by Tracy Brown
I understood her reluctance. Mr. Matheson would do everything in his power to keep me away from his daughter. The only option was obvious.
“So, move in with me,” I said. She had proven herself to me. “Bring your stuff and move into my place in Brooklyn.”
Olivia and Lucky both seemed surprised to hear me say that. Lucky smiled. “La, that’s a big step,” she reminded me. “Are you sure?”
I nodded and smiled back at her despite my physical pain. “I’m sure.” It was settled. Lucky started movin’ into my Brooklyn brownstone.
Olivia
Zion and I kept a safe distance at the hospital. Our occasional eye contact said it all, though. I was still buggin’ out over the fact that we had sex. I had been praying for that to happen for so long, and when it finally did, I couldn’t believe it. I wondered if what happened between us had to do with us being upset about Lamin. Was it the weed? The liquor? What would happen now? I had a dozen questions, and not one answer. Zion was back in the streets again, and I was left to wonder.
Zion was so fly that any chick with eyes would be feelin’ him. But when I spent the night with him, I got a glimpse at a side of him I had never seen before. I wanted to see more of that Zion. I wanted to belong to that Zion. My mind was made up.
After handling all types of shit in the street, talking to Lamin, and helping Lucky move her stuff to Lamin’s house, Zion finally got around to me. We were all at Lamin’s place. Lucky was busy rearranging my brother’s closet to accommodate all her shit. I sat in the living room with Zion.
“So, wassup?” I sensed that he wasn’t comfortable being alone with me.
“Everything’s just crazy right now,” he said, rubbing his eyes. “Wassup with you?”
“Wassup with us, Zion?” I don’t like to beat around the bush.
Zion was not surprised by my bluntness. He looked into my eyes and seemed helpless. “Olivia, whatchu want me to say?”
“What do I want you to say? Say what you feel, Zion!”
He looked at his watch. “I gotta go.”
“What? Zion, what the fuck is wrong with you?”
“YO!” Zion struggled to keep his voice low. “Olivia,”he said. “We gotta forget about what happened and get this money.”
“Zion, how you gonna act like that shit didn’t mean something to you?”
“I’m not saying that.”
“Well, what are you saying then?” I would never give a nigga the satisfaction of seeing me cry, but I was bawling on the inside. “You’re saying that you’re too scared of Lamin—”
“I ain’t scared of shit, Olivia!” Zion gave me a fierce look. “I respect your brother, that’s all I’m saying.”
“Zion, Lamin would be happy for me as long as I was happy with you. Let’s just tell him that we—”
“Nah.” Zion shook his head. “You must be hearing me, but you ain’t listening,” he said. “We gotta forget that shit happened and get this money.”
Zion stood up and yelled, “Yo, Lucky, I’m out!”
Lucky came out of the room and I think she knew we’d been arguing. My facial expression betrayed my emotions ’ cause I was heated! Zion put his baseball cap on, hugged Lucky, and left. I stood in the window watching his car pull away.
Lucky said, “Girl, come help me put away all these shoes.” I followed her into Lamin’s bedroom. All the while, I was wondering when she would start with all the questions chicks usually throw at you when your guard is down. I’m a tough bitch. My demeanor allows me to front like I got my shit together 24/7. But in reality, I fall apart sometimes. Usually, I manage to do it privately. But this time, I was with Lucky, my brother was hospitalized, my moms was a wreck, and now Zion was shittin’ on me. I quickly wiped the tears that fell from my eyes.
Lucky had no less than twenty pairs of shoes—girlie, sexy shoes and expensive sneakers. I picked up a pair of red pumps. “I know you heard me and Zion arguing,” I said.
Lucky kept stacking the shoes in the closet. “Yeah,” she said.
I waited for the questions. Nothing.
“Well, Zion won’t talk to me and that shit is frustrating!”
Lucky nodded. “All guys are like that sometimes.”
“Lucky, I like Zion, and I can tell he feels the same way about me. But Lamin don’t want me with him. All of a sudden he’s actin’ like I don’t mean nothing and that’s fucked up.”
