by Sian Ceinwen
“Not really.”
“Does she know that we saw each other at the concert?”
“I’m not certain,” he looked ashamed.
“Fuck, Gabe, does she know anything about me at all?”
“She knows that I wrote Heart Wide Open about my ex, but we haven’t specifically talked about you. I don’t know what anybody else has told her,” he grimaced.
Ariana put her head in her hands and took some deep breaths to calm down. Charlotte had been right; this was a terrible idea. It was obvious to her now that she and Gabriel couldn’t really be friends, but she wouldn’t walk away from him without explaining why this time.
“I’m going to talk now, and I think it’s best if you don’t say anything more.”
Gabriel nodded solemnly.
“I love you, Gabriel Knight. I’ve probably loved you since the night we met. I never stopped loving you even after I walked away,” she took a deep breath and continued, “it would be so easy for us to go into your bedroom right now and fuck each other’s brains out, but it would also be so, so wrong.
“Whatever you and Elena have together is your thing, but you are not this guy, you’re not the guy who sneaks around behind his girlfriend’s back with his ex. I don’t want you to be that guy, and I know that you don’t want to be that guy.”
He opened his mouth to say something, but she held her hand up to stop him. It was too dangerous for him to speak; there was nothing that he could say right now that would be good for anyone in this situation.
“So we can’t be friends, Gabe. I’m sorry, but I love you too much. I don’t want there to be any question of that. If things don’t work out with Elena, I will be here, waiting. Just make sure that things end with her for the right reasons and not because of me. You’ve done your waiting, and now I’ll do mine. Whether it’s two weeks, two years, or two decades, I will still love you.”
She leaned over and kissed his cheek gently. Her lips were burning from that small touch. Then she stood, turned, and walked out of his life for a second time.
The One
Ariana was sitting on her sofa with a slice of pizza in her hand. It was Saturday night, and Charlotte had come around to hang out.
“So, how are things going with Tim?” Ariana asked her.
Charlotte had been seeing her Tinder guy for four weeks now, and so far, it seemed to be going well.
“It’s pretty awesome, he told me that he loves me,” Charlotte blushed as she took a sip from the vodka and orange that Ariana had made her.
Ariana raised her eyebrows, “that’s quick, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, kind of, but he’s amazing. Is it dumb to think he’s ‘The One,’ this soon?” Charlotte asked her, looking uncharacteristically nervous about the answer.
Ariana cringed, “no, I can see how happy you two are, together. Then again, we all know that I walked out on ‘The One,’ twice. You probably shouldn’t take my word for it.”
She took a healthy swig from her own vodka, and Charlotte gave her a smile, “come on, Ariana, you know that he’s probably going to come back to you.”
“I know. I keep reminding myself that I left him. I’m lucky that he even wanted to see me again. I asked for this. I didn’t want him to just dump Elena for me, and I sure as shit didn’t want to be his mistress.
“You don’t know Gabriel, Charlotte, but he’s the most amazing man ever. He’s kind and caring, and he was so fucking patient with me when I was busy having panic attacks about how badly I didn’t want to be seen with him.”
Charlotte looked at her with a frown, “so, it was really that bad? You still haven’t really told me why you ever broke up with him.”
Ariana sighed heavily. They’d talked about this here and there, but Ariana hadn’t really gone over the whole story. The only person that she’d ever really spoken to about it was her therapist, but over the last four weeks, her friendship with Charlotte had really gotten a lot closer. They’d always been friendly, but now they really were friends.
“Well, I told you about my uncle, of course. I also just, I don’t know, always had really negative self-worth. You’d think that having a man like Gabriel Knight fall in love with you would make that better, but for me, it didn’t. I just constantly saw other women wanting him. Regardless of the fact that he had no interest in them, I kept thinking that one day, he would.
“A part of that would’ve been having seen what my family went through, but mostly it was just me being stupidly insecure. I had all sorts of crazy ideas, that I wasn’t good enough for him, that I was bad for him and making his life worse. Do you know how I left?”
Charlotte shook her head, of course, she didn’t.
“It was the day after they won their first Grammys. Remember Ariel?” Ariana pointed to herself.
Charlotte laughed, “yeah, I kind of figured that must have been you.”
“Yeah, so that story happened. I freaked the fuck out. They had this massive meeting with Cooper and a bunch of people from Sierra to figure out what they would do. Meanwhile, I decided to leave.”
“You left without even saying goodbye?” Charlotte gasped.
“Pretty much. I said goodbye to Gabriel, even though he begged me to stay. Sebastian came to my hotel room and gave me shit about going. Oh, my god, he was so angry. You don’t even know, Seb left me these voicemails. Well, they all did.
“Heather, oh shit. She’s the best fucking person ever, and I loved her so much, we were total besties, but I literally never spoke to any of them again after I left.”
Charlotte frowned at her, “Ariana, that’s awful. Like…cruel.”
“You think I don’t know?” Ariana gave a bitter laugh, “I’ve spent two years feeling guilty as shit for it. I literally see a therapist once a month, and, hey, I thought I’d mostly gotten past it until March.”
