by T Gephart
“You hear anything, call me. See you both tomorrow morning on shift,” I warned, waiting for them to get out of the truck.
Both of them nodded, giving me nonverbal grunts in the affirmative while Leighton swung his keys and headed to his car.
“Where are you going?” I left the car in park, not moving an inch until I got reassurances he wasn’t channeling his inner vigilante and deciding to go out again.
“I’m not looking for him, I swear, Chief. Just want to go kill some time or something.” He shrugged, pretending like he didn’t know exactly what he had planned.
There was something cagey going on though, Leighton not usually one to hide his extracurricular activities. Had to be a woman, and judging by his need to keep things under wraps, probably one he thought we wouldn’t approve of.
“You going too?” I tipped my head to Tibbs, about to get out of the car and handcuff them both to their kitchen sink.
It wasn’t Leighton’s sister. So unless the two of them had made some bullshit blood oath, I doubted he’d do anything without the say so of Tibbs. More likely he was looking to work off some steam, and not by running a few miles either.
“Nah, I’m going to get an early night. That six a.m. alarm sucks balls.” Tibbs waved goodbye to his roommate. “And if you bring anyone home tonight, try and keep it down.”
Satisfied they could keep out of trouble for a night, I said goodbye and headed back to my condo. If I’d had my mind right earlier in the day, I’d have packed the bag then. But being with Hayden made everything less of a priority, which meant, I hadn’t thought of anything other than being with her.
Annoyed it was almost eleven and I was just getting home, I put the code into the underground garage, and parked in my usual spot. I cursed as I headed to the elevator anxious to get to my condo. The quicker I got in, the quicker I could get out, the metal doors opening on my floor and finding Hayden sitting on the floor in front of my door.
“Hayden?” I asked, wondering if I was tired and hallucinating or she’d somehow materialized. “What are you doing here?”
She looked up, her eyes tired but her smile happy. “I know you said you would come to my condo when you finished, but it was getting late. And you have to get up early tomorrow, but I have a day off. I figured it made more sense if I came here even if it did make me look sort of crazy. I promise I’m not one of those women who cruises by your house just to see if you’re home.”
I pulled her off the floor, wrapping my arms around her body while kissing her neck. “Sweetheart, the thought hadn’t even crossed my mind but why didn’t you call me? How long have you been sitting there?”
“Only half an hour,” she mumbled against my chest. “When you didn’t show up at ten, I got in my car and drove over. Your neighbors probably think I’m some scorned lover, waiting for you to come home so I can make a scene.”
“Hayden, you’re in Midtown. Short of setting yourself on fire in the hall, no one would give a shit,” I laughed, thankful for whatever turn of events had her landing on my doorstep.
After kissing her again—once was never enough—I got us into my condo and turned on the light. I hadn’t even noticed the small overnight bag she had beside her, my attention unable to deviate from her, and only her.
“I don’t usually do this. I mean, obviously I don’t do this since I haven’t dated in forever. But you gave me your code and . . . well, I just wanted to.” She dropped the bag at our feet, slinging her arms around my neck.
“Good on two accounts. One, I wouldn’t have given you my code if I hadn’t wanted you to use it, but more importantly, I’m glad you wanted to. I meant what I said, Hayden, I’m willing to take things slow.”
She grinned, tilting her head back. “Not too slow, I hope.”
“Tempo can be totally fluid, sweetheart. We’ll set it as we go.”
Leaving the bag at the door, I tossed my keys onto the coffee table and walked her back into my bedroom. It was still dark, not bothering with the lights as we kissed our way to my bed. The sexy dress she’d worn to dinner had been replaced by a pair of leggings and a fleece, the makeup gone from her face as well. But as far as I was concerned, she was hotter than anything I’d ever seen.
As much as I wanted her naked, I didn’t care if we spent the rest of the night just kissing. She was in my bed, and as long as she was still in it when I woke up, that was all I needed.
