“When are you due?”
“November tenth,” she told me. “I can’t wait to find out what we’re having. Jacob doesn’t want to know, but I do. It’s so much easier to plan that way.”
“I can imagine. You do know that sometimes they’re wrong though, right?”
She waved her hand at me, blowing me off. “I’ll take my chances.”
“We have more news,” Jacob interrupted our conversation. “We’ve decided to start looking for houses in Pennsylvania so we can be closer to my sister and the girls.” He looked at Mack then and continued. “I’m really sorry, man. Bottom of my heart, you’re the best partner I could have asked for, but I’ve got to do this. They need me and I want our little peanut to have family nearby.” He pressed his hand on Kara’s still flat belly, and I felt my lip quiver with the need to cry. It was such a beautiful moment.
Grabbing Mack’s hand, I squeezed tightly to show my support. It couldn’t be easy to lose your partner. In his line of work, you had no choice but to become tight and trust each other implicitly. Losing Jacob was akin to Mack losing a brother.
“No hard feelings,” Mack said with a slightly huskier voice than normal. “You know I wish you nothing but the best. Besides, I’ll have to stay in touch so I can keep this beauty in my life.” He blew Kara a kiss across the table.
I busted into laughter when Jacob’s hackles rose. “Dude. Watch what you fucking say about my wife.”
“It’s okay, Jacob. They can have their affair and we can have ours,” I joked. Jacob laughed, hell even Kara did. Mack, however, scowled at me.
“Not funny,” he pouted.
I smacked a kiss on his lips. “Way funny. You can dish it, but you can’t take it? Is that what I’m sensing here?”
“I can take it,” he grumbled.
My elbow poked his ribs, and I took a sip of my beer. I had no idea why I had been intimidated about hanging out with everyone. This was so relaxed and mellow that I didn’t even need to try to enjoy myself.
“It’s going to suck without you around to torture,” John said from his seat at the table. Seems he wasn’t so put off by all the feels we were throwing his way after all.
“I’m going to miss everyone. It won’t be for a while though. We need to find a place that we’re both comfortable with before we put in notice and pack our things,” Jacob replied.
“Yeah. I refuse to move until it’s perfect. Hopefully it won’t take too long to find something though because I want to be settled before the baby comes.”
Conversation strayed to less domestic topics before the guys broke off to play a round of pool at a nearby table.
I sat back, sipping my beer and watching the camaraderie that Mack shared with Jacob, John, and the newly arrived Marty. To most people, Mack was a laid back bachelor—quick to smile, always joking and laughing. Only I knew that behind closed doors he was an alpha to the core—dominating, hard, demanding, and full of kink. Best of all, he was all mine.
I loved being the only one in our group to know that nuance of his personality; the little idiosyncrasy that only I got to experience. It was a special secret that tied us together.
“Things are good? After everything?” Kara asked in a way that showed she didn’t want to pry, but rather take my pulse and make sure I was well.
“They are,” I assured her. “I should be back to work next week and I’m putting in short stints at the rape crisis center and the women’s shelter now.”
“And Mack? Things seem good there.”
“They’re really good.” I wasn’t entirely lying when I told her that. There were still things we needed to work out. Like the fact that he still hadn’t completely let me in. Sure he answered my questions whenever I asked them. It wasn’t enough though. I wanted him to volunteer information, instead of me always prying for it. And his wife… well that subject was still off limits.
“He’s a great guy. I’m so happy he found you. I’ve always worried about him. You can tell just by looking at him that he has a lot of love to give. I’m glad he’s finally giving it and getting it in return.”
I took a sip of my beer and decided it was time to change the subject. I was never very comfortable talking about myself. Mack’s and my relationship was far too personal to be sharing. “So, boy or girl? Or don’t you care?”
She sighed and gave me an endearing look. “It depends on the day. Sometimes I think it would be wonderful to watch Jacob teaching his son how to play ball or what it takes to charm the ladies. Other times I think it would be sweet to watch him brushing his daughter’s hair or carrying her on his shoulders. Either way I win.”
“That you do.”
“What about you? Have you and Mack talked at all about marriage and babies?”
I sputtered and choked on my drink thanks to that question. After coughing for several minutes, I shook my head. “No. It’s still too early for that.”
“But you want that right? A future with him?”
“You certainly are persistent tonight with the questions,” I teased her.
“Suck it up. It’s payback for all the times you forced me to talk and kept your mouth shut about the fact that you were very much hooked up with my husband’s partner. So spill. Now.” She crossed her arms and looked proud of herself for being so assertive.
“I guess I’d want those things. I’ve never really thought about it before to tell you the truth. But yeah, I could see a future with him. For now, I’m perfectly content taking it one day at a time.”
The guys chose that moment to come back to the table.
“You ready to go, Sunshine?” Jacob asked as he gave Kara a lust filled look. I turned my head towards Mack and caught him giving me my own. John was already putting his coat on and Marty seemed to have disappeared.
“Yes. Take me home, stud.” She stood and slapped his ass.
“See you guys later,” Jacob said as they walked away.
“You owe me dinner, Tweedledum,” John reminded me after kissing my cheek goodbye.
