A wounded, primal cry of disbelief left my mouth as I dropped to my knees behind her head. My throat closed up as I watched them work on her. I kept running my hands through her hair, needing to touch her. I bent down and whispered in her ear over and over again. “Please don’t leave me, buttercup. I love you. Please,” I begged her. “Please don’t leave me alone.”
The skin of her forehead where I kissed her was cold. Her face was as white as a ghost. It freaked me the fuck out.
“Mack, you need to get back,” Jacob’s words barely registered with me as I spoke to her. She needed to hear my voice and know that I was here with her, waiting for her to come back to me. It was the only way she would make it through this. I knew it down to my very core. She needed me.
“Let’s go, son.” Captain Zimmerman’s voice held sympathy as he pulled me away from Megan. “They need to take her up to surgery.”
My arm reached out to touch her again, but she was too far away. “Megan,” my voice broke. “Come back to me, buttercup.”
In a flurry of movement, Megan was on a stretcher and being whisked away. I couldn’t even get one last look at her as they took her from me; the doctors shielding her from my vision. If it was possible, I could actually feel my heart being yanked out of my chest as she disappeared from view.
“Where are they taking her?” I croaked out. “I need to be with her.”
“She’s going to surgery,” Captain answered. His hand was strong on my shoulder, grounding me. I needed that right then to keep myself from spiraling out of control.
“Time of death, eleven sixteen,” a doctor said next to Ted Yates’ lifeless body mere feet from where Megan’s blood still covered the ground. My focus had been so intent on Megan, that I hadn’t paid any attention to him and his fate. He had a single bullet hole in his neck that appeared to have nicked an artery.
Rage built inside me knowing he died quickly while Megan suffered. Please, God let her make it.
My eyes searched the room and found Jacob slumped in a chair, a towel in his hand as he wiped angrily at the blood stains on his skin. He looked so haunted and appeared years older than he actually was. My eyes ventured down to my own hands and for the first time I noticed there was blood there too. I couldn’t stop looking at it. It was the only thing I had left of Megan right then.
“Let’s get you cleaned up so you can wait for her to come out of surgery,” Captain instructed me.
“No.”
“No? I thought you wanted to be with her?” He asked me with confusion.
“I don’t want to clean up. Just take me to her.”
He looked at me like I had a screw loose, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to be with Megan. Even if I had to sit in a waiting room until I could.
His hand on my shoulder guided me towards the door. My feet stopped in front of Jacob.
“Thank you,” I told him with meaning. Even if Megan didn’t live past tonight, I knew he did all he could for her. For that I was eternally grateful.
His bright eyes looked up at me and he nodded once. We both were too emotionally raw to say more. Jacob was in hell, most likely battling the demons that remained after Kara’s attack, while I was in a hell all my own.
With nothing left to say, I turned and let my Captain lead me upstairs.
Chapter Twenty-Three
John Katz came into the waiting room looking as haggard as I felt. I could barely stand to look at him. I just wanted to be alone. The waiting was really getting to me. It had been hours and yet no update had come. My only hope was that she was still alive since they were still in surgery with her.
“How is she?” He asked from a chair across from me.
“No fucking clue. They won’t tell me anything,” I said desolately.
“How bad was it?”
I gave him a hard look to show him how little I wanted to talk about the hell that was on repeat in my head. The vision of her bleeding out on the floor of the hospital room was forever burned in my brain. If I lived to be a hundred, I wouldn’t forget the events that transpired that night.
Watching Ella die had broken my soul. Watching Megan as she bled out on the floor took my soul completely. At least with Ella I had time to come to terms with losing her. Even though she went quickly, we still had a few good months before she took her last breath.
Megan and I didn’t have that luxury. Neither of us had expected our last time together might be last night. If I had only known, I would have held her tighter that morning. I would have told her I loved her and not let her out of bed. I would have found a way to show her how much she meant to me instead of being a pussy and letting the guilt over loving someone other than Ella rule my emotions.
“Mack, I need to know. I feel responsible. If I hadn’t been on vacation, I could have stopped this. Sun, sand and half-naked chicks are what kept me from taking care of her. I’ll never forgive myself for that. After losing Rachel, I can’t stand the thought of losing Megan. You have to tell me.”
“It wasn’t your fault.” I sighed. “We all should have been watching him more carefully. We knew better than to let our guards down just because he was behind bars.”
He nodded and gave me a grim look. Nothing I said was going to keep him from feeling responsible. I knew that because it was the same way I felt—complete and utter guilt.
Giving him what he wanted, I recounted the events leading up to Megan’s surgery. Wetness glistened in his red-rimmed eyes as I watched him visibly swallow. I turned my head and looked out the window to give him a moment to himself. I had already cried my tears. I’d let him cry his. It was impossible not to grieve over Megan.
“Her parents are here.” His words broke the silence that had stretched between us. I turned in time to see him reply to a text message. He stood and paced the floor waiting for them to arrive. “Have you ever met them?”
I shook my head. I hadn’t and this was the last place I wanted to meet them for the first time. Would they think me unworthy of her because I failed to protect her?