Lucky nodded again and sat down on the king-sized waterbed, leaning back on the leather headboard. “If you care about Zion, forget what Lamin says. You have to follow your heart and do what is best for you.” She folded her hands across her chest. “I love Lamin so much and my father wants me to be with a different kind of guy. I had to do what was best for me. Fuck what my father says about him.”
I was overwhelmed by all my personal anguish.
“At least you have a father,” I said. “I just want to know what it’s like to have a father. I don’t even know what that’s like.” The truth in that statement hit me like a ton of bricks for the first time in my life. A sob caused me to hiccup tears, and I cried for a void in my life I didn’t realize I had.
Lucky stared at me for a second. It seemed like she didn’t know what to do. I had never let my guard down. But she tossed me a box of tissues from the dresser and said, “Than you for taking off your mask.” She smiled sympathetically and threw me a pair of pajamas.”You’re staying here tonight. We’re going to get some shit off our chests this evening!”
And that’s just what we did. We sat in the home she now shared with my brother, drinking Alize, and taking turns crying. And in a way, Lucky became fam that night. It felt good to vocalize my pain, and she made me feel comfortable about it. I still had my dignity because she offered me advice instead of calling me childish. She shared her own struggles, and that night I finally made a female friend.
And that was one hurdle jumped. Just a few more to go.
Lamin
One day while Olivia was visiting with me, Zion came to see me, and by the look on his face I could tell he was troubled. I asked what the problem was.
“Lamin,” he told me. “The block is hot right now.” Bodies had started turning up in Shaolin, and the police were sniffin’ around the victims’ most recent enemies. It didn’t help that the nigga that allegedly shot me was found dead along with two of his cohorts in a wooded area on Travis Avenue. All three had gunshot wounds to the head. Word on the street was that Zion was right on the authorities’ radar. “Ain’t nobody fuckin’ with us ’cause everywhere we go, the boys got their eye on us.”
I felt bad. I was not in a position to do anything to help my partner in crime.
Zion continued. “I had to let a bunch of workers go from Shaolin. I kept Kilo and Don from the Harbor, R. J. and Banks from Now Born, and Shane from the Hill. But everyone else got a pink slip. Now I’m focusing most of my energy on Brooklyn. But niggas in Brooklyn have more options than these guys on the Island. Brooklyn ain’t payin’ that much for a brick. I’m gonna have to make some trips out of state.”
A warning bell went off in my head. Zion had never taken those trips by himself. We had always been a team. Suddenly, the shit got flipped and I was laid up in the hospital and Zion was out there on his own—holding down his money and mine.
“We never make them trips alone,” I said. “I don’t feel right with you being down there without any backup.”
Zion shrugged. “Ain’t no choice, La. We gotta get this money, and it’s too hot in New York right now. You ain’t in no position to go nowhere. So I gotta make this trip by myself.”
“I can go with Zion,” Olivia spoke up. She had been sitting quietly in the corner soaking up our conversation. Up to that point, she had been listening quietly but all of a sudden she had the solution to all our problems.
“What good would that do?” Zion asked frowning.
“I could play Lamin’s role. You show me the ins and outs, and I’ll play my position. I’m a fas
t learner, plus I’m his sister and it’s my job to have his back.” Olivia was trying real hard to sound convincing. I wasn’t having it.
“Hell no!” I tried to sit up in bed but the pain that surged through my back like fire reminded me of them two slugs. I laid myself back down nice and slow. “My baby sister ain’t gettin’ involved in the game.”
“That’s the fuck it, Lamin! I’m not your ‘baby’ sister anymore. I’m grown, goddamn it, and ain’t nobody in this room a baby.” Olivia had a point but I did not appreciate her tone of voice. “Lamin, you’ve always been there to hold me down. From the second I could walk, you’ve been holding my hand. All my clothes, jewelry, and money came from you. I want to hold you down now, La. Zion needs a partner. You’re out of commission. I don’t do shit but watch Erica Kane’s triflin’ ass all day, so let me help you.”
