by Ian Leslie
Clark, Ronald, The Life of Bertrand Russell, 265n15
Clinton, Bill, 180–1, 197
cognition: biased information processing, 40; Identity-Protective Cognition, 163–5; impairment (during conflict), 40; knowledge illusion, 61; and negative emotions, 261n1
cognitive bolstering, 54
cognitive labour, division of, 62, 64–5
coherence: vs complexity, 194, 197–8; desire for, 194
Coke, Sir Edward, 237
Coleman, Peter, 186–9, 188, 194–5, 197–8, 264n7; The Five Percent, 264n7, 264n11, 266n16
communication culture, high- vs low-context, 10–14, 12
communication styles, in marriage and relationships, 24–6, 25
complexity: vs coherence, 194, 197–8; and constructive disagreement, 188, 190–1, 198; deliberate introduction of (surprise), 166, 170, 191, 194–5, 198
compromise, vs creativity, 247–8
confirmation bias, 58–9, 62–4, 65–8, 262n3
connection see rapport and connection constraints and rules: importance of, 207–8; social media, 200–3, 207–8
constructive conflict: benefits see benefits of constructive conflict; occasional futility of, 231–3, 234; vs persuasion, 243, 248–9; rules (summarised), 250–1; toolkit, 252–7
constructive vs destructive conversations, 187–9, 188
contempt, 44
conversation(s): beginnings see beginnings of conversations; constructive vs destructive, 187–9, 188; stateful vs stateless, 189–90; tracking (content vs relationship level), 33–6
co-operation, in marriage and romantic relationships, 25, 25
Corbin, Jane, 185, 193, 264ml
corporate culture, 37–9, 42–4, 136, 234, 253–4, 254–5
‘costly’ (effective) apologies, 177–80, 183; see also apologies
‘costly signals’, 177, 264n10
Coulson, Danny, No Heroes, 264n8
counselling and therapy: addiction counselling, 110–14; for clinical delusions, 118–21; therapist effectiveness and self-doubt, 122
couples see marriage and romantic relationships
creativity: vs compromise, 247–8; constructive conflict as/for creativity, 74, 76, 246–9
Crick, Francis, 80–1, 262n4
Crockett, Molly, 16
Crouch, Tom, 71
cultural differences: appreciation of others’ cultures, 147–8, 154, 155–6, 158–60; in argumentativeness, 245, 265n15; high-vs low-context communication culture, 10–14, 12; in negotiation styles, 143–6, 144,145; and political discourse, 154; types of rationality, 168–9; understanding of own culture, 151–2, 161–2, 257; WEIRD mindset, 153–4
culture, corporate, 37–9, 42–4, 136, 234, 253–4, 254–5
curiosity and questioning: about others’ perspectives, 166–8, 169, 170–1, 204–5, 212–13, 248; about own perspectives, 248; being genuine, 224, 226; in constructive conversations, 187, 191; and desire for coherence vs complexity, 194; in interrogation, 168, 212–13, 224, 226; in persuasive argument, 204–5; scientific curiosity, 165–6; stimulating others’ curiosity, 169–70
Cusk, Rachel, 139
Davidians see Mount Carmel (USA) and Branch Davidians
De Wit, Frank, 40–1
debates: vs conversations, 201; disputations, 50; Socratic method, 46–9, 63, 244
decision-making see group decision-making
‘delusional’ people, response to, 117–18, 122–3
delusions, clinical, 118–21
democracy, as an infinite game, 244, 265n15
Descartes, René, 50
destructive vs constructive conversations, 187–9, 188
devil’s advocate, in group decision-making, 53–5, 226
dietary advice (and confirmation bias), 65–8
disagreement, productive see constructive conflict
disputations, 50; see also debates
disputes, ‘intractable’, 197–8
disruption see complexity; humour, effective use of; surprise, usefulness of
division of labour: cognitive, 62; epistemic, 47
divorce mediation, 93–4, 130
Docherty, Jayne, 156, 168; Learning Lessons From Waco, 264n8
Donohue, William, 128, 129, 130, 135, 208
Downs, Bertis, 75
Druckman, Daniel, 128–9
Dubner, Stephen, Freakonomics (podcast), 264n10
economic importance of apologies, 175–6, 178–80
Egeland, Jan, 185
egoism, 57, 75
El Kurd, Maher, 192
emotional dynamics of conversations, 186–9, !88