An older man and a woman bustled into the room, the woman throwing herself into John’s arms and sobbing.
I rose from my seat and tentatively stepped towards them. Megan loved her family and would want me to be as polite as possible to them, not stay locked inside myself, holed up in the corner of the room. Even if, God forbid, she didn’t make it, I would make this connection out of respect for her.
Her father looked me over and extended his hand at the same time her mother pulled out of John’s embrace and took a good look at me. When I held mine out, I realized it was still covered in Megan’s dried blood, so I pulled it back quickly, but not before she got a good look at it.
“Oh my God,” she shrieked. “Is that my daughter’s blood?”
I nodded gravely and hid my hand. At the time, keeping that piece of her with me made sense. Now I felt like a world class, selfish idiot for not cleaning up. “I’m sorry,” I said to her and then turned to her father. “I’ll go wash my hands. I’m really very sorry.”
“Wait,” his voice stopped my retreat. “Are you the young man my daughter fell in love with?”
It seemed odd to be called a young man at my age, but I nodded in answer. My heart beat faster at the realization that she had told them about me.
“Were you… there…?” His voice broke mid-sentence. I answered him with another nod. I didn’t need him to continue to know what he was getting at.
“I’m glad she had you there with her.” A fresh round of sobs came from her mother then. I looked over to see John was now holding her up. It couldn’t be easy facing the real possibility that both your daughters could be gone from this earth. It was cruel for any parent to have to face that prospect, let alone live the aftermath of it.
“I’m just going to…” I pointed over my shoulder with my thumb and made haste out of the room. Inside the bathroom that a nice nurse showed me to, I avidly scrubbed my hands. Tears fell from my eyes and mixed with the red water
swirling down the drain. Please don’t let that be the last part of her I ever have.
I swiped angrily at my face, disgusted with how weak I was. Megan needed me to be strong. She needed me to pull myself together. I had to focus on that rather than the pain weighing down on my chest like an eighty-pound gorilla.
Once I felt composed enough, I joined Megan’s family back in the waiting room. Her parents were now huddled close together on one of side of the room, while John sat across from them, staring at the floor tiles. I chose to sit a few seats down from John, wanting to give them some privacy.
“What’s your name?” Megan’s mom sniffled and asked me. “She never told us last time she was home.”
“Shane MacAllister, ma’am.”
“Shane. That’s a lovely name.”
“Thank you.” I smiled at her, enraptured by how much Megan looked like her—right down to her big, brown eyes. The only difference was that her hair, once blonde, was now liberally laced with gray.
“I’m Sue and this is Alex,” she said in way of an introduction.
“It’s nice to meet you both. I only wish it had been under better circumstances.”
“She’s going to make it,” her father said. “My girl is a fighter. She’s going to make it.”
He squeezed his wife’s hand, and we all fell into a companionable silence. One that was only broken when a doctor came in looking harried and ragged.
“Megan Huntley?” He addressed us seeing as how we were the only ones in this particular waiting room.
Each of us rose in unison and turned to face the man who held all of our fates in his hands.
“It was touch and go. Whereas none of her organs were hit, she lost a lot of blood. We were able to repair all the damage done by the knife. Her neck has us the most concerned. He didn’t get the cut all the way across, but it was deep. She has a breathing tube in right now and will need to see a plastic surgeon for the scarring. We expect her to make a full recovery though.”
A heavy dose of relief swept through the room at his words. She was alive, and she was going to make it.
“Can we see her now?” Her father asked the question we were all desperate to have the answer to.
“She’s resting. We moved her to ICU where we could monitor her progress throughout the night. If all goes well, we’ll reassess where she’s at and move her to a regular room tomorrow. You can each go in, but one at a time and only for ten minutes at a time.”
“Thank you, doctor.”
“It’s my pleasure. Megan is a great girl and an excellent doctor. We’re all heartbroken over what happened today.” Her mother reached out and hugged the man before he left.
Jacob came into the room on the heels of the doctor leaving. I turned to her parents and said, “You go first. I’ll wait until you’re done.”
“I’ll come get you,” John said as he followed them out of the room.
“I saw the doctor leave. What did he say?” Jacob asked, handing me a cup of black coffee.
“She’s in ICU but they think she’ll make a full recovery.” The scalding liquid felt good as it ran down my throat. It made me feel alive.
“I’m glad.” He struggled with saying something then, his mouth opening and closing repeatedly.
“Just say it, man,” I told him.
“How long have you been in a relationship with her?”
I sighed and rubbed the bridge of my nose. I should have known the questions would come. “I don’t know. On and off since Kara’s attack.”
“No shit? You hid it really well.”
“I don’t like people being in my business. Besides, it wasn’t supposed to be more than a few cheap thrills.” I shook my head and gave him a sad smile. “Certainly would have made dealing with today a little easier. Megan never would have allowed me to stay detached though. She wasn’t content until she owned every piece of me.”
“It’s funny how they do that,” he commented.