As hard as I tried to come up with a rebuttal, I couldn’t. Zion seemed to come up empty, too, ’cause he shrugged his shoulders and looked at me. “Ain’t nobody else we can trust with something like this, La.”
I shook my head. “Gotta be somebody else.”
Olivia folded her arms across her chest. “Who, Lamin? Lucky? You gonna turn ‘Miss Goody Two-Shoes’ on to a life of crime?”
Zion chuckled at the thought.
I chuckled a little, too, even though it hurt to laugh. Finally, I said, “Olivia, I don’t feel right about this at all!” I let out a heavy sigh and stared at my beautiful grown-up sister for a long while. “If anything happens to you …”
“Kill that noise, Lamin. Ain’t nothin’ gonna happen to me. Zion’s got my back.” Olivia winked at Zion and he smiled like a shy adolescent. I was startin’ to wonder what the unspoken conversations they were having was all about, but Lucky came in before I could question it. She greeted Zion and Olivia and then came to my bed.
“Hey, handsome,” she said, smiling. She leaned over and gave me a kiss, and that shit had me smiling, too. Zion and Olivia were right on cue. They rose to leave.
Zion gave me a pound. “Yo, La, I’ma get up witchu tomorrow. Right now, let me go show Olivia what time it is. Get some rest.” I nodded and bid my friend good-bye.
Olivia hit me playfully in the arm. “Love you, Lamin.” She blew me a kiss and off they went.
I said a prayer that nothing would go wrong. ’Cause if it did, I would never forgive myself.
NINE
a lot to learn
Zion
I took Olivia through all the steps involved in running an empire. The same way I had schooled Lamin once upon a time, I was now schooling her. She picked it all up quickly, too. I showed her how to use baking soda to cut the product to maximize the profit. Before I knew it, she had that shit down pat, and I was wishing I could be half as good at it as she was. I brought her around the way and introduced her to the workers—first around my way in Brooklyn and then out in Shaolin. They all respected her to the fullest on the strength of Lamin. Then it was time for the biggest challenge—showing her ass how to drive.
Olivia liked to act like she had the world all figured out. If you tell her she can’t do something, she will break her neck—literally—trying to prove you wrong. In a way, I admired that quality in her. But on the other hand, that shit can be dangerous.
I made the mistake of telling her that I was going to teach her how to drive.
“I know how to drive, Zion. Lamin taught me.” She was offended.
I laughed at her. “Lamin taught you how to drive to the store and to the beauty parlor. I’m gonna show you how to drive when you need to get away from the boys.”
“What boys?” Olivia looked confused.
I shook my head in frustration. It was times like this that I wondered whether or not she was cut out for this shit. “THE ‘BOYS,’ Olivia! Five-oh. The jakes. The boys in blue. Po—po …” I was tired of explaining simple shit to her!
“Alright, Zion, damn! I get it!” she yelled. “You always try to make me feel stupid.”
“Then stop sayin’ stupid shit!”
“I ain’t sayin’ stupid shit!”
“Well, stop asking stupid-ass questions, then!”
“I wouldn’t have to ask stupid questions if your stupid ass would explain shit right the first time!”
I had to smile to myself. Olivia never backed down for shit, and I loved that about her.
“C’mon!” I barked. She followed me pouting like the spoiled brat that she was.
Time to show her a thing or two.
When we got to the car I threw her the keys, and she caught them with one hand. That was impressive for a girl whose nails were always perfectly manicured. She didn’t look like the sporty type, but Olivia was a tomboy at heart. But she had to be the loveliest tomboy I’d ever seen.
She hit the power locks, and I opened the passenger side door, while she climbed into the driver’s seat. She put on her seat belt, adjusted her mirrors, and all that shit they teach you in driver’s ed. I guess I was supposed to be impressed, but it would take more than that to make me amazed. I told her to drive to Forest Avenue. She did, and the whole time she was obeying the speed limit, following all the rules. When we got to Forest Avenue, I told her to turn right, and soon we were at the red light in the turning lane headed for the expressway. Olivia had panic written all over her face. I saw the little beads of sweat falling on her face, despite the fact that the air conditioning was pumping frigid air through the vents. I smiled, satisfied to know that this girl who was usually so sure of herself was now sweating bullets and nervous.