I kicked off my boots, pulling my lips away from her mouth long enough to talk. “Get under the covers, Hayden. It’s been a really long day and it’s going to end before either of us wants it to.”
She smiled, watching me as I lifted off her and started to strip. It wasn’t my intention to give her a show, but if that’s what she wanted, I had no problem with it.
“You want to talk about tonight? You find the guy you were looking for?” Her eyes locked on my chest, making their downward sweep to the boxer briefs I’d yet to take off.
I laughed, wondering if she was trying to be polite or was genuinely interested. Because as much as she’d asked the question, her attention was on anything other than how I’d spent my night. “Nothing to talk about. I’d rather hear about you. Tell me what you did. And you might want to lose the clothes too. I wasn’t kidding about getting into bed.” I dropped my boxer briefs, standing in front of her naked.
Even in the dark I could make out the slow swallow, her hands moving to her fleece and yanking it off. “I don’t really want to talk either.”
It was my turn for a show, watching as she peeled off the layers and tossed them to the floor.
“Guess we’ll have to do something other than talk.”
Hayden
IT WAS EARLY when Mack had left.
I hadn’t bothered to check the time, sliding my eyes open long enough to kiss him goodbye and hear him tell me he’d call me later. And whether I wanted to or not, I drifted back to sleep in someone else’s bed.
Not only was it something I wasn’t accustomed to, but I wasn’t even sure I had the ability. To be so at ease with a man who wasn’t Cooper? Positive I couldn’t sleep beside him, wake up, kiss him goodbye, and then go back to sleep in a condo that wasn’t mine. But with Mack, the reasons not to, didn’t exist.
Yes, we’d had sex. My libido had woken from a long hibernation, the desire to have sex stronger than it had been in years. And if Mack had a problem with it, he sure wasn’t showing it. But more than just the orgasms, I really loved being touched, which was a good thing considering Mack constantly had his hands on me.
It had to be midday when I finally woke up. The sheets still smelled of him, my body sore from more activity than it had gotten in years and it was only when I touched my cheeks that I noticed I was smiling for no reason.
Silently.
By myself.
Smiling.
I was happy.
Without questioning my mood or allowing random thoughts to change it, I showered in Mack’s amazing bathroom and got into some clean clothes. It wasn’t until I was pouring myself a cup of coffee that I realized I hadn’t felt like I was intruding or had the urge to leave. Even when I visited my brother and Gayle, I was careful not to overstay my welcome. But it hadn’t even occurred to me until I was flipping through Mack’s cable channels, snuggled up on his couch, that I should probably go home.
I was just about to leave when my phone rang, my smile spreading wider when I saw the name on my caller ID. “Hey you, good thing your neighbors aren’t the suspicious kind. I’m still in your condo, loitering.”
He laughed, clearly not annoyed. “I’m glad you’re still there. I like the idea of you in my space, so stay as long as you want.”
“Well, as much as I would love to do nothing but lay on your couch all day, I have a bunch of laundry I need to do and I’m behind on my transcriptions. I try and use the weekends to catch up since I don’t have to work at Target.”
“Ouch, sounds brutal. Guess I’m probably not going to see much of you tomor
row then. What time do you get off work?”
“Six,” I groaned, the weekend feeling like a fantasy vacation I didn’t want to leave. “We could do dinner though. I’ll cook.”
I hadn’t even asked if he wanted to see me, or considered whether because I wanted to see him, it made me seem needy. I didn’t think at all—asking for exactly what I wanted. Funny how something so trivial made me feel so powerful, the small assertion—a huge leap.
“Well now you’re saying all the right things. Dinner sounds amazing, but you sure you want to spend the time in the kitchen after working an entire day?”
I wasn’t the only one saying all the right things. “Mack, you made me soufflé. At night. With zero notice. I’m positive I can manage to rustle up something that’s suitably delicious.”
