consciousness. He might even have stayed after that. She didn’t know. But he’d cared when Kol had hit her. She’d seen his involuntary move and the deliberate way he’d been stopped by his fellow. At least that one soldier had had some compassion for her. So, maybe it wasn’t all bad.
After she finished with the sketch, there seemed little for Jana to do. Everyone was busy with the tasks Darak had set for them. She considered going back to her cabin to read more about her past life, but she wasn’t really sure she wanted to know more, right now. Her mind was overflowing with everything she’d already learned. She needed a little bit of time to integrate all the new data flowing into her brain.
“Jana.” Darak’s voice came to her as she was considering her options for what to do next. She turned from her console on the bridge to look at him.