“I know. How about this weekend?”
“Sounds good. Just text me and let me know for sure.” And with that he was gone, leaving Mack and me alone.
“Feel like playing?” He whispered in my ear, causing shivers to run up my spine.
“Let me think about it…” I tapped my finger on my chin as if in thought. “Lead the way.”
Was there ever a chance I would say no to that? I didn’t think so.
* * *
“Lie on the bed, face up with your hands and legs spread,” Mack’s low, commanding voice had me primed and ready to go in an instant.
As soon as I was in position, he secured each of my limbs to the bedposts. My chest rose and fell with each heavy breath I took. Anticipation was such a heady thing. Why anyone raced to the finish line was beyond me. Why I raced to the finish line for so many years was beyond me.
The bed dipped as his weight settled along the length of my body. His head descended and his tongue swirled around my nipple. Slowly and leisurely he teased my breast with his mouth. The sighs coming from me encouraged his movements.
I cried out when his teeth bit down on my nipple and tugged. Before he released it, I felt pressure there unlike anything I had ever experienced. My eyes shot open, and I looked down to see him pulling away from me, leaving a clamp on my nipple.
Oh God. That was all I could think as he slowly increased the pressure until I was moaning in ecstasy from the pain that seemed to radiate straight to my core.
Satisfied with his handiwork, he moved to the other side of my body and repeated the ministrations on the other nipple.
“Oh shit,” I cried out when he tugged on the chain that was attached to the clamps. My back arched and my head fell back.
“Perfect,” he murmured as he kissed his way down my body.
He settled between my legs. His mouth placed wet kisses on each thigh, working its way up to my wet folds. His tongue plundered me as he held eye contact
, amping up the heat level in the room. As he sucked and lapped at me, his fingers worked their way in and out of my slick channel slowly and methodically, each time stretching and rubbing my sensitive tissues.
My head fell back as intense pleasure overtook my body. I was too close to release to concentrate on what he was doing. All I could do was feel him.
“Watch,” he said against my thigh before going back to that wonderful rhythm he had mastered. I opened my eyes and attempted to focus through the haze.
Right before I toppled over the edge into a pleasure filled abyss, Mack raised himself up over me. With only his fingers working me now, his teeth clamped on the chain lying on my chest and tugged down.
“Ahhhh,” I moaned. “Do it again.”
This time he tugged upward and much harder.
“Shit, it’s coming. I’m going to come.” The thread holding me together snapped and my body stiffened as an intense orgasm took over my entire being. What made it even better? Mack removing the nipple clamps and then promptly worshipping the aching buds orally, causing my first orgasm to roll into a second one.
“God, Shane. That was amazing,” I whispered as he undid my binds.
“You’re amazing,” he said. His hands slowly rolled me to my stomach before pulling my hips back, leaving me on my knees.
He plunged into me in one smooth thrust. His loud groan echoed throughout the room when he bottomed out.
“Whose pussy is this?” He asked before pulling out and slamming back in.
“Yours.”
“Mine,” he concurred. “All fucking mine.”
And then he was fucking me. It was raw, passionate and so very out of control. Each thrust pushed me forward, making my still sensitive nipples rub against the sheets. It was like pleasure overload.
“Shane,” I moaned when he hit a particularly good spot.
“That’s right. Say my name, Megan. Tell me who this amazing, fucking cunt belongs to.”
I wasn’t sure what had gotten into him tonight, but it was hot as hell. “It belongs to you. Only you, Shane.”
His hands pulled me up, so I was straddling his legs. One arm clamped under my breasts, while the other held me to his chest right over my breasts. His hand gripped my chin, turning me so he could take my mouth.
“This is heaven,” he said against my lips. “Pure fucking heaven.”
“Yes,” I breathed as my orgasm hit.
Shane slammed into me one last time and then he came deep inside me. With each convulsion, he whispered how much he loved me. I would never get enough of hearing him say that.
My forehead pressed against his neck as I struggled to gather my scattered wits. Once I could manage it, I whispered, “You’re right. Being with you is pure fucking heaven.”
And I wasn’t lying.
Chapter Twenty-Six
“Why do you like domination?” I asked a question that had been asked months ago, at the start of our relationship, and that I hadn’t liked the answer to.
I wasn’t sure why my mind went there when we were quietly sharing our days. I just opened my mouth and out it came. Now I was a dog with a bone, wanting my answer while we laid in bed, decompressing from a long day. It had been my first day back to work, which meant it was more taxing than I had planned for. It had been just my luck that instead of being a mild or even slow day, it was a day from hell with not one, not two, but three multi-car pileups.
I wasn’t as prepared for the lingering stares on the scar that took up a better portion of my throat. I hadn’t felt self-conscious about the mark until going back to work. It’s like every time someone would talk to me, their eyes would immediately gravitate to that spot. It flustered and angered me at the same time. The plastic surgeon had recommended skin grafts, but I hadn’t made the decision yet on what I wanted to do. For now, I needed the reminder that I was alive—even if that reminder came in the form of a scar.