“Then you’ll get no arguments here. I’ll pick up some wine on my way over. And beer. I feel like since this is going so well, I don’t have to try so hard to impress you.” He laughed, having no clue that he never had to try to impress me.
Which gave me an idea.
“Hey, so you and Riley work similar hours, right?” The nerves in my stomach jangled, wondering how good of an idea it really was.
“Yep, initially it was pure coincidence we ended up on the same rotation, but I can’t say I’m not glad. Now I’m in charge of the teams, it’s a little less of a coincidence.”
“Good, so why don’t you ask him if he and Quinn are free tomorrow night as well.”
It was probably a terrible idea.
The worst.
Because it made no sense to extend an invitation when we’d barely started dating. So I was probably making one more mistake in what could very well turn into a series of them.
We were in a bubble, still working things out, with no idea what the future held. Obviously, Mack wasn’t going to be some fling, with the feelings I had for him, very real. But life had a way of being unpredictable, and who knew if six months down the road he wouldn’t end up being just a really good memory.
But none of that mattered.
I didn’t care that we could potentially break up, or if I was inadvertently welcoming in the chaos. Chaos, uncertainty—they weren’t the enemy, instead it was the false ideas I’d built up in my head.
“You want me to invite Riley and Quinn?” Mack asked, attempting to give me a chance to reconsider. “To dinner?” His voice dipped with slight concern. “Hayden, you sure you want to do that?”
“Well, you did say we’d work out our own tempo. And yes, I know it’s probably crazy and they might not even want to come. But Mack, these people are really important to you.” And I’m hoping I will be too, I finished in my head. “And I think getting to know them will help me know you better.”
“Sweetheart, I appreciate what you are trying to do. Hell, Hayden, just the fact you thought of them means a lot. And I’d love for you to meet Quinn. She’s thirty-five shades of crazy, but she’s got a good heart. But if you want to keep it just us, you’ll get no complaints from me.”
“Probably a little late in the game, Chief.” I laughed, loving how the name his men called him sounded so natural in my mouth. “You’ve already introduced me to Riley, Leighton, and Tibbs. And had me tag along on a meeting that I had no business being a part of. I think keeping it between just us isn’t going to happen.”
“Hayden, regardless of how unorthodox the circumstances were, I don’t regret that morning. I wasn’t ready to leave you, so I didn’t. Plain and simple. You want to meet Quinn and have her and Riley over for dinner, I have no problem with it. In fact, you’re probably doing me a favor. I’m positive the only reason she hasn’t knocked at the door, introduced herself, demanding to know your intentions, is because she is set to deliver any day. If she were any less pregnant, you’d have met her about three minutes after me.”
I could hear the smile in his voice, imagining for as much as he pretended Riley and Quinn were a handful, he wouldn’t have it any other way. And I loved that about him, that he didn’t care about his own discomfort, worried more about the people around him.
“Then she will probably be excited about a night out. And I’m totally fine about being asked my intentions.” And I was. It might’ve been the only thing I was sure about, but at least I had that.
“Yeah? And what are you going to tell her? You worked out if you’re comfortable calling me your boyfriend? Or do I get some other title?”
I sighed, wishing I could’ve been looking into those incredible kind brown eyes instead of just talking to him on the phone. “You’re my Mack. And I’m going to tell her that my intentions are for us to be happy. I want to make you feel as good as you make others feel. As good as you make me feel. I want us to be together, Mack. And I’m not interested in pretending I don’t want you. God, I just haven’t got the energy or the time to string it out and play hard to get.”
Habits—especially bad ones—had featured highly in the last ten or so years of my life. And I didn’t want to perpetuate them anymore. Which was why I was choosing to be brave, even though the uncertainty of it all was terrifying.
“Interesting. Having enough energy didn’t seem to be a problem last night,” he chuckled. “And just hearing all of that is enough to make me happy, Hayden. I’ll bring an extra bottle of wine.”