There was silence in the room, and Ariana could feel her friend’s judgment of her actions. It wasn’t anything that she didn’t already know. None of the members of Cruise Control had any obligation to forgive her for what she’d done.
“Well,” Charlotte eventually said, with a grin creeping on to her face, “now Heart Wide Open makes a shitload more sense to me.”
Ariana laughed, “I know, right. Think you’re getting a deeper understanding of Hurts Like Hell?”
“Yeah, I also can’t say that you don’t entirely deserve that song, Ariana Chamberlain,” Charlotte stuck her tongue out at Ariana.
“Truer words have never been spoken. I’ve listened to Heart Wide Open a few times over the last couple of weeks,” Ariana admitted.
“It’s pretty awesome, but that sounds like you’re a glutton for punishment,” Charlotte said.
“I really hope that he does come back to me. He waited a year and a half for me to come to my senses, why the fuck didn’t I follow my therapist’s suggestion and try contacting him?” Ariana moaned.
Charlotte shrugged, “you can’t change what you did. You can’t control what he does now. You know you were wrong, beating yourself up about it won’t help anything.”
“I can see why Tim’s in love with you,” Ariana said with a cheeky smile, “you’re pretty awesome, Charlotte.”
“Thanks, Ariana. I have no idea what Gabriel sees in you, though!” Charlotte told her with a wicked grin.
“With friends like you, who needs enemies?” Ariana laughed.
They spent the rest of the evening talking and played a few card games. It was a good night, and Ariana was glad that she had a friend to talk to about this. Later, she lay in bed and opened up a search in the browser on her phone. She typed in ‘Gabriel Knight,’ and looked at the pictures.
Apparently, Cruise Control had been out at a club tonight. There were pictures of them there. Harrison had his arm around Heather, and they looked as happy and in love as ever. Hayden didn’t seem to have anyone with him tonight, and Ariana wondered if he was still getting over the break up that she’d read about.
Sebastia
n looked devastatingly handsome in dark jeans and a bright blue shirt that matched his eyes. He had his own arm around a beautiful, brunette woman. Ariana had no idea who she was but wasn’t surprised by that. He’d probably picked her up tonight.
Then, there was Gabriel and Elena. They looked beautiful together, but they weren’t holding hands. He didn’t have his arm around her like his friends did with the women they were with. Ariana felt awful for hoping that they would break up; it felt ghoulish and mean. There was no guarantee that even if he did, he would come straight back to her.
Then again, Ariana felt deep within herself that he would. It felt as though they were finally on their way back to one another, and Ariana swore that if they ever got there, she would never be so foolish as to let him go again.
Life Goes On
“TGIF!” Ariana said to Charlotte as she returned from her afternoon meeting with a client.
“Tell me about it,” Charlotte grinned at her.
It had been seven weeks since she had seen Gabriel, now. There had been a few more articles that had come out in that time about Gabriel and Elena going on dates, events where they’d been spotted in public, and Charlotte’s support had been great.
Ariana kind of thought that the more recent ones looked like things were tense between them, and apparently, she wasn’t the only one. Break-up rumors had started circulating a couple of weeks ago.
“Are you and Tim going out tonight?” Ariana asked Charlotte.
“Yeah, we’ve got dinner at his parents’ place. I’m so nervous.”
“They’ll love you, and if they don’t, I’ll go around and knock some sense into them!” She hit her open palm with her fist.
They both laughed, and Charlotte gave her a high five, before asking, “what about you? Up to much tonight?”
“You know me, I’ve got a hot date with my sofa and Netflix!”
Charlotte laughed at her, and then a serious look crossed her face, “you promise to stay away from the gossip sites?”
“Yes, ma’am,” Ariana gave her a salute.
“Good to hear. Reading about Gabriel and Elena just doesn’t do you any good,” Charlotte gave her a hug.
At five o’clock, they both packed up their belongings and headed out of the building. As they walked outside, Charlotte gasped.
“What’s wrong?” Ariana asked her.
She looked up to see Gabriel leaning casually against the low brick wall out the front of their office building.
“Hey, Ari. Hey, Charlotte,” he said with a smile.
“Gabriel, what the hell are you doing here?” Ariana asked in shock.
“Well, I’m happy to see you, too!” He laughed.
He strode over to Ariana and threw his arms around her, crushing her into a hug. She closed her eyes as he buried his face in her hair.
“God, I missed you,” his voice was muffled by her hair.
He set her back from him, and she steadied herself as she almost fell over. She blushed as she realized that Charlotte was watching them with an open mouth.
“I missed you, too, but what are you doing here?”
“I thought that I’d come and surprise you. We’ve got a lot to talk about,” he said without giving any more explanation, “do you mind if I take your workmate off your hands, Charlotte?”
“Uh, not a problem. Have a great weekend, Ariana!”
Gabriel began walking away, and she followed him. She saw that his car was parked right in front of the building. He opened the passenger door for her, and she got in.
“What’s going on, Gabe?” She asked when he’d joined her in the car.
“Elena and I have broken up,” he said, “put your seatbelt on. I can’t drive until you’re buckled up.”
She did as instructed, in a complete daze. He was here, she was sitting in his car, what the hell was happening?