emotional inertia, 214
emotional reciprocity, 214–15, 216–17, 253
emotions see epistemic emotions; negative emotions
empathic accuracy, 27–31
empathy: being genuine, 223–4, 226; conversation beginnings, 91–3, 97–9; defined, 27; and desire for coherence vs complexity, 194; ‘start where they’re at’, 97–8
epistemic emotions, 170; see also curiosity and questioning
Eppler, Mark, The Wright Way, 262n4
errors and mistakes: medical, 176; in negotiations, 172–5, 182; research studies, 173–5; see also apologies
escalation: and emotional control, 214–15; in negotiations, 215–16; research studies, 213, 214–15
Evans, James, 56–7, 63
evidence use, in persuasive argument, 205
Faber, Adele, How to Talk so Kids Will Listen & Listen so Kids Will Talk, 114–15
Facebook, 9; see also social media
‘facework’ (first impressions), 126–7; see also giving face; protecting face
Fagan, Livingstone, 159
families: arguments, deliberate disruption of, 198; supportive relationships, 21; see also children; marriage and romantic relationships; parents
fat consumption, nutritional advice (and confirmation bias), 65–8
FBI, Mount Carmel siege, 141, 142–3, 147–8, 151–2, 155–61
fight or flight response, 15; see also aggression; avoidance behaviours; passive aggression
finite vs infinite games, 243–5
first impressions (‘facework’), 126–7; see also giving face; protecting face
Follett, Mary Parker, 246–8, 257, 266n16
Forsyth, Donelson, Group Dynamics, 262n4
Franklin, Rosalind, 80
friendships, empathic accuracy, 28
Gabor, Andrea, Capitalist Philosophers, 266n16
game theory, 177; finite vs infinite games, 243–5
Gawande, Atul, 94–5
gender differences: conversation tracking (content vs relationship level), 35–6; empathic accuracy, 29
Gimbel, Sarah, 15
Gittell, Jody Hoffer, 37–8, 43–4
giving face, 127, 129, 136–9, 206, 255; see also ‘facework’ (first impressions); protecting face
Gladwell, Malcolm, 264n8
goals, competing (internal conflicts), 220–2; see also negative emotions
Goffman, Erving, 126
Goldszal, Clementine, 245–6
Good Friday Agreement, 216
Gottman, John, 44
Graham, Paul, 9
Greer, Lindred, 79
group decision-making: benefits of constructive conflict, 52–3, 56–8, 61–4; devil’s advocate vs authentic dissent, 53–5, 226; motivation and incentivisation, 55–6; and political polarisation, 56–8; research studies, 53–5, 56–8
groupthink, 52
Gulla, Don, 96–7, 191–2, 217, 226
Haidt, Jonathan, 154
Hall, Edward T., 10; Beyond Culture, 261n1
Halperin, Basil, 179
Harrison, George (George Martin’s tie joke), 77, 79–80
‘hedging’ phrases, in persuasive argument, 206
Heiberg, Marianne, 185
Hempel, Jessi, 263n5
Henrich, Joe, 152–3, 264n8
Heyer, Heather, 87–8, 99–101, 102–3, 263n5; Heather Heyer Foundation, 263n5
> high-context communication culture: characteristics, ii, 12; vs low-context, 10–14, 12
Hirschfeld, Yair, 192
Ho, Benjamin, 175, 176–80, 264n10
Hoffman, Jan, 263n6
Horowitz, Ben, 75
hostage negotiations, 127–8, 129, 208, 226
Howell, Vernon see Koresh, David (born Vernon Howell)
human evolution, reasoning skills, 59–60
Hume, David, 265n15
humiliation, 137–8, 191, 221, 235, 245
humour, effective use of, 77, 78–80, 170, 196, 198
Humphrys, Mark, 190
Huthwaite International, 215
Ickes, William, 26–8; Everyday Mind Reading, 262n2
identity and sense of self: and belonging, 163–4; protecting face, 134–6, 138–9, 186, 256; see also ‘facework’ (first impressions)
Identity-Protective Cognition, 163–5; see also biased information processing
infinite vs finite games, 243–5; democracy as an infinite game, 244, 265n15
internal conflicts, 220–2; see also negative emotions
interrogation: avoiding ‘tricks’, 226; cognitive and emotional levels of, 219; curiosity, 168, 212–13, 224, 226; emotional response of interviewers, 209–12, 219–20; empathy, 91–2; giving suspect the right not to talk, 109–10; power struggles, 105–7, 108, 130, 210–12; rapport, 109, 113; research studies, 108–10, 173–5; role play (Frank Barnet), 1–2, 209–13, 219, 223; similarity to addiction counselling, 110, 113; terrorists, 105–10; unsuccessful, 105–6, 108