“Yeah. It’s going to be a long road for her. She’ll have to recover physically and mentally. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to handle it.” Almost losing Megan was terrifying. I wasn’t sure I’d survive actually losing her. It was my worst fear realized. How could I live through that? My immediate response was to break it off and save myself the potential heartache. I really needed to work my shit out before she woke up. I didn’t want her to see the indecision that was playing out in my heart through my eyes.
“Only you can figure that out for yourself, but maybe you should give yourself a little more credit.” He slapped me on the back and turned towards the door. “I have to get going. Kara is probably worried sick, especially if she saw the news. You going to be okay if we leave for our honeymoon tomorrow?”
“Yeah. Go. Have fun and kiss Kara for me.”
“Thanks. I will. I’ll check in before we leave.”
“Sounds good. Thanks again, man. Things could have gone a lot differently if you hadn’t taken control of the situation.”
He nodded and walked out of the room, leaving me alone to my thoughts.
* * *
“So hard to find my way, now that I’m all on my own…” I softly sang the lyrics to Van Morrison’s “Brown Eyed Girl” to my very own brown eyed girl. I sang every day to her as I sat in the chair next to her bed. Well the days I was lucky enough to get alone time with her. Her hospital room was a revolving door between her family, co-workers and friends.
It had been eight days since the attack and she spent most of it drugged up. I had caught her lucid a handful of times. It wasn’t nearly enough for me. Her breathing tube had been removed, but she didn’t talk much, choosing to write stuff down instead.
It’s amazing how many different ways there are to miss someone, and there was no mistake that I missed her; more than I thought possible seeing as how she was here, in front of me breathing.
It wasn’t just her body that I missed, the way it hugged my cock snugly inside and showed me levels of pleasure I never knew existed. It wasn’t just her voice, when she softly whispered to me or when she yelled bloody murder at me whenever I made her mad. It wasn’t even her touch that made me ache for her; the soothing way she would run her hands through my hair when I rested my head in her lap or on her chest.
No, it was her companionship that I missed the most; the connection that pulsed between us regardless of what we were doing. Forces beyond nature had bound us together, but our connection strained against its binds, threatening to break them. Maybe it was my fault, but it felt as though she was closing herself off from me. I had a pang in my chest just thinking about it.
Her eyes opened and having her look into my soul was like a swift kick to the gut. I stopped singing the lyrics so that I could place a kiss to her slightly parted lips. God, I missed the taste of her. My body fought against the need to consume her.
“Shane,” she said in a low, hoarse voice stopping me from kissing her again. “You should go.”
“I’m not leaving you,” I said with vehemence. “Why would you even say that?”
“You deserve better than me.”
I laughed without humor. “You made me fall in love with you and now you’re telling me that I deserve better than you. That’s rich, Megan. Do you even hear yourself?”
“You love me?” She asked with wonder in her voice. It made me smile.
“Of course I do. Didn’t you hear me all the times I told you this week?”
She shook her head as tears filled her eyes. I moved to sit on the bed next to her and cupped her cheek in my hand.
“Then let me say this. I love you, buttercup. So damn much. After all we’ve been through, please don’t ask me to leave you. I’d be devastated without you.” Her hand covered the bandage at her throat. “It doesn’t matter,” I said in reference to her healing wound. “I love you for what’s in here and here.” My thumb rubbed her temple before my hand moved to press against her chest over her heart. “You’re the one I didn’t know I needed, but t
hat I hoped for just the same. You showed me it was okay to love again. How can that be wrong?”
“Oh, Shane. I love you too.” Tears spilled down her face and the smile she gave me was radiant. The wall between us crumbled when my lips covered hers. It was the first time I was able to take a deep breath since the attack. That’s when I knew we’d be okay and things would eventually go back to the way they were.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Megan
“I need to get out of here. Can we go for a ride?” I asked Shane from the couch in my den.
It had been eight long weeks of recovery from my run-in with Ted Yates and I was going stir crazy. My mother visited frequently to smother me, and when she wasn’t hovering over me, Mack was. I was lucky either of them let me go to the bathroom by myself. Contrary to popular belief, there is nothing remotely sexy about bathing with your significant other when they are avoiding getting your bandages or stitches wet.
And the sex you ask? What sex? I hadn’t had any since the night before the attack. Mack was treating me like I was made of the finest china and would shatter if even the slightest orgasm hit me. All I had right then to get my engine revving were my wet dreams.
“My bike isn’t good for long drives. I want you to be comfortable.”
I fell back into the cushions, disappointment weighing me down. Couldn’t he see I was miserable?
“Please. I need the freedom of being on your bike with my arms wrapped around you,” I pleaded. “I can’t stay cooped up any longer. I’m going crazy. Things have to get back to normal, Shane. I can’t take it anymore.”
He sighed and his fingers laced with mine. “I can’t say no to you.”
“Good. Let’s go.” Feeling triumphant, I made to push up off the couch but he stopped me.
“I’ll help you up.” I fought the subsequent eye roll, I really did, but it made its way out just the same. I know most women would love to have a man fawn over them and do everything for them. That was not me. Besides, I’d love to see how they felt about it after eight straight weeks of not doing anything for themselves. I’d bet anything it would get old fast for them too.
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