“My place or yours?” He asked her.
“Oh, um, doesn’t matter. I live in Oak Park, so yours might be closer?”
“It is,” he told her and let his gaze roam over her from head to toe, “and the sooner we can get out of this car, the better.”
Ariana felt herself flush, and Gabriel grinned at her. It was a short drive to his high-rise building in downtown Chicago, and she stared out the window numbly as they drove. He’d broken up with Elena, he’d come to see her, she wanted to ask him what this all meant, but she didn’t dare speak a word.
They entered the parking garage underneath the building. Once they’d parked, he got out and came around to open her door for her. She got out and followed him to the elevator.
While they waited for it to arrive, he put his arms around her and held her in front of him, her back to his chest. Being in his arms felt like coming home; it was so right. When the elevator pinged to let them know it had arrived, he kissed the top of her head and let her go so she could walk in.
He stood next to her in the elevator, and he began running his hand up and down her back. She looked at his face, saw that his eyes were hooded, and knew that he was feeling the same way that she was.
Once the elevator reached Gabriel’s floor, he took out his key and opened the door to his apartment. As soon as they were inside and the door was closed behind them, Gabriel grabbed her and kissed her deeply.
“I’ve waited two years to do that again,” he said when the kiss ended, breaking the charged silence between them.
“Gabriel, what’s happening? Tell me everything.”
He led her over to a sofa in the living area. He sat down next to her and faced her.
“I took what you said very seriously, sweetheart. The day after I saw you, I told Elena everything. I told her about our whole relationship, how you left, how we met again at the concert and that I went to your work and we had talked.
“I admitted that we’d been texting and that I’d invited you over and that you’d come and we almost had sex, but you stopped us. I even told her that if you hadn’t come to your senses, I wasn’t about to come to mine. I told her that you had said you loved me and would wait for me.”
Ariana was completely shocked. She didn’t know what she had expected, but she was impressed that he hadn’t held any of the truth back from Elena. She was stunned at his admission that he hadn’t been going to stop them from having sex, and she was ashamed at how close she had come to not stopping them, either.
“To say that she was upset would be an understatement. It was one of the hardest conversations that I’ve ever had in my life. She thought I was breaking up with her, but I did take what you said to heart, Ari. I didn’t want you to be the reason we broke up.”
He stopped for a moment and looked at her very intensely. Then, he closed his eyes and sighed before continuing.
“We tried to make it work. We even did a few sessions of couples counseling, but it was obvious that it wasn’t working, so we agreed a couple of days ago that it would be best if we split up.
“I know that you didn’t want to be the reason we broke up, but, in all honesty, it was over as soon as I saw you at the concert that night. Everything I felt for her paled in comparison to how I felt with just an instant of being with you.”
Ariana’s heart soared with the knowledge that he felt the connection between them just as strongly as she did.
“I told myself that I could forget you if only I had a chance to talk through it with you, so I came to see you at your work, but everything we had was still there, and more. I lied to myself that we could be friends, and I’ll forever be grateful that you stopped us from crossing the line that night when the time wasn’t right,” he took her hands and pulled her up from the sofa, “is that enough of an explanation for now?”
There would be more time to talk later. He’d told her everything that she needed to hear at the moment. He was single, and he wanted to be with her.
“Yes.”
“Is there anything else you need to know before I fuck you?”
She had forgotten how easily he could
make her so intensely aroused, and she immediately felt a familiar ache between her thighs at his words. She shook her head in response to his question, and he pulled her over to the California king bed in his bedroom, then pushed her gently onto it. She lay on her back and swallowed heavily while looking at him.
“Oh god, Ari,” Gabriel groaned, “I can’t believe I have you in my bed again.”
“Come join me here, then,” she said huskily.
She didn’t have to ask him twice. He climbed onto the bed and lifted up her dress. She wished that she had worn sexier underwear that day, but Gabriel didn’t seem to notice as he peeled her panties off her.
Ariana felt deliciously exposed and bit her lip as Gabriel drank in the sight of her before he spread her legs and buried his face between them. She was already so wet, and she moaned loudly as he continued licking her while he pushed his fingers in and out of her.
After he’d brought her to orgasm, he made his way up to kiss her mouth. She could taste her juices as they mingled with the taste of him. He reached down and unbuckled his jeans, not bothering to take them off and just lowered them enough to release his erection and roll a condom on himself.
He pressed into her, and Ariana gasped then moaned loudly. She was so wet and willing, and this felt even more amazing than she remembered. They moved in sync and eventually toppled over into orgasm together.
They lay together, breathing heavily, and Gabriel shifted his weight slightly so that he wasn’t directly on top of her. He kissed her on the mouth and then began feathering kisses all over her face and neck and any bits of exposed flesh he could get to.
“God, I love you,” he said.
“I love you, too,” she replied and pulled him down so that she could kiss him on the mouth.
Once they’d caught their breath, they made their way to the shower, where they both took their clothes off and jumped in together. Gabriel grabbed a sponge and washed her from head to toe. It was incredibly erotic, and Ariana returned the favor. As she was cleaning his legs, she got on her knees and took his cock in her mouth.