‘intractable’ disputes, 197–8
Israeli–Palestinian conflict see Arab–Israeli conflict
Jagger, Mick, 73–4
Janin, Neil, 167–8, 170
Janis, Irving, 52
Japanese communication culture, 10–11; see also high-context communication culture
Johnson, Mark, 22
Juul, Mona, 184
Kahan, Daniel, 163–6, 170
Kaplan, Jonas, 15
Keil, Frank, 61
Kelleher, Herb, 37, 38
King, Martin Luther, 234
King, Rollin, 38
Klar, Samara, 17
Kleinman, Steven, 92
knowledge, collective, 61
knowledge illusion, 61
Koresh, David (born Vernon Howell), 146, 149–50, 159–60, 161; see also Mount Carmel (USA) and Branch Davidians
Krupnikov, Yanna, 17
Lakoff, George, 22
Lakoff, Robin, 242
language used to describe conflict, 22–3
Lascelles, Jerry, 75
Laursen, Brett, 262n1
leadership: modelling behaviours, 43, 82; rewarding dissenters, 254
Lee, Fiona, 176
Lennon, John, 77–9
Leon, Carli, 121, 263n6
Lewis, Richard, 143–4, T44, T45
Lewisohn, Mark, Tune In, 262n4
Liberia, end of Second Civil War, 195
List, John, 178–9
listening: during addiction counselling, 113; and empathic accuracy, 28–9; in online communication, 201–2; to others’ emotions, 94–5; police skills, 98; Wright brothers’ skills, 73
Liu, Elaine, 176
Llano, Stephen, 256
losing an argument, practising, 256
low-context communication culture: characteristics, 11, 12; vs high-context, 10–14, 12; increased prevalence of, 13–14
Lustig, Robert, 67–8; Fat Chance, 67
Luther, Martin, 235, 236
Lynch, Larry, 142, 157–8
Machiguenga people (Amazon basin), 152–3
Mandela, Nelson, 124, 139–40, 226; meetings and negotiations with General Viljoen, 125–6, 127, 129, 1324, 135–6, 138, 139–40, 226–7, 263n7
marriage and romantic relationships: benefits of conflict, 26, 30–3; changed gender roles, 13; communication styles, 24–6, 25; conversation beginnings, 90–1; conversation tracking (content vs relationship level), 33–6; divorce mediation, 93–4, 130; emotional reciprocity, 214; empathic accuracy, 29–31; escalation in, 215, 216; passive aggression, 25; research studies, 24–6, 31–2, 33–4, 35–6, 90, 130, 214
Martin, George (tie joke), 77, 79–80
Martin, Wayne, 157–8
Matias, Nathan, 207
Mazlish, Elaine, How to Talk so Kids Will Listen & Listen so Kids Will Talk, 114–15
McCartney, Paul, 77–9
McNulty, Jim, 31
mediation: divorce mediation, 93–4, 130; emotion articulation, 93–4; initial act of agreement, 93
medical practitioners, errors and apologies, 176
Mercier, Hugo, 59, 60, 61–2
MGonz (chatbot), 190
military, use of humour, 79
Miller, William, 111–13
Milton, John, 237, 240; Areopagitica, 265n15
mistakes see errors and mistakes moralising language in online communication, 16
Moran, Major Sherwood, 91–2
Morrill, Calvin, 42
Mosley, Oswald, 212, 231
Motivational Interviewing (MI), 111–13
Mount Carmel (USA) and Branch Davidians: culture, 147–52, 158–60, 169; founding, 149; public perception of, 146, 150, 156; siege, 141–3, 146–8, 151–2, 155–61, 225–6, 264n8; see also Koresh, David (born Vernon Howell) Muir, Ian, 179
Munich Massacre, 127
Napier-Bell, Simon, 76
Narragansett tribe, 236–7, 238
negative emotions: and cognition, 261m; controlling, 214–15, 216–17, 221; importance of articulation, 93–5; internal conflicts, 220–2; of interviewers, 209–12, 219–20; in negotiations, 215–17; response to others’ ‘righting’ behaviours, 115, 170; role of, 32, 44, 62; understanding own reactions and emotions, 217–22, 248; see also anger
negative-directness, benefits, 31–3