“I already told you,” he said in a slightly clipped voice. Then in a quick turnabout with his signature smirk, he palmed my breast and went to nuzzle my neck. My hand pressed against his face and pushed him away.
“No. You gave me a bullshit answer and then tried to distract me, just like now.” I was not going to let him sidetrack me with sex. I wanted to know, and I was going to find out damn it. “You promised me you’d let me in. Let me in, Shane.”
“You aren’t going to like the answer,” he told me after a long pause. Then he unceremoniously flopped down on his back next to me.
“Maybe not, but it’s a part of you and I want to understand it, even if I don’t like it.” I had no idea how very much I was not going to like his reason. Looking back on it though, I still would have forced the issue even if I had known.
“Fine.” He let out a heavy sigh and scrubbed his hands down his face. “I always got off on using toys with Ella.”
“Who’s Ella? Your wife?” I interrupted. My heart sped up in anticipation of learning more about this part of him. He had never used her name before, and I was hungry for knowledge.
“Yes. After she died I started experimenting more with the pain as pleasure principle, tying women up and the like.”
“The kink you enjoy?” I inquired.
“Yes. The kink that I enjoy.”
“Why though? Was it just a compulsion you had?”
“No.” He shook his head and looked away. I bit my lip to keep quiet and not push too much. I knew all too well what it was like when someone was pushing you outside your comfort zone and making you admit things out loud that you only ever admitted in your head. I honestly didn’t think he would continue, but he eventually looked back at me and blew my world to pieces. “I did it to keep women at a distance. The only person I’d ever made love to is Ella. I didn’t want to give anyone that part of myself because it already belonged to her.”
“I see.” There was no way to hide the hurt his words inflicted. Even though he said he loved me, I didn’t have all of him. We were no further ahead than we were when I walked out on him at the police station all those months ago. It was as if I had fallen and had the wind knocked out of me—my chest burned, and I struggled for air.
“No, you don’t. God, I’m doing this all wrong.” He scrubbed his hands down his face again in frustration. “With you it’s different.”
“So you say, but yet you tie me up and do kinky things to me every time we’re together,” I argued. While there was sound logic in my argument, I also knew I was fixating rather than believing that things really were different with me. Hadn’t I already figured that out?
“Not every time. Don’t you see? I’ve let you farther in than anyone else has gotten since her.” He stood up and started pacing in front of the bed, wearing nothing but his jeans.
“If that’s the case, then tell me about her. I want to know what she was like. What your life was like before she died.” I sat up and walked on my knees to the edge of the bed and waited for him to work through the heavy emotions that flitted across his face in rapid succession.
“I can’t,” he finally admitted.
“No. You won’t. There’s a big difference there,” I said in a raised voice.
“I don’t want to hurt you.” He held his hands out in defeat.
“Newsflash!” I yelled. “You already have. If you can’t give me this last bit of yourself than this isn’t going to work. I’ve been patient, Shane. More patient than most women would be. Do you want us to work or not?”
“You know I do.”
“Then tell me,” I pushed. I really was a stubborn bitch when something was important to me, and my stubbornness worked because something inside, holding him back broke.
“She was my world!” He impassionedly shouted. “You happy now?”
No, I most certainly was not—no woman liked hearing from her man that another woman was his world—but I wasn’t going to admit that to him now that he finally gave me a piece to the puzzle that was him. “Was that so hard?”
“Yes
!” He continued shouting and resumed pacing in front of the bed. The room filled with his despair, almost to the point that it was suffocating. Without any warning, he grabbed his shirt from the floor and stomped down the stairs, ignoring my calls for him to come back.
I laid back on the bed at a total loss for words. A deep need to mourn for Mack’s loss washed over me. I curled into a ball and let the tears fall. My sad, sweet man was still a young, hurt man-boy inside. I was clueless as to how I could help him move on with his life. I wasn’t so sure it was even possible.
* * *
Mack
When the going gets tough, the tough get going. Or in my case, they start running.
Driving aimlessly for hours following my heated discussion with Megan, I found myself on the road home—to the house that I grew up in; my mother’s house. Common sense told me to turn around and attempt to make things right with Megan. The crestfallen look on her face when I admitted to how dark my demons really were, made it feel like someone was twisting a knife in my heart. She deserved better than a broken man like me.
What I needed was to get my head on straight and the only one who could help me with that was Ella. I couldn’t stand the idea of hurting Megan any more than I already had. The whole reason I never told Megan all the shit swirling around inside me when it came to Ella was because I knew it would only hurt her. It’s the old adage, what you don’t know won’t hurt you. They say that because what you don’t know can and will hurt you the most.
Resolved to move on with my future, I needed to make peace my past. Which was why I drove to my mom’s house; so I could visit with Ella at her grave. She might not physically be here anymore, but since her funeral, I always felt closest to her there.
I hadn’t told Megan where I was going. Prideful to the core, I sent her a simple text last night telling her I was fine and would see her in a day or two once I got my head straight. I knew if I talked to her that one of two things would happen—either I’d cave and go home, which would solve nothing; or I would cave and tell her where I was, only serving to cause her more pain. I didn’t want her to think I was choosing Ella over her. It was the opposite actually.
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