“Quinn’s pregnant, surely she’s not going to drink.”
“No, but you might need it.”
I shook my head, unable to contain my smile. “One bottle is fine, wiseass. And we still don’t know if they are going to say yes. They might have plans.”
“Ha! Oh, sweetheart, you have no idea. Trust me, plans or no plans, they’ll be there and not because I need to twist their arm.” He laughed, before a loud beep interrupted him. “Hayden, I need to go. I’ll call you later.”
There was no need to ask him what that beep meant. While we hadn’t spoken a lot about his work, I had a pretty good idea there weren’t many days where emergencies didn’t demand his attention. We said our quick goodbyes and ended the call so he could go do his job. And whether we spoke about it or not, what he did was really freaking impressive. And yes, it was also very sexy too.
Lifting myself off the couch, I packed my things back into my overnight bag and made sure I locked the door behind me when I left. Usually I was excited to go home, unable to wait to walk in the door and take off my bra. But leaving Mack’s and driving back to mine didn’t give me the same buzz.
Another thing that didn’t fill me with joy was traffic, which surprisingly didn’t bother me as much as it used to while I sat in my car heading back up the island. Maybe this was what being in love felt like, it had been so long I wasn’t sure. But swooning around, being happy about sitting stationary in city traffic was probably a fair indicator. Either that, or those orgasms had indeed been magical. And at that point, I didn’t care what was responsible, I was just relieved to be happy.
Gayle had been parked outside, waiting for me when I arrived at my building. It wasn’t unusual for her to stop by—living close by in Hudson Heights—but I was guessing her visit was a little more than just social.
“Noticed you removed your dating profile.” She got out of her car and walked with me to the front door. “You know they send the creator an alert when you do. You decide that casual dating is not for you? Or you met someone you want to see more regularly? And I’m not going to pretend I don’t see that overnight bag either.”
“Well, hello to you too.” I laughed, getting out my keys and letting us both into the building. “And I’ve been meaning to call you about that.”
That wasn’t a lie, I had been meaning to call. But initially I hadn’t because I didn’t know how to define what I was feeling. And then after, well, there was never a good time. “I’m seeing Mack. Have been seeing him.” I corrected myself. “Well, I really never stopped.”
A knowing smile crossed Gayle’s lips as we climbed the stairs to my condo. “You see this look?” She pointed to her face, circling i
t for good measure in case it hadn’t been clear what I was supposed to be looking at. “This is my complete lack of surprise face. You, girlfriend, are a terrible liar, and if he is half as good as you said he was from that first date, then you’d be crazy not to keep seeing him.”
I unlocked my front door, letting us both in. “You’re right. I just didn’t want to feel like I was running from one relationship to another. I wanted to get to know myself again, just be okay with being alone. And I’m not disappointed I found Mack because he’s everything I could ever want and more. But part of me feels like it is too soon.”
“Hayden. You were separated for a whole year and didn’t so much as look at a guy until your divorce was final. And that’s not even counting the years that you and Cooper had been disconnected. I think you’ve got it the other way around, honey. You haven’t been in a relationship for a very long time. And it was well past due.”
That was one way to look at it. “I just want to do it right this time. I really like him.”
Gayle pulled me into a hug, and I knew she understood I was underselling that like. But it was crazy to think those strong feelings had developed so quickly.
Instant love, love at first sight—whatever you wanted to call it—was for teenagers and twenty-year-olds who didn’t know any better. It wasn’t easy or effortless, and needed a full page with checks and balances. Plans, time, mutual discovery were all required. That way, when that sheen of the infatuation wore off, there was something more there. It was the only way to make sure you didn’t waste years away in a loveless marriage like I had. Willing to bet that even if I’d lit myself on fire, Cooper would’ve barely even noticed, let alone cared. But with Mack, it had been easy and effortless, moving from lust and infatuation so seamlessly alarm bells should be ringing. LOUDLY.
And yet, silence.