negotiation: appreciation of others’ cultures, 147–8, 151–2, 155–60; benefits of privacy, 135–6, 186, 193; cultural differences in negotiation styles, 143–6, 144, 145; emotional control, 216–17; errors of communication, 172–5, 182; escalation, 215–16; hostage negotiations, 127–8, 129, 208, 226; ‘one-down’ parties (status imbalance), 128–32, 137, 175, 182; Oslo Accord negotiations, 184–6, 192–4, 195–7, 264ml; protecting face, 134–6, 138–9, 186, 256; providing order and structure, 208; rapport, 157–8, 192–3, 196; research studies, 173–5, 215; siege negotiations (Mount Carmel, USA), 141–3, 146–8, 151–2, 155–61, 225–6, 264n8; suicide negotiations, 172; terrorist negotiations, 127; trust, 193
Nelson, Gary, 266n16
Nemeth, Charlan, 53–4, 226
neuroscience, 14–15, 52
Newton, Isaac, 65
Nickerson, Raymond, 59
Nissen-Lie, Helene, 122
nutritional advice (and confirmation bias), 65–8
Ocasio-Cortez, Alexandria, 138–9 ‘one-down’ parties (status imbalance), 128–32, 137, 175, 182; see also power imbalances and struggles
O’Neill, Mike, 97, 98, 219
online communication: culture, 206, 243; ‘listening’ in, 201–2; as low-context, 14; moralising language, 16; power struggles, 243; removal of social norms, 16–17; and spread of false beliefs, 117; tone, 202–3, 206–7; see also social media
Oostinga, Miriam, 172–5, 178, 226
organisations see workplace
Oslo Accord negotiations, 184–6, 192–4, 195–7, 264ml
Overall, Nickola, 24, 31, 44
Palestinian–Israeli conflict see Arab–Israeli conflict
parents: modelling reasoning, 60; power struggles with adolescents, 113, 130; ‘righting’ reflex and behaviour, 114–15
Pariser, Eli, 99, 263n5
passive aggression: in marriage and romantic relationships, 25; as never helpful, 45; in the workplace, 37, 39–40
peacocks’ tails (as ‘costly signals’), 177
Penn, William, 241
Perlow, Leslie, 39
personality mix in teams, 214
personality traits, 20
persuasive argument: vs constructive conflict, 243, 248–9; as ‘righting’ behaviour, 243; strategies for, 204–6
Peters, Emmanuelle, 118–19
Phear, Patrick, 93
phone conversations, pause before initial ‘hello’, 90, 263n5
physiological responses: and emotional reciprocity/inertia, 214; fight or flight response, 15; research studies, 41, 214; threat vs challenge states, 40–2
pirates, skull and crossbones (as ‘costly signals’), 264MO
Planck, Max, 68
Plato, 49; Gorgias, 49; Hippias Minor, 48; Republic, 48–9
police: communication (de-escalation) skills, 95–9, 137, 191–2; humiliation of suspects, 137–8; importance of authenticity, 227–8; Jonathan Wender’s philosophy, 227–8; listening skills, 98; training simulations, 209; understanding own reactions and emotions, 217–19
politeness and civility see civility and politeness
political discourse: cultural differences, 154, 245; and Identity-Protective Cognition, 163; and increased tweet length, 265n12; ‘one-down’ status of electorate, 131; in person, 17–18, 245; research studies, 154, 165–6, 265n12; in social media, 16, 265n12; Susan Bro’s work, 104
political polarisation, and group decision-making (Wikipedia edits), 56–8
politicians’ apologies, 178, 180–1
Posterous (microblogging platform), 18, 19
Powell, Jonathan, Great Hatred, Little Room, 216
power imbalances and struggles: with adolescents, 113, 130; in general, 106–7; during interrogation, 105–7, 108, 130, 210–12; ‘one-down’ parties (status imbalance), 128–32, 137, 175, 182; in online communication, 243
Powers, William T., 220, 221
privacy during negotiation, benefits, 135–6, 186, 193
productive disagreement see constructive conflict
protecting face, 134–6, 138–9, 186, 256; see also ‘facework’ (first impressions); giving face; ‘wrongness’, stigma of
Providence, USA, 239–40
Pundak, Ron, 192
questioning see curiosity and questioning
Rabin, Yitzhak, 196–7
racial/ethnic tensions and conflict: South Africa, 124–5, 139–40; USA, 87–8, 96; see also Arab–Israeli conflict; Mandela, Nelson
rapport and connection: during addiction counselling, 111; being genuine, 224–6; defined, 109; during interrogation, 109, 113; during negotiation, 157–8, 192–3, 196
rationality, types of, 168–9
reactance, 253; see also ‘backfire effect’
reasoning see cognition; thinking and reasoning