“What’s the matter?” I asked, trying to hide my joy.
Olivia swallowed hard. “Zion, I never drove on the expressway before.”
Her voice was so low that I pretended to strain to hear her. “What?”
Olivia was pissed now. “I said, I never drove on the expressway, Zion!”
The light turned green. “Well, you will now,” I said. “Make this left and just follow the car in front of you.”
Olivia looked like a deer caught in headlights as she slowly turned the steering wheel. The cars behind us pressed their horns at her slow ass, but Olivia was determined to maintain her thirty-mile-per-hour speed.
“You have to speed up,” I told her. She said nothing and continued cruising toward the expressway. Soon we were set to merge into the long line of cars that were boarding the Staten Island Expressway. Instead of putting on her signal and finding an opportunity to get in the lane, Olivia stopped dead in her tracks. The cars behind us were really honking now!
“OLIVIA! Get in the lane!” I yelled.
Olivia shot me a treacherous look and hit the gas, turning the wheel so far to the left that the car jerked forward and into the left lane cutting off a Honda Civic. The driver … son looked like he was gonna lose control of that Civic! But he didn’t. He blasted his horn and yelled all kinds of shit at us. Olivia, like a true New Yorker, gave him the finger and kept right on going. Now, we were on the expressway. Olivia’s right leg, her driving leg, was shaking and trembling from nervousness. We were in the slow lane, but Olivia was still going thirty miles per hour. Cars were switchin’ lanes and givin’ her dirty looks. I laughed out loud when an old lady passed us in her car and yelled, “Sunday driver!” at the top of her lungs. Olivia didn’t find shit funny.
“Zion, what the fuck are you laughing at?”
I composed myself and decided to show her how to drive for real. “Shut up, and listen for once, Miss I—can—drive!” Olivia was heated. I didn’t care. “Get all the way over to the last lane.”
“That’s the fast lane, Zion!” she protested.
“No shit! Get in that lane.”
Olivia put on her turn signal and kept driving, waiting for an opportunity to present itself.
“Ma, you can’t wait for somebody to let you in!” I told her. “You have to make them let you in.”
“How?” she asked me, looking all frustrated.
I felt a little sorry for her. Just a litt
le. “You gotta trust me and follow my directions,” I said.
Olivia nodded.
“First of all, pick up some speed,” I told her. She pushed the gas until the speedometer read sixty. Her leg was really shakin’ now. “Now after this white car passes, get in the next lane.”
Olivia looked in the rearview mirror. “But there’s a red car right behind it, Zion. How do I just—”
“Just do what I say!”
Olivia was hardheaded as hell! The white car passed, but she didn’t hesitate like I thought she would. She turned the steering wheel and eased into the center lane between the white car and the red car. “Good,” I told her. She smiled.
“Now put your signal on again and get in the fast lane.” Olivia’s leg was jumpin’ again. She looked in the mirror and I swear she had a million chances to get in that lane, but she kept hesitating! I sighed loudly.
“Olivia! If this is gonna work, you gotta listen to me and never second-guess what I’m telling you. Five-oh could be hot on our trail and we could have bricks in the backseat and burners in the glove compartment. If I tell you to make a move, you gotta make it, or both of us could end up dead.”
“I know that, Zion …”
“You don’t know SHIT about this game, Olivia!” I was all out of patience. “Stop acting like you got it all figured out. You’re just a new jack in this shit. Enough niggas done found themselves six feet under thinking they know shit when they don’t. Now, just learn to listen to what I’m telling you, or you can go back to high school!”
Olivia had tears in her eyes but I didn’t care. She had to put down some of that pride before that shit got us in serious trouble. “Now,” I said, making sure my seat belt was secure. “Get in the fast lane!”
She did. And she never let a tear fall from her eyes. Now we were gettin’ somewhere. “Go faster,” I told her. “Keep your speed at seventy and stay